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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
June 29, 2014
Did you hear that, Freckles? Dad wants us to get dirty.


I saw Maleficent, the 180 million dollar fan-fiction some time ago. I have no idea what movies are playing but I enjoy a cinema visit now and then if someone else I know is also going. “Now and then” means long enough that I forget how much I disliked my last visit.

This cinema sold meals instead of just snacks. Not a bad idea! I would much rather pay twice as much as I should for tacos than six times as much as I should for popcorn.


I was planning to bring a pizza and full serving apparatus like I usually do but the sign said no.

I need to do what I can to keep this place in business so they can keep their terrible posters illuminated and homeless vagrants informed about classics like Blended and

other movies from the guys all night every night.

As to the motion picture the group viewed, Maleficent attempts to humanize and validate an underdeveloped villain by putting her against a different underdeveloped villain, making sure to write him to be totally unsympathetic, so to save us another retcon 50 years from now that shows how perfect and slighted he is. In fact nobody else is sympathetic either. Everybody is stupid, weak and ugly. Except Maleficent!

I almost feel like Maleficent’s movie was made because business sense says she is too pretty to be evil. What that’s not right. Can’t we do something where all the mean stuff is actually done by somebody else? And look at how pudgy and elderly those colored fairies are! We NEED to make a movie where they are stupid and useless. And we’ll change their names to be dumber, too, so everybody gets it. Get me Alfred E. Neuman on the phone.
The only humanoid who understands the greatness of Maleficent is Aurora, because she is pretty, too! You ugly people just can’t relate.

I say, if you want to have a “bad ass” hero, you need to allow the hero to have some psychological or physical shortcoming. Maleficent is like if Bugs Bunny had wings and shot Elmer Fudd and killed him and then was congratulated by Elmer’s family. And instead of giggling goofily Elmer just sulked and acted like he wanted to die anyway. I cannot even think of a metaphor where Maleficent occupies a villain role because nothing about the tone of this film suggests I should ever disapprove of anything she does, except about ten minutes midway through, that seem there only to make content for the trailer. It’s like the ten minutes at the end of a superhero movie where the main characters actually wear their costumes and solve a problem, except in the middle and causing a problem that goes largely unsolved.
Do we put this classic villain in a better light by giving context to her seemingly negative actions? No, we just change the story so she didn’t really do that stuff! So why should anyone care? It is a different character with the same costume and name.

Angelina Jolie executive produced the film and also portrayed the title character. If you executive produce and star in a movie where every other character is uglier and dumber than you, you can fly, curse and kill whoever you feel like, and survive to the end without any valid opposition, the viewing of that movie is likely to be a frustrating experience, and people will assume you set it up that way.
The premise of this film no doubt started with somebody asking “why wasn’t Maleficent invited to the party at the beginning of Sleeping Beauty?” The answer the writers came up with was “because they’re haters. U mad?”
That should be enough but I wrote about six pages of junk about this.

Maleficent is not a bad film but it put swerving people familiar with the previous Disney story ahead of entertaining them. There were plenty of points at which it could have done something that would have made sense and been satisfying, but since the original Sleeping Beauty film had already done it, the script has the OPPOSITE occur just to mess with the audience, and it got really annoying.
Why did you set that up, then? Why did you introduce that character? That is how you write a parody; you use familiar source material and show how ridiculous it is. And then Maleficent not only survives, she gets back the magic power beyond her already unmeasured magic power whose removal was symbolic of her pain, the primary slight she was angry over. She had no consequences or regret about anything in the end. Yes, I hate when a heroic, redeemed or generally likable character in a film dies in a lazy attempt to make the story seem “deep,” but some poetic balance is in order here. In this situation the protagonist has cursed a family, which being a royal family thus cursed the kingdom that served the family’s whims, out of simple revenge that she changes her mind about, but then doesn’t care enough to notify the secondary victims of.


