All I want to do is eat.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yoderhunt.

I’ve witnessed some low and tacky attempts to get people to view a website before, but a newspaper promising the opportunity to watch actual kids die is new to me. Hence why it’s in the news paper, I suppose. And this is the New Haven Register,

but I think it ought to be held to SOME standard, if it wants its demise to actually be lamented when the only thing left is the CNN-style news it’s supposed to be better than. Still, it is, at least, not as bad as West Haven,

whose newspaper is apparently an ad that looks up my ip address to find out what towns I live near but is otherwise oblivious to matters of local interest. I think they should do some fact checking, though, since I am in Madison, and I can’t, anyhow, give much credence to breaking news that is a question. Can I? Get the story straight before you FLASH me, please. However, you see, it MUST phrase the headline/onlyline as a question because it’s trying out for Jeopardy! google actually isn’t Hiring Americans To Work From Home and this, like every ad that’s ever appeared in its own window, is a trap of tricks. Implied untruths and and false representation of your business are a-cocaine, thankfully. I do praise it for finally figuring out what state I’m in;

I was getting annoyed at being associated with those weird, beard, fail-happy Alabama homeowners.

I do find it funny –and oh ho ho, how I laugh!– that WEST HAVEN, among other incorrect guesses, is the town it goes with to appeal to me. West Haven is the trashiest town in Connecticut. EAST Haven, home of the discarded McDonald’s bags and shopping carts-in-marshes, at least has Tweed Airport in it so if you steal enough wallets you may be able to afford a ticket to a real airport from where you can imagine you might go somewhere nice one day. This here… is Chicago, near Midway Airport. I took pictures here specifically because it reminded me of West Haven (despite it being superior by virtue of the exit station). Low buildings with voids behind them, overgrown fenced lots with no apparent function, absence of non-homeless pedestrians because the only active businesses are gas stations… the sort of things that make one glad to only be passing through. I know this is Chicago, though, because I remember seeing lots of billboards for “The Princess and the Frog” while I was there, which no town in Connecticut is worth outbidding creationism enthusiasts for the attention of. No, I don’t have a picture of that, but try driving through Meriden sometime. Considering how they feel about apes, I reckon they wouldn’t cotton to the idea of people evolving from frogs.

Chicagaw, though, and I can’t think why, has ad space to spare. So, anyway, there’s a guy with a purple hat and a gap in his teeth. He is the princess. And so the fat alligator with a trumpet must surely be the frog, because those are the only two characters I recall seeing on the signs.


Here is a sign with a frog, in Connecticut, outside Ocean State Job Lot, which is like the equivalent of a Wal Mart brand Wal Mart. Christmas Tree Shop[s] laugh[s] at Ocean State Job Lot. Job Lot laughs right back, though, since people actually steal from there. Ocean State Job Lot is not to be confused with Big Lots, though I’m sure it wouldn’t mind and neither would notice. Ocean State Job Lot doesn’t have the endorsement of megastars like Coach’s Jerry Van Dyke. Just frogs.


Such an honor! Anyone would feel like a princess.

chase the chuck wagon, Crocs | How to lose a guy in (4) days | !

I intend to do something strange this week-end. I am preparing for it. I am also doing a terrible job preparing for it.

Here, then, is some old junk from last November.

I hope she didn’t say it like that

Indeed he does! Verily, this picture of Carson Daly contains Carson Daly.

I’m glad you caught that.

Jeff, I’ve been saying that for YEARS. There MUST be a faster, shiftier way of getting powerful, sense-numbing drugs. Curse this narcotic bureaucracy!

Oh, excuse me. This is from November 70 million BCE. Or 1995.

Well, I’m sold.

I thought that said “never lose a potato.” As it stands, I don’t see how this will do a thing about potato loss.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

I don’t know where the time’s going, but I hope it’s enjoying itself.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ -world’s greatest The Guardian Legend password

My eyes hurt.

I can't... move!, Crocs | How to lose a guy in (9) days | !

