I don’t know which one to beat up first. The left for starting this or the right for following and being proud of that plus its previous crimes. One thing certain is that this preposterous pair do not deserve such elegant fingers.
Off the chain? You’d be OFF MY FRIEND LIST if you were on it and I was the sort of person who considered that an acceptable way of communicating disapproval. I don’t adhere to latest trends anyway, but I certainly don’t trust stupid smiling partially dressed animal people to tell me what those are!
As for the bow tie beanoid, that thing is ECSTATIC. It’s so proud to be wearing a head chain and a bow tie. As long as it can wear the bow tie it will do whatever it thinks is popular. That twit is just a crony. That’s all. It has no real talents. it uses its sychophantic skills to obtain positions of relative power and tries to get laws enacted about stupid things like bow ties. It has information… it knows things (despite being a thing which lacks a nose)… It knows bombs are being sent, and by whom, but it keeps quiet just because its bow tie seems to be respected. It demands not only that any possible sub ordinates wear bow ties, but that the bow ties be smaller than its own. Trust me, I saw its diary.
The bow tie beast could never survive in the wild. It has no natural defenses with which to fight back and no legs with which to evade peril altogether. All it has is big arms. Although the grimp does evidently have opposing thumbs, the thing can’t make and use tools; it is a tool. If it invited me to its birth-day party I would give it a one of these. I’m not just some stupid animal so I’d do it properly.
I have pages and pages of this.
I was thinking again recently, about pork and beans. Beets AND pork and beans. I can’t handle them both!
DON’T… Don’t you try and distract me from my mission!
But beets and pork and beans? Really? Why can’t we compromise? Why not just beets and beans? Or beets and pork? Or how about no beets whatsoever and we only buy the pork and beans? I don’t see why things need to be so complicated!
The fact that I’m buying them in cans ought to indicate that I prefer to have difficult tasks done for me. And… and… How am I supposed to have a serious discussion about these important matters with that stupid animal interrupting me all the time, filling up the whole page with itself and idiotic opposing statements comprised of letters three times as large as mine? It’s really not fair.
Then how do you get away with not wearing clothes? You’re being absurd.
THAT DOESN’T… no, nevermind. Also, it has no nose. Yes, so, that’s the reason putting new things on this website has been so difficult the past few months, and I don’t expect it to improve.
And this news article is full of lies.
Theater carnies don’t need to raise popcorn prices to stay in business. They “need” to raise popcorn prices to maintain the same ridiculous profit slope they’ve had going since they first shouldn’t have. That article tries to make these bozoinks seem like heroes for fighting to save my popcorn. Yeeh, you’ll pay “whatever it takes to get popcorn planted,” because whatever that takes will still end up being less than what you charge for it, you redenbastid.
I don’t read the Los Angeles Times. I don’t read the any times. I don’t have time for times because I get so mad about things written in them that it takes me six greedeen hours to assemble my rage into incomprehensible messes like you see before you. Someone else must have found that link and told me about it. But ehhh:
A ridiculous increase, sure, assuming absolutely no fabrication and projecting have taken place, but that’s still two dollars for ten pounds (in other words: the approximate opposite of the current US-UK exchange rate). I know there’s transportation, storage and disgusting fake butter which makes the entire purchase inedible not included in that cost, but how does one dollar for five pounds become five dollars for… I can’t even tell. I was going to say “half a pound” but I think that’s mostly the non-recyclable wax-paper container. Popcorn doesn’t weigh very much at all. I don’t know the exact figures, but they probably get like five-thousand bags of popcorn from one pound of the hard brown things and, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but some of them don’t even pop.
These kookaburras wouldn’t have told you two years ago that they were paying one dollar for ten pounds. At that rate, we ought to have been getting complimentary popcorn.
So charge twenty dollars, you pith. This scrum-bum admits his business practices are deceitful. I doubt he invented this practice, but I also doubt he ever questioned it. Maybe tickets would cost $20, but it would be obvious to everyone they wouldn’t need to. That also suggests popcorn only costs 2-3 times what it ought to. Maybe they should close the six thousand three hundred big loud expensive wasteful movie display systems they can’t afford and just sell popcorn since that’s clearly so much easier to overcharge for.
