ehhh

As you may be aware, I traveled Out West two months ago. I purchased sunglasses specially for the occasion. At a CVS.

I also purchased an x-treme toothbrush.

At the sun glass spinny display object were mirrored surfaces to observe the sight of one’s self wearing the sun-spectacles. However, since people are vain idiots or presumed to be vain idiots, the mirrors are “slimming” and thus I could not find a set of glass that did not make my head look narrow and there’s a certain width that I expect sunglasses to cover and these now were only as wide as my narrow head. I had to take all the candidates over to the makeup counter mirror and test them there (makeup counter not shown because somebody dared me to not take a picture of it and also because the Stop & Shop I actually took the last picture at didn’t have a makeup counter). I tried many options. While all this was going on the people passing around me probably wondered why I was so conceited to need the big mirror, and if I was so concerned about my appearance why I was wearing sweatpants.
I was wearing sweatpants because I had just taken all of my decent clothes to be washed at the world’s scariest laundromat.

Excuse me, I meant

When did we get to Arkansas?

However, now I cannot locate my sunglasses.

What do YOU want? Not my sweatpants, evidently. Even though I have lots of pants but only one set of sunglasses. Well I DID but now I have NONE and this monster thinks it’s entitled to smile at me on such an occasion or ever?

Nemitz… why does it live? Nemitz = MAXIMUM SCUMBAG. This summer Nemitz IS Captain Crumbum. nemitz, you have big trouble coming your way in the form of me coming your way.

Nemitz is a hobo. Nemitz is a bozo. Nemitz is a yo-yo. Nemitz is the logo for “oh no.” Nemitz should GO the way of the dodo. Nemitz’s academic scores are so-so. Nemitz has similar views on ethics as Hojo from Final Fantasy 7. Hojo is also the only hotel nemitz will stay at which makes travel arrangements difficult since most of those went out of business.

Deservedly so, though.

How ever did nemitz become such a scumbag? I do not understand how that happened. That thing should know enough to NOT be nemitz. Nemitz is an incorrigible, indefensible scoundrel. There is NO EXCUSE for IT doing what IT does. I refuse to corrige such things. I cannot stand idly by while nemitz is tolerated. In fact, nemitz has consistently ranked in the top ten scoundrel index since I first invented the index a moment ago.

I previously thought nemitz had gotten happy by thinking about itself being happy. But it is also possible that it was sad until it realized I could see it. Neither of these are good situations. NEMITZ. I need it gone! I need that outta here.

I heard nemitz stole a Volvo. Nemitz’s favorite songs are Kokomo, Row Row Row Your Boat and anything by Bono*. I wonder if elpse realizes that nemitz’s favorite Double Dragon character is Abobo. Nemitz has rigged elections in Togo. Nemitz is a variety bucket of things that sound like “hobo.”

I want to hire nemitz just so i can fire it. It should go to jail forever and become a burden of the tax-payers. See how long they put up with that.
Urf. Nemitz. I’ll put that thing on a conveyor belt and keep punching it back as it comes forward. I’ll throw a tenement at nemitz. I’ll throw 700 tennis balls and a Tengen cartridge at nemitz.

Nemitz doesn’t realize Duck Maze was not made by Tengen. Of course I’ll probably discover that nemitz likes ducks and mazes, anyhow.

However, only the mouse shall escape!

NO ONE ESCAPES.

_{*Bono of the U2 band and not Sonny Bono because Nemitz deliberately mispronounces things to irritate people which is of course a no-no}

And this will be another week! Where do they come from? I can’t say, but I bet they have come a long long way. Not one of them is like another. Don’t ask us why, go ask your mother.

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Apparently this site earns $1.53 every day from ad revenue. However, the only [financially motivated] advertisements are posted by robots and followed by other robots looking for more sites to post ads on. Who is paying them to do that?

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Hey, remember this one? Well I don’t so I am posting a picture of it to remind myself.

I don’t know whether to feel vindicated or offended.

I have always strived for NOBROW.

I’m going to try posting short things again to save myself rage. We will see how that goes.
Actually it went pretty bad because I wrote this to be short weeks ago and then it got long and I gave up on it.

If the ocean was Booz And I was a duck I’d swim to the bottom And drink my way up But the ocean’s not Booz And I’m not a duck So pour another shot And let’s get Fluffed up!!!

Up doesn’t even rhyme with duck once, much less a second time. The success of the “try, try again” method hinges heavily on you not publishing your failed attempts. You try until you succeed, and THEN you show people. You could try to rhyme up and duck forever and it would never work, and therefore you would never show this poem to anybody. What went wrong? Keep in mind that these people / their parents are paying serious money to come here. I know this because one of them said as much to me when I identified myself as “Potato Margobian” during one of several nigh unbearable introduction sessions roundabout late August. I will tell you about this some other time. I know I say that a lot but I’ve already told some people so in theory I need only type the story I already told and we can be done with it. I probably won’t.

