I have not added a new page of stupid non-storyish pictures recently. Ah, there we go. The delay is not surprising: look at how big they are! They were heavy and quite difficult to lift. If you’ve seen some of them already, then I must have been the victim of art theft.
These are special dishes small children are intended to eat out of, because… well, you know how they are.
The dark lord of the Sith is popular with the Dora crowd. The fact that just such a mask assisted a man’s life support for several decades without replacement proves that they are manufactured with sterility and clenliness in mind, so why not eat off of one?
I shouldn’t be surprised. Even the Please Be Offended Rabbit, the biggest fudnuddling scumcylinder in all of merchandising pretends to not be evil to sell more junk.
It occurs to me now that I’ve never seen the actual, regular series Darth Vader eat. He probably has to take all nutrients intravenously. That product up there would depress him greatly, and not even because it simulates eating his face off. But wow, you know, I could really go for some face right now.
Face Total, which even includes ears and eyebrows. Additionally, it’s much easier than eating twenty one bowls of Face corn flakes.
Why does baby clothing have words on it? Babies can’t read! Unless they’re Baby Geniuses. And if they are you should just get rid of them before they become Baby Geniuses 2. Or uh 3.
You’re probably right, person who made a ridiculous, unverifiable claim, never posted before or again and whose avatar doesn’t work.
You’re probably right that it will be well behaved enough to not openly criticize its predecessors. What that has to do with cats being able to fly making you be what your name is I’ve spent enough time looking at your other posts to know not to bother trying to figure out.
But ehhh, why does it matter what babies wear at all? Within a day it will be covered with brown-green slop whatever it is.
This, ingeniously, is already slop green, and additionally simulates having insects crawl all over your en-sloppened bundle of slop.
I wish people wouldn’t dress babies in… dresses. I’ve never once seen one wear something like this without having its diaper clearly visible 70% of the time. They don’t care what they’re wearing, and neither do the parents who rarely incorporate the garment’s style into their baby-carrying plan, and I don’t want to see diapers, so stop it! On the whole, very few of my senses wish to detect diapers.
The path to becoming a gloating male supremacist starts in the womb. That’s probably printed on the back as if it’s a good thing.
Am I reading needless implications into what is simply a joke? Possibly, except it’s a joke you (the imagined buyer) didn’t think of, that you bought at a store, and that you forced upon another human being who can neither comprehend nor opt out of the joke. And you never one time doubted the virtue of your actions. I hate you! As long you’re an imagined buyer I’ll further imagine that my approval is very important to you.
Which brings us to GOLD DIGGER!
Children are never too young to wear derogatory labels for, essentially, prostitutes on their clothing. Or rather, children are never too young for their parent-like-units to prescribe the label for them. Ehhh? Oh. This is for dogs. Yes, I see, what with the rubber bones off at the right and the word DOG not at the right. It’s still stupid. It may even be stupider. Dogs don’t usually wear clothing at all, correcty? Yes. Good. Just so we understand each other. If they did wear clothing, it wouldn’t be because they wanted to convince us what insufferable molbols they are. That rabbit is still naked, right?
No! Don’t turn to face me! Didn’t you hear the abuse I just directed at you? I want nothing to do with you! Arrrgh! What’s wrong with you? You look like an idiot! (you are.) And don’t smile! You’re biologically unfit to do so!
Ubggggggigiggg…. There’s no excuse for that beast. None at all. How do these things find me?! I want to throw a sock full of rocks at that thing! I want to throw TV’s Roc Charles S. Dutton, at it! You hear me, lizard? I’ll throw a very special Roc at you! In front of a live studio audience! I wish that show got better ratings so I could shame you in front of as many people as possible, not necessarily because it would have lasted more seasons then, because I always found it boring. I learned about racism through Family Matters. But I didn’t learn enough, evidently, because I thought the family on Roc were essentially the same people, and I was disappointed when they weren’t as wacky. I was eight years old. But anyway. What’s important is that I want to throw a large fat man at that thilly thmiling theropod up thither.
Whaaaa? That’s too stupid! And don’t you dare try and make that my problem! I hate ducks and I hated you before you were a duck! I hope this will at least serve as a warning to other dumb animal people that would attempt to address me. I will have none of it.
Fool, how could you not see that coming? Look at the original juxtaposition of the images! You are beside yourself with imbecility! And… and… I drew you at 2:50 am! That’s not afternoon at all! If it was, it would not be good! You made it bad!
I hate this ad! Yes, it’s true!
Also from last February, but it appeared again recently. That is never good.
Scummy people outside their cars in a parking lot!