Gargoyles, you know why tickets don’t cost 20 dollars yet? Because if prices don’t rise at a steady incline we don’t get to name a new HIGHEST GROSSING MOVIE OF ALL TIME which may not necessarily be the same as the HIGHEST OPENING WEEKEND OF ALL TIME! every fiddling year, putting THE MOVIES back on THE FRONT PAGE.
The price of pop-corn in theaters hasn’t a thing to do with the cost of actual corn. Ehhh, unless you’d have me believe the raisinet and soda crops are getting replaced with ethanol fodder, too, because that can’t be had for less than four dollars most places, either. “Beverages provided by coca cola” my beanbag. Beverages provided by my dollars. Ooh dis. That stupid line is the only thing I remember about the pre-preview rule rundown. Which is unfortunate, because that means I yell at the screen, don’t turn off my telephone and make my garbage into stylish hats instead of disposing of it in the indicated garbage can. When will I learn?
This plan gets put on hold until the time comes to convince consumers they should buy their air.
So despite its intended message, the article admits that the kernels are popped harder than they used to be so they expand more, filling more space, requiring a lesser quantity of corn to fill the container. And yet prices did not go down when less corn was used! It has also recently been revealed to me that in some cases it is not corn at all but
the shrunken heads of white-haired bearded men, which I guess are cheaper to obtain? I don’t want to eat that!
Even with such an admission that article is still a parcel of porridge, because tickets around here don’t cost seven dollars. They cost seven dollars and fifty cents. Ha, ha! Oh, and after 6 pm, they are ten dollars. I could buy 50 chicken nuggets for that! Maybe I will. No no, not nuggets. I will get popcorn chicken. That costs less than real popcorn, and birds have to be murdered to get that, and those ate corn. All the cruelty and irony would overload my brain and I’d fall under a coma for three years/ever during which I wouldn’t have to worry about these things.
Regal regal regal. In the event you can’t tell from the poster pimping the immenent hostile occupation by SHREK THE THIRD (because you’ve undergone therapy to block it from your mind), I took this picture over a year ago. Who’da thunk popcorn cost SEVEN DOLLARS before my wallet was getting bites taken out of it? Verily, the 7 dollar order is a moderately decadent bucket you could probably wear as a helmet in the event you were blind and not in serious need of protection, but the 5.50 purchase is a standard sized paper bag (with wax coating). If greater corn economics were a concern, the three sizes would have more disparity between them to encourage the buying of less popcorn for more money. Instead, you get to thinking
Whoa, thanksh a bunch there! That means for some time it will continue to be only seven dollars! Let the good times roll! I mean pop! Deeeeeeee!
URRRRGH! I just imagine the smug, smirky face he said that with. The prices will HAVE to go up. They have no choice in the matter. Modern movie theaters aren’t bloated, inefficient wastes of space, they just don’t charge enough for popcorn.
You could sell a big glump of ad-time prior to all movies, set up to resemble a sub-Entertainment Tonight glib-fest which goes behind the scenes of imminent releases that have already gone out of previews and that will soon be inescapable during television commercial breaks! And you could give that ad its own commercial breaks so I forget it’s all just one big ad and possibly think you’re doing me a favor by bringing it to me! “And now back to the big ad!” Thank you so much! Yes yes, and after that you can show actual normal preview ads anyway! Huh? I mean, like, Hwuh? You already do that? And you still don’t make enough money to fund your twelve ludicrous theater rooms that I don’t think I’ve ever seen filled to capacity? Howzat now? You could always blame dvds and big television sets, and hope I don’t realize those existed six years ago when you cut down the great deku tree to build this place. Ehhh, it’s probably my fault for hiding a bottle of water in one of my big coat pockets instead of paying you three dollars for an eternally plastic water bottle I’d be just as likely to vomit into as drink out of.
Concession sales are a theater’s lifeblood, accounting for as much as 45% of profits at the nation’s largest chains. Popcorn offers one of the biggest returns on investment for exhibitors, because the unpopped kernels used to make an entire bucket of popcorn cost just a few pennies.
What monstrous, unscrupulous fiend would allow this disgusting sequence of events to take place?
I could cry.