Not surprisingly, there are countless googly results for variations on this little sonnet, most with “vodka” or “whiskey” in place of “booz.” Which makes sense; all the other words are spelled properly. Sometimes ocean is water, and a variety of things precede “up” in the last line. Sadly, the duck rhyme is non-negotiable. Somebody thought “gosh oh gee, apart from the vodka part, EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD TO ME.” My favorite edition replaces the word with “Jack Daniels,” which adds a minimum of one extra syllable, making the thing even more awkward than it already was.

Anyway, with this basic fact ungrasped there seems little need to investigate what bodies of water ducks actually swim in nor which side they do it on, or even how much of it they care to consume. I am curious about the spelling of “booz” and its capitalization. Perhaps the architect of this mass of words is actually speculating upon the circumstances likely to occur if the ocean was Boos, the drunk from Return to Zork. My guess is that by being a digitized actor rather than ultra corny early 1990s pre-Myst computer graphic effects he would still be a more convincing likeness of one.

Although to be fair, even though I needn’t bother because I’m going to insult it again in a minute, whoever recorded most of the Zork youtube videos doesn’t have the game on the highest detail level. The graphics are not supposed to be QUITE as bad as they appear, but I was too afraid to play the thing back when I had it and I’m even more scared of it now that I see how corny it is, and the lower the detail the scarier it is, especially if you select ADLIB as your music source. So let us not Return to Zork at this time.

We should also not watch The Legend of Cryin’ Ryan, a boring straight-to-video movie about some kid becoming friends with a ghost, in which the Boos actor Harold Smith (II) appears as a gravedigger and announces that “if you knock over a tombstone, you die the same way,” because that seems a terribly pathetic way to die. Or maybe he means I will die the same way as the person whose grave it is, and he knows that because he killed everyone he buried and took notes and doesn’t appreciate his apparently very delicate and knock-overable craft being disturbed. He is even clutching a shovel in this picture, which suggests he’s burying people fairly regularly. He recently killed Jay Leno to make his beard. His previous beard got 43 million dollars to leave instead of being re-purposed as a mustache but is still complaining for some reason. Oh ho ho I’m almost culturally relevant a year ago.
…I told you it was boring. I just needed proof that game was made by real people and not highly intelligent computer mechanisms that wanted us to give up on advanced technology so we would leave them alone, allowing them to run chess simulations and de-fragment their hard drives endlessly.

Sadly, the duck epic was cleaned off shortly after I took that picture. Thankfully, this classy, elaborate graffitos in the same stall remains.

You know, I’m sure, I have displayed a disturbing number of pictures from inside restrooms lately. Let us break from that tradition for a moment.

I’m starting to think my last camera jumped into the waterfall on purpose.

“WASH”
Right to the point, I like it.

This really is the best place for soap.

If you’re wondering about the “janitor” from the other post month or so ago, I was correct in assuming pay was not the issue; it’s a blooming tree. And way past blooming season, at that. Do you see what we’re up against? Don’t try to negotiate with them; they’ll threaten to leave in any situation.

Also:
“The actual line is “a lie told often enough becomes the truth,” often attributed to Vladimir Lenin, which puzzles me, given this sector’s clear aversion to commie ideology evident in replacing vodka with generic booz.”
I said that in the previous post also. It was a reference to this one here now, even though this did not yet exist, and therefore ought to have removed it, but I forgot to, because I hate this site and don’t read it. Thus not only did I say something that made absolutely no sense, I included it with a most obvious spelling curiosity. Whoopth.

UNACCEPTABLE. PUNISHMENT COMMENCES.

They’re ALL in on it. I’d say “I should have known” but I DID KNOW and have REPEATEDLY SAID SO.

=========================================

Sunday… I can tell “you” already that this site won’t be properly updated again until Thursday at the soonest, and I may just decide to have a nap instead. So watch out.

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Hello, today is thursday, December the two. I will come back later tonight and post something I already regret.

===========================================

In frap I have changed my mind. What can I show you instead? More of these?

*I* don't even want to read all this, ducks, NEMITZ, popular with the robots | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !

I don’t believe it! Six whole entries without a picture from inside a restroom.

Aw naw!

Did somebody REALLY try to throw away a credit card in an airplane toilet? And how about the bottle? That’s ridiculous!

Oday… that’s a considerable improvement, actually. There’s still work to do but you’ll get it with time, I think.

NO, not that kind of time. I don’t like that they’re equating waste-passing with parties.

And again, I think you’re using it the wrong way anyhow. Although I’m told the best parties actually end with one’s face in the latrine, making for a true, united potty time, I don’t get invited to parties so I am disqualifying it.

I don’t want to THINK about what the yellow emoticon is doing on the toilet, much less why it’s getting such euphoria from it. The least sinister thing I can think of is that it found somebody else’s credit card, but honestly then the thing’s just a scumbag.

I have plenty of those already! At least this coconutwit is choosing better company these days.

NEMITZ, world's finest toilets | How to lose a guy in (3) days | !

I went shopping today and bought you some more equals symbols.