“How long ’til game time?” one asks another in as few syllables as possible.
“ONE HOUR 27 MINUTES,” this ridiculous person responds in a way that suggests she thinks she’s the only person on earth with a watch and she’s proud of it. Yet that’s not what the joke is supposed to be. This is a funny ad with a swerve. This is the believable part.
“One hour twenty-seven minutes later.” and they’re still totally attentive. And that’s not the joke either. I’m to take this as an acceptable, non-absurd time transition.
And then the fat man at front says GAME TIME. in this aggressive, satisfied voice like he’s raping a chipmunk which has given up trying to break free. What a horrible person!
The joke is supposed to be that they’re waiting for a lottery drawing to start, instead of, one must assume, something else. Plenty pathetic, yes, but waiting an hour and 27 minutes in front of a television set, in a parking lot, is ridiculously stupid regardless of what you’re watching. Regardless of what you’re watching an hour and 27 minutes from now, I mean.
Why would you ever have a television in a parking lot? What would you plug it into? How would you get reception, when we all have to be dependent on fancy hookerups that we can’t move and never fully own and have to pay for until we die to see anything these days? If it’s so easy to take your indoctrination machine on tour with you, why not go to a beach or a roller disco or a movie theater showing Enchanted with it? Any place at all would be more welcoming and comfortable than a generic asphalt void. But then, these people are so pathetic and easily impressed I suspect where they come from parking lots are the only things left. I doubt it was paradise before, though.
I’m not going to feign total ignorance, I’ve seen this type of fat-sweatshirted-oaf gathering depicted in ads before, generally associated with Amelica futbol. I do not watch the football (I’m simply not ready) but I’ve seen its timeslots on my tv listings, and football games last like four hours. If you’re lumping about for an hour and a half before that, and you do this every week, how can you not want to die? If you’re cramming salt and
cheese cheez into your mouth the whole time, how can you not die? I mean; if it was me I’d run out of snacks before the thing even started and just go home. Which actually doesn’t sound that bad, if someone else provides the snacks and miraculously doesn’t exclusively buy things I hate. Maybe I should try to get in on this.
Well. Apparently I forgot to click “publish” four days ago.
Sometimes these things happen.
This is from February, which legally counts as “this year.”
My problem is not that the animals are painted on airplanes, it’s not that they talk, it’s not that they try to be funny in that ultra obnoxious mid 1990s-forever humor style (Like when something embarrassing happens, instead of helping the situation or just keeping quiet an observing party says “awkwarrrd!” or “busted” and makes me want to murder), but actually the combination of all those things. I remember that the dominant male airplane painting asked the sassy female airplane painting on a date and got SHOT DOWN. Oooh, slice. Even if I didn’t hate these character archetypes three times as much as usual when they’re applied to animals which would be highly unlikely to engage in contemporary North American courting rituals, the fact of the matters is that as paintings they cannot move. They cannot go anywhere. They are stuck on the airplanes eternally. It is doubtful they can even see each other, being two dimensional and unfeasibly able to look in any direction other than straight ahead. Even if somehow the reverse side has another looking forward painting, that would have to be a separate two-dimensional animal or else risk violating the laws of everything. Even if they can look forward and backward at the same time, the other airplane the fox airplane speaks to is in a different row and depicts a species of doubtful breeding compatibility. What any of this has to do with bookling flights I have not even thought about yet. If the frontier airlinists wanted me not to do that they succeeded.
The only thing less original than naming a rabbit “Jack” is naming a fox “Foxy.” Sure, “Grizwald” is a terribly uncreative name for a bear that’s been used enough times in the past, but at least it has the “wald” in there. The bit about the penguins is alarming, as that probably only happened because there was a feature film last year about singing penguins. So now penguins always have to sing? America hungers for singing penguins? If something’s corny and annoying, commercial businesses will rip it off and perpetuate its annoying corniness.
Hey, if this is on the radio, aren’t you just hearing voice actors? How do you know they’re animals at all unless they say so, and why would they say so? Arrrrrrrrnnnnndiudiudiudiudiudiuh!
I doubt those airplanes go any place I’d want to go anyhow. Even if they did I probably wouldn’t because I’m afraid of being legally rape-searched because my hair was too long or the handwriting analysts don’t trust my serifed 1s. And then I’ll probably be arrested and raped again in jail because I’m always carrying something somebody doesn’t like. My worst-case air disaster scenarios always end long before I get in the air.
Is that a paperclip?
It appears to be so.
Yes, it is a paperclip.
You getting smart with me?
No! I was very stupid to bring a paperclip!