No doubt it caused great anguish for the kingdom to have what appears to be a significant part of its economy destroyed, judging by the number of thread spinning wheels smashed, heaped and burned by man-folk trying to beat Maleficent’s silly, arbitrary curse. It’s no wonder the Luddites got violent when automated textile mills showed up. She might have saved the kingdom from Rumpelstiltskin, but only inadvertently, and since Rumpelstiltskin isn’t pretty he would have joined the other side anyway, scoring another point for contrarian plot twists.

I have my own problem with doing something primarily because it seems like too many people do the opposite. That is why my stories all have terrible endings or are impossible to conclude. Don’t tease me by making 1/3 billion dollars in profits!

Perhaps to make up for the spinning deficit, Maleficent’s noted, unexplored, unquestioned tendency to be scalded by iron inspires a boost in the kingdom’s production of it. However, that causes a massive plothole beyond the illogic of sending your newborn child to live with a trio of idiots you never met before out of fear of something that is not going to happen for more than a decade and a half (the spinning wheel curse-sleep). I am to believe that men producing and operating means of war full time, overtime, for 16 years cannot make any progress against their enemy. Meanwhile this enemy is lounging about in plain view watching a child and some bumbling, sniveling old ladies (written without any redeeming characteristics, naturally) the whole time, never in fear or anxiety for a moment. Is Maleficent a fairy or a god? Intermittently she wanders over near some soldiers –soldiers that are only attacking her because she cursed their king’s family, because the king cut off her wings instead of killing her, which reduced her destructive power by approximately 0% and prevented other hunters from coming after her because they assumed she was dead until she showed herself to deliver the curse– and effortlessly beats them up, smiling and elegant the whole time. She does not pause and consider “these men are out to KILL me using the only substance that can harm me. It is a sad state of affairs. Maybe I should tell them I changed my mind about the curse that caused this so we can both have some peace.” Even the vampires in Twilight were more morally-conflicted super beings. Maybe I am over-analyzing it, but when the goal of your movie is to look clever by showing up some other movie, then you invite examination of your cleverness.

If she could have gotten out of this without killing anyone, or if she helped more than Aurora (the princess), one victim of hers out of thousands, I would say let her live, but that was not the case. Aurora’s mother had to die, though, for no reason, and offscreen, too!

Sleeping Beauty is kind of a stupid story, but since that (the 1959 cartoon version) is also a Disney property, that viewers of this are expected to be familiar with and like, this film is not really in a position to take that apart like it needs to be taken apart for the self-aware, swervy approach to work.

Not only did Maleficent kill the king, she killed the previous king as well. Not directly, but she did use magic power to toss an old man off his horse and he never walked again. And worse, he probably coughed. If you cough in a movie then you have to die.

The king-strike was in defense, of course. But a hero is defined by more than self-defense and revenge. Maleficent does not prove herself more heroic than the men who persecuted her and cut her largely superfluous wings off. If she does, that occurs between the climax and the epilogue and is not shown. She does prove herself better than a single act of malicious intent, but since it was her own act, undoing it only makes things even.

Instead of bringing depth to an old, simple story, it removes what depth there was to ensure that the studio’s desired interpretation is the only one possible, and to make the non-sense fantasy more “realistic.” This is usually how you turn a video game into a movie, not another movie. This film has little value on its own, and it degrades its source to obtain its value. This is also what I hear “Saving Mr. Banks” was about. Not to tell an untold story, just to redefine and emphasize Disney’s preferred image of something, in that case Disney himself.

As if we do not have enough movies where the BAD people are really the GOOD people! Monsters are GOOD! Dragons are GOOD! Despicable Me is not actually me! (I am despicable) Make a film with a “message” if you want, but do not pretend this approach is novel or inspired, or that declaring opposite day on a few elements results in a story that makes sense. Maleficent is one fourth of Rashomon stretched to be four times as long.