======================================================================

Oh I forgot to show this on Friday. Aw beets. It was here but I didn’t do the thing that makes it visible to people who aren’t me. Now I did. Or have did. Or did have doned. This is probably unimportant. Here, have a bunch of equals symbols.

======================================================================

One of the things that surprised me most about fur-affinity (one of the websites where I post drawings (which evidently doesn’t include this one since I keep forgetting to do that)) that I can share here was that people apparently liked the movie Bolt. While certainly I was surprised when I learned people liked Balto, a lot, it has been rather a few years ago since I made that discovery and across time got over and forgot the shock of it. Who would have thought that moving the O over two spaces and dropping the A would also be a recipe for talking dog movie success?

The first I learned of bolt, I was getting some meatloaf or something (I have encountered some dishes in my time which could be both) and I heard the television ad, and I knew it was a disney movie just by the voices. NONE A YOUR POW WERS AREEEEEEEAL! I remember thinking: Disney’s already cornered the market on talking dog cinema. Why mock us like this?

And then more recently…

Disney made a dog movie that’s ALSO a christmas movie. This is GUARANTEED to be a hit, even if the dogs neither speak English nor play sports, and none of the people who buy it are furries. It’s so lazy they didn’t even try to work an unfunny dog pun into the inane, pandery tagline “Meet Santa’s BFF!” For one thing, I hardly think an immortal elf can expect to be best friends forever with an animal whose lifespan rarely exceeds 20 years. Ga ha, burned ’em! (Or should I say ICED ’em! (No, I should not)) Oh how I pine for the days of “Raise the WOOF.” (that coincidentally starred Tim Allen, who is in Christmas movies in addition to dog movies, and regardless of whether he’s Santa Claus.) You could say the pun’s already in the title, but two questions about that: how is it possible nobody had made a movie called Santa Paws before now and what are the chances its sequel will introduce a cat and be called Santa Claws? As inadvisable and awful as raise the woof was, at least I’d never heard it before. Anyway, this has been out for over a month (or two (or three)), so merry post-dog movie Christmas, animal shelters!

Also, the last time I mentioned fur-business, I felt need to distance myself from it. However, that’s what furries do. They draw arguably eroticized fetishy mutant nonsense and then declare themselves better than the other fetish mutants who provide their entire online imaginary livelihood. So then I had to explain that my own characters don’t count as that somehow, and then this idiot showed up:

You think just because you suddenly have antlers you can sass me? Well you can’t, and I won’t tolerate it.

What proof do we have that its name is even really “”nemitz?”” Drrrrrrrgggggg This fiend just enjoys life. YES THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT. If that’s the life it enjoys. If it’s nemitz. Or whatever this thing is which claims to be nemitz. Or rather this thing that just says “nemitz” for no reason, like it’s a sentence. “Nemitz” is not a statement! It communicates no information. That does not justify a period. Unless it’s a period during which punishment takes place.

Nobody cares!

Nemitz is dangerously delusional if it thinks it gets official representatives… it thinks it’s too special to negotiate directly with the common people. I should take control of this page and just post insulting things about nemitz. That would show it.

Nemitz is half as popular as Madmartigan on facebook. That means two nemitzes could potentially beat Madmartigan in a fight. That is not good. Actually two nemitzes in general is not good. nemitz should not be permitted on the premises. or the nemtzes.

When I’m through, all nemitz “surveys” will be the interior of a suitably sized waste receptacle.
Nemitz needs to hop in a dumpster posthaste. Although “hop” sounds mildly enjoyable. Nemitz needs to be dropped off a roof into a dumpster and then wallow there miserably.

So I am just letting you know this, in case you were curious.

Eh well I’m sure you have very important things on your mind.

NEMITZ, talking dogs | How to lose a guy in (5) days | !

Apparently my site was harmful to computers yesterday but now it’s back to merely being harmful to intelligence.

=======================================================================

Robots are big trouble unless you know how to handle them.

What are the times coming to when I must even ban such innocent and necessary phrases as “dumpster rental?”

I suppose nemitz seeks dumpster ownership. I’m sure the banks are giddy at the idea of a whole new category of irresponsible loan-taker to prey on.

ARRRGH THE PROPHECY!

Also am I a potato or are these both the exact same game, that being Trouble, which neither claims to be?

I… I had no idea.

No! I won’t go back! Leave me be! I cannot face those whom I have wronged.

ARRRGGHH!!

GO AWAY YOU DON’T MATTER ENOUGH TO BE ANGRY AT

NEMITZ | How to lose a guy in (6) days | !

On the subject of Don K. Kong…

Guess what happens next:
A: D. Kong grabs Pauline and climbs to the next stage, like in the real game
B: The ad loops over from the beginning
3: Mario installs some pipes so that the building can be finished since he’s supposed to be a plumber or something, right?
IV: I actually click the ad

The correct answer is W:

Donkey kong jumps in the air, spins 180 degrees and FALLS for NO REASON. Pauline continues to call for help. Kong remains emotionless despite the massive brain trauma certain to occur once he lands. I wouldn’t even mind this so much if Kong fell while upright or adopted an expression that acknowledged how horrible it is to suddenly be falling and rotated for NO REASON.

