Now you are just being gross.
I wish “breakfast just got sexier” was the stupidest thing I ever heard in a Dunkin Donuts advertisement, but it is hard to beat “artisan bagel.” Or “doing things is what we like to do.”
on the topic of doughnuts, with cookie dough and brownie batter around, why are you making doughnuts? It seems like you are half way to making two better things.
Just because these are limited edition doughnuts does NOT mean we are running out of doughnuts!
Also, my spellchecking mechanism recognizes donuts but not doughnuts.
The advertisement was audible again while I was writing this, because I am not allowed to write without voices coming at me incessantly, and apparently the announcer is saying “breakfast just got zestier.”
Which means they are chopping up little bits of zest brand soap into the Ore Ida tater tots they call hash browns, trying to outdo Taco Bell’s Dorito taco. In which event I still will not eat it but will be just as perturbed and curious.
An alternate, more common interpretation of “zestier” is as a code word for “we got more salt in there.” I am impressed it was possible but otherwise uninterested. Even though the product features guacamole made with REAL avacadoes! Because I am supposed to be impressed that a company which has earned trillions of dollars selling food made food properly. Don’t you people who have been eating the fake stuff feel silly now! No, that is probably not something that you feel. Soon the Apple company will be boasting that if you order an ipad the box won’t be full of strawberry jam.
The fact that, even as a eunuch, I heard “sexier” and found it only mildly surprising for our current state of advertising suggests that a sexier breakfast may not in fact be far off.
I mean, assuming that is possible. We might not even need to get an artist to draw big eyelashes and high heeled shoes on this munchstrosity.
page 36 of the old part 1 of that? Yes.
Even when I reused the old drawing this took a week. It looks as if every one of these pages will need to be significantly overhauled before I may rest. I will be remaking broken trash until I die. Just like Lunar Silver Star Story, a 1997 Playstation remake of a 1992 Sega CD game, that has since been repolished and repackaged as a new game two or more times, (like what Capcom did with Street Fighter 2 stretched across two decades instead of two years), except without anime to distract people from the lack of improvements over plainly dated content. And also I do it alone for free, at nobody’s insistence but my own. But I think this is superior to before.
that makes me feel better!
There was a period, I am uncertain how long, when I understood a condom to be a heavy, plastic box-like object. This followed the period when I did not understand a condom to be different from a condo, and I misunderstood several mad magazine gags as a result.
The imagined object was transparent at the sides, but the edges were thick and black in color. I knew one was used during sex acts but was not certain how it worked. I reckoned it was uncomfortable. Seeing the word still brings to my mind the same imagery, occasionally. I have even seen a real one in person, though I have never knowingly touched one. They look unpleasant. The same applies to walruses.
a potential design for new potential business cards. Alas, I know nothing of business, and my card attempts reflect that. I subconsciously channeled this ancient, totally unusable