The Dapsy Dino Family. They are one series of collectible figurines out of… too many. They were at one point found inside little plastic eggs which could be purchased in many countries besides this one. And I guess people bought them.

While I pointed out in the past that a certain pair of crocs were most certainly not cool, it is only fair to mention that their honorable ancestor Dribbelino was also not cool. Or at least not as much as any of the

CHiNESE-BEAVER. You may know them better as

les de CHiNEE-CHiN. I must give special recognition to SAM URAI, bridging cultural stereotype boundaries by naming himself after one of the outdated things westerners habitually associate with Japan instead. What we learn here is that it’s not insensitive to depict Asian people as having ridiculous over-bites if you imagine them as animals which look like that anyway. It might also help to choose one that’s known to inhabit parts of Asia, but I may just be misinformed in my belief that these aren’t. For some reason I’m hesitant to investigate any of the results for my “asian beaver” google search. But anyway.

There’s simply no comparison to be made.
As for why Dribbelino is spinning volleyballs, traditionally neither subjects of dribbling nor spinning upon limited surfaces in attempts to impress onlookers, that is yet a mystery.

By the roy, DAPSY DINOS should not be confused with

DROLLY DINOS, who don’t delude themselves into thinking they know how to dress properly.

Huh? Hweh? What’s that? Ah, you are observant.

FANNY FITNESS is indeed connected to an apparatus called LADY SHAKER. I’m glad you noticed.

Getting back to my original point, I think the croc’s problem was that they misrepresented themselves. While throughout time evidence has proven that crocs cannot be cool, they can be CRAZY.

Ever in denial, the CRAZY CROCOS tried to convince me that I’m the crazy one, that it’s somehow my problem, that oh no, that’s just the way things are in the city, for

CITY CROCOS. Sure, pal. Everyone knows CONNY CRAZY is not named LISA RAP. That would be stupid. Obviously I wasn’t having that so I sent them promptly back to

KROKOSCHULE to learn better manners.

I’ve made a couple jokes at the expense of the characters’ names, but no one can touch

CROCOCROK. Why would you want to?

Next week: SQUALIBABA meets a whale on a toilet. Or probably not.

A warning to consumers:

THESE CROCS ARE NOT COOL!
DO NOT LET THEM DRINK YOUR MOUNTAIN DEW! DO NOT LET THEM PLAY WITH YOUR MIGHTY MAX ACTION FIGURES!

As would this be so even if they did more than hit their heads on traffic lights.

But they don’t.

Alright, alright. Calm down. There’s more to life than that.

Bah, I might have known.

Ha ha. Serves you right.

These people are also not cool.

Even less.

I thought these things were a nuisance on Super Nintendo roms. Yikes, if you ever intend to emulate commodore 64/amiga games, find a way to do so, and additionally find it worth the trouble, these will make themselves your business right quick. There’s a musician called Skaven who I became fascinated with a few years back. Thank at you, CYB, who or wherever you are. Just listening to the mostly decent music, I would never have guessed its original target demographic was people who read erratic scrolling text for five minutes at a time. Aw ban, there were commercial games with greetz in them. Even if those were an exception, otherwise you’re just staring at a fixed image for as long. And then the actual game would load in silence and turn out to be not be that good, and what preceded it might as well have been the end in itself. To think I felt stupid in 1991 waiting 45 seconds to play Mega Man III, when there were people twice-to-thrice my age enduring untold hours of narcissistic ramblings who didn’t even get a decent interactive product out of it.

Any slight bit of research you might do on the phrase “demo scene” is unlikely to be forthcoming about what demo scene actually was: terrible. To be fair, most demos look better than that up there, but are hardly more excusable. If I didn’t think it took a small bit of competence to first code these things and then stick them into other program’s data files without breaking them, I’d be sure all those people bore severe mental defects. For games other than COOL CROC TWINS, I mean.

Well! Notice how the level of misplaced pride is inversely proportional to how good the product is, in this example, the Commodore 64 version.

Adding a skateboard doesn’t help.

No progress here, either.

There we go.

popular with the robots, Not Being Cool, Crocs | How to lose a guy in (12) days | !