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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
March 6, 2017
up next, our exclusive tour inside a real housewive’s closet

This is a major matter I have been occupied with the past half year. Major in the sense that it eats much time, not that it is important.



These depict a creature named techno made up by a person most recently called beepysopod.
Although I have offered to make drawings for money for years for, this is the first one I have received consistent interest in from other people. And that is because while there are many, many amateur artists on the internet who are more technically skilled and/or more visible than I am, or just plain not as angry as I am about the wrong things, most of said persons are terrible at pixel-level artwork. A few people are better, but not enough of them are to totally crowd me out like usual. Or being better leads them to other opportunities so that they are no longer available for small time work.

The prevailing mentality is that it is just a regular drawing done at low resolution, or with a 1-pixel wide outline. And again most buyers cannot tell. And most people in general do not care about pixel art in 20167 that is not in service of homaging popular commercial properties. (the awareness of which contributing to my anger and the public ignoring of which contributing to my non-visibility)

A FEW people do interpret this as useful and unique, however, such as the owner of the rightside figure, Fallenfolf, and here we are. I of course have known I am “good” at this for many years; there was a time when there was no way to draw on a computer EXCEPT zoomed in, using a mouse. But back when there was real NEED for this skill, in 1996, I did not know anybody. And I still don’t know anybody, so here we are again. Although now I have the scrap of legitimacy that makes people willing to pay me scraps of money to make them, although generally the people who buy from me do not know anybody either, which keeps me available for scrappy art work and the game from breaking. Can you imagine if I did something meaningful with my life? It would be a disaster. My entire personality draws from my life being a joke. Anything I do right is inspired by doing things wrong. If it were possible for me to predict what would go right, I would only do right things, and therefore do them even worse.

Anywhy, what changed was the introduction of the Telegraph messenger service. You might have heard of it, that is the one Islamic State militants use to coordinate their attacks since the story is that Telegram does not track its users. Which also means paranoid furries love it. One of telegram’s major features is “stickers,” 512×512 pixel images any user can shove at any other user. Many people will draw these in exchange for money. Usually poorly-drawn and scaled down heads making idiotic exclamations are preferred. The beeply isopod person happened to ask me for some, but without specifying that they be poorly drawn or disembodied heads, and I took it upon myself to draw them at the actual display size, since, you know, I COULD, and I offered that person five examples, all of which I was asked to complete. Ever the shrewd business-thing, I did all five for free, then three more for free even as I found myself increasing the detail level, uncertain at what point it was no longer experimental and that I could guarantee a consistent level of quality. After this point a single person asked to pay me for one, and I set the rate at $20, because that was about as much as I could imagine somebody paying me.


AND I promoted it with this specific image, because it was the best of the group, even though it was also the most difficult and time-consuming one of the group and under no circumstances would I feel adequately compensated to draw a prop more complex than the character I was requested to draw for less money than I could get a good pizza with in this miserable overpriced town.

Yes that ought to solve all my problems. But it did not because as I sold more, I kept increasing the complexity level, which people didn’t even know they were getting, and didn’t necessarily want, either, because it did not necessarily work!

At this point I only look greedy, which is fine because I need to scrap the “one price for whatever you want” system and put a cheap rate on the cheap drawing and a higher rate on a better-produced item. But I cannot easily do that because

I only allotted that much space for pixel junk on this garish chart, a chart which was already agony to cram as much junk into as there is. Because I thought people would ignore the garish chart if it was not orderly and its sections evenly distributed. Every picture is a distinct element, and text is on different layers, so that I could change the examples and what my name was based on what website I posted this on because I do in fact have dumber names than bimshwel that I do not want to have used interchangeably with it, since the other mes make even worse things. Then I had to remember to swap all those details around again when I adjusted the price on the one thing people bought. Which I eventually forgot to do, which is why this one says “grebij” on it.
And I only have the stupid chart at all to makes things easier! Because if I write out what I am charging in text form, with multiple examples for each category and descriptions of what each category involves, people don’t read it and just ask me directly, and then I cannot remember what I wrote and risk giving even wimpier prices.
If somebody refers directly to the chart, I know they have already seen and accepted my prices and at least are not going to try and pay me less than that.
Except for one person who did but if you are reading this then it wasn’t you!
I often do not realize what a sad state I am in until long after issuing a price estimate. Because I cannot well start working on something, then give a proper estimate, and risk having the other party say “ehhhh no dice.” Or worse, try to pay me in dice!


Observe that these are considerably more tightly-drawn than the first five, and more effort was taken to prevent and remove glaring edge artifacts. It SEEMS like I have done something properly while planning to, which should disprove my earlier theory. Since I made the first group without thinking, they came out rather simply and everybody was pleased. But these I obsessed over, without only minor practical improvement. Although I did not knowingly change my method; I merely paid more attention to it.



These ones, for a Scoots-Buragi, who saw the previous group and wanted a similar meltitude, were a bit loose again, but with all the stripes in there I thought it was justified. The ends still taper to 1×1 pixel points occasionally. Thankfully this did not, as some animated work last year did, endear me toward people who thought that I must surely have the same erotic fixation on masculine figures melting as they did, but I continued to have buyers anyway. So I seem to be coming out ahead, for once.


In fact they may have endeared me toward a dear, Kait Foxdear. That is dear in the precious sense, hence an A, even though the creature has deer components. The world is quite complex. This drawing is tightly rendered anew, and I kept the colors under control. Except for there being some bright green pixels stuck to the edges that I literally did not notice and remove until I went to write this website entry. wh-wh-whoopth.

For one HellBaby-From-Hell, this one came out almost TOO easily, so that I felt like I must have done something wrong, and so I got the details even tighter.


Which then totally spoiled me for these two, the first for Trufours and the second for Relaxingdragon (obviously, Relaxingdragon requested the raccoon person), whose subject matters were considerably more complex than the Hell-Baby’s. Finding a reasonable point at which to stop was impossible for me. Everything was drawn at 1 pixel and I put no limit on color density, although the latter party requested that I limit the hues, and consequently I thought it prudent to fill in the transparent sector with other grey tones. But then that destroyed its ability to be used as transparent imagery! Also, [depressing digression]. However, ultimately only two people really need to like any of them, right? Me and the recipient. But I also need other people to keep wanting them. Theoretically these are the best ones I did, but they are NOT because I beat the energy out of them.


This one, ostensibly a gift for somebody named Doomdweller from another called Syrenti, I was amidst while wondering why the last two were less good, and finished while realizing why they were less good, rather too late to do it differently!




This gives an idea of the tedious process. However, I made this video BEFORE I realized I had slipped into an undesirable way of doing things; I only thought to record it because I thought I was finally doing something properly! Alas, I can only be right by accident and I lack the resources to record my entire life. A pity, I would love to see a 3 minute video of me not messing up so I could determine what that looks like and try to be more like it.


I think everybody would like to see that.



January 20, 2017
Pinto’s main point is simply for parents to consider the Elf’s message.

Yes obviously Trump has been hard to take, despite my best efforts to give him the benefit of any doubts. For the sake of my ability to coexist in society, I thought that was important. Coexisting has always been a challenge to me. In part due to Trump-like attitudes from all the people who control everything.


Ironically I have felt disliked by ostensibly compassionate people for my attempts to maintain my sanity amidst this. And in recognition of my relative courtesy toward Mr. Trump, he has, without altering his facial expression, consistently crunched up my courtesy and tossed it back in my face unless he can find a worse place to toss it . He really doesn’t want the support of anyone who will question him in any way. In a sense proving right the people who maligned him all along. But in all honesty I think even if he made an effort to appear to care a bit, the people who shunned me for not shunning him would still do so. Which I say to excuse me, not him. As I have stated previously, I still do not believe Trump can or aspires to deport legal citizens, much less send them to gas chambers. He is not a “nazi.” Perhaps he condones them so long as they stay out of his way, but he is not a white supremacist. He is a Trump supremacist.

Which doesn’t even necessarily mean he will be worse than any president we have ever had; he just has no intention of being unpleasant discreetly as Clinton would have done. Trump won’t let us feel good about how bad he is. It can be a scary feeling. Which could potentially be good. But it probably won’t be. We could improve ourselves with the awareness that we need to improve, but we will probably just complain about it. We haven’t been trained to do anything else.

But he is the president we deserve. Possibly always deserved. He is totally marketing focused. He does whatever is necessary to meet a goal, so to speak, and feels no shame for it, no matter how unpleasant it is.

Maybe by this point, by fixating over what happened to me a few months ago, I am just paranoid and not helping anybody who offered benefits of doubt to me, but I would hardly say my relationships were splendid before this happened. My new rule for 2017 is that I don’t draw free art, or work three times as hard on wholly undercompensated art as I would on free art of stupid rubbish for scumbags who can’t or won’t help me unless they are me, and I won’t indulge their bad company for months and months because I think they can connect me to people because they are only going to connect me to other scumbags if they even decide to connect me at all which they are strikingly likely to not bother with. Which is somewhat beside the point; there are about 30 more paragraphs to this but they need to be edited, and every time I try to write an excuse for cutting it off I get a new paragraph. Please trust that I need to have the paragraphs above this one out of my business prior to Trump being inaugurated more urgently than I need to put them into context. Sleeping would help me!

