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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
March 31, 2011
Hope is plummeting

Would you believe it, hope is still coming. When shall it arrive? And then where is it going? I worry about who gets hope next. This is a most worrisome gang of hope.

The creature wearing a track suit is sort of awkward, but the race occurs in August which is a time to be awkward while wearing a track suit.

I think this far superior to the picture I made last year, as far as it not being boring goes. However, it is terrible in the aspect that so many of these idiots are cheating and also that they are idiots.

I would like to put some green in here, but I am told this is the ideal amount of colors for shirt-printing. However, this is the internet and not a shirt. That explains why I had such trouble ironing it (That joke isn’t funny unless you say it in a Groucho Marx voice (and sometimes not even then)).



March 24, 2011
Dorkitectural Enginerding

For the birth-day of the person whose fault it was, I updated this image. I hope you do not mind seeing it again, in the event you have seen it before. The idea is to make her sick of seeing it.
To offset the new addition character being better drawn than the rest, I gave it messed up proportions and put it in a position that unbalances the composition.

Did I have anything else to talk about today? Yes. But thankfully including that here would mess with my intent to have the “unsightly” post category be exclusively devoted to pictures I made so you are safe for the moment. Which I do not say to suggest I think I am the only person capable of creating unsightly imagery nor that these are the only unsightly images I have created. This is strictly a safety measure.



March 20, 2011
Check out Guitar George, he knows all the chords

On the subject of Don K. Kong…



Guess what happens next:
A: D. Kong grabs Pauline and climbs to the next stage, like in the real game
B: The ad loops over from the beginning
3: Mario installs some pipes so that the building can be finished since he’s supposed to be a plumber or something, right?
IV: I actually click the ad

The correct answer is W:



Donkey kong jumps in the air, spins 180 degrees and FALLS for NO REASON. Pauline continues to call for help. Kong remains emotionless despite the massive brain trauma certain to occur once he lands. I wouldn’t even mind this so much if Kong fell while upright or adopted an expression that acknowledged how horrible it is to suddenly be falling and rotated for NO REASON.

The vertical version is even worse because the graphic dork put as much effort into formatting the layout as you’d expect, so you don’t even see Mario reach his destination, and thus there’s even less than no reason. He scampers beyond the image boundary and a few seconds later kong falls for ever no-er reason than before! The amount of reason that there is cannot exist in physical space and requires hypothetical mathematics to express.


The proper D. Kong DOES inexplicably fall on his head, but only after the platform he’s standing on collapses and in any event we get to see that he acts surprised when this happens. I’d like to imagine that the kong in the ad jumped off deliberately, and he’s diving into a pool of pudding just below the image edge that was prepared specifically for such an occasion, but that possibility only occurred to me now and I don’t presume that’s what the ad designer had in mind.

This sort of thing has always bothered me. Like when


Roger Rabbit in the NES game gets stolen by an object meant to resemble a bird and then the detective guy just DROPS DEAD because he failed in whatever his task was.

The filename of the picture I started this with is kongarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.png I wondered why I insisted on putting an H at the end, the old Garfield way of spelling arrrgh, which then reminded me of how the Roger Rabbit game reminded me of a specific garfield cartoon.

I was TERRIFIED of this. I could not look at this page. I had no friends so I would re-read those little books all the time, memorized which strips came before this one and I’d worry when I saw them, not sure just how close I was. I would have to only look at the left side of the page and if I saw that clock oh oh oh! (It’s magic)


Oh, here’s the problem. The Roger Rabbit game was developed by the Battletoads people before they hired the person who could draw nice. I talk a mean trash about Battle Toads but it is one of very few Rare games I’ve seen that I consider to have any legitimate aesthetic appeal. This includes the Battle Toad sequels and Kong Country and actually I haven’t seen most of their games. But

the battletoads, featuring the most superfluous life bar since Rolling Thunder.

And SPEAKING of stuff happening for no reason

MAME DEMANDS TRIBUTE. I hadn’t used it in a while so it decided that I needed to pay it in new roms for old games that used to work.

Also, in trying to get pictures of the rabbit kidnapping; I didn’t realize the bird only starts chasing you down after a few minutes, so I had to also be reminded that there is an 8-bit police siren (that’s a .wav, watch out) that sounds anytime you’re outside of a building scene for longer than a few seconds, after which some cartoon rats appear and make you lose.


This is scary. If the rats just appeared it wouldn’t be so bad, but the noise announcing their presence speaks to my psychological errors. I have a deep fear of being arrested for a crime I committed accidentally or without realizing was a crime.

Such as standing really close to the highway. (although I was merely searched and escorted back to the road this time) Oops, you were in the wrong place! You have to go to jail forever.