The vertical version is even worse because the graphic dork put as much effort into formatting the layout as you’d expect, so you don’t even see Mario reach his destination, and thus there’s even less than no reason. He scampers beyond the image boundary and a few seconds later kong falls for ever no-er reason than before! The amount of reason that there is cannot exist in physical space and requires hypothetical mathematics to express.

The proper D. Kong DOES inexplicably fall on his head, but only after the platform he’s standing on collapses and in any event we get to see that he acts surprised when this happens. I’d like to imagine that the kong in the ad jumped off deliberately, and he’s diving into a pool of pudding just below the image edge that was prepared specifically for such an occasion, but that possibility only occurred to me now and I don’t presume that’s what the ad designer had in mind.

This sort of thing has always bothered me. Like when

Roger Rabbit in the NES game gets stolen by an object meant to resemble a bird and then the detective guy just DROPS DEAD because he failed in whatever his task was.

The filename of the picture I started this with is kongarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.png I wondered why I insisted on putting an H at the end, the old Garfield way of spelling arrrgh, which then reminded me of how the Roger Rabbit game reminded me of a specific garfield cartoon.

I was TERRIFIED of this. I could not look at this page. I had no friends so I would re-read those little books all the time, memorized which strips came before this one and I’d worry when I saw them, not sure just how close I was. I would have to only look at the left side of the page and if I saw that clock oh oh oh! (It’s magic)

Oh, here’s the problem. The Roger Rabbit game was developed by the Battletoads people before they hired the person who could draw nice. I talk a mean trash about Battle Toads but it is one of very few Rare games I’ve seen that I consider to have any legitimate aesthetic appeal. This includes the Battle Toad sequels and Kong Country and actually I haven’t seen most of their games. But

the battletoads, featuring the most superfluous life bar since Rolling Thunder.

And SPEAKING of stuff happening for no reason

MAME DEMANDS TRIBUTE. I hadn’t used it in a while so it decided that I needed to pay it in new roms for old games that used to work.

Also, in trying to get pictures of the rabbit kidnapping; I didn’t realize the bird only starts chasing you down after a few minutes, so I had to also be reminded that there is an 8-bit police siren (that’s a .wav, watch out) that sounds anytime you’re outside of a building scene for longer than a few seconds, after which some cartoon rats appear and make you lose.

This is scary. If the rats just appeared it wouldn’t be so bad, but the noise announcing their presence speaks to my psychological errors. I have a deep fear of being arrested for a crime I committed accidentally or without realizing was a crime.

Such as standing really close to the highway. (although I was merely searched and escorted back to the road this time) Oops, you were in the wrong place! You have to go to jail forever.

Which I meant to imply was a bad thing, even if this is a poor example.

I also recall being scared of certain graphics and musical cues in the Roger Rabbit game. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of my disorders had their roots somewhere in there. Hidden timers, mystery crimes, terrifying noises, unexplainable voodoo deaths. It is an astounding feat to upset me in so many ways without any mirrored letters, vanish deaths or horizontally moving bosses that look at the player rather than their target. It doesn’t have a life bar either, which I mentioned earlier and have also decided are kind of creepy. Yes, and I saw the movie once when I was six or so years old and have no recollection as to how anything in the game relates to that. It seems possible that up to 13% of it could make sense in context.

Which is pretty good for the 1980s.

Or ever.

Also, my internet is still awful. Transmission of necessary data is decreasingly possible.

=======================================================

In my mind, “my name is earl” and the show about the guy who moves to stuckeyville and buys a bowling alley had merged and I suspected I was best off keeping them that way. Then a few weeks later I remembered the second show was titled “Ed” and I became depressed.

=======================================================

I forgot completely that bimshwel’s birthday was on the eleven of may. This is probably for the best. It is only nine years old but the sooner it gets used to people not remembering its birthday, the better for it, I think. That also allows me to more easily forget the date permanently, thus averting such awkwardness in the future. This is good in additional ways because I have also not yet permanently forgotten that I specifically chose the 11 because that was the same day my Spam luncheon meat book informed me that Spam luncheon meat was invented on. That sort of thing was important to me ten years ago. I said nine up there but the first year didn’t count. Most people can’t at such an early age. On to more urgent business:

I’m tired of nemitz pretending its name is just “mitz.” It is LYING to you. I can’t stand it. It thinks putting “mitz” into a fancy serifed font makes that factual and official. Guess what, iditwit! Your name isn’t just mitz! In French I might if I understood it say “tu ne mitz pas.” (more accurate would be “tu n’est mitz pas” but it doesn’t look like it should be, does it! (and most accurate would be “tu n’es pas mitz” but I didn’t know that)) I use the informal tu instead of vous not because we’re friends or but because I outrank you. It also does not mean that there are tu nemitzes.

For some baffling reason evidence that there isn’t even one nemitz yet eludes me.