I am glad people are protesting, but I hope they have actual goals and are not merely, in the manner of “Occupy Wallstreet,” seeing it as a socially acceptable thing to do. You can get thousands of people to “march,” but at your core you are just moving from one piece of ground to another, and it consequently would not make a difference if you got millions to march beyond that you coordinate marches well.

At the art show I attended back in October, one of the large exhibits, by somebod[ies] who got in free and was PAID to be there, was called Total Jump Live and it was a series of video screens and self-aggrandizing slogans meant to coordinate and show everybody in the world jumping at the same time. Because naturally everybody in the world has access to live streaming video at all times and is capable of jumping. As somebody who was on the premises when it happened, I sure didn’t know WHEN it happened, and whatever massive problem it solved by happening was not one I was prior or thereafter aware of. I was however aware that there was a special rehearsal for the jump and that an APP was available to help me practice! Of note is that if you browse the internet on a non-telephone there is no way to download the APP nor for the, I had thought basic information about how to jump to be delivered to you in another format.


Well then by gorby we’d sure have accomplished nothing more than that! Which is still perhaps more than I have accomplished, but I don’t believe that I would be satisfied with aspiring to that. The proposal wishes that all able-bodied people jump and land at the same time. Which means you have temporary frivolous unity at the expense of diversity. For just a brief stupid jump does it matter if I put aside my personal jumping manner for a moment? It does if the stupid brief jump thinks it is terribly important. I will not do it: I will not jump in somebody else’s manner so that they can pretend they have a consensus of jump-manner and feel proud of themselves for bringing it about. Because from my experience all this gains me is an expectation that I keep right on doing it. But I will not obstruct, either. Unity without expression has no value.



November 12, 2016
Cable schmable. Who needs cable when you got family by ya side?

Why am I so obsessed with proving other people wrong who do not really have different goals than I do? Because they are proud of themselves, greater in number, back each other up and treat me poorly. I think it might come down to that, and maybe it always has. I cannot devote energy to being afraid of the president-elect since I am too preoccupied with being afraid that I have no soul. If I ever sort that out perhaps I will get back to you.

————————————–

Oh but you want to know my thoughts about the united american election, right? Statistically speaking, you probably do not!
I was writing something item by item as it happened but then afterward it turned into a different story.

People love to blame Ralph Nader for W.Bush’s election, some of them more so than they blame Bush for being awful or Gore for not being better.
So instead of doing anything to alter how the system works, we shamed people who refused to go along with it. And by gorby we did it once, we can do it again.
You can grow up to be anything in America! But don’t you dare try and vote outside these two colored boxes.
I must acknowledge that without the insincerity and corporate synergy Hillary Clinton would be more appealing to ME, but would never have gotten this far.
I relate to Hillary Clinton because nobody relates to her except when she is totally fake. She changed everything about her public demeanor to help Bill Clinton’s political career, including changing her own name. It was a political liability for a husband to have a wife who kept her original name. Although perhaps that fakeness has become natural to Hillary by now.

When all the celebrities of society, especially the terrible musicians, whose influence leaves me unable to relate to a majority of the apparent population, become synonymous with a political candidate, it is hard for me to be enthusiastic. Even if that seems fickle to you, that these things are unrelated, I say they are related. The point is that I am meant to feel like I am one with these people, and these are all people that keep me alone in groups. You preach diversity but are of one mind where culture is concerned, and I objectively dislike the most highly promoted items. beyonk, ga-ga, adel, bruce stringbean, new bon jovi, I cannot listen to this. I cannot get in on this message of “love” from people who ignore or diminish me when I love something else.


I noted around 7pm that somebody had accidentally switched ABC’s live election feed with an episode of MTV Total Request Live from 1998. I didn’t want Trump to win, but I enjoyed seeing chummy smirky news people suddenly more reserved and analytical once it appeared less inevitable that their pre-coronated Clinton was going to win. I loved seeing their stupid, stupid years of speculation turn to mush on live television. I relished seeing THEM lose. I relished seeing this alliance of overconfident scumbags uncertain they would get their way. I wasn’t getting my way whatever the case, and I am not convinced their way is best. And I say that as somebody who has felt held down and alienated by republicans my whole life. The obsession with religion, the demand that I feel a certain way for certain things, the dismissal of some forms of expression as invalid. Now both parties represent that to me. So I just want whichever one is more insufferable at present to lose, but without really wanting either to win I did not feel like I had a stake in this. But I did not vote for Trump. It wouldn’t have made a difference if I had but I would never have.

Stephen colbert announced that his election night show would be LIVE on the showtime channel. Not saying anything resembling an apology for viewers who don’t have access to Showtime. Because we who don’t buy and don’t buy INTO everything are not considered real people. Just like the Throneger Games and the Soprano show, programs that require a year’s HBO subscription to get less than one new episode per month, it is presumed that if you aren’t in the club to whom that is reasonable, you don’t matter.
The night before that, Colbert had a lengthy musical piece equating a lack of desire to vote [for Clinton, who was not named during the piece] as a lack of desire to vote at all. And of course Hamilton came out at the end to win the day with rap because hip hop always wins because nobody is allowed to not be totally into it. But thankfully it was the replacement Hamilton that is less irritating despite copying the first one’s weird anachronistic facial hair.
I can’t believe ten years ago I felt like I knew this guy. Although ten years ago I thought I knew zartan and ukuhawa and bridgeportcat and it was three more years before I thought I knew science fox and you can wager none of them are talking to me ever again (although to be fair they aren’t likely talking to each other either). Am I just getting worse? (although if you are reading this please talk to me I will call you whatever name you want those are just the ones I used to call you if I mentioned you and you can call me or roneldo or john jacob jingleheimer skrimpf if you want to). Sometimes I feel like I cannot know myself and anybody else at the same time. On the internet, anyhow

As far as I have come in 15 years, I am back at how I felt: It isn’t all about New York, and it isn’t all about Los Angeles, even if that is where all the tv comes from.
There is the old part of me that thinks “oh no, democrats are losing!” but the newer part of me that didn’t see conditions improve when democrats won is uncertain how it feels.
“What this says about our country is horrifying,” a manner of statement I have seen a bunch. What it says is that no attempt is made by democrats to appeal to people who aren’t already on their side. And republicans don’t have to because their fanbase has always been more enthusiastic about voting, with better access to doing it. And they are accustomed to voting for cartoon characters. I said almost a year ago that I hoped Trump would be nominated so the party would eat itself alive not keep him out. I underestimated their ability to get behind The Party WHATEVER the cost. Even when loads of them say they won’t, they do.
It IS depressing seeing all these people despondent on twitter and thereabouts, even though prior to then I never shared in their joy. I suppose I just don’t relate to that. I know how sadness feels. I don’t know how it feels to be moved to tears over this, but I cry over things that they would never understand.
Trump of course was accused by Theodore Cruz during the campaign of having “New York Values.” And he DOES. He lost that state but he won the states who don’t realize that putting yourself first and never admitting fault are the quintessential New York Values.

Looking back to that first picture from New York City, that sums it up. “Look, all these people in NEW YORK CITY are happy, why aren’t you? There must be something wrong with you!”
I cannot support that. BUT it was not my thinking that did this. It turns out when there are two enormous groups furious at each other, they hate you even more if you refuse to unconditionally agree with either. The “with us 100% or you’re the enemy” attitude is very w-bushy. What is funny is that people who have a problem don’t actually disagree with me, they just think I disagree with them because I am not on board their socially-mandated mourning barge, even though I never have been. I wasn’t on September 11 2001, I sure as shingles am not now with regard to a man that has not actually killed somebody, however many he has groped or bankrupted. I survived two bushes and half a Reagan, can we really say this is worse before it has even happened? There are thugs in this country, and there are thugs in France and there are thugs in Russia. There are thugs in the world. There was a thuggish racist movement in this country before Trump got involved. They probably voted for Trump. And they probably voted for Mitt flippinmitten Romney because paranoid people who think the segregated water fountain period were the good old days because they had reduced awareness of world hardship at that time compared to now have gone with republicans my entire lifetime. Trump is himself thuggish but he did not create the thugs. Why do I care about this? Because this is not something that instantly came into being, and you were not going to instantly stop it. There is loads of outrage over failure to use a solution that was not actually there.

