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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
November 6, 2016
Thou bulk of spirit void! I once again, blind and in chains, provoke thee to the fight!


A new music “video” that is perhaps best off only listened to!
The music was started in 2011, and “finished” the past two weeks.
Initially I intended to use just one picture, but it did not match the horizontal frame orientation, so I needed it to scroll. But that created the impression this was a “video” and not just music, so I added a few more drawings. They seemed to linger on the screen for too long, so I extended the theme to every picture I had of a dangerous or scary vegetable. Later it became any picture of a vegetable. I have observed that the increased amount of motion has reduced the acceptable length of time that anything can NOT move before I feel uncomfortable looking at it.

And so, the NEXT time I upload music, it will just be one picture, alright? Great.



September 30, 2016
Italy may have the best pasta in the world, but it’s also home to the world’s most active volcano



Ah ha and this here is the original vector source of the tou yube video. I did not bother to make a fancy “loading” graphic since the knowledge of how to make them only temporarily took residence in my mind twelve years ago but I assure you it has the capacity for movement after a wait that on most modern internet connections will not be as insufferable as it would have been twelve years ago. And otherwise you can “save as” it and suit yourself that way.

It is not nearly as strange as it ought to be for something that barely makes sense, but it is fun to look at, and not very long. Rewriting it to make sense was not an option since I do not know how to make sense without copious dialog, it seems. I personally think it makes more sense than the film Eraserhead and is over a heap of a lot faster, and people love that miserable thing, so mine is valid to a degree.

Also, while reassembling the sound outside the animation Flash software, since flash’s export functions are inadequate for anything practical and always require post-production, I saw to it that the volume level did not enter the red zone at any point. However, I did not check the volume relative to any other noise-making process inside my computer machine and consequently it seems rather loud. So please be aware of that.

“Snakes” since several years ago I wanted to make a demonstration animation in a hurry, and I figured finishing something that was fairly easy in 2012 would be yet easier than that in 2016, and would not delay other matters much, and therefore was eminently worth doing. Despite being completely wrong, I made similar equally wrong estimations on several other projects that I let distract me from THIS one between January and this present point, not all of which reached displayable levels of functionality. And now that I am here, with one more that IS, it does not feel as nice as I thought it would, but it is better than I felt yesterday.

It is fun to look at.

Not for ME, now that I am unable to make alterations, and thus more able than ever to detect errors that require correction, but theoretically other humans might find value in it. Goop night and good muck.



June 10, 2016
I’d like to be entrancing, alluring, ravishing, like a stocking advertisement



How about this: I will treat this video like it is not incomplete and broken and that the story of its creation is straightforward and pleasant, and not let fully compiling my complaints about it delay and further complicate the matter. I am tired of dopes trying to control my life.



June 3, 2016
The calculations also show the frightening power of, for example, a small muffin over an hour of exercise:


one more inexplicable looped animated lizard wearing a furry coat despite a lack of other clothing or presumed endothermia. These require some effort but not much thought! At least out of context. But they fill space well when I am too busy to put forth effort and thought at the same time.



May 20, 2016
What Is This Mysterious Quack in the Antarctic Ocean?

This thing can NOT dance.

I wish that it would stop.



May 11, 2016
we replaced the bottom of this boat with a screen door!


My drawing tablet machine seems to have taken grave injury from a chance encounter with cucumber relish, and consequently I am not able to proceed on this matter for the immediately visible future.

There are three parts to this. None are complete. They cannot be completed. I only need to establish a visual impression of all the relevant points, which is done on this part and the third part. The second part however is troublesome. It was made a long time ago and looks very cheap. My intent was to use it cheaply, but now that parts 1 and 3 look merely inexpensive, and 2 must be brought in line. Perhaps the relish incident was not chance after all! They are working against me. It wants me to fuss and lose my mind over it even though it is only about two minutes long and unfinishable. I shall see them harshly disciplined.

May 11 is Bimshwel, the website’s, birth-day. I do not make mention of mine, because I do not want to make trouble for anyone else on my behalf. However, the website deserves no such courtesy. And it is now at the age i was when I started mutating and hating myself. I will work to make its life frustrating and unfulfilling because I am a terrible, resentful parent. I resent its youth and optimism. I resent the possibilities in its future. Just as I resent part 2 of this animation. These two grew up together and I will bring them in line or destroy them before they realize they are, together, stronger than I am. Website! Get in your room! I want to hear those scales! PRACTICE YOUR SCALES, WEBSITE!



April 10, 2016
Ted Cruz met voters at the Mars Cheese Castle


I suspect they err frequently.
I have recently been clarifying visual aspects of some old frustrating project I started and never finished, so I could finally put it on the internet and purge it from my mind, and as usual I turned it into a far more complex matter than it needed to be. I enjoy the results, overall (don’t tell these idiots that), but they somewhat overwhelm what I initially intended to show and may therefore prove a waste of time. But that would then be consistent with what I was attaching them to.



December 18, 2015
so this is the closest anyone could ever come to being on the real titanic.


I hope you will find this informative.

I contacted expert voiceover artist Gewk Gilkengramen for the narration. Gewk refused in disgust, so I had to bring in this bozo instead from off the street. With that in mind I have also provided moderately readable text that says for the most part the same things.

I will provide more painful details at an ideally hypothetical point in the future.



October 16, 2015
Tonight’s top story: The heartthrob and Hollywood’s hottest mom

Oh faddle dee doo, another embedded video.