Why do you have a paperclip?
Because I put it in this pocket three years ago and forgot about it.
Have you ever downloaded roms?
I… don’t see how-
Answer the question or get naked!
I can’t even get far enough to become stuck in a delay. Terrorism? What’s that? Is that when you get raped legally in the name of maintaining order? I’m sure while my orifices quake afterwards I’ll be grateful those people were so organized.
In summary: foxes are bad news and should be dealt with accordingly.
Evidently, wordpress has a post-size limit. “Evidently” by its inability to process ones over a certain size, not because this information is explained or acknowledged anywhere, because it isn’t.
This is what I was trying to tell you.
1000 questions about your favorite friends! If your favorite friends are people who don’t even know you exist, and perhaps more importantly don’t exist themselves, you need new friends.
I also can’t help noticing the resemblance of the included disc-object to Super Games Galore, the steamshovelware cd that ruined me for so many people.
…and here’s another one. Why is it shaped like this? Just to make storage difficult? So it will not group properly with standard rectangular games? That’s a pretty isolationist policy for people who claim to be so chumsy. The alternative is that this is not a game at all, but actually one of those cardboard paged books I used to read before I could read. Some of those may have been about friendship.
The only thing worse than a Friends trivia board game is massive famine, martial law, roving rape gangs, tornados, ehhh… but the only thing worse than a Friends trivia board game within the scope of this website entry is a Friends trivia video game. If you have a Playstation 2, you could theoretically pretend to do all sorts of astounding things. Certainly more interesting than what a couple goofs do in a couple giant apartments with walls missing. Certainly more interesting than being quizzed on what they once did. And… you wouldn’t play this game alone, would you? If you have other people to play against, you could play Bomberman or Marvel vs. Candy Corn or I don’t really know what’s been released for these infernal machines in the last ten years. But even a stupid video card game would be better than this, and those are horrible. There are a bunch of Jeopardy games, surely. There always have been. I wouldn’t ever recommend them, but if you insist on awkwardly answering questions through your television with no possible planned payoff you might as well see if you can learn something.
Don’t German people have their own tv shows? I hate this form of colonialism, saturating foreign markets with indoctrinating rubbish rather than allowing them to come up with their own rubbish. It’s often cheaper to buy rights to and translate other people’s reruns than it is pay fellow citizens to produce new content, so, with all successful capitalists being scoundrels at heart, of course they do that. Or at least some book I read that mostly focused on the 1960s because most of it was written then said that. Aren’t you impressed that I read a book, though?
Although I suppose in other countries what’s vapid and mundane here (United Statia) can seem exotic, fascinating and culturally enriching, but I have to think they’ve been having Amelica forced on them for almost a century by now. Sure, my favorite comics are translated (and frequently not translated at all) from French, but they’re not recent, and they’re not about dorks talking to each other and laminating lists and uh bathing. Tintin has serious business. Tintin prevents wars and rescues slaves. He also supports labor strikes.
If you can justify one book, I don’t know, but you certainly don’t need another.
I would like to name Rachel’s beloved childhood dog? I guess not. She can do that herself. But how much money would you pay to answer insignificant questions about one of the most inconsequentially-contented tv shows of recent memory? If your answer was under $10000, then there’s a good chance you’ll not be doing it with this product. I hope it’s not out of stock because somebody bought it. And yet at the same time I don’t see how you can set a price like that for a thing which you don’t have in stock yet but expect to with enough certainty that I can sign up to be notified when it is. If you’re expecting more, then that must be because more are being made, and if they can still be made, and “they” refers to a bunch of printed trinkets in a cookie tin rather than a flying gold toilet, how can you charge that price for it?
This is getting complicated.
As I said to mxy, and in fact exactly what I said, as I merely copied the text, I’ve unfortunately not been able to work any of the truly stupid, tenuous wiki trivia into any of my complaints here. The tv show “Joey,” despite being, as I hear it, hated by everyone, had a considerable list of direct, vague, and non-existent references to Friends, the show it was spun off from. Who’d have thought, ehhh?
In the first episode of Season 2, Zak is on the table in a hospital and he makes a reference to Hugh Laurie who plays Dr. House in FOX’s House, who, humourously, is also the passenger on the plane who sat next to Jennifer Aniston’s character Rachel Green in the episode “The One With Ross’s Wedding: Part One”.
In a rare act of anything from me, I removed the “humourously” from this comment, justifying myself with
It’s a tremendous stretch merely to call that a coincidence, let alone a humourous one, and even if it is (it isn’t), the humor ought to be self evident.