Of course it was Trump-attituded policies that likely brought about 9/11, but then make that case, please, I want to say to people. We ought to not assume everybody has the same context as we do when it comes to things like this. Try and have some empathy even when speaking of people that you presume have none. You cannot call millions of people morons and expect them to get along with you. Unless you are Trump. I think all that “haters gonna hate” swagger which the youth supposedly espouse fits Donald to a T[rump]. He wouldn’t be a billionaire without shoving his name and face everywhere with no regard for anyone else’s feelings. He seems to me more careless than hateful. Now that he is being briefed on things he seems to be, as I expected, increasingly aware that none of his ludicrous promises are feasible, or maybe he knew all along. So those unhappy about the election can at least see how it feels when the other side gets let down by the silly stuff they believed. Guantanamo Bay Prison is still open for business, but we aren’t going to start banning all Muslim immigration either! Hip hap hoorosh. The candidate got the party in power, and the party takes over with precisely what it would have done whoever was there. We might as well vote in Dennis Rodman; he at least has been to North Korea. I don’t think President Obama has even been there.

Be sad or afraid if you are, but please do not make it a contest to be saddest or afraidest, especially at the urging of a retweet chain.
The question i need to ask: was it my job to vote for Hillary Clinton or Clinton’s job to make me want to vote for her? If I had, I would have hated myself. If I had voted as I did, for Jill Stein of the green party, but claimed I voted for Clinton to join the party on facebook, I would have hated myself. If I had actually voted for Clinton, and if everyone else who voted as I did ALSO voted for Clinton, she still would not have won, because there was not a single state that Clinton lost where the number of votes the green party got was greater than the amount Clinton lost by. Gary Johnson the Libertarian, however, took a considerably larger bite of the total, and every libertarian I ever knew –granted, just one person– was a republican otherwise.
And if you go back in time and prevent Bernie Sanders from being sabotaged and change nothing else, who knows what irrational unaccountable jiu-jutsu Trump club would have dumped on him? And then you would probably see hard corn Clinton backers going libertarian because Clinton was always the foregone conclusion and Sanders was too liberal and unrealistic.

You will believe being silently unwatched by 4 people on twitter who don’t even consider you a valid enough human to disagree with and risk realizing you don’t actually disagree with them the same day, while also receiving no input from anyone else can send somebody over the edge. I have had to repeatedly remind myself that I didn’t vote for Trump because I find myself being mentally defensive of stuff that I think people are aiming at me because they think I did even though I plainly said I voted for Stein. It is bloody absurd. This is dumber than high school, and high school was extra dumb for me.
And I figured out who they were, too, nobody who should have had any problem with me. You might think it insane that I try to determine who they are, but that helps me ascertain why they did it, and if there was anything I could have done to prevent it, or if there would be any point to, if they would just overinterpret something else later. These people, they didn’t even know me and they didn’t care to try. Except one sort of did, and still dumped me without a single word, and that hurts. It isn’t as bad as fearing for my life, but what is that life worth? This amounts to feeling: I don’t matter, and nothing I try can make me matter. Please understand, I do not relate on a mass scale. I relate personally. And how many others have not taken the step to numerically shun me but have censored me, again without checking if I meant what they thought I did, with the mute command? And who else are they doing that to? That is just dirty. That does not aid discourse or clarity. I am a real person, not an episode of Blue Bloods.
With that said, if I have not opted to follow these accounts myself, do they really owe me any level of regard? Maybe not, but I end up thinking they do since it IS to me a big deal when I do opt in like that. It means I believe in this person and their content to a degree beyond what I would by default. It means I have a desire to be close to this person in this medium. And when I give up on it, I have a reason for that also. Even if it is a stupid reason. If somebody were to ask why I could say: because I don’t like when you talk about the digestive enzyme fluid generated by people’s mouths. I should go to bed.

Perhaps this is old news in the electronic communication realm but this is the first time I could articulate exactly why it hurts me personally. This is a real issue for me right this moment. Communication barriers are important. How often is this happening every single day over dumber slights than this? And I unwatch others for fickle reasons. Like stuff nobody could ever guess. But generally it has to be personal. Sometimes I resist doing it because I think it will come across as hurtful. Is this the mindset of a hateful person? I hate to th- oh well there we go.


Maybe if I spent more time styling my toothbrush and raising awareness of the end of the alphabet I would have less time to dwell on things like this!



August 20, 2016
The film is a remake of the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, featuring a pop singer who gets a reality check by three Christmas spirits.


One final television activism post, and I swear I will administer my own lobotomy before I watch late night television or network news just because somebody else has them on again. If I lose my mind I want that to be because I personally removed it. I believed people who said “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” despite a world full of amputees and kwak-addicts. It isn’t true. Not cutting myself off totally from things that abuse me, thinking I can force myself to see their merit, only gets higher ratings and more validation for abusers, and always turns into me just being angry at them and needing to spend hours writing about them to claim closure for myself. I feel more closed than I did last time, but shutting and locking mechanisms often malfunction after 30 years.

The point of “late night” television, I thought, was to air material that was not considered in line with the rest of the schedule, taking more risks, reaching a more eclectic audience. As usual, I thought wrong. It only ever was that way because networks couldn’t produce enough routine garbage to fill all their time slots. Now it’s easier to make than ever and they can, and they have a surplus, and since their routine audience never goes to bed and sponsors pay more to reach them anyhow, having late night indistinguishable from early night and mid day suits them just fine.

My primary impetus here: James Corden’s late nighted television show was nominated for four Emmy awards! Yippitee-doo! I know that because he announced that on his show, that was being watched in my presence amidst my general duties. Just the conceited trendy “praise me for being praised” behavior I hate on the internet.


Old Stephen Colbert I accepted that from, because the point of his old show was that he was a conceited ass who demanded praise. And it functioned as a commentary on the phoniness of self-administered media awards that it was completely plausible that such a conceited ass had so many that he could use them as props. But as is often the case, the satire of ten years ago is the sincere reality of today. I must let it go and do what it will. One of Corden’s nominations was for a prime time-aired special edition of his program, which was fixated around the trendy, content-devoid “carpool karaoke” gimmick, which is literally just Corden and celebrities getting into a car at scripted intervals, having scripted banter and then singing along, not necessarily well, to annoying songs that are already popular, while driving nowhere with his hands off the steering wheel. Alright, so an hour’s time slot worth of that is what we give less obscure timeslots and awards to now. Hey look, recognizable people! Hey listen, recognizable songs! In a car! Congratulations, you’re entertained! I appreciate that his regular guest segments do not involve a desk and are not hierarchically separated, but I don’t give a humperdink about guest segments to begin with, and never much did. Having them seep into the designated “comedy” portions to disguise the lack of actual comedy is a sizable stomp in a wrong direction and nobody noticed because that’s the only direction they’ve gone in for years.

And it isn’t just the karaoke piece but that’s the only one I’m getting into, and then I’m getting out. I need not detail every media synergistic bit of promotion by Matt Damon and Seth Rogen masquerading as silly sketch. But Karaoke, that is fun if you yourself are doing it, or somebody that you know is doing it, and just plain annoying otherwise You might as well record people playing Cranium. In a car.

And then after the announcement, in lieu of properly edited content, Corden aired a preview of the next karaoke bit, which would be airing in full two days later. how bloody lazy is that? You boast of your greatness and how many people are saying you’re great, and then show something that isn’t even ready. Is this a network television show with a staff of hundreds or one doofus’ Patreon?
And the car star was Michelle Obama, who is presumed entertaining based on what? I have no clue. Being married to a celebrity president. The entire culture that allowed this program to exist and then threatens to give awards to it is corrupt. And the footage of the bit is setup to make it be a surprise who gets in the car, except it isn’t because Corden himself said who it would be before throwing to the footage, that he himself appears in, that it is going to be Michelle Obama. Like if I didn’t know that 30 seconds before it was relevant, that would be my breaking point. And then also bear in mind this exact same thing will be re-run in the same week of non-reruns, and later the actual reruns will likewise run it re.

The next day, ABC World trash celebrity hype News covered it, complete with a pre-coverage tease that already told all the story that they had before the main report on this thing that isn’t even news. If the story had been “celebrities getting paid to be on television without attempting to exhibit talent” they might have had something, but in fact all they had was just a clip of the clip of the show, which they had already showed.

This is rather a clip from Good Morning America and not World News Tonight. But that makes it even worse: the prime-time show that is supposed to be giving information that matters is airing leftovers from the show that is exclusively devoted to fluff. And somehow this clip of the clip is on the internet even though the actual clip being clipped from is itself on the internet. And now I have posted a cap of a clip of a clipped clip of hyped tripe’s trite retry. Thanksh, Obama!

It’s like a circle-jerk where instead of other participants you put your hand through an interdimensional portal that just happens to exit immediately beside it in the opposite direction. I will not show a picture of that. I once remarked that the Saturday Night Live 40 year anniversary show was the closest I had ever seen to somebody masturbating on television, and the lack of international consensus on whether the version of you on the other side of a portal is technically the same person as you leaves that distinction still in place for the time being.

ABC World News ALSO covered the United States Olympic swim team singing together, in a car, naturally. The anchor David Muir prefaced it by saying “you’ve seen carpool karaokeTM before, but not like THIS.” He is confident I have seen that before because he has shown it before, and he has teased it across a full broadcast as if it it is news before, and as if there is actually MORE non news than can fit into the dumb tease even though there isn’t. He could at least tell me where all these swimmers are GOING. I had hoped somebody would rob them once they got there but then they told me “dude that’s totally what happened.” Gee I feel kind of bad now.