I suppose Super NES Seizure would have been a more catchy title. But if I knew a thing about catching on I wouldn’t need to make stupid gimmicky videos like this. Consider:
It is full of video games
It exhibits no playing skill
It is rather long.
I have the capacity to keep clunking these out.
I would have to work hard to mess this up. Fortunately, nothing I do is easy.
But I bet this looks like it was easy to make! Especially since Macromedia Flash, what I usually make videos in, can automatically load images in sequence if they have numerically ordered file names like these pictures were generated with.

However, I was unprepared for how Flash would lock up and what seemingly innocuous occurrences would cause it. Even though locking up has historically been what Flash does in [any] situations. In this one, most errors relate to moving large amounts of frames after I remembered another folder full of older screen-captures that I forgot to add before the newer ones already in there. Any reasonable person would dump them at the end, and not even consider trying to re-arrange this many objects if the order did not matter, and certainly not persist after establishing that trying to do so is equivalent to throwing potatoes at a wasp nest. But consider my position! Have somebody see my 2008 screenshots and THEN ones from 2005? Why I would have to buy a new hat and get the next coach out of town. And the fun thing about Flash is that moving frames is slow, laborious agony even when the whole thing DOESN’T explode and force you to start over.


And consider the glorious introduction! It progressed a bit like this:
1 I want the concept explained in the video someplace because [reason]
2 The title should be animated to show that I have some flash ability beyond piecing still images together so that people will come to my page if, pog willing, somebody actually shares this video.
3 I should incorporate my own characters into the introduction also so that it is undeniable who made it if, weather permitting, somebody actually reposts this video without context, even though nobody actually knows what those characters are.
4 The introduction needs to be longer so that the text, that is in a weird font and will be funny only to four people who played one stupid game, is readable.
5 The video’s music ends prematurely, and I can add some kind of ending noise to wrap it up.
6 The ending noise now goes beyond the original ending of the video, so I need to add some kind of closing, and it might as well call back to the intro.
7 Now there is 15 seconds of irrelevant nonsense that, if anything, will make people NOT share the video, even though I was primarily trying to account for that situation. Imagine you live each day in agony, terrified you are going to step on a concealed rake and comedically smack yourself in the head, so you buy a suit of plate armor, but the armor merchant uses the money to buy a piano to drop on you.

When that is all done, just getting a video onto youtube in a bearable format is a whole other matter. Every time I add an object, I feel like I have to relearn the process, and some different weird thing goes wrong that magically invalidates all my effort. As if viewers, and even the website itself can SENSE I am unworthy even if my content is something they would otherwise pretend to like.


Thus, it went up without a thumb’s nail preview image. Just so you know, youtube requires me to have 50 followers before I may choose my own thumbnail, and refused of that privilege, a preview gets automatically pulled from approximately midway through the video, and I am given no option to retry the selection if the selection fails to occur. And the default image that appears in such an event is “…” like a scumbag says in typed chat when passing judgement on me. Like “I have nothing to say, but I want you to feel bad so I am going to say nothing in a showy way, as if I think I’m on a sitcom or something.” Not that anything that would come up as a proper thumbnail would be meaningful, given the individual meaninglessness of the screens, but somebody who sees NO thumbnail will not touch it. Even if told “something went wrong with the SYSTEM and not me and no thumbnail was generated,” they will keep away. By the morning following the upload a preview had appeared, but the the mark had been made. They can smell my stale calculated contrariness through the internet tube and find the experience objectionable.
Most users don’t have that problem because they have cameras or operating systems specifically designed to let them megadump rubbish onto media websites with no thought or effort. If you had time to think, then you already lost! But this time I know exactly what I did! Next time I may be able to do it without thinking.


I’ll have you know I am getting very good at complaining!

Oh, I had such plans! I had enough pictures unused, since Flash was choking so much, to make a sequel video. Then I was going to do it with my Sega Gensesis screenshots, and another with regular NES pictures. I could probably do five with Doom screens. But now? I still might since I actually like the video. In fact, all this time I was whining about how terribly it came out, I secretly thought it was rather engaging and aesthetically pleasing. Many of my favorite things are terrible. I feel like I still have an awful lot left to give to the world.



August 28, 2015
Heat wave to last through Friday

An elegant dragon creature has an unusual problem. I generally do wish pleasant occurrences to befall creatures that wear bowties.
I was only asked to have the creature melt and evaporate! The rest is my own fault.
A rather specific commission-animation for Mr. Brown Dragon Boy of the deviant-art website, and potentially others. This one is of course not brown, and perhaps collapses out of distaste for the discrepancy.


The situation follows-up on an earlier animation for the same instigator. Once again, not only melting, like a normal person, but evaporating afterward! What is the world coming to?



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: April 20, 2018
Charmlatan sez:
Oh my, the horns are indeed missing from the last few pages! I imagined they were tucked inside...
April 19, 2018
Frimpinheap sez:
lope has not had horns for the past few pages, but the (other) hat and mask made that less...
April 19, 2018
Charmlatan sez:
lope looks so bald without mitz horns. It’s funny that it has to be the most downtrodden...
April 14, 2018
Bad person sez:
This reminded me of you. https://i.redd.it/aypm3cpu8sr01. jpg
April 10, 2018
Charmlatan sez:
That movie is always a terrible house guest.
April 10, 2018
Charmlatan sez:
Yes. That’s quite it.
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