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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
December 18, 2015
so this is the closest anyone could ever come to being on the real titanic.


I hope you will find this informative.

I contacted expert voiceover artist Gewk Gilkengramen for the narration. Gewk refused in disgust, so I had to bring in this bozo instead from off the street. With that in mind I have also provided moderately readable text that says for the most part the same things.

I will provide more painful details at an ideally hypothetical point in the future.



October 16, 2015
Tonight’s top story: The heartthrob and Hollywood’s hottest mom

Oh faddle dee doo, another embedded video.




I suppose Super NES Seizure would have been a more catchy title. But if I knew a thing about catching on I wouldn’t need to make stupid gimmicky videos like this. Consider:
It is full of video games
It exhibits no playing skill
It is rather long.
I have the capacity to keep clunking these out.
I would have to work hard to mess this up. Fortunately, nothing I do is easy.
But I bet this looks like it was easy to make! Especially since Macromedia Flash, what I usually make videos in, can automatically load images in sequence if they have numerically ordered file names like these pictures were generated with.

However, I was unprepared for how Flash would lock up and what seemingly innocuous occurrences would cause it. Even though locking up has historically been what Flash does in [any] situations. In this one, most errors relate to moving large amounts of frames after I remembered another folder full of older screen-captures that I forgot to add before the newer ones already in there. Any reasonable person would dump them at the end, and not even consider trying to re-arrange this many objects if the order did not matter, and certainly not persist after establishing that trying to do so is equivalent to throwing potatoes at a wasp nest. But consider my position! Have somebody see my 2008 screenshots and THEN ones from 2005? Why I would have to buy a new hat and get the next coach out of town. And the fun thing about Flash is that moving frames is slow, laborious agony even when the whole thing DOESN’T explode and force you to start over.


And consider the glorious introduction! It progressed a bit like this:
1 I want the concept explained in the video someplace because [reason]
2 The title should be animated to show that I have some flash ability beyond piecing still images together so that people will come to my page if, pog willing, somebody actually shares this video.
3 I should incorporate my own characters into the introduction also so that it is undeniable who made it if, weather permitting, somebody actually reposts this video without context, even though nobody actually knows what those characters are.
4 The introduction needs to be longer so that the text, that is in a weird font and will be funny only to four people who played one stupid game, is readable.
5 The video’s music ends prematurely, and I can add some kind of ending noise to wrap it up.
6 The ending noise now goes beyond the original ending of the video, so I need to add some kind of closing, and it might as well call back to the intro.
7 Now there is 15 seconds of irrelevant nonsense that, if anything, will make people NOT share the video, even though I was primarily trying to account for that situation. Imagine you live each day in agony, terrified you are going to step on a concealed rake and comedically smack yourself in the head, so you buy a suit of plate armor, but the armor merchant uses the money to buy a piano to drop on you.

When that is all done, just getting a video onto youtube in a bearable format is a whole other matter. Every time I add an object, I feel like I have to relearn the process, and some different weird thing goes wrong that magically invalidates all my effort. As if viewers, and even the website itself can SENSE I am unworthy even if my content is something they would otherwise pretend to like.


Thus, it went up without a thumb’s nail preview image. Just so you know, youtube requires me to have 50 followers before I may choose my own thumbnail, and refused of that privilege, a preview gets automatically pulled from approximately midway through the video, and I am given no option to retry the selection if the selection fails to occur. And the default image that appears in such an event is “…” like a scumbag says in typed chat when passing judgement on me. Like “I have nothing to say, but I want you to feel bad so I am going to say nothing in a showy way, as if I think I’m on a sitcom or something.” Not that anything that would come up as a proper thumbnail would be meaningful, given the individual meaninglessness of the screens, but somebody who sees NO thumbnail will not touch it. Even if told “something went wrong with the SYSTEM and not me and no thumbnail was generated,” they will keep away. By the morning following the upload a preview had appeared, but the the mark had been made. They can smell my stale calculated contrariness through the internet tube and find the experience objectionable.
Most users don’t have that problem because they have cameras or operating systems specifically designed to let them megadump rubbish onto media websites with no thought or effort. If you had time to think, then you already lost! But this time I know exactly what I did! Next time I may be able to do it without thinking.


I’ll have you know I am getting very good at complaining!

Oh, I had such plans! I had enough pictures unused, since Flash was choking so much, to make a sequel video. Then I was going to do it with my Sega Gensesis screenshots, and another with regular NES pictures. I could probably do five with Doom screens. But now? I still might since I actually like the video. In fact, all this time I was whining about how terribly it came out, I secretly thought it was rather engaging and aesthetically pleasing. Many of my favorite things are terrible. I feel like I still have an awful lot left to give to the world.



August 28, 2015
Heat wave to last through Friday

An elegant dragon creature has an unusual problem. I generally do wish pleasant occurrences to befall creatures that wear bowties.
I was only asked to have the creature melt and evaporate! The rest is my own fault.
A rather specific commission-animation for Mr. Brown Dragon Boy of the deviant-art website, and potentially others. This one is of course not brown, and perhaps collapses out of distaste for the discrepancy.