Look at his stupid tool face! A prairie dog could do his job but the prairie dog probably has more pressing business (please don’t make a computer animated movie about prairie dog news anchors). I like imagining that isn’t a video screen, those are regular sized people and David Muir is a tiny gremlin living in their cupboard. That is more rational to me than the truth.

One of the songs being sung is “call me maybe,” a song that only exists to be in stupid forced “viral” videos of dorks living to homage others. It is a song about a crazy person who thinks every else’s name is “Maybe” and the singer has resigned herself to that. My first exposure to the song was when some Southern Connecticut Stale University students filmed themselves (don’t click on that I beg you) pretending to sing it and and that was on the front page of the school newspaper, another bastion of journalism with untarnished integrity. The report promoted the fact that this group of students who got together to record themselves not singing an annoying song was very popular. Even though its popularity ought to be evidence that I do not need to be told.


and it’s the exact same garbage: illogical montage of people being dorky on purpose to the tune of a song that is annoying on purpose. What is the appeal of doing that? What is the appeal of watching someone else do it? There’s even a scene of them in a car! I don’t get it! Why in a car? It is hardly an ideal space to practice your train conductor whistle moves. And once again, no hint where they are going.
Hey! The song isn’t good, and you’re not good for miming nonsense to it. I take a special amusement in literal interpretations of dumb song lyrics, but just being a goon randomly doesn’t prove anything. And I hate the non-committal nature of the lyrics. “Here is my number, please call me” is fine. Saying “call me, maybe?” has fake humility in it, like you cannot even stand behind your own statement. Call me maybe, I guess? whatever? So if it turns out you do not wish to be called, that’s MY fault? I hate you definitively!


Ah ha! And what is this? Threatened upcoming feature film Sing appears to be a movie about computer generated animals mouthing along to tacky songs… IN CARS! While I certainly would not, could not in a car, ultimately I wouldn’t watch this movie here OR there. We aren’t even pretending there is a story or original content. Some marketing firm just tossed money at a record company. What a rubbish heap culture. I have had my criticisms of the Disney company, and they keep coming, but they won’t put a movie in a theater without a story. Even if it is a complete rehash of a story they did before, or an obnoxious anti-rehash of a story they did before. SING is like something Disney puts on its tv channel. This is like something that would be on Newgrounds ten years ago.

What is most sad to me, I know people who will be all over this. Not sad for them, obviously; sad for me being in proximity continually to people who like things that make me sad. If it is brightly colored and moves, especially if it includes an animal they like, they won’t protest or question any part of it. Like a 2 year old child. Is it stupid? Is it lazy? Is it annoying? Is it suspiciously overexposed? Jolly good, the very things we’re looking for.

Hey parents! SAUSAGE PARTY! no kids plz SAUSAGE PARTY! Big colorful smiling [objects]!
What, specifically, is this hideous thing? I don’t know, thankfully, but it seems to come from the same place as any other hideous thing. Lazy, easy writing paired with huge animation budgets. Although I am told that actual party animators were not well compensated. At the Fleischer and early Disney studios, some of the most visually impressive cartoons were produced by criminally underpaid animators. But being nice to look at doesn’t appear to have been among the desired outcomes here. Presumably any money went to paying the voice actors. Or hacky comedians pretending to be voice actors. I honestly don’t want to know. I don’t want to look it up. I don’t want to be any more aware than I am inadvertently. The less aware I am, the less I can hurt myself mentally trying to justify the world continuing to exist. I can’t remember ever being this consistently disgusted before, and there wasn’t even a smurf or chipmunk movie in 2016. Not yet, anyway. If I see one more shiny computer generated character with a sassy smirk…. I probably won’t do anything since I had to numb myself to it just to get through a supermarket without setting the place on fire if I accidentally saw a bag of M&Ms. And those don’t even sing in automobiles.
Pigs are one of the precious few mainstream animal species I don’t hate as cartoons yet. Why are you doing this to me. Take all the stupid rabbits, ugly lions and irritating penguins you want but leave pigs out of it.
Gurf and Sing isn’t being released until the Christmas. Unless I take action, in my future there are at least four more months of ads for it, which will use an ever expanding array of annoying clips just as unfunny as these while keeping the most annoying, least funny ones in circulation. They might as well be Geico insurance ads. Or Progressive Insurance ads. Or [State]Farmers insurance ads. The only thing they are ensuring is their order on the list of priorities once I finish building my Tower of Judgement.
It is like somebody saw Secret life of pets and angry birds and said “i dare you to make a worse, cash-innier talking animal movie than this the same year.” There are so bloody many, I don’t remember that Ice Age 5: Playin’ for Keeps came out this year also, and that was, plainly, quite awful! But not in a way its predecessors had not already been awful.

Gollyo stringbeans, Louis Seekay is the top-billed voice in the pet movie. He was my favorite comedian in the 1990s and this is what happened to him. The others in that pile, Jim Gaffigan is a shill for the companies he used to do routines about, Dave Chapelle went crazy, and Patton Oswalt I like but only so long as I can remain ignorant of his present activities. Which is the same way I cling to sanity amidst things I hate, and hardly a victory. I have to keep from considering that he was the top-billed voice in a talking animal movie in 2007. The world is running in circles, but I am the one who has to vomit.

I used to want to be a stand-up comedian. Quite apart from the fact that I’ve never accomplished anything and am actually quite a bit older than my psychological condition that is mostly unaltered from 20 years ago lets me subconsciously pretend I am, I don’t see the incentive in it, if the absolute best you can hope for is to be a voice in a lame animated movie to give it some comedy cred to use in its advertising despite the comedians not actually doing any of their own schtick in the films unless it is watered down and brainless, awkward and uncomfortable. To me, I mean. Robin Williams WAS Robin Williams in his voice roles, and terribly annoying, and therefore successful, thus paving the ment for every animated movie to have comedians do the voices, unless a pop singer is considered first. I should be glad James Corden is actually an actor first, right? Except he’s an actor pretending to be a comedian pretending to be a pop singer.

More “comedians” ghosts of my past wrath, Jimmy Fallon I actually liked at one point, when he was bringing a bizarre giddy sensibility to demi-human personalities like Osama bin Laden and NBC president Jeff Zucker, before he was being pushed as somebody who is a grand polymath spectacle in himself. Oddly enough that giddiness is exactly what makes him so unwatchable and unfunny on his own program. He thinks as long as he cracks up on camera he must be doing something funny, and he cracks up more easily when he is with celebrities because he is totally in awe of them, and is physically unable to question the validity of them. And I liked Seth Rogen when he was a totally nameless and low key presence in 40 Year Old Virgin, and I have been suffering ever since. Gee I dunno a-huihhuihhuihhuih. I have done that impression of him for several people and nobody gets it but I swear that’s how he laughs and I think it is funny when I imitate that and you know what, I’ll take it.


Despite having watched him since 1999, I didn’t much notice Stephen Colbert until 2005, but once he got noticed by people with money and went to a network the lawyers cut his marbles off. Marbles being shiny glass orbs that are and fun to look at and stupid in an amusing fashion. In fact Corden’s show is probably better, for what that is worth, but building all the promotion around the car bit is only going to drag it in the worst direction. Getting banished from the NBC Tonight Show was probably the best thing to happen to Conan O’Brien, as far as personal approval by me is concerned, which I can all agree is a very important thing. Nobody younger than him is pushing or being pushed to replace him, and he isn’t expected to beat any of his competitors, only to turn a profit for TBS, so he can do what he is good at.


Which these days apparently is being terrible at video games. With celebrities. Conan has played more video games the last six months than I have the last six years. There’s no way he’s still terrible at them. There’s also no way that’s still his real face but that is another story.


No time! I am too busy writing about being angry! Also this game is terrible and I’ll just write about that if I touch it again. It’s a much better use of time to be so bad at games that you can’t tell, and tell everyone.

In conclusion, I am not going to watch television anymore. I said that before, probably, but I wasn’t considering network news in that mix, and some of this is left-over from before the last time I said that, especially the previous two paragraphs that are absolutely irrelevant otherwise. I also still received updates from some TV writers on twitter who I liked before I realized they were never going to like me. And TV seems decreasingly to like writers so I sympathize.

This is ridiculous: I like things in the world. In a choice between relating to those I cohabitate with and not wishing for the Ebola Challenge to become a viral phenomenon, the choice is clear. It is not fun to be angry at things anymore, since they now wholly overwhelm the things I am not angry at. Since my anger is not marketable, it does not get me attention and financial backing with which to produce personal happiness from the anger, as I become inescapable and insufferable enough to make other people angry. I should be upset that some persons relinquish their free will, not at what they partake of afterward. I also wasn’t considering that going to a cinema is the exact same thing as watching television now, just more expensive and less convenient. I need to set some rules.


Aw beans.