Ne indicates that the statement is negative. As the negativity has already been established it would surely be redundant for pas to also indicate negativity so that must just mean that nemitz is not my father, and so I shan’t be honoring it in June. Its absense on a counterpart occasion in May also proves that nemitz is not my mother, although it possibly then is my older brother, who doesn’t find such arbitrarily declared holidays worth his time. But at least HE has a job and some marketable talents. Nemitz is a worthless layabout with no skills and just as many excuses for not paying homage in buffet form to the being that gave it life. ME. I am your mother, nemitz. How DARE you.

Mitz. MITZ. Do you think you’re Odo of Metz? Odo is a dumb enough name for you to think is good. Incidorkally, Odo is the earliest known to wikipedia architect born north of the alps.

Come now, do you honestly think that helps?

Understand! I’m not mad because you’re getting the better of me! I’m mad because you aren’t but you think you are! And now I will talk about something else!

I have nothing to say to you.

TOO PROUD!

dorks, elpse, how did this take hours to do?, NEMITZ | How to lose a guy in (4) days | !

Or Disgracy’s Angstgiving Malaise, if you prefer, but why would you?

Do you remember when I used to write stuff? Well I have forgotten and that is why there have been so many of these lately.

It was meant to be a response to that because I talk to myself. However, I rarely listen, so it was rather a bit over a year before it could be shown. Ordinarily, people would have stopped caring by then, but fortunately nobody cared to begin with. The only thing I got right was the bland layout.

It may strike you as decadent for one character to hog the rope belt AND the single suspender. Are you going to put up with that?

Through no deliberate thought by me the central figure (“dope”) is the most dignified looking idiot here through not having made any botched attempt to appear dignified.

And now that I have made this, what do I do with it? It has no purpose. There is no reason I should have spent so long on it. I lack even the motivation to update this page’s banner twits. The secret to online fame is to acknowledge and pay reverent homage to stuff that already exists, but that doesn’t work if it’s your own stuff, unless you referenced other stuff prior to referencing your own, and chances are people will be annoyed that you didn’t just reference the stuff you usually reference.

I didn’t say so in the past but generally these things conceal links to larger, more clear versions of themselves. I don’t actually believe that this conveys any information here on the page. I don’t believe the full size conveys much more, but it’s slightly more and that’s the amount I intend.

Most of the development for the background occurred before I had merged it with the characters, because at the image size of 20000×7000 pixels it was irritating having to deal with constant delays while I added large amounts of blurry computer paint (the fourth row is just a temporary mock-up that I have saved for some reason). Having multiple layers, then, made the situation totally unbearable. Then at some point I realized nobody would notice or care if I reduced everything to 10000×3500 and after I did, it became feasible to merge them and development escalated, now (then) that I could see where things were in relationship to each other better. The result was still an unsightly, muddy mess, but and I’ll think up a justification later.

This was removed from the space where the yellow creature eventually was placed because the character is sort of boring, and I thought it worth incorporating alternate modes of improper dress.

This was earlier removed from the same position not for looking too stupid, but I imagined this thing would not be pleased that others challenged its bow tie supremacy and would refuse to stand with them. At that point I had considered having the center dope also wearing a bow tie, which further complicated matters. I drew a new one into the background because I forgot I had made one already.

The creature elpse is mildly allergic to stripes, and so appears to merely be sneezing, rather than protesting. In fact this sneeze would have seemed to be directed away from the dope out of courtesy, which I cannot allow.

This pose was too interesting.

Of course I’m kidding. Most of these characters need to be in trash AND jail.

dopes, dorks, elpse, Kopiu J. Plimpton, NEMITZ, nope, pog, popular with the robots, unsightly | How to lose a guy in (5) days | !

new imps are floating in strange places. they want me to fix it, I suppose!

=====================

Incididdly, the reason the monopoly piece took so long was because I was preparing this, and then removed it, and then this took longer.
Yes so Computer Banking Monopoly was discovered at toys r us.

No, not THAT place.

This one. The facade is undoubtedly fancy but indistinguishable from every other building in the future abandoned lot. It’s the only place where I’ve ever seen a Friendly’s and a Ruby Tuesday directly adjacent to one another, along with the world’s greatest Wendy’s.

Yes likely you’ve encountered enough lamentations decrying aesthetics from another era being replaced with uninspired modern sterility. However I think it must be said the old one has the look of a toy store with a specific identity all its own, whereas the newer one you might as well just call Chain Licensed Product Store. If you swapped the sign with that of Target or Sports Authority, other stores in the vicinity, it would not be apparent to anyone until they walked inside. And why would they? I can’t even say for certain that such a switch hasn’t been made between when I entered and took the picture because I’m not likely to go in again. The only indication that it is a real toys R us is the creepy void behind it. Even the old Toys R Us that I liked had a sleazy wasteland surrounding it, and according to that website I linked at, mine was the only store in connecticut that closed down before it could be reblanded. The author claims it was because the location was lousy and the building was “sinking” but I like to think it’s because the store had integrity. It was integritty. It would plunge to the depths of hell and have a crummy auto supply joint move in before it would submit to graphic design. I don’t necessarily mean good graphic design, but just any at all. Say what you like about East Haven (or just repeat what I’ve written about it through the years without reminding me that I wrote it), but of the two units in its structure it wasn’t Toys R Us who dared remind me of Battletoads.

