I meant to press out the awkward bits and post my final bit of award shunning America election coverage, and additionally finish coloring the white parts of Aw Beans Presents Stupid Comics Section 2 before Sunday, but I fear that will not happen and also my right eye hurts. Just so I know I said so.
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If Zachariah and Miriam, who, depending on what tv channel I see them advertised may or may not be “make[ing] a porno,” get any cuter I am going to buy a box of shoelaces, weave them into a high density rope like mixture and hang myself with it. Even the terminology “porno” is trying to be cute, but it just comes across as creepy, especially with the Full House tender moment voice I always imagine the announcer saying it with because I have the ad muted. Pornographic films are not cute! They’re awkward and blatant and smell bad when they’re being made. So I hear.
Seriously? Bat-Man outdid a “stoner comedy?” If he can beat the Joker and Two Face he can probably beat a couple marajuimps three weeks later. And on the subject, just because I didn’t want to crop the picture weirdly, but also didn’t just want to type text, and so have all that extra text beneath the part about “stoner comedy”: is that information useful to anybody? There are people employed by “news” (more like snews HA HA eh) companies throughout the realm who spend innumerable paragraphs across their lives restating and rephrasing meaningless movie performance records and it makes me sad to think about all the wasted effort, paper, ink, which will have absolutely no relevance or meaning in another week. Even pre-election non-vote poll analysis occasionally gets cited in the context of subsequent elections’ nonbinding polls’ useless analyses. When there are polls being analyzed just as much for weeks and weeks without proving anything, and with full awareness that new yet mostly similar polls will continue coming the whole time, it all still temporarily makes me want to die, but at least it pertains to something that does matter, eventually.
And hooryay, this makes me feel less bad about having the bimshwel site be all green for the past two years.
But does every one of these yops really need their own personal baby computer running while they not use their computers? While they talk to each other about a debate that hasn’t happened yet? And, presumably, during the debate which they should be watching instead of playing with their computers if I am to trust that they know what they’re talking about? Don’t you dare blame energy issues on me not turning my power strip off at night. And oh actually I do turn it off so you can go staple a doughnut to your left elbow. Whores.
Yes indeed, let’s talk about the debate before it happens FOR AN HOUR.
And now let’s talk about the debate after it happens FOR AS LONG AS IT TOOK TO WATCH. We know in advance that it will take this long. The picture is a bit blurry because my hands were shaking with excitement at the thought of the rigormortis I wished I was experiencing instead.
Ehhh.
Mr. Rogen seems competent enough to be allowed to live –In The 40 Year Old Virgin (no not me ell ohell) he amused me more than some other secondary characters whose actors who engaged in promotion for the film–, but I think I’ve seen enough of of him falling in love with skinny ladies and smoking the weed pots for a few ever. Also, Jonah Hill doing more or less the same thing. I didn’t even know his name for a while; he was just the fat kid who reminded me of Seth Rogen. I usually don’t recognize actors, and that’s good, because getting sick of actors in general spreads the sick around, preventing me from getting sick of specific people. That was one of my issues with with Ben Stiller and… I mean, what happened to him? Watch out, Seth.
That is up to you!
Why does internet explorer put big pink frames around all my picture links? I hate that.
American Idol Rewind: nevermind why it’s on four months after the show was supposed to be over for the year, why does it exist at all? Traces of AI (it works on several levels, I guess) are on every friggin’ night on every channel during the stuff, constantly recapping, uncapping and building model ships inside everything. Who, that’s interested, could possibly not know everything by now? There are things we still don’t know Richard Nixon did, but only because he didn’t want us to know. The American Idols want you to know. And you want to know about them. Pay attention! It’s a lot cheaper than paying for their albums! And probably only slightly more harmful to your mental well-being. The sooner you soak this up, the sooner society can rinse it out or some clever simile-metaphoric language like that. See, it’s bringing me down, too.
People still buy albums, right? I’m not supposed to take “I Tunes” seriously, am I? Whatever happened to audio cassettes? Those were neat. Hey, want to come over and watch Gremlins on my new VCR? I had to buy a new one after my Vectrex overheated and caught fire again. That’s some serious processing power. You may think me old fashioned, but this show has rewind in its name. I bet it throws to commercial with “stay tuned!”
Speaking of the early 1980s, this person goes back there for haircuts. I’m sure while this person was popular I got sick of that joke really fast, but thankfully I have forgotten. I wish I could forget everything, but Rewind’s not about to let that happen. I can’t remember when my mother’s birthday is, but I’ll always remember that Justin Guarini kind of looks like Richard Simmons.
“Exclusive 2006 interview.” So this isn’t even about the most recent atrocities. And it’s on for an hour. Then it’s on again. Are these people truly so fascinating? Even the guy being interviewed looks bored. He also appears to be bleeding from his scalp, so I probably shouldn’t make assumptions based on one picture. Alas, this is the only picture on my entire hard drive of this person, so I have no choice but to believe he’s either just been shot or had a poorly executed lobotomy. Someone with good aim could do both.
Justin’s a “he,” right?