…it isn’t, I restrained myself from adding. This is the sort of otherwise uninhibited boldness that only comes about when I’m awake at 9 am. Unfortunately, I forgot to loggeth-in, and perhaps the greatest of my 12 wikipedia edits is not included with the rest. If I had space I also would have criticized the needless spelling out of “Rachel Green’s” full name and the identifying of the actor who portrayed it. There’s really no wrong reason to hate Friends trivia and the people who compile it. Watch the show if you want, and even enjoy it if that’s so important to you, but keep it out of my potato salad. There are a number of packaged Friends trivia “games,” most in English, enough that it would greatly distort my focus to mention them today. Some other time, perhaps. After I finish writing about Kinder Surprise, Zelda Classic, Whirlo, my other problem with Wikipedia and being sued by Capt’n Eli (never).
Later, some other froog removed the line entirely stating
House didn’t even exist when “The One With Ross’s Wedding: Part One” went to air, so I don’t see the relevance.
Hey, don’t complain at me. I didn’t PUT it there. I thought if I’d deleted the whole thing it would just come back and I’d get one of those “Welcome to Wikipedia! Please spend a year reading our manifesto etc. etc.” things on my discussion page. It occurs to me that this kindly helper is surely as much a part of the problem as anyone, as it insists on typing out the entire title, including the “part one” and the “the one with.” It seems that every episode of Friends except the very last one bears a title starting with “the one with.” So you needn’t include it every time. More importantly, I hate enforced casualness. I should have a right to refer to them that way, not be required to. They should not officially be called that. Yeah, ha ha, it’s our running gag, right? No, because it’s not funny and it’s annoying. It’s just a ritual. You could change it but you don’t. Even change itself only occurs through ritualistic lack of change. Just like you only changed your hair because Jenniferniston’s character Rachel Green changed her hair, and often enough during the show’s run that such events are also stupid Friends trivia that the world insists on me knowing. I just assumed you had stupid hair. No, I didn’t even notice your hair, so you might as well not have bothered.
Unfortunately, by now Joey’s trivia section has been done away with entirely. Trivia sections seem to be disappearing on a lot of pages, losing me one of my greatest sources of joyful rage on Wikipedia, one of my greatest reasons to whine about it. Even the Hammerspace page, which was essentially an entire article of garbage nerd trivia has been cut down considerably into a mere brief acknowledgment on the Magic Satchel page.
It’s still a long way from being reputable though, thankfully. As long as those “this user is” boxes exist, I cannot rest.
I’m glad the writer guildists of America went on a strike. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of being compulsively tied to things which no longer interest me all that much. I wish the internet would go on strike, too. I’m busy. And tired. As I said.
Ordinarily, shows come on and I panic horribly if I do not see them, even if failing to do so affects my life not a bit. I’ll discuss the shameful, shamful implementation of “complete episodes online!” some other time than this. Maybe if that magic electric box leaves me alone for a while I’ll form a proper complaint. But I’ll tell you I suffer watching TV shows on time, and for the only free alternative to be so cruel is not nice.
Yea, one can buy programs pressed on to the deeveedies at the end of a season, usually, always, now, but then I have to pay money and then I have to find a place for them and I’ll only ever watch them once if ever and oh oh oh it’s magic if I find a solution that works.
I certainly don’t like the idea of people losing their jobs, but they aren’t doing that. They want their jobs to be better. I don’t regard it as a tragic contradiction of life that mine can only be better while theirs have difficulties because I’m just a bit weak right now. I’ll be better. Some day.
You must be thinking that I really like reality tv! If you’re any of the people who have been paid to write about this, because they always go with that angle. But it is actually the opposite! With actual thought now out of the question, I, in theory, no longer have any reason to watch television! Or at least no reason to feel compelled to! So liberating!
But oh how I hate the “expect more reality tv” line. First of all, don’t give in to that awful inaccurate label. I’ll never penetrate my mind with it. You take people specifically chosen for their personality defects, place them into goofy, phony situations, divide them into arbitrary groupings and make them compete in bizarre contests that have nothing to do with anything and you continue to call it “reality.” Ugh agh egh. And even though they’re competing, rather than defeating each other they stand in a line and then some other dork who’s supposedly better but never bothers proving it walks up and then gets rid of one, eventually, but only one. Sometimes they tell me I voted for it, but I didn’t and beside that the fact remains that an unseen external party ultimately made the decision. And sometimes that’s the way actual reality (I should never have had to make such a distinction) is, but I suspect even that’s rigged. I’ve told you 75% of my audience is advertising robots, haven’t I? I’ve additionally observed that “real” reality often lacks a clear winner. If I block every prescription drug name from comments and lock every item the robots comment on, I don’t feel any better. Then I start worrying that Todd Rundgren or Kopiu J. Plimpton or Bacon Wethersfield want to have a serious and earnest discussion with me about Fioricet but saw that they were unable to do so and moved on.