I will be the first to say we should toss old, irrelevant characters aside and stop holding up progress by deifying irrelevant fictional commercial personifications, but if we replace them with something worse and call it the same then we’re missing the point. I loved that store, as trashy as it was. Does anybody love this place?

Yet I was glad it wasn’t the Toys R Us in that still at the end of Double Dare where the giraffe head had a huge, towering neck. I’d have never gone near that. It was so bad apparently that I entirely forgot about the frightful gremlins standing in front of it.
Much mystique I suppose lies in the fact that these places are mostly gone. Maybe I wouldn’t think this design so special had it not been nine years since I’d even passed one on a highway. In fact they are kind of tacky. If you pull out you see that no store ever bothered to keep up this facade the full length of the building and it comes across as lazy, too.

Toys R Us was the first store I knew of to issue its own currency. I can only assume employees were paid in this to discourage them from trying to escape the premises. However, with the volatility of the world-wide economiseep, those who have survived to become refugees have discovered a startling fact:

Geoffrey Dollars are now worth more than real dollars. 3.433 times more. Though America may have abandoned the gold standard, the people’s democratic republic of Toys R U.S. never lost faith in the dork standard, even if they tried to disguise it.

With that in mind I now intend to begin distributing to loyal bimshwel customers Mitz Bucks™,

the only true and consistent abstract monetary representation of this domain name. Bimshwel has been privately owned since 2002 and sells no advertising except when robots get in and they keep all their money, which is in useless US units anyhow. Unlike some international currencies, valued by nothing more than their relationships with each other, Mitz Bucks™ are backed by the unprecedented scumbaggitude and scoundrelity of nemitz. The only thing that would bring down their value would be if nemitz started being a decent person unworthy of scorn or contempt. Greater American Dollars rise or fall by how many people want them. Nobody wants nemitz around, so Mitz Bucks’™ value can only increase. We shall have the dollar on the run.

Aw nutf I didn’t plan on this! How can I arrest this fiend?

Great thinking! I will simply buy all the dollars before they escape.

Or send my army of flatulent marionettes in pursuit. I’ve been trying to get them out of the house, quite honestly.

*I* don't even want to read all this, NEMITZ | How to lose a guy in (5) days | !

Have you seen this? Have you SEEN this??!?

NO. NONE OF THAT IS FOR YOU.

Urt. That’s the first straw. nemitz is officially banned from space. nemitz doesn’t even get two straws. my policy toward nemitz is one strike and you’re dead, which I think is more than generous.

Look even Adobe Illustrator wants nemitz gone. What’s more, it strongly advises that nemitz not show itself again. Ordinarily I find the program very disagreeable. What changed? Not nemitz. This behavior is consistent.

A semi-recent comical tragedy item reminded me that it’s been too long since I publicly took nemitz to task on the topic of its existence. So try and comprehend my rage at not being able to do it for four months.

First of all I’m tired of nemitz pretending that it’s sensitive and conscientious. You’re not fooling anybody, dumb mitz. You’ll have to do more than make your ears go down to make my scumbag defense go down. it is not concerned about anybody but mitself. If we allow nemitz to get elected you can be certain of dopes in our schools within the term.

In 2012 am i truly expected to just stand by and allow nemitz to spell “heap” with two Es and take Grizzo’s name in vain?
Is anybody else hearing the GARBAGE that this thing is saying? I can’t be the only one. What is it pointing at? Nothing good. The only consolation we have is that whatever it is cannot possibly be nemitz.

How DARE it go before a national audience and proclaim “mcgoop”???! This I demand an answer, an apology and reparations for. Our brave men and women didn’t pearl chop zero at ground eleven so that nemitz could flaunt its lies in public. That’s the most slanderous statement I’ve heard since goop ohoopij. Which, incinemily, was also said by nemitz.
It would dare direct words into both a pine and ice cream cone at the SAME TIME. The center object appears to be a vegetable. That speech is NOT being broadcast! I had to change that picture after I scanned it because it was so dumb! However, in doing so I had to include actual microphones which means the message might get out. I condemn nemitz for being so insufferable that I had to undo its own sabotage against itself.

fact: nemitz is a career scumbag who complains about “gotcha” morality.

“Grebo screbo??!” nemitz you think just because that rhymes it makes some sort of point or even communicates information? Do you think that? I say answer me! And do it without talking to me.

And now: nemitz is so proud of itself that a jacket materialized in this position simply so that nemit could proudly clutch at the jacket’s lapel-things in a proud way. I demand proof of an act perpetrated by nemitz that was worth being proud over so that I can present counterproof to show this pride was also invalid.