I wrote all that two weeks ago but did not post it right away since I was too busy to format it, which was bad because I kept thinking about it and it kept getting longer. Then I read a positive review that claimed the film was “feminist.” Do I look anti-feminist to complain about it? So I had to dwell on that awhile. Between now and then, an openly male individual I talked at on another topic frustratedly suggested I was talking like a feminist, so I may need to consider that “feminist” is often used to dismiss or exalt something without giving an explanation, and may have no real meaning when examined. I do not claim to be any sort of -ist. I am what I am and I ist what I ist.

I will say no (for example), it is not reasonable to expect or demand that women will play professional America foot’s ball on the same green rectangle with men (in fact I question whether men should play football with men). “Equality” is not possible, or necessarily ideal for all things, and the topic requires that we be reasonable. However, it is indeed feasible to make a better film about a flying woman with magical powers than this one. If this film has some feminist concepts, they are independent of how foolish the plot is. Idiocy is not tied to eex or gender. Women and men have the same right to make a stupid movie. A movie where a mother dies for no other reason than to show that her husband is bad for not caring, while nobody else cares either, is consistent with the non-feminist scripts this is supposed to be an improvement on.


Conan the Barbarian is a man who wins many fights and gets revenge, but there is no subtext that he is a decent person, or misunderstood. Conan is entertaining because of how awful he is. His oafiness is comical, whether that is the intended interpretation or is not. He wins fights but there is always a chance that he might not. His movies are incredibly stupid and barely plausible, but they are honest about what they are. And like before, I do not demand a female Conan equivalent. “Female version of” a male something is derivative and secondary, and like M’s movie will have a lot of changes done just to be contrary and not necessarily because they are functional. It should have a bigger goal than that. Also, this almost invariably incorporates sex-appeal toward demographically-charged males, rather than intimidation appeal toward foes, as a core element. If that is a factor for Conan it is not deliberate. I think we can have female adventure heroes without needing them to be glamorous and perfect, and without their lack of “perfection” being used as a comedic element. Or if we make them perfect we should give them more interesting or capable adversaries. Maleficent might be a good foe for Conan. He is enjoyable to see get beaten up.


Next week: If I see a movie I don’t like then I tell somebody right away before I have a chance to figure out why.



June 20, 2014
The game was originally developed as a title based on the film Jurassic Park. However, Sega acquired the rights instead and eventually released its own arcade game based on the film. Midway then retooled its concept to revolve around Aerosmith.[6]

I wrote something terribly boring. I will look it over on Sunday and see if I can make it any worse.

———————————


page 23 of that
Another redraw, but with an added technological development. Adope Illustrator (and flash, to a degree) can “trace” low resolution images and convert them to vector mode, which can be endlessly upscaled. It is a corny, obvious conversion, but it is less obvious than a simple pixel upscaling. So if I only draw over important areas, something that I miss will be less obvious. This is thus theoretically faster than my previous redraw method. It is still not as good as a totally fresh, non-traced redraw, but by this point I like the old drawings, so am in less of a hurry to re-interpret them. This way can also preserve some color, but I forgot to increase the number from the apparently default value of 6, and I considered that having contrast and shadows emphasized would be sufficient and I would only add color sparingly to have more striking and less garish artwork. That was incorrect, since this still took forever to work over and I absolutely need to have yellow green and purple everywhere. Next time I will try keeping the original color, or at least Adobe Illustrator’s cmyk conversion of that so I can reach full ugly more quickly.
That it seemed like it should have been easier ought to have been my first clue that it would be harder. Or perhaps just so dull a task that it seemed harder. The next page I make, whenever that occurs, will be for the “newer” part. it is about the only thing in my life that is not fixed in place, cyclical or getting worse, and I find it highly suspicious, and therefore intriguing due to that.



June 16, 2014
My focus has switched from depicting myself playing the latest and greatest videogames to raising awareness of the dangers of magic being put into videogames without our knowledge and the reality of magic its self.



I think I may have found the internet’s most ludicrous numeralless alias. In fact I saw this months ago but I noticed that my previous two posts here had diapers in them, and it became clear that there is a great/awful deal more casual diaper use than most people realize or will acknowledge.