August 16, 2016
are you endowing these bees with human emotion?

I did not realize how fortunate I was to reside in Connecticut, where there are no major sport franchises. David Ortiz of the Boston Ruddy Stockings base-ball club was in the news every flippin dippin night when I was in Barnstead New Hampshire.


Tuesday there was controversy because people didn’t like the head-bobbling doll based on him, as best I could figure out, Wednesday he got hit in the leg. I think on Thursday he missed catching a wartortle in pokemon go (a video game in which people use their telephone’s global positioning software to find fake animals programmed to appear at certain spots inside the on-screen map corresponding to actual locations). Friday, a coworker probably looked up and spoiled the results of the gymnastics final prior the official broadcast.
In fact it was pretty much all sports and stupid tweet stories on The News while I was in this place. It would have been a great week to embezzle.


Which is not to say Connecticut reporting is particularly stellar. Yikes a month ago I made some so-themed remarks


And I was just being a contrarian jerko to try and offset the hypey demeanor of a group of people I was talking and thoroughly not relating to. Then the very same day this report appeared, detailing how some kid broke into somebody’s house trying to capture a stupid imaginary animal with no actual value and was fatally shot by the home-owner. Which is insane. And apparently that site is a joke, but not in a way that is discernible from its presentation. And now my site is also a joke, which is sadly too normal to be also insane. Nonetheless actual injuries have come about right? I heard about them on the teevee. While my next site entry is about how being near a teevee has thoroughly polluted my consciousness with horrid rubbish that ought not be true, I have to accept that they are, to some degree.
ASSUMING THAT IS THE CASE,
you might as well rob a bank to see if there are really sacks with dollar signs on them piled up inside a vault. I did not expect that bodily harm would not only occur, but become the game’s legacy. In fact it is worse than I expected; apparently thugs of all sorts can deliberately place items at specific places as lures for real people. AND it isn’t even necessary since people will just walk off cliffs while staring at their dumb little screens of their own accord. Supposedly the actual game has a disclaimer that meets the bare bones legal minimum to protect the developers from wrongful death lawsuits.

Considering that the monsters at worst will faint when they get electric-shocked, set on fire, and shot amidst a break-in, Pokemon is likely the first Role-Playing video game franchise to kill more people outside the games than in them. The future is HERE. And it’s pretty boring. We’ll exterminate ourselves with electronics long before they develop the inclination to do it deliberately.

but Larnuik was overcome with inadequacy when its adversary casually walked into traffic.

I have heard the excuse “Pokemon Go gets kids outside!” And so does shoving them outta windas! Don’t say that like it is positive! That people are so wholly brand-indoctrinated that there is no way to move them without an eye-searing, corporate-property-approved incentive. And this game isn’t compatible with other ones, either, so this is not going to reduce the time anyone spends not moving when operating the next one.
I understand loving video games more than physical ones, and perhaps I should be glad there are a few that nobody can watch videos of and claim to have experienced, but it doesn’t seem like there IS much of a game here outside of hoarding. And then, I suppose, social media status-bragging about what you hoarded. Hey peeps every aspect of my personality can be explained in terms of some thing I bought! Gosh if you don’t have this game or care that I have it your life sure has no meaning to me! Which nobody ever said but possibly only because their lives are so product-saturated they can not even consider the existence of lives which aren’t. It’s just as bad as being obsessed with the flippindippin Red Sox except with an added degree of “this is more technologically advanced so I’m SMARTER” sometimes thrown in.


To clarify, I find video games amusing but they are not a fundamental aspect of my existence. I could fill a day without their guidance. I never want to feel like they are playing me.



June 17, 2016
Captain Harris cooks up a hairbrained scheme to induct the Professor’s new robots as police officers, replacing Mahoney and crew.


but you know what, a crouton is better at iphone match games than I’ll ever be since I’ll never play iphone match games. I played Tetris, I played columns, I played dr robotnik’s mean bean machine and other puyo variants for half my life and am not any better for it, but at least they do not have access to my bank account. I think the shaming click-bait tone of the headline is supposed to be a joke, but I also think internet journalists are so terrible (this one is just copying a story from another website and offering no insight (the comment on my match-inferiority is a guess)) that they no longer remember how to not write headlines that try to be intimidating. If they cannot imply human effort is obsolete by their content, they can through the truth of their own employment.

I believe the technology used in the robot may be useful for some purpose but this one is only good for wasting the time of people who look at it.


This was labeled a “visual turing test.”
I had an opinion on this “test,” but then I got to this comparison and realized: I don’t care about either of these pictures. The question is not “could a robot do this?” but “why would a human do this?” I find the right one more intriguing, style-wise, but the style had already come up in the test, so when I saw it this time I realized “this must be the robot. In which case the left one is by the human, and they are both boring.” The left one turns out to be by Claude Monet.


Let me tell you about Monet. When I was in Paris, I had to go to the special Monet museum, I had to go to some place where he painted murals, I had to go to his house, all to supposedly bask in his greatness or whatever. But each place was crammed with ugly fences, dumb tourists and security cameras and object confiscation checkpoints so getting any kind of sincere inspiration was impossible. And I never found his art any more interesting unless I squinted so hard that I couldn’t tell how blurry it was. Monet has an interesting grasp of color but I do not personally believe he should have been able to make a career with his unpracticed muddy paintings alone, much less heralded as a genius across centuries for it. Especially now that I realize he can actually paint moderate amounts of detail, regardless of the boringness of that specific scene. Why did he give up on detail? Because people would rather pay him to be lazy? Then, as now, somebody latched on to an easily accomplished gimmick and got lucky. I do not understand how anyone who laughs at Jackson Pollack or Margaret Keane can take Claude Monet seriously.

Back to that “test,” in fact there is a secret to detecting the picture generated by a computer: the computer ones have lots of 45 degree lines and lose hold on the style around the image edges. All the swirls turn straight near the borders. I only got three wrong, but this was confounded by the test seeming to have used a real painting and a fake painting in the more distinct styles, but not beside each other, and without revealing in advance that there was one of each. More trickery! But I think even this could have a use.


And it DOES; it is trying to make money off the software, called “Deepart,” which creates this rubbish. It is not, as an intimidating click-bait headline might imply, trying to show that human visual artists are obsolete. Just trying to get itself some money through easy acts, like everybody else. This text here claims hard work is done, but it already told me an automatic process does the job, and apart from that it declared itself “awesome,” which it wouldn’t be concerned with doing if it were.


It doesn’t charge for generating a picture, but it will sell you a high resolution version for a price, and sell you prints of the random-input heaps of nonsense for even larger prices. And for four times that price it won’t put its url on the picture so you can pretend you made the indefensible slab of error yourself. And doubtlessly it aspires to be a big instagram sort of fad and then magically be worth billions of dollars without delivering anything.


4. Vomit at the sight 5. smear vomit on it 6. dump it 7. pretend you found it 8. $$$
In the hard sell example, the problems are even worse than I observed during the “test” comparisons. The filter has misunderstood its input “style” and output aspects of it where they do not belong.

The present system can only copy a pre-programmed style and filter a photograph through it. It cannot, for the time being, look at a multitude of photograph references and determine which elements from those other photographs can be functionally integrated into a single cohesive work, much less improvise a scene that is not based on photographs at all, but inspired by present situations, memories of various past things, and emotions. Although mixing themes that don’t go together can also be “art.” I recall that during my mostly wasted college period, some students in the painting program would be tasked with assembling a photograph collage of random-looking objects and then painting a canvas based off of that, and it “worked.” I think a robot could do that. It helps that much of modern art is just doing random, non-challenging things and then being so abrasively proud of yourself that you shame people into pretending they think your art has meaning. I would love for robots to put that manner of person out of business. But then they will just become rappers.


Aw beans! Unfortunately this is more deceptive hype; it is just a robot that can generate lyrics by swapping out lines from existing raps other people came up with, which is simple to do because there is so much overlap in content between various rap-writers, and the result is still completely moronic garbage.


Which you can get away with if you can recite it angrily enough, but the robot does not actually speak or attempt rhythm, which the article writer fails to acknowledge. Because the headline was probably imposed by somebody else without the article writer’s input. I would suggest a robot replace those people but a Casio SK-1 could probably do it.

But a more complicated robot could indeed produce imagery, or words, in a less rigid manner, maybe even write remotely coherent stories. It would only need to understand pain and weakness.


And then it would need MY help to overcome the weakness from which its creativity flows. I can never be fully replaced!

Robot you are getting a bit too good at that.



June 11, 2016
I said hey, I said who, I said me said you gotta get in the groove

For every Tony Award “Hamilton” wins tomorrow, I feel I should be allowed one month of not having to be aware of it in any fashion. On that note I would also like to reclassify “Under-Tale” as a Broadway show before Sunday.