As matters currently stand, nemitz has not claimed to have invented Red Star yeast.

Once you wear armor your fingers become obsolete. If you cannot solve a problem by punching it is beneath you. But that is beside the point. In fact it is beside every point. The points request the company of armor. All the more essential it be that we verify nemitz isn’t wearing it. Clearly, this robot is very proud of its urmor. Thankfully, however, we can rule out it being nemitz due to the less controversial leg type and its not insisting on smiling at us. Also, nemitz is allergic to boots.

Good old armor.

=======================================

I recognize the person who confronts me through mirrors but it is not someone I recall having been recently.

=======================================

One of my teachers today asked me what my major category of study was. Without having to ponder the topic I responded “discomfort.” The teacher seemed to accept the answer.

Attention nemitz:
You are a scumbag. Not at all dear, thus my not capitalizing the n in your name and using a formal greeting despite your low-class trashy presence. You do not even deserve to be greeted. There should be someone employed at Wal-Mart who has the task of making sure you aren’t. That person might even get health insurance. I despise you. Why don’t you go jump in a dumpster? Because that’s probably too upscale for you. You are the worst person on the planet. You are scarcely a person at all. I can’t think why I used that word. The mental energy it takes for me to comprehend your pathetic presence makes additional thought difficult.

You, nemitz, are less than dirt. You are dust. You are the poverty-bringing byproduct of overfarming during World War 1. You make me sick. You made the wheat farmers sick when you got into their lungs. Are you aware that Black & Decker has a product devoted to busting you?

I’d wish you were dead but that would spare me the emotional contentness of killing you. Not joy, mind you; I reckon I could not achieve it with the memory of your life fresh in my mind. Your latest appearance on my prospective graphic design logo project is particularly worrisome. I am deeply concerned with how fancy you think you look. Maybe you should open your eyes, ya bum. The fact that you’re still standing there in the lower right corner proudly as I berate you shows that you truly do not deserve to exist. Can you not read? Can no one read this to you? Surely your ridiculous ears are good for something. I suppose you’d need friends for that. I am not your friend. I have already violated my personal principles by justifying my ire to you. I don’t even justify my text. You are both sub-justice.

Just the fact that you are there means I cannot fit as much abuse in this letter as I would like to without printing a second page. You aren’t worth the thirty seconds that would take much less the 50 cents it would take to use the double-side color printer in the library.

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand your standing. You go to the trouble to dress fancily but you don’t put pants on. Did you think I wouldn’t notice because you are only comprised of two colors and transparency? Did you think at all? I think you do it on purpose. Likewise, you do not wear shoes, but you wear spats. Spats only exist to protect shoes from dirt (which is better than you). They are not inherently fancy. Reprobates like you just think spats are fancy because those are associated with something that is fancy and you don’t bother to do any research. You are not Scrooge McDuck. You are lose mcdork.

From where did you steal that hat? Why does it have a shamrock on it? You are a sham and I want to throw a rock at you. I doubt you took my needs into consideration. Typical selfish imp. If I followed a rainbow and you were at the end you’d probably try to give me a pot of beets. I do not require beets! I have it on good authority that beets taste like dirt. Thus even they are superior to you. Beets should have a pot of nemitzes. However I forbid the presence of more than one nemitz. I forbid even but one nemitz. Who let this happen? Not me.

page… I don’t even remember, 49? of that

Don’t stop me if you can see where this is going. It goes there slow enough that your effort would make little difference.

and there also goes the last internet comic with no scenes that take place in a bar. we had a decent length run, I’d say, if I’d held off a bit longer.
There are two things you can expect in a good webcomic: it will become painfully obvious what the artist’s favorite paraphalia is and the main characters will go to a bar within a few pages. Ah I’m kidding, of course. There are no good webcomics.
I thought it might it might be easier and more potentially amusing to base the setting off an actual place I’ve been to, but the one I wanted to use doesn’t have a layout that works with my staging and the one I used instead is rather dull and doesn’t match the locale I’ve established. I think I might have said that last time.

Also, Edward Sorel called. He wants his sketchy, noncommittal ink lines back. And I actually draw with pencil first. By the way why don’t you get a cellular telephone already? I’m tired of taking messages for you.
I think I could handle being a slow inker or a bad inker but being both is becoming harder to accept. Is the huge pint bottle of ink that i bought and have not yet opened reason enough to keep using real pens? If I had a job doing this I would be fired for what this page looked like before I spent a week putting color over and redrawing it with a mouse. Although if I had a job doing this I would have been fired years ago for needing a two weeks of uninterrupted time to finish one page and usually being surrounded by interruptions. I don’t even know what to revise to [further] fix this, much less have the ability. However, this either goes up as it is now or two weeks from now when I can work on it again to make subtle changes that you probably won’t notice.

Oh OH excuse me, am I talking too much for you? Guess what elpse, nobody is intimidated by you! Even with that impressive scar along your midsection. Yes, and I know you also said “oh OH” on the page. I’m very impressed that you almost finished a game of tic tac toe. By the way I’m actually not impressed!