I object to many things about face-book, and this is one of them. I disapprove of a permanent, unsanctioned diaper on my page, even one that is formed by the absence of matter. I further object to this misrepresentation of how my parents dressed me. I know it seems like a far off barbarian time to some of you, but though we had to stay in a specific set place to use a telephone and could not take terrible self-indulgent pictures with one, we DID have baby sized clothing in 198x.



a typical stupid animal-person drawing like I did a few years ago. My original description:

Koshizu needs a new kopilot.
I seem to like drawing stupid things happening to lizards, evidently. Can you tell me with sincerity that they do not deserve it?

This guy probably HAS to mention diapers inappropriately on the internet to keep from blurting out the topic while interacting with real people.
Hey mom I just got your message. Yes Dr. Smirkles is doing fine! We just got back from the vet and DRAGONS IN DIAPERS he needs to wear a cast for a week but otherwise I LIKE EM what? Calm down A LOT.
I understand the need to express one’s secret shame. If you try to keep it contained it will destroy you I LISTEN TO THE MUSIC FROM SPINDIZZY WORLDS AND FACEBALL 2000 IN MY SPARE TIME. Is it proper for me to make fun of people who give me compliments? Yes! They are the most suspicious of all. Clearly they have faulty judgement so I need to supply some more.


This sign appears to denote a location for diaper-focused worship. And like Scientology it has some big money behind it.

This seems contrary to the aims of pants, square or otherwise.


Things are getting serious. A blockade in the diaper aisle.
Fortunately I did not come here to talk about this. Alas now I am too tired to finish what I was writing. Can anybody help me out here?

What!!!

My response will be influenced by people from a time before diapers were invented.

—————————————-

Websites with sponsored content seem quite certain I am excited about the World Cup this week.



June 9, 2014
Every movie’s a circus, but this is a circus movie as well

It is possible you have seen this picture before, but I have lately typed a heap beneath it.

A series.

I had some difficulty putting this on to stupid art sites. There are no smart art sites. Deviantart, one of the stupidest, with a maximum preview size of 150×150 pixels, displays it like this before it is clicked on:


Most people will NOT click on something that looks like that. Additionally, most people will not click something that I put up, and those two facts work toward a common goal.

The preview image is generated automatically by reducing the image enough that its longer dimension (vertical or horizontal) is 150 pixels long. For an image whose proportions overwhelmingly favor one (vertical in this case) the reduced edition is totally unintelligible.

A custom thumbnail option would be nice. I would make my own preview that showed much of the first section, with a bit of text to indicate that there were four more images beneath it. I believe there used to be such an option. What happened to it?


People would fill their gallery completely with obnoxious icons that gave no information and only said “full view only!” because they were more obsessed with controlling people and increasing their meaningless “page view” total than actually helping people look at their art, because scumbags always win. Instead of visitors having enough information to decide if they should look or not look, they were forced to look just to find out what the ding dang thing was, if they dared to care. In this case, where the privilege was revoked, they won by making other people lose. I prefer to make fictional people lose. I included “death by ice” in this example but somebody else might call it “Frapbi’s frozen frustration” just to ensure it was as unenticing as possible. It also assumes that you know who frapbi is (frapbi is a loser).

These days most minimally informative thumbnail enthusiasts fixate on a face from within the image, giving a viewer a scrap of context but still not enough to know anything apart from “yes this image includes a being with a head.” This is considered an improvement, for some reason, by many people, but I do find it much more helpful. I am not fond of faces out of context. I do not always like faces in context. I may prefer context to faces. If I follow one person and see one new face a day, alright, I can look at that. If I get five hundred faces I do not have time to personally investigate the agoraphobic potential of each. And sometimes the “full” version would just be the face again but bigger! Rage!


Shut your mouthstache, you torsoless hatlump!

One especially gorkly individual used the exact same “full view!” dead-eyed, spider-lashed varmint icon on every picture regardless of what it contained. I presume. I never dared to check what they were hiding. Perhaps it was worse.