This problem is bigger than popcorn, naturally: it’s not being replaced with crops that aren’t corn and demand less pesticides, just other kinds of corn, for ethanol, which I’ve never seen a reasonable person suggest is a good idea. Also, that article links to more articles. I don’t want to read them; you saw what the first one did to me. Essentially, it doesn’t matter how much better ethanol is than gasoline because coal is used to make the ethanol, and coal is worse than gasoline, and we can’t put the coal mines out of business because then we won’t get to say it’s a miracle when all the miners get trapped but look like they’re going to survive but then don’t. The only real difference is that there’s more stupid corn getting grown and more dipstipple republican gooselivers getting to collect money while pretending they give a bunkbed what happens when they’re dead. I’m sure if you do the research it all goes back to Jesus not liking gays. It always does.
I hope we run out of popcorn. I can live without it, you can live without it. The only people who seem to need it are the graboopis selling it like Leonardo DiCaprio smuggled it out of Africa. I don’t think he did!
More colored pictures than previously. Possibly you’ve seen these all before, and I still intend to discuss with myself certain items in more detail at a later date. So excyoooooooose me!
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I think I hurt many people. I do not want to hurt people anymore. Perhaps I can hurt fictional non-people instead.
Begawn! No, seriously, get out of here. I’ll show you what this makes me think of.
And it draws a sneer from me!
When I see you coming, I can either hit you or run away. Which would you prefer? My only items are bludgeoning instruments. It seems too late to offend you into not showing up by spelling your name incorrectly. You’d probably forgive me anyway.
It is not good to see me! Not for you! I insult you always!
How do you know? How are you telling me? Why are you telling me? Do you think I can help you? I had nothing to do with this! Do you think I would help you?
That was a quick recovery. I bet you don’t even remember that you used to be a potato. So happy, so fast. And how could you NOT see that branch? Blinded by muffingluttony.
And what’s that trying to enter my sight on the right?
ARRRRRRRGHNot allowed! Someone follow that thing! When it lands, confiscate its wings and bow tie. I’m not dealing with this today.
But ugh, that lizard. Maybe if it grew some teeth it could eat something besides muffins.
Don’t tell me that! I don’t need your advice! I bet that awful Life Water ad was your idea. I’ve noticed you also have a tendency to appear in front of empty white void anti-backgrounds. That stupid gargoyle thing next to you probably has better ideas, and all they do is squat on buildings all day. You’re looking especially badly drawn right just now. Oh wow, you’re so enthusiastic about your cupcake statement. I just noticed it ends in an exclamation point. It’s really not that important!
I’ve been naming your shortcomings all day, and you just noticed that? Even unreferenced frogs look down on you, and you’re taller! Stupid naked beast. Don’t just stand around and pout about it! Wear clothing if not doing so bothers you so much. And it’d better be real clothing, and not just boots or a scarf or a stupid bow tie.
That’s it. I’m going. No one deserves this.
I EAT BEETS
(disclaimer: I do not eat beets)
I thought it would be funny if I acted crazy and posted a psychotic rambling thing of obsessive details. I forget that this often comes across as legitimate crazy.
Latest development: automated birth-day greetings from message forums I haven’t used in months that I’m not particularly active with when I do use them still aren’t cutting it. Robots, alas, still haven’t learned to love. Do they think I don’t know what they say about me when I’m not around? Do they think I don’t know who’s always trying to undermine my sanity by filling up my error box with broken links I fixed years ago?
If I said such a thing I’d only appear in silhouette, too. Years ago I wrote something to the effect that I did not understand why people abbreviated “Patrick” regarding this particular occasion. The full truth of the matter is that I hate it a lot. I hate the sound, I hate the look, I hate the needless informality that serves no purpose other than to be more hatable. I additionally hate all beef patties, I hate rice paddies, I hate Patti Mayonnaise, I hate pat-a-cake, I hate patios, and I only just kind of like Pad Thai. Patamon gets a special pass because it claims to be a “mokvwap,” which apparently I discovered (or at least invented the word for) without realizing.
Although This one is pushing my limit. And now that I think of it, I discovered dopes, too, and things only got worse after that.