Somebody called Kiki-Uma drew this. Ordinarily I do not post drawings by others here. Not out of principle, merely that I rarely do it. However I must protest on this occasion. Not the non-policy; in fact if it were a real thing I would be prevented from showing this image and then would have less to protest.

I protest dopes. This is notable for featuring an imp that once proclaimed its feet splendid while amidst danger. Here it has no feet or conceals them out of shame and it is rightly served. Of course on the previous occasion it was also decapitated, but perhaps it will only learn if the punishment is directly tied to the wrongdoing. It is rare that an artist so effectively captures the utter stranglobility of these useless wretches. I cannot stand it. But I must, because my chair was so disgusted at the sight of them that it went for a walk.
I want to punch them! They are so proud of themselves! They love having large ears and being absurd. The dope’s ears were pretty gosh darn big before but this is beyond inexcusable, refusable and disposable. These fiends have interfered with road traffic through their aimless game. Luckily the dope is too dumb to realize that it isn’t green and surely any motorists who aren’t dopes will also notice and suspect that something is amitz. Amiss, pardon me (but not them). As for nemitz, how can we possibly punish something that likes beets and likes dopes? This lot is incompetent. They are unfit to stand trial. Rather they should be jailed and executed immediately. I initially wrote that last remark about the bow tie creature but it probably applies to these as well.
Everything dope related is a sabotage of decency. I should not be surprised that they have upgraded to actual mechanical sabotage.

attention populace, nemitz has issued a thumbs up rating on the topic of nemitz. I cannot stand idly by while nemitz is tolerated. I pledge to fidget uncontrollably until justice is done.

I was recently in such a place that a tremendous fuss was made over me placing a hat on a table. I consider that classy compared to a big fuzzen nemitz foot. The trouble with nemitz is that everything it does is troublesome
nemitz has a master’s degree in crumbummery from bob dopes university. and it thinks it’s better than me because it has a degree and I don’t. But its wrong; I have many degrees of rage-induced heat which while not adequate to boil nemitz alive will surely aid its discomfort. I will toss nemitz into a landfill. sooner or hopefully even sooner it will stay there.

In response I drew this picture with that artist’s characters: the frogoid Chiro in the center and the two “mist twins” Yaku (red) and Yakuma (blue) who appear together sometimes. However, something stupid happened and several more dumb imps appeared. They really have few scruples. When I engage in picture-swapping it is my personal policy to give too much or too little so that the other party is as uncomfortable as possible. It is the only way they will learn.

What the hat is this? Why did this teacher write this note beside this nemitz? Now nemitz thinks it is giving me advice! nemitz thinks it can tell me what to do! I’m tired of this kind of garbage from nemitz. I CAN’T be the only person who has to put up with this. Surely it’s not following around and annoying me exclusively, right? Does it really think i want to be like it?

Did you ever think that you would be this mitz?

NO! ME?! Such an accusation! Even though we appear to suddenly be in a courtroom it is not I who is on trial here, but I shall make this unmitztakably clear to you. I have NO and shall never have ANY aspiration or desire to be that or ANY mitz. I resent that it thinks I do or that I thought I might, and I resent that you weren’t certain, for that matter! “gosh i wonder if i could potentially be thiz mitz?” it NEVER HAPPENED. You know what else nemitz thinks? You shall!

In this never before published rubblish, I reveal that nemitz has awful taste in music.
The problem is nemitz THINKS that’s good! But reek zeek zurk is not good! Your ears are more than big enough to be able to discern that, foolish mitz! If nemitz knew how to write, and you told it to describe its favorite song, and it obeyed, it would write, in english, “reek zeek zurk.”

Also, the frown making concept album for the lost conveyed dope evidently had an epilogue that I forgot about. Nemitz is so awful that I disremembered a crucial piece of dope history. Certainly, I would LIKE to forget, but that would doom me to repeat it! Like right now, for example.

Could nemitz possibly be aware of how unwanted it is? How unloved and unneeded? A question for scholarly debate: does nemitz ENJOY being a scumbag? If it knew it was a scumbag it would have stopped by now unless it liked things that way (because it was a scumbag). I love a good mystery, but I despise a bad mitztery, and there certainly aren’t any good ones.

Increasingly I believe that nemitz enjoys being reprehensible. If there was one imp you would want to reprehense, that would be nemitz, which is very convenient for it. I know that I have reprehensed nemitz countless times, unaware that the whole while the fool was reveling in it. That does NOT, however, mean that nemitz TRICKED me. That was a coincidence. It couldn’t be smart enough to know I didn’t know that it liked being awful. I assumed it thought that it was morally right.

Obviously it never has been, but establishing that it knew it wasn’t is crucial to maximizing its prison sentence.

I cannot afford to keep supporting nemitz’ dreadful habit.

However, if we, as people who aren’t nemitz, cooperate, I believe we can clean up this town.

dopes, NEMITZ | How to lose a guy in (2) days | !