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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
December 6, 2017
Jack, get back C’mon before we crack


I had much amusement from this box back in 2006


I must say they were a lot more entertaining before Grimvald quit the group.

Truth: I personally consider it too time consuming to slice things up to put on crackers. Slicing stuff for crackers is like the making your bed of the snacking world. I microwave-heat soup in a regular bowl instead of putting a pot on the stove because I don’t have time to clean pots, so I definitely don’t have time to get out a knife and a plate and another plate and deal with all that unless I am making a big sandwich, and I don’t even do that! I ate a lump of baked ham as a lunch today. And I don’t have time to write about that, either! I hope you didn’t have time to read it! All the joy drained from my life without that fourth cracker.

in other 2006 news, my web page about the Super NES game Whirlo remains comatose.



November 23, 2017
It is interesting to note that when Mario stomps on a Bunbun, it instantaneously turns into a skeleton.


It’s-a me, Cornycopio!

The only thank-giving food I like better than acorns are preschool magnet letters.

I am thankful that they grow on the same tree.



October 22, 2017
VirtueMart is a cool Joomla MVC based eCommerce CMS framework that’s rife with several advantages,

Last week I said you would “see if I don’t” have some sort of ordering thing set up this week, and that is the only reason I am forcing out this incomplete update now, so that I see it before you do.

A specific thing that occurred during the armory show was one person was interested in buying something but declined to do so on that occasion, asking me “your website has a store, right?” What I should have said was “no,” or possibly “no, but give me your email address and we can sort this out.” Instead of that, I said something that I do not recall but it was not “no” and I believed I could make something superficially resembling a store in a short period. I really could not, and partway through realized I would have great difficulty meeting orders on a set and consistent schedule and consequently would prefer to not have people automatically charged by an automated system, which they seem to all consistently do. Meanwhile if that person came to this website they would have just seen mopey rubbish. Further, of all the potential options with the same capabilities I could have gone with for the “store” I have not finished, I chose the one which does THIS at checkout:


Apart from the British train tickets that I was alluding to but apparently failed to mention deep amidst the last time I went off on this sort of business behavior, literally i cannot remember ever buying ANYTHING off the internet that prompted me for MR or MRS. Why does this have to strike NOW on MY website, and reveal itself so late? In fact selecting one is optional, but it being there at all implies first that it is not optional, and also that I am demanding it. I look like a total hippogriff. Really, truly, as if I would go out of my way to force this on people, BEFORE I inverted the color scheme and inserted some garish graphics and inappropriate text? On merchandise that costs less than a pizza?
Barnaborf Squank, I present to you now, Crapt’n Ecoli’s Underpee Adventures*.
Hey, that’s MISTER Barnaborf to you.

*I am not actually selling prints of that.
Also, non-married women may apparently not purchase prints.

Oh EYE see how it is.



October 15, 2017
this parrot does not inspire me at all




Thank to anyone who visited my hallway extravablandza at the city wide open studio armory weekend. For those unaware, I was holding an intensive two-day research project in which I set out to determine if people like free candy, occasionally taking breaks to pick up art prints that mysteriously would not stick to crumbly bare plaster walls. The results may choc you.

I do not know “art people,” I do not have a lot of understanding of how to use big spaces or how to enlist help to seem organized or “legitimate,” so the attention I got a from a few visitors, who really seemed to CARE that I was there, even though I am a terrible carpenter, am not in touch with my heritage, and am trying to amuse rather than shock or guilt or whatever, that means a lot to me, even if I barely cover my expenses. The genuine interactions with real people are more important than the money (though money is more important than plenty of things), or having to get 150 pounds of nonsense up and down two flights of stairs and in and out of a building with no doors in convenient places. That makes me think, perhaps this IS going SOMEWHERE not 100% disastrous, or potentially could if I became able to do more of the things I said I could not do.

And YES, I do sell art prints! Alas I do not have an order form up and running as of yet but I will make that my project for this week if not tomorrow and you see if I don’t. Any objects in the awkward art page section can theoretically be printed and sent anywhere but you will have to contact me directly such as at ears@bimshwel.com

Also if you took pictures of my paintings and walked off without taking a card, writing in the guestbook, making eye contact or in any way acknowledging I existed, as if this is “found art” that nobody made and you are great for discovering, or alternatively like I am a goon for daring to show silly nonsense in your serious art converted squatter mansion, then you won’t see this message so I do not need to say what I hypothetically think of that, which is good because I am usually exaggerating when I have thoughts like that.


I probably did not make as many sales as last year, but I was definitely more organized; compare the size and shape of my post-show tape ball from this year with last year’s.



October 3, 2017
Take me to the room where the blacks all white And the white’s are black, take me back to the shack


This is a great original idea. You see, some people are WHITE, and they’re STUFFY and UPTIGHT, but now there are people who are BLACK and they wear BASEBALL HATS and they listen to MUSIC. In fact I don’t think we’ve ever had a political candidate who wore ugly red hats in public and said stupid garbage to get attention that didn’t become president while this show was in production and invalidate its already played out premise that being an obnoxious moron who SHAKES THINGS UP solves every- or anything.

In fact there was even a feature film in 1998 called Bulworth about a politician who started rapping and dressing like he couldn’t afford clothing, but of course he was white and does not count. And likewise our president now is not a black man. We did have a black man as president but not a loud moron who said things like “I’m dropping a V-BOMB on this budget!” but having to explain that he did not literally mean using explosives after seeing how many WHITE people got freaked out, ooh!