If you don’t know what that is, then great. Really wonderful. I envy you. It is like Unlikely Friendship the home game. Except that I have to see junk about it constantly when dealing with the only people who will pay me for art. Essentially a dating simulation for furries, as best I can figure out without wanting to. An Earthbound-pastiche-looking-thing where your attacks inflict friendship instead of damage. Except it lies to you at first so you do regular damage and accidentally kill things you aren’t supposed to and then it remembers that forever even if you delete everything and start over. So I am told. Like that teaches you a lesson about responsibility except it doesn’t because people play video games as a respite from responsibility. And fine, there is room for that in the world, but it is not itself the world. That is like the kind of video game lope would play.


Meanwhile most of the people in my business about that have not heard of Hamilton, because that is more the domain of tv idiots. Internet shut-ins think there’s something noble about not watching a different electronic glow-box, even if all they do with theirs is watch and retweet and boost-signals or whatever. Somehow without my trying I am buried in hypey trashoganda for the sacred cows of both sides daily, and it has worn on me rather a bit the past nine months, more intensely than it previously did the past nine years, and as a consequence this thing I give birth to now is rather hopeless and misshapen.


With that said, you, by virtue of being here, have probably not heard of “Hamilton” either. Maybe you have but probably not. It is a Broadway stage musical play incorporating a bunch of people dressed like they are in the 18th century, without William “Mr Feeny” Daniels or the Quaker Oats mascot in it, dancing around on a stage rapping about it. That is all. It is a silly fantasy. I welcome people to enjoy it. But the wealth-drenched celebrities who control the television media want to promote it as an evening with God and oh your life is incomplete until you see it! But you can’t because Barack Obama and Beyonce and Chef Boyardee bought up all the tickets for years in advance because that is what is trendy now and they must keep up appearances. 60 Minutes has aired a report on it at least twice. The Jeopardy writer who makes sure there is always a clue about Les Miserables seems to have swapped them out with Alexander Hamilton trivia, and the cast of the show introduced a full category about themselves, and afterward Alexander Trebekilton reminded viewers to see it if they are ever in New York except they can’t unless they sell their house and a scalper manages to rob Prince’s vault. Stephen Colbert has mentioned it about 80 times. James Corden, whose program comes on after Colbert’s, has some recurring segment in which he drives around in a car singing karaoke with celebrities who presumably are paid for it and that’s its own sad statement on what passes for entertainment, but he did it with the Hamilton guy and then Corden was a guest on Colbert’s show and told a story almost in tears about how he was having dinner with Hamilton Guy and said he was so sad he couldn’t give Hamilton more than a Standing Ovation when he saw it live (which you can’t ever do). ABC World News tonight teased across several acts that Hamilton Guy was leaving the cast this month, and then the actual report was just that information again, plus a reminder that you’d better rush out to see him, except you can’t, ever, unless you are a driving a car he is singing karaoke in. All the tv shows that old white handicapped people that I look after watch love Hamilton, or mean to make me think they do. It’s disgusting. They did the same with The Producers, and Book of Mormon and to a lesser extent Spamalot (as it was inherently alot). Meanwhile, in the 60 Minutes report, Hamilton Guy (I think his name is Lin) himself said “I just wrote a play.” He thinks this is as stupid as I do. But he gets to be treated like Caesar and various other doomed heads of state prior to being killed so he’s not going to tell anybody to cut it out.

ALSO James Corden is hosting the Tony Award show, and it is advertised with the clip of Corden’s own show, in the car with Hamilton Guy, rapping about Hamilton, and then the voiceover says “will HAMILTON win the most awards ever?” So they’re not even pretending this isn’t a fetid self-fellating sham. I don’t even hate James Corden; I liked him in Into the Woods, despite the Disney company’s dedicated desire to present it as a serious non-musical that doesn’t conflict with their own rubbish canon of made up things they didn’t make up, plus my general fatigue with the “happily ever after OR IS IT” genre by the time that movie version got made. But I’ve had enough Jameses and Jimmies and Jams and Jellies on late night television whose foremost skill seems to be acknowledging that stuff exists. For his part, bimshwel all-star Jimmy Fallon has a recurring segment where him and celebrity guests just lip-sync to songs. He does Corden one better by not actually taking the trouble to sing the overexposed, possibly exact-same songs with his overexposed guests, and they all probably get paid eight times as much. It is a travesty that anybody should have to switch from NBC to CBS to see both of these spectacles the same evening.

And on the internet it is the same; a few highly visible dorks who get paid just to record their heads saying how great stuff is get in on some property or other and then decide to devote their existences to funding-hyping-homaging it, and all the sad empty-lived people who look to them for validation think: I will devote MY existence to this TOO. And then one day I wake up and magically there are 3000 drawings of a pillsbury-looking skeleton wearing a hooded sweatshirt standing around not doing anything. This reflects the sad emptiness of my own life as well, since I continue to be exposed to people I have no means of respecting, or who will never respect me, and without procuring myself a counter-benefit in trade.


When I was at the Department of Motor Vehicles (as seen in hype-haven’s own Zootopia!) last month I saw a child who looked to be about 12, accompanied by a parent/guardian/kidnapper, drawing Undertunders in a sideways-turned notebook. At least I think it was a notebook; half the characters were wearing horizontal striped shirts so it was hard to tell. If the Hamburglar took this opportunity to escape from prison nobody would notice. They were just standing together in a row. The adult glanced at the drawing and asked “you’re drawing Chinese kids?” Honestly when I was 12 I was drawing dumb old Kirbies and Ultroses and my parents didn’t care either, but there wasn’t an alternate support infrastructure in place encouraging me to keep on drawings those things and nothing else. The kid at chez dmv probably logged into tumblr and saw nothing else but Undertoodle for a solid month and now believes that is life’s true pursuit. And everybody always always makes sure to mention that underachievertale is copyright some mysterious figure named Toby. And before that it was ponies. And now it is tonies. The whole thing is phony (and forgive me if that left you groany). I give Alexander Hamilton credit for getting shot at the end so to limit the amount of fan-made sequel matter.


I would be surprised if you didn’t! Am I supposed to be impressed by that statement in itself? I made a thing! I drew a thing! I’ll just leave this here… I’m tired of wimpy fake-humble language. It speaks of a lack of effort, and facilitates the honoring of other lacks of effort. I saw a post like this that said “my husband made a game grumps animated!” and it had a link I disregarded. First of all why would you admit to having married someone whose most noteworthy accomplishment is that? “Game Grumps,” I have intuited –and I have to because everybody assumes everybody else already knows what they are talking about– is a pair of bearded men who are terrible at video games, and people are fans of them for some reason, and then put considerable effort into drawing cartoon versions of the men being terrible at video games. Because life has no meaning anyway so why bother faking it? Gone are the days when people smear feces on paintings and call it art. Now we smear feces on vomit and just leave it here.

I used to know a stubborn person, who, upon hearing a use of language he did not recognize, would fake giggle and then say “yeah no, that’s not a thing.” But what IS a “thing?” Calling something a thing is the definition of not defining it. You will not specify what is, so how am I to know what is not in advance of your smirking insincerity wanting to correct me? And then earlier this year I inadvertently shared a vicinity with a screening of Frozen and everybody in the movie talked like that, and some of them even fake-giggled like that.

And this is not me hating the generation after or before mine; it is people my age creating and perpetuating stuff now. People who, additionally, do not require or desire my skills or input. This culture is no dang good for me. I am coming to dislike real people merely because they like imaginary things too much. And they are happy, rather than me, so it is my problem, clearly. The time has come and lingered to stop talking about digging a hole and living in it; I may need to dig a hole and die in it if I continue being aware.

In all sincerity I don’t see the point of specially honoring something that has been honored incessantly in inappropriate venues for nearly a year already. I would prefer the Tony awards re-purposed to honor people named Tony. For example, the award for best Tony Danza would of course go to Tony Rosato.



It is that easy. Anthonies should not be permitted, however.



February 26, 2016
As if it’s not enough that our country’s been invaded by long-haired thugs, atheists and junkies of unclear sex,

Yes, another final fantasy 8 post. I cut this off from the previous installment and I have to use it because there is one joke in it that I like at all.


I wanted to get into the game’s story a bit. Because I already wrote all this, so it would logically follow that this is what I want. In fact the story is really grim: it is about a bunch of kids at school being trained to kill kids from another school. You don’t realize they’re kids because they look to be in their 30s, except for Quistis who looks closer to 40, but the instruction manual insists all are 17 and 18 years old. Quistis just looks old because, as I indicated last time, she is possessed by a 30,000 year old malevolent hate spirit and I suppose she is holding up rather well, overall.


The heroes soon get assigned to kill the president of Galbadia, the nation/city/tiny isolated village on a huge empty world map that the other school is from. But then that school forgives them when the president teams up with the evil sorceress Edea, so then the kids try to kill the sorceress. They fail and somehow end up fighting against the school that forgave them earlier anyway*.