Which I meant to imply was a bad thing, even if this is a poor example.

I also recall being scared of certain graphics and musical cues in the Roger Rabbit game. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of my disorders had their roots somewhere in there. Hidden timers, mystery crimes, terrifying noises, unexplainable voodoo deaths. It is an astounding feat to upset me in so many ways without any mirrored letters, vanish deaths or horizontally moving bosses that look at the player rather than their target. It doesn’t have a life bar either, which I mentioned earlier and have also decided are kind of creepy. Yes, and I saw the movie once when I was six or so years old and have no recollection as to how anything in the game relates to that. It seems possible that up to 13% of it could make sense in context.

Which is pretty good for the 1980s.

Or ever.



March 17, 2011
pier depressure

I enjoy rain and misty voids. I’m not certain the protagonist here necessarily shares my view, for it seems to have brought an umbrella.

My favorite part about using photoshop is that it doesn’t ask you what the eep you’re thinking when you accidentally initiate the “revert” command. It has enough respect for me to know I would never do something so silly.

I am trying to upload “complete” pictures here again, and in fancy individual wordpress things so that I don’t need to have a big heap of them all at once to justify an html page, because apparently I’m just not going to do that. I am marking them, to the best of my understanding, with their proper dates, so that they appear in a chrono sensible order and also so that they aren’t placed at the fore on the main page, assuring that nobody ever sees them. I will possibly let you know when “everything” is in the system. You have my assurance that I have devised a new annoying step in the process to make this just as annoying and slow as the old way.



March 11, 2011
Maybe that’s why we always wear our hats

Hello there. Busy busy busy.

============================

Don’t read this, but…


Is there something wrong with me for thinking the Super Mario Wiki’s description of Pauline, from Donkey Kong, ‘s physical appearance is really creepy? The one for Princess Toadstool is similarly alarming, but there’s so much more silly rubbish on that page prior to that point you’d be unlikely to come across it unless you were looking for it, for comparison purposes. I can’t even get past the “contents” section. In my case, I had merely taken to wondering what Nintendo had done with D Kong’s preferred kidnap victim since the first game, since I know Nintendo loves to reuse old characters

(except for them), and before I knew what I was reading I had found that. With the princess, her being one of the primary Mario series characters, and this being the internet, it is not surprising that over the years someone with spare wiki-writing time would have developed a weird obsession (in contrast, I failed even to notice that her hair color changed between games). I didn’t think anyone could possibly care about Pauline. The writers are content to state that Mario himself is “a short, plump man.” If I was the sort who got into the businesses of others who have business, I would take it upon myself to edit that page to say something like

Mario is a rotund Italian American. He is approximately three feet tall but can grow to twice this by ingesting a magic mushroom. His mustache is composed of a brown arc with 6 humps along the convex side. He appears to be turning to stone. He often has four fingers on each hand but sometimes has five. The buttons on his overalls serve no apparent function.

I have a follow-up to this but it changes the subject entirely and I have a headache. Wondering what color nightshirt Mario’s father wears isn’t helping. Actually the more I think about it the more I think this information is presented in such a manner entirely as a joke. However, “the more I think about it” is further than that sentence should have gotten because I really should not be thinking about this.



March 4, 2011
Talk about meanwhile back at the ranch, the ugly duckling learned to dance

Apparently my site was harmful to computers yesterday but now it’s back to merely being harmful to intelligence.

=======================================================================


Robots are big trouble unless you know how to handle them.


What are the times coming to when I must even ban such innocent and necessary phrases as “dumpster rental?”

I suppose nemitz seeks dumpster ownership. I’m sure the banks are giddy at the idea of a whole new category of irresponsible loan-taker to prey on.


ARRRGH THE PROPHECY!


Also am I a potato or are these both the exact same game, that being Trouble, which neither claims to be?

I… I had no idea.


No! I won’t go back! Leave me be! I cannot face those whom I have wronged.

ARRRGGHH!!

GO AWAY YOU DON’T MATTER ENOUGH TO BE ANGRY AT



Nobody I know has a website anymore

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them`s fightin` woids: June 27, 2017
Indighost sez:
I view all your stuff as legitimately valuable. (Speaking as some random chicken in the audience.)
June 26, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I never segregated genders from each other. I only separated designs that I thought were tacky...
June 26, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
Gosh I never expected to hear THAT song again. [the person on the right in the restaurant...
June 26, 2017
Indighost sez:
And so the gender-segregation system seems to be going out with a bang!
June 25, 2017
A misnamed Mxy you downloaded from Soulseek sez:
There’s some voice acting (only in the occasional...
June 24, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
mxo ii- playin’ for keeps: does that mean there is actual voice acting in the latest one,...
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