Additionally, I had made that recreation there based on my memory of the real one, but with that memory I gradually recalled that long ago I had saved a collection of utterly nonthreatening animal/anime people off of deviantart or worse drawn trying to be edgy or abusive toward their viewers –that is how you build an audience, after ehhh– and that the creature in question was featured therein, and that I should take the opportunity to make my facsimile horribler. The one I drew first looks like rather a reasonable chap by comparison. Although in the interest of fairness I should disclose that it was addressing a remark at “faggots” and not exhibiting a central digit, and that specific the full view demand icon was doing neither of those things, although it might as well have been.

I should make a public exhibition of my collection, although I reckon that some of these pictures are more than ten years old and it is mildly possible the artists realize what silly behavior that is by now. Alternatively, they could be now far worse and would interpret my exhibition as “art theft” and evidence that I wish I had the capacity to be so middle-fingery myself. This would then inspire them to draw more pictures of cartoon characters being angry at all real people, necessitating that I add them to my collection and I do not necessarily have time to make that a full time task.


Also, at some point my awareness of it makes me look bad. I should really leave that without further comment, but

The only thing harder core than drawing/paying someone else to draw an animal shaped like a human adult meant to represent you shoving a middle finger at the viewer is if this character is wearing a plastic disposable diaper and no trousers over the diaper. Folks fantasize about this. “oh MAN I WISH i could take off my pants, put on a diaper and then go around picking fights with people.” They find some acceptance for their personal habits and eventually it becomes a way of life intent on waging war with other ways of life. Coexisting peacefully is not an option. Diaperus iacta est.



June 2, 2014
So, a small number of patients in the South may be hearing the question: have you ever met an armadillo?

Surf City, North Carolina

Ocean City, Maryland


Fort Myers, Florida


Fort myers is structurally identical to every other tacky beach town. Endless wide, flat roads surrounded with bars, tall hotels, tiny houses, miniature golf courses and stores selling a strikingly homogeneous range of souvenirs.

I do not belong in any of these places during the day (thus most of my pictures are taken at night in places where the features I described are not evident). I go on the trips because they were happening anyway, I was invited and I like the change of scenery, but it is much the same scenery as far as the will of the people is concerned.
The only way to know we are further south is because the water tastes terrible –and with the humidity about, the air actually smells like the water tastes– and there are more insects, and more lizards. Nature knows the difference, even if developers do not.


which is not to say I accept this arrangement.



But Florida lizards work harder than the ones further north. Drop the temperature a few degrees and suddenly they are too weak to stand. For my part I REFUSEd to eat at this place. I probably would not have gotten service anyway, with this layabout on the job.

A lizard so lazy it cannot even spell “the.” or perhaps it is French, and its name means “of lazy lizard.” Not an improvement! I wandered over to near the place (at night of course) after it was closed, and observed that there were wall decorations depicting other lizards than this one. If I end up in Ocean City again I assure you I will make every effort to photograph any lizard murals but for then that was unfeasible. However I do not have any reason to ever come here again. I did not have a reason this time. And yet I am entertained by the idea of hearing a police report like “suspicious individual picked up by the lazy lizard.” I would be far more suspicious of the lizard! Especially if it was picking up suspicious people.


I did find something worse than eating with a lizard. Less than four blocks away, not surprisingly.

And things can be yet far worse. I do not drink anything from someone smiling like that.


Luckily I have access to other, nicer places unspoiled by commercialism or other spoily beings. I should get into the postcard business.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: July 21, 2017
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I believe it is a regular dumb old toaster that pog knows is a toaster but is using as a hat. A...
July 21, 2017
Indighost sez:
How long does a picture, such as this, take to complete?
July 20, 2017
Purplespace sez:
But is it a toaster that’s a hat, or a hat that’s a toaster?
July 19, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I suppose as real people spend less time in the real world, it becomes more fantastical to them....
July 15, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
What a shockingly on-topic garbage robot comment. It could be mistaken for sincerity were it not...
July 14, 2017
Purplespace sez:
When I was a kid I liked the sitcom about the guy who made a robot to be his daughter. And with...
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