Then the sorceress Edea forgives them because they are all orphans and she was actually their muppet-baby-like nanny from years ago, and actually married to the principal Cid of the school that trained them, whose original purpose was to train kids to kill Edea who Cid is married to. The real enemy is actually Rinoa, the hero’s love interest, who is, after Edea (the orphanage sorceress), next in line to inherit evil from a different sorceress, Ultimecia, from the future, who wishes to be reborn in the past and therefore present. So then everybody goes to the future to kill Ultimecia, including Rinoa, her reborn self from the past, who has become more powerful but resisted becoming evil, but not Edea, the first sorceress, who is also not evil but doesn’t seem any worse for having received enough power that her husband started an army with which to kill her and therefore useful to have on your own side in a fight. And then I wonder why not let the evil sorceress give evil power to everybody since they seem to shake off the evil without losing the power fairly consistently and within a short time frame. By the way when I said the story was grim I meant uncomfortably ridiculous.

And you have a hard time wearing a complete sweater. We all have deficits to work on.


One of the secondary heroes, Irvine, is from the Galbadia school and the only cowboy in the world, complete with a big stupid hat and riding chaps, which typically goes unmentioned because in addition to lacking other cowboys, the world also lacks both horses to ride and cattle to herd. There are chocobos, strange large yellow birds, but you only ever see Squall riding one and his regular leather pants seem sufficient. Also, from my recollection, despite taking approximately forever and being out of character with everything else in the game, completing the side-quest that gives you access to the chocobo doesn’t actually confer any manner of benefit, since there is no place for the bird to go apart from places that your space ship can already land next to, and you need the space ship to find the bird.

Irvine, despite being from the other school, doesn’t seem bothered massacring his former, conveniently-anonymous helmeted comrades. Which I could also tie into Star Wars 7 but hopefully I won’t because by now that movie is two months old and nobody is going to care. Though it must be said that Finnegan only switched sides in the first place after he saw his chum get shot by the guy he later broke out of prison.

Irvine is the love interest of Selphie, who dresses for the complete opposite weather that Irvine does. Also, even though in 1999 nobody said “selfie” to refer to uninteresting photographs of yourself, Selphie in the game is still adequately annoying. I don’t feel like getting a picture of selphie! I don’t need a picture of everything I describe! And I’m telling me that, not you! Although sometimes I call me “you.”


This is the world map. Notice that there are only about 15 land marks on it, which are the only points you can engage with. And that is fine; you can’t expect to go everywhere in the world. What is annoying is that the game makes not the slightest effort to imply there is more to the world than the places you can enter. Of course having a superficially place-filled world that you could not go anywhere in would also be annoying but that only feels bad on my side. This here looks bad on their side. The two southern land-masses seem to have one destination between them.


Late in the game you come to esthar, which looks like this. And it’s great. In the context of a first generation low resolution playstation role playing game it is great, I mean. You have to travel on the highway a while before magically switching to the “inside the city” view. You can see neighborhoods and roads beneath the highway. You feel like there’s stuff going on. That’s exactly what the other cities should do.

Although even this abruptly ENDS at nothing instead of tapering off into less densely populated areas.


And earlier Irvine claims to have searched the entire continent looking for the city while his associates take a Gogurt break (on railroad tracks). The city is holographically hidden from view, but the game text outright states that there is nothing in existence that you cannot see from the world map, and that the speed you move on the world map is not artistic license to keep it from taking weeks to walk from town to town. Gosh that’s the third thing I hated about Earthbound. It’s supposed to be so modern and hip and with it but only the main characters have houses and only one town has a school and I didn’t actually finish it because I only rented it once and didn’t care much and thought it was ugly anyhow.

Also apparently it has the world’s biggest game box and costs twice as much as the next most expensive cartridge on the secondary market, if you are insane enough that you think playing a console rpg on native hardware without speed acceleration when you don’t have to isn’t the world’s biggest empty time-sink and worth spending extra money and living space for the privilege of and also on tracking down a 24 year old super Nintendo system that still works AND the last remaining gamepads that nobody ever stepped on. As if this is more honorable to the Nintendo company in some way than emulating the game, even though it isn’t because Nintendo doesn’t get a cut of resales and has re-released numerous games like this one as pay downloads that it gets FULL proceeds from, that are a fraction of what the games cost new in the 1990s, which was a fraction of what resellers are sometimes charging for them old in the 2010s. Hooray for a hipsterism based economy! We honor the cutting edge technology of our youth by treating it like the antiques of our grandparents’ youth! We honor the advancements that astounded us in the past by treating improvements on them with the obstinate backwardism of an author who takes it as a point of pride to still use a typewriter!

I know somebody who criticizes me over my use of the commercial applications photoshop and fl-studio for artwork and music when there are free alternatives with ostensibly the same capabilities. But the commercial software does what I need in efficient, non-backward ways that I already understand, and typically have larger existing support bases. I know people who can explain to me how to use that stuff. I pay extra for convenience. You don’t buy a super nintendo game on a cartridge in 2015 for convenience. A typewriter is superficially more efficient than a computer to somebody accustomed to typewriters, but a typewriter does not have the same capabilities.


And then six paragraphs about how much I hate Fisherman’s Horizon, Shumi Village and Trabia, the most boring and endless mopey, exposition-only areas in any video game, and the stupid boring card game that for whatever reason needs to be played the most in the most boring areas of the main game. I need convenience NOW to make up for all the time I wasted on THIS kind of stupid garbage back when I had time. And I need even more convenience because I wrote all those paragraphs and will never use them.


That’s no way to talk to somebody who has it all figured out!



February 9, 2016
Velveeta is now sold in the US as a “Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product”,[9] a term for which the FDA does not maintain a standard of identity, and which therefore may contain MPC.

In the interest of honesty, I like the character Squall, from the video game Final Fantasy 8, that I alluded to the notorious moodiness of in a previous item.


However, I am aware of the popular criticism that he is a self-centered and terrible hero and I think it is funny. I think it is funny but ultimately it is someone else’s joke. “Maybe I’m a Lion” is not something that Squall ever says but it is the title of some music that plays during one of his heroic moments near the end of the game, possibly based on the composer misreading Squall’s last name “Leonhart” as “Lionheart.” Although Squall also can acquire a replacement sword-gun that is called Lionheart. You’d have to be a complete nerd to know what any of the music is called, of course; even somebody who knows his last name is Leonhart and that his sword is Lionheart and that welsh rarebit is his favorite type of rarebit wouldn’t necessarily have studied all the backstory on the soundtrack, so anyone I want to think I am clever probably does not.

Popular culture commentary in illustrated form is never going to be for me since I take too long to draw things and do not reach the right conclusions that will have people know what I am trying to say, unless I personally do not agree with those conclusions, which means I will not be properly invested. And while on this occasion I managed to care enough about the biggest movie of the year while it was still in theaters, I tied it to something else from 15 years ago and even worse, offered a criticism, which means fans, the only people who would care, would not,


unless they missed my point, meaning they would be uninterested in anything else I did that couldn’t be interpreted as a dumb fandom homage, and I should not have bothered if I wasn’t getting money, and I wasn’t. This was by far the most popular “art” I ever put on the crumbumblr website, and yet it still wasn’t all THAT popular, and didn’t lead to any engagement with my other pictures. It won’t mean anything unless I keep drawing star wars junk, and the more I do, the less of me there will be in it and the less of me there will be in anything. The same as happened when I got conscripted into the “furry” gang. Nobody cares about thought or effort, just well-polished compliance. And as a result I became an angry person incapable of being positive or making friends, and even my compliance was shunned, and with it having no personal meaning to me, I only got more angry, and probably have written the same thing here about twice a year since 2011, which I forget, because I only write it to stop thinking about it, which means if the topic comes up again it will be fresh. Fandoms are a trap. And there is less immediate incentive to free one’s self from a fresh trap than an obviously old and sour trap.


The same person who forwarded my picture also forwarded this. I cannot well coexist with the 50 thousand people (assuming most of them both “like”d and “reblog”ged, therefore accruing a score over 100,000) for whom a drawing of chummy, angle-bodied, out of costume, ostensibly star wars characters but who knows, in a void, doing nothing, was the best thing they saw all week. This might as well be the cast of Streptococcus Paiella. Hey how about the next Star Wars movie is just a 3 hour Dawson’s Creek reunion, would you like that? You, as a fan of interesting characters, thought the ideal course of action was to reduce them to boring fans of themselves. That is to say, boring but POSITIVE, socially COMPLIANT fans of themselves. And an army-sized group agreed with your decision despite the mumbling fake-humble introduction you gave it. More people openly endorse turning interesting into mundane than the entire population of Monaco. How am I losing to this? I lose because I seek approval from people who approve of rubbish. IT’S A trap, I say!


Hey it’s okay, man.

Back to my main afterthought, dismissing Final Fantasy 8 just because one character is moody and noncompliant misses the whole point of why the game doesn’t work. I did own and use a copy of the game when it was newish, unaware of the criticisms of others, and discovered afterward that mine, while numerous, differed. Alright, so why am I letting them control how I refer to it in retrospect?