That one at the top– who put it there? It clearly did not climb up there because it seems unaware that it is there. It also seems unaware that it is wearing a scarf. Why would it wear that? If it was capable of sensing cold there are other things it could wear before a ridiculous scarf became necessary. And the one in the middle — it thinks it’s so introspective, with its fingers all clasped up. It thinks it is smarter than other dopes! Guess what, dope: you’re still a dope! You’re just as dumb! You actually seem dumber because of your shallow attempt to appear smart. Who put a cape on it? Who created a dope-sized cape?! And why? Is this a means to distinguish it from the scarf dope? What would be the point? They’re both dopes. And the third one, it can’t read! Obviously! There is an arrow pointing this out, and were the dope not oblivious to all and also was able to read, it would know this. It has no comprehension of anything it sees. Yet it smiles. Why does it try to fool us? If you took the book from it, the thing would continue smiling. Who gave it the book? Was this just a bad book, or is there a person who truly has so little appreciation for literature as to render a work unfit for further distribution by letting a dope near it? Why have these specific, unusual fashion accessories also been targeted? What sinister, conniving, cowardly, unscrupulous fascist could possibly
Please don’t come over here.
On a final note, I have just the strength remaining before passing out from side effects of my Futile Rage Syndrome medication to observe that the bow tie creature’s once small and unintimidating ears have somehow expanded (though it still has no nose) to become the size dopes’ ears used to be , that position vacated as said dopes’ ears themselves inexplicably grew in size. I suppose it’s not worth asking whose fault that is. Not without arranging to have myself temporarily locked in a room lacking sharp edges first.
I need to take a nap.
The problem isn’t writing new things, it is amassing the courage to deal with what I’ve already written. Sometimes I wish I wrote less new things, quite honestly.
You have nothing to blame but your own incompetence! You should not have tried to do that! Stop faulting society for your own failures! Do not pout at people more capable than you! They can not help your inadequacy! That one has its own problems anyhow. Observe:
This is quite stupid. But we knew that. Yet it helps to reaffirm our knowledge sometimes. Why can’t any of these characters be smart? Why do they all have to be stupid?
Negative! You are not what I wanted! You get less respect than beans. You get less respect than green apples in cartoons. You get less respect than the Anthony Michael Hall season of Saturday Night Live. You get less respect than Disney’s The Black Cauldron. You get less respect than video games without army guys or zombies in them. You get less respect than chickens. You get less respect than Awesome Possum and Socket combined, assuming that low levels of respect are recorded as negative values, thus meaning that to add them together results in a lesser total figure. You get less respect than a Personal WBS Home Page. Posing with a bow tie animal does not at all improve your chances.
NO! YOU DON’T GET TO DO THAT! There’s already a picture of you here! You are not making a shocking entrance! Ha, ha! Vindictive typed laughter! I have beaten you this time! Unless… no! That can’t be right. Something is wrong. You’re trying to distract me from…
Here, for the first time performing together anywhere, the Karate Kid, Harry Potter and Michael Moore!… Cripes, I’m going to bed. Except I can’t because I just woke up. Everybody is in my business this week. There will be no proper site updates until each and every person who is in it that shouldn’t be gets out from within my business. Why don’t you instead go to the most boring seaside restarauraurant in the world and not eat anything for approximately two-thousand hours and get nauseous from heat and rage, all the while knowing there is business to tend to? And when you’re done with that, please, by all means, hop on over to Harbor Health for a series of meetings with the world’s dumbest clinicians because your brain is broken and legally that means you have to meet with people who have advanced degrees in dumbness every once in a while so you can tell them about the things which bother you that aren’t them.
page 32… or perhaps it is more like 31-and-a-half, of this. The stupid comic. It is still not what I want, but I like to think it is better than it was. I am fully aware that the curtains I previously showed from outside the room don’t correspond at all with the ones I have been showing from inside it recently. I’m pretty sure I covered this in the last page’s excuse.
It is hard to accept that aside from their respective brief ventures outward, the red and green creatures have been in that room for a year now.
I forgot that page 31a needed fixing. I will get to that right around the time I do so. Page 4 needs fixing, too. Most pages need fixing. We must do what we can to control the stray page population.