The situation follows-up on an earlier animation for the same instigator. Once again, not only melting, like a normal person, but evaporating afterward! What is the world coming to?



May 29, 2015
But what if they were not CAT eyes, but REPTILIAN eyes- Reptilian as in code for “Demons” as I’m sure that is historically what “they” been called.


The plant has good taste in choosing not to taste this, although it shows little regard for the ground.


I drew this about six years ago, assuming that was the same year I scanned it, and somebody (admittedly one of two people throughout all history to have portrayed Topaglior, the imp that dopes were improperly cloned from) suggested I animate it. Two years later I forgot about it for four years. Nonetheless it exists. I misunderstood the initial drawing, which is why the animated one is smiling instead of frowning but maybe it is proud of itself for having successfully eluded a dope.

I might use this as a production company logo for my videos if I imagine I have a production company and I ever make actual videos that are longer than this one, so to justify having a special identifying brand on them of this approximate length. I will hopefully know better than to put it at the start of the video. If somebody sees a dope survive right away it will put them in a bad mood for the rest of the day, plus immediate anxiety that the dope is free to wander through the video at some point.



May 25, 2015
In another popular video, Thriller, the performer is seen to transform first into a “cat person,” then a dancing “monster.”


This plant-like-organism seems first enthusiastic and then disapproving about something. Whatever that is seems to have not been fully drawn yet.



April 2, 2015
they became the generation that brought us tweets and eco-friendly cars but first they were flintstone kids




They look familiar.

I just realized that only one of them has ears. However, I have seen this loop about 413 times. Most people will not need to.

And NOW I have noticed how awkward the green one’s head goes when it lands. And worse, I did not keep count of how many more loops I watched while wondering how noticeable that is.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I subsequently meddled with the head extension but earage is yet inadequate.



March 6, 2015
In the darkness I could see the claw touching things. Walls, coal, wood and then it touched my boot!

A scrap of another cartoon I never finished! Almost three years ago! It would have been the first verified appearance of the pathetic snake. I am not good at coming up with stories for these things, just nonsense filler for between what ought to be the important parts.

The other cartoon I have the “story” for but I keep adding needlessly elaborate background characters that need to be redrawn constantly and at some point I am going to have to sing the dang song into a machine. And then there are at least four more parts that I at the moment only have idiotic rhyming lyrics and midis for. There is no reason for me to say this because if you ever see the result, it will be eight or more years from now long after your mind has found a less useful fact to push this one out with.



February 27, 2015
the mitzons meet the flintsdopes


This was made a few years ago for a powerpoint-ish presentation I gave on the topic of animation , specifically cost-reducing measures, on this slide. However, since it was not an animation class, nobody noticed my special details and I lost points in the end for going over the allotted time. I blame nemitz (these are both nemitz). I also object to how floppity the ears are on the second one but for the moment I am refusing to acknowledge them.



January 5, 2015
hey I’m Frank, Frontier’s straight-talkin’ spokesbuffalo



September 6, 2014
transeriformers




or see it like that.
I am sad to report that this very punchable lizard has rather a history of transforming into stupid things for no reason and then complaining about it to ME, like it is my fault or responsibility. Naturally, it does not learn from its mistakes.

I take special issue with this default position. Very proud! Hands on hips like it thinks it has the answers, and a condescending smile directed at those it thinks have less answers than it. it really thinks its opinion matters to people! I see it in that pose all the time.


It does not learn from its mistakes. It will continue transforming into a duck, looking sad (in my direction), then being abruptly happy again when it recovers,

and resume the proud satisfied pose that implicated it to begin with.

How is being a duck worse than what it already was, anyway? It is just PROUD to be a dumb smiling lizard because that is what it always was and it thinks attributes that it had no part in acquiring are its greatest accomplishment. What a scumbag! A pity it never considers transforming into a smart and reasonable lizard.
I propose immediate harsh sanctions against the nation of lope. Muffin and pumpkin imports are to be cut off entirely as of this announcement. I am not at this juncture advocating putting boots on the ground as this reptileprobate would probably just comment on what splendid boots they were, unconcerned that its stupid feet prevent it from wearing boots. Perhaps its feet will devolve into digitless lumps like its hands are in that previous picture. As long as it can smile and be pathetic I do not see why I should raise my expectations of it.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: August 18, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
I only pay into Cyclope’s pledge for their exclusive PrĂ©goo drawings!
August 18, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
Crying in a bad way? Based on what? Because of my actions or my summarization of others’...
August 18, 2017
Anonymous sez:
this is the first time this website made me cry instead of laugh. once in a while there was a...
August 17, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I am merely not declaring it impossible, since I have very little taste for it and do not seek...
August 17, 2017
Indighost sez:
That sounds like you’re hinting at some rare fan works that you think is good! I’d...
August 17, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I would not unilaterally say all fan-created material is bad, but I do almost consistently...
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