My second issue: Don’t assume I’ll watch that! I’m not more likely to view that which legally qualifies as nonfiction just because there’s more of it. I am curious as to who, if not writers, have the task of devising the nonsensical, irrelevant tasks and gimmicks that comprise reality these days. But not so much that I’ll watch these actual events in the world transpire, with the hoping of glimpsing at a few pertinent end credits. Perhaps they are the same writers, who aren’t affected in this instance merely because most of reality happened during the Summer but needed time to be edited and to wait for the Fall broadcast season. I wish someone would take a few months and edit my reality to be more entertaining. I could use a break from that, too. Also, we must give the contestants sufficient distance to prepare for a special reunion show at the game-like-thing’s conclusion. Why would they want to reunite if they’d just parted, and supposedly hated each other the whole while?
Failure is a way of life.
are you tired of video game clips of people actually playing properly? Are you worn out from seeing neat things get done? Would you like to stare at a tiny little window for ten minutes and see a mystery player bumble around like a fool, while all the while it asks what it’s doing wrong, but utterly preventing you from answering? No, of course not. But if you’re adventurous, I recommend “Let’s play games for the first time…and fail.”
It’s like having a younger sibling who wants to play with your fancy toys but just can’t, except now there’s no possibility of improvement. I suppose it’s a step up from “video previews” or “wtf games” or whatever it was called. I love it. Some chump downloads a rom, makes a quarter hearted effort at playing it and then wants a medal for that. Look at me! Vote for my clip! Favv it!
It’s about as entertaining and educational as a dog riding a skateboard, except now the dog keeps falling off the skateboard and we begin to suspect that maybe dogs are not meant to ride skateboards. As someone who won’t even watch the one dog that knows how, I must admit I’m less than impressed. I only watched two videos, so perhaps it’s not fair for me to judge the whole site based on those. And yet, that’s twice as much time as has been spent by it on any one video game. Yeah, figure that out.
It’s a bit like the modern breed of children’s programming where the characters regularly get stumped by simple tasks and then ask me what they’re supposed to do. Unlike Dora, Diego, badly drawn moose and Sand Man’s sickly younger brother (the guy from Blues Clues), the fail-at-video-gamers tend not to assume I said the right answer and so keep failing and asking.
I appreciate the internet’s supposed ability to give a voice to people who would not previously have been able to expose their works to varieties of viewers. Yet it must also be said that some people just are not amusing, and listening to them talk into a microphone for hours on end does not make for a good time.
I’m sure there are some things which would be hilarious to watch someone sincerely fail at constantly, and maybe even some video games, but there is no quality control here. We can’t know which ones are lousy until they’ve already been made, because it’s supposed to be people playing for the first time. I don’t understand why I should watch confessed amateurs fiddle around and give up when I could just as easily fiddle around myself and possibly get something more out of it or, if necessary, give up sooner. It’s not like they’re trying to scale an iceberg, juggle pizzas or throw a pumpkin across the grand canyon or anything else I could not fail at from the comfort of my own chamber.
I don’t know how popular it is, but it shouldn’t have to be for me to get mad at it.
You might as well film yourself eating a bag of fritos. Here are the fritos. I guess these are fritos. Yup. It tastes kind of like a tostito. Wow. Okay. There’s one. I’ll probably eat another one. Oops. I kind of opened the bag the wrong way and they’re starting to spill out. So I’ll adjust the way I hold the bag, then. Whoo. Look at all that sodium. I think that’s a lot. I don’t usually look at the nutrition label, though. 180mg is a lot, right? What is an mg? Gawrsh, they keep falling out. How can I stop them from falling? It must be impossible. Okay, guess I’ll eat a few more and wrap this up. I might eat these again.
It’s a step sideways from the stupid videos of peoples’ heads talking, because those at least tend to be inspired by mildly interesting topics or written out first.
I put this here in September of 2014 because I wrote something which referred to this, but this was too outdated to reword and present in the present as if it was a memory of the pre-present. I initially did not post it because I only found the website I was complaining about when somebody who approved of that posted a likewise approving link to my disapproving page about Kirby’s Dream Land 3 on a video of the game being played consciously poorly, apparently unaware of my criteria for disapproving of things. The moral here is that nobody should ever approve of anything I do.