Somebody recently gave me a compliment to the effect that the stuff I write here now is an improvement over what I used to because it tends to be more focused and less about jumping around between unrelated items I felt like mentioning.
Mmmm, tastes like sox! The packaging purports this to be the “official ice cream of the Boston Red Sox,” The Boston Red Sox being a professional baseball team. I know you don’t use ice cream while playing the game, and you don’t do it while training to play the game… Obviously, everybody uses steroids these days, but they still need to moderate their diet and exercise regularly, two habits which ice cream considers strictly against its principles.
The official severed, plucked, preservatized, frozen, reheated chicken wing of professional Futbol at least has protein in it. All the teams can agree on that, it seems. And while there is always, for it exists outside time, the official pizza of Nascar, Nascar is the only “sport” of the bunch that is done while sitting down, which is conducive to pizza eating.
Ha ba, I used to think that page was long.
Despite millenia of accumulated knowledge, many mysteries yet remain in this world. For example:
Why does this box of corn flakes have a recipe for Rice Crispies treats printed inside it in Spanish?
“Oops,” facebook? You’re used by millions of “people” every day and sell more ads than an xbox game with a flat surface in it, and the best you can do when something goes wrong is say “oops?” You could at least tell me that imbecile yella animal on the left had something to do with it. I would accept that. I wouldn’t FORGIVE it, but I would better understand how things came to be this way.
Meet Robert Pattinson, the world’s most photogenic hobo. He seems a bad choice for a calendar, though, as I get the impression he has no idea what year it is, much less the specific day. I assume this guy is an actor in one of those vampire movies, since for one reason or another men who look dirty are good at distracting tweenfidels from horrible scripts. Yeah, guy, the bow tie isn’t…
I know it’s about teenagers, but this seems like a bad time to get casual with the language.
Headshot: it’s like getting your brains blown out with bullets! What’s next, curb-stomp brand fruit snacks? Why, that’s about as appetizing as construction equipment and building material.
You shouldn’t eat snacks all the time, anyhow.
How about some rusted tow truck soup?
Or perhaps this, the only soup that you risk having eat you first.
Is this commercialization and masculine/feminization of every possible thing necessary or truly desirable, o supermarket?
I used to think it was pretty neat that I could have fruit snacks with numbers on them and canned soupoid substances containing things shaped like sharks, and look how I turned out. A gender-dysphoric, anti-corporate whiner who hates to buy unnecessary things. And nevermind.
I considered The Terror of Kraptonite but it struck me as a tad crass and probably not an original wordplay. “Diptonite” also goes unused because I don’t know that anybody uses dip as an insult outside of some Garfield comics from the 1980s that I read as a child, and as long as we’re going the 1980s I should give batman a crescent moon shaped head and call this “the terror of Mactonite.” Feel free to suggest a better title. You could scarcely do worse!
The person who requested this (rather a few years ago, I should say) is not fond of Superman. However, I find some of her preferable characters highly questionable!
A thing much like the archery picture in that I spent a great deal of effort on it which is not at all evident and features a minimum of silly imps (the minimums is ONE). And hey, these colors again.
I’m not entirely sure how the Bat-Man beat Superman here, but it also seems possible to me that Superman merely gave up to protect himself from further bowtie related abuse.
Yes I’ve seen Dark Knight Returns.
The Super-man looks most beaten up in the third version. A pity I didn’t pay more attention to that at the time. Although I wasn’t necessarily trying to make the picture brutal so maybe this was deliberate. I don’t remember. I am writing this nine months from the date I chose to attach to it. I also don’t remember why I never bothered to remove that annoying sideways L-shaped black line next to Superman’s cape. The only thing I was certain of was that there must be a rope belt.
As per the terms of its will or something, its remains were dropped to the deepest, least accessible point of the base of Sabbadoy Falls.
Fort Lauderdoodle, Florida. November 26, 2006
Litchfield, Connecticut. December 25, 2007
New York City, America. November 16, 2008
Mir Space Station, Space. February 19, 2010
Green Hill Zone, Michigan August 11, 2010
FinePix A500, whose name I only discovered by opening one of its pictures in Microsoft Notepad,
Farewell, fine fujifilm fellow. You will be replaced.