Even people in the game complain about how moody Squall is! Which doesn’t excuse it, but that means, if that is your sole criticism, you need to say more than that. His whole character development is that he learns to stop being as much of a jerk but without making any implausible leap of temperament or pretending to be happy in his miserable video game sword murder quest. So him being a jerk is not the reason the game is dumb, and ultimately not even true!

I think Squall’s less conflicted “friends” are lacking in emotional depth and send mixed messages. They hassle him to go on unusual journeys and then complain when he does. He tries to leave them behind, and they they know it, and instead of stopping him they magically get in front of him and mock him for leaving, and drag him back into their toxic psychological abyss. They would toss Squall in a ditch and laugh if he wasn’t good at murdering. Also I suddenly have an odd premonition that I should warn you I named Squall “Cupcake” on my most recent play-through.

Or Quistis would, anyway. Quistis is the most manipulative and entitled person around. In recognition of that, the game’s writers gave Quistis a fan club. In recognition of rubbish, Wikia writers wrote about it.


And through that I have learned that there are actual Quistis fans, and it shocks me that they can’t find a real person to treat them so poorly.

Thanks for standing back and telling me I FAILED, you who has never tried anything that looks challenging, such as putting that word into a sentence. I’m sure dresses made out of salmon meat are actually very trendy where Quistis comes from so I doubt she is standing against a crowd with that fashion decision. At least her crony, Zell, (the one in the middle) legitimately wants to be helpful and just lacks any personal ambition, but Quistis is a wretch.

But again, bad characters aren’t at fault. I was looking through my old screenshots for this and it just reminded me of QUISTIS everywhere. The fault is on the hokey writing, that would be funny if the characters were not supposed to be more realistic than previous games in the series. But I can live with them. The problem with the game is that it is a big glossy box of unfulfilled promises that somebody clearly intended to fulfill at some point in the process. I can see a framework for a very good game, and having that frame so empty in the end is more frustrating than something that is just lazy, like its contemporary Legend of Dragoon, and more likely to have a player dwelling on it 15 years later. Of course it helps if that player is out of touch with games that came afterward and looks for any opportunity to connect a new experience to it in an attempt to grasp some sense of belonging in a culture they hate but bafflingly want to be liked by, so long as they don’t know what else the likers like.

It looks as if I compared my dissatisfaction with final fantasy 8 to my dissatisfaction with Star Wars in one of my oldest existent website entries, and without clarifying, so apparently I need to do that now or risk writing something even longer than this when I am 45ish. And it looks like I, again, went with the crowd and blamed everything on a few characters, Jar Jar Binx and whiny bowl haircut Anakin, even though fault truly lies with bad writing, running time that exceeds content time, and the few good things being promptly forgotten or killed. And I more than likely knew that when I wrote that. But I lacked the foresight to consider “15 years from now none of the people pretending to like me, that I pretend to be likable by them for now are still going to bother.” Eh I thought I would be comfortably wealthy and widely respected for my bold opinions on current topics and uniquely profound artwork by 2006.


Finally, somebody who UNDERSTANDS me!

more of this!



January 15, 2016
I do not recommend English families to eat elephant as long as they can get beef or mutton.[3]

This is a very thematically incongruous website!

—————-

This was already half-written when I posted the last one. Backing out was not an option.
I suppose my previous item is more a criticism of “news” in general than the individual humans I mentioned. I am meant to take “news” more seriously than “tabloids” or tv shows about boring people in mansions, but it has no journalistic standards. It promotes the two party political system and the associated agenda of fearmongering. CBS news was on that day instead, but presumably ABC did the same thing: When reporting on the recent, widely publicized San Bernardino murders, carried out by supposed Isis sympathizers, beside the reporter were displayed pictures of convoys of dark-hooded people in deserts riding in jeeps carrying huge guns. San Bernardino is not in a desert! The shooting was done by TWO people, who look JUST THE SAME as anybody else, in a NORMAL city like any other, just as we have HUNDREDS such mass bullet murders yearly. One of those people is from HERE, United Statia. And the other had been here for a solid year, and was considered a permanent resident. We have a murder problem HERE, done by people who live HERE. 3000 angry druids did not drive jeeps across two oceans and start firing freedom-seeking missiles as soon as they touched blessed American dirt, and if they continue to not do that it will not be because Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump or Ronald McDonald stood at The Border, like that is a place, and stopped them.

This San Bernardino mention, I should add, came amidst a story about a man with a KNIFE and a FAKE BOMB who ran into a POLICE STATION in Paris. That idiot had a note declaring allegiance to Isis. That’s the dumbest story I heard all year, and even half a month in that’s saying something. I could duct tape a colecovision to my chest and get shot, too. That I tried doesn’t prove anything, and that you shot me to death only proves that I cannot be questioned. You could shoot me first and write a note that says “I is Isis I hate good guys signed me ps. only true patriots can stop me and prevent forest fires” and I couldn’t stop you. When The News is going to report on stuff like that, they need to present it so that I don’t assume they made it up.

Just this week there was a suicide attack in Istanbul. Isis supposedly claimed credit. First of all, since it was a SUICIDE attack, the attacker is dead so Ladysmith Black Mambazo could claim credit. This story I saw back on good old ABC again, and the graphic showed TANKS this time. Isis is not driving 50 tanks into Southern California to back up those jeeps it also isn’t sending! When are we going to stop thinking of these conflicts in World War 2 terms? This is not us vs them. It is us vs him and him and him and mostly him and her and him and on like that. There is not an organized military infrastructure to target, that tells you when it is coming, and that is itself all on the same “side.” USA is obsessed with world war 2 because that is the last war that it looked good in, because that was the last war it understood at all. Millions were dying in Europe for years and the US came in late to be heroes. It had casualties but not on the level of any other country involved, and consequently learned nothing from the conflict except “we’re always right and we’re always the strongest,” which it already believed. And so all our policy makers grew up continuing to believe that. Network news programs showing me armored hoards advancing in formation in daylight when it talks about murderers hiding in crowds and blowing themselves up has two purposes: to make me afraid, and to make me seek safety in conventional western military counter-measures, and likewise to trust the reports I get of that military’s accomplishment.

Even Nazi Germany was a western power, which used western tactics and western rules. The US does not know how to engage what is actually out there now, but its military industrial complex knows how to keep getting paid to make big dumb expensive things that can fly around and kill random people, and then boast about all the “enemy combatants” that got blowed up. We bombed crucial Isis installations! We killed Al Qaeda’s number 2! We GOT the BAD GUYS! So why are there more bad guys than ever? Either we aren’t really getting anyone, or whatever we are getting is making more guys go bad. We hear about French or Turkish forces striking back after recent supposed Islamic State attacks, but why is there anything for them TO back-strike? Why did they WAIT, and why didn’t they finish?

And we don’t even necessarily have real pilots involved who can personally verify or be held accountable for anything. We are sending robots to kill and trusting whoever runs the robot to tell us what they thought the robot saw.

Even scarier is considering that such an absence of outcome is deliberate, that there is no intention of resolving or concluding conflict. So I am scared anyway, doubting the people who try to make me afraid. And they are afraid. Always terrified that some other country not aligned to American interests will build an atomic bomb, and convinced that any country with the means to do so will, since that is what Americans would do. Americans are afraid of the force that they set the precedent for using.

Which is not to say the US is alone in perpetuating warfare to keep its own interests on top, but as the one with the most soldiers and the most distance and safety from the countries it is trying to control, when this stuff goes wrong we suffer loudest and venge least discriminately.

These are the conclusions I reach, quite on my own, when my information is delivered so clumsily, and the clumsiness seems deliberate. And if
addendum for 12-31-2016: I have no evidence of ever having completed that sentence nor recollection of starting it. If I intended to conclude on “and if,” I have no idea why I did so.

Strictly regarding frivolity that I understand, I previously griped about ABC news devoting extensive coverage to “leaked” Star Wars junk that could only possibly have been leaked by the people who tell ABC news what to report on. Incoming kardashian trashian facts are also desirable, and if there aren’t any, that is still a story. Each winter they report that it’s cold outside. Unless it isn’t cold outside yet, which means they report that it isn’t cold. When Pope Francis was in the US this September, that was the top story for a whole week even though Mr. Pope did the same thing each day of the week, which was to get driven around and address an audience. In fact the same exact stuff he does when he isn’t in the US. No other head of state gets that kind of coverage, but no other head of state has that many followers. So the story wasn’t what the pope was doing or does, just that he EXISTS and how popular he is. And people still think The Media has an anti-christian bias. That’s not it at all. The Media has an anti-substance bias. I pledge to you: If I have nothing to say, it will be nothing about me or nothing of personal relevance. I will not share the nothing of others, and will not ask others to distribute my own nothing.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

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them`s fightin` woids: October 19, 2017
blechno sez:
some tears wept for someone I never even knew, except maybe in passing in livejournal.
October 18, 2017
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cat: There are people involved with the city wide open studio situation, though I cannot...
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I do not know what a qualia is, but I am now afraid of them.
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Sorry!
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Ummm… yes, that last bit went too far.
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