However, there was a Chris Rock film in which a black man became president and declared that “the roof is on fire!” and then had to clarify that the roof was not literally on fire while white people got panicked and looked old. What is funny, if not the clips deliberately chosen to represent these things, is that Chris Rock himself is one of the less-moronic 1990s comedians to star in feature films but has to pretend to be one in order to be allowed to star in films. And apparently to write and produce them, even.



September 26, 2017
His father was well educated and, for those days, very wealthy, since he was also a corn dealer.


Through my illicit use of wimpod‘s markers, a mildly inaccurate Techno (pinkish bipedal raccoon-fox-person robot) wards off an incredibly inaccurate lope (pathetic amphiboid) with the power of corn. If ever you wonder why all my internet-displayed art is digitally created: otherwise it takes twice as long to make and looks like I have twice as many mental disorders as usual. Which is probably more accurate, but concealing them is the first thing I ever did right! However, after I die from a dope overdose, these ought to be worth almost half as much money as my prints, which counts for something (between $5 and $7.50).
More distressing than the length of lope’s legs: my initial twitter post said “a mildly inaccurate Techno wards of an incredibly inaccurate lope.” I assure you Techno is not the ward of lope. Lope is not fit to be the legal guardian for a potato.
One final matter: can you find the pine cone in this picture? Secret hint: I drew it after this photograp was taken, so you cannot!



September 20, 2017
The Twitter user whose Clinton golf GIF Trump retweeted Sunday has an account handle that relies on the phonetic spelling of the f-word.

The task of reformatting/relettering/rewriting pages has reached the second basement section, its most troubled point, that I knew would be troublesome, and had meant to tend to even before I thought it feasible to print a book with that in it. And I think I will not finish the book in time to have an example copy for City Wide Open Studios Armory Weekend on October 14 and 15 in New Haven Connecticut, but just having it done at all will be a major relief to me. Someday I will finish all my ancient projects, and then I can die. Or live. Undecided.


The dialog is crammed in ways it should not be, and characters, pog especially, say things they should not say. the Short Circuit robot in the background, which I left in, is not the same thing as pog specifically mentioning Don Knotts. but then i went and had kumquat do it, despite that being a more serious character whose illogic can be less excused, so what am i even trying to accomplish? You know what, I have never watched Three’s Company or Short Circuit. I have no business making inappropriate references to either.
The saturated purple being subdued is a natural byproduct of me enlarging the base in Adope Illustrator, which I would correct were Adope Illustrator not generally better informed as to which colors will actually print out the way they look onscreen than I am.


Also a problem: where I had meant to split two pages into three, I seem to not have enough dialog for a full third page, even with it decompressed to be less forced where it does not belong. I could definitely add frames to the elpse dream session to fill in the gaps, but considering how immersion-breaking it is, after already having a problem with that, i would like to keep that on one page only!

Elsewhere, the meddling screws up the panel placement. Some things that are funny midway through a page seem less so at the end of the page, where they come across like i think they are funnier than they are.

and some things that are funny as page conclusions are easily ignored if placed midway through a page, since I need the next frame to seem to follow from it. Even in a fully continuous comic strip, page boundaries have a magical power, where time is imagined to have passed, so that not everything need be shown and stated. And in this particular example what formerly started the next page now needs a transition before it, so the “oh yes of course!” doesn’t seem to come out of nowhere, pog’s closed eyes are noticeable both times, and the creature does not appear to be sleepwalking, also. But still, the viewer’s mind filling in what should be there is more efficient and more effective than me forcing on in. Alas, my action is necessary. As are panel boundaries. Amazon assures me they will be arriving any day now. Isn’t it nice that with five massive hurricanes and two earthquakes in three weeks and our president all but daring North Korea to shoot nuclear missiles at us, this is my biggest problem? Not at all; having my computer on this desk hurts my neck.



August 21, 2017
we must behave like old sea-dogs



June 7, 2017
Partners in Piracy. Rivals in Romance. Allies in Adventure.


This identity-concealing criminal who escaped from a 19th century chain gang wants ME to be safe and obey the rules?
Steal all the hamburgers you want from the corporate clown who’s the only person keeping you out of jail but don’t you dare jump in the ball pit. Of note is that this guy is actually over the limit , and would have to violate the law to enforce it

This is literally visible from the same point as the rule chart. He is kidnapping eyewitnesses and eating them. What a monster!

Is this amusing you, Ronald? Why are you protecting this scoundrel, and letting him “run” your playplace? What dirt does he have on you? What is this a front for?



May 24, 2017
In 2009, the super-wealthy achieve immortality by hiring “bonejackers”, mercenaries equipped with time travel devices, to snatch people from the past, just prior to the moment of their deaths, for use as substitute bodies.

Howdy. I am trying to write something important to go here, and suspect that continuing to spend time on filler updates was, in fact, spending time, rather than saving it for me, so I think putting up this extremely lame update in 5 minutes rather than a moderately lame one in two hours is more conducive to me getting the important one done. Once it IS done, my less important ones ought to be more functionally unimportant.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: December 17, 2017
Purplespace sez:
The elpse is very happy to be zapped!
December 15, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
The Super Mario Club will hear of this!
December 14, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
The most recent new non-remake I have fiddled with was released sixteen years ago so there...
December 14, 2017
Indighost sez:
I never knew you were such a big Final Fantasy fan.
December 5, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
Golly, I didn’t want to think about that.
December 5, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
None of them is wearing a bow tie so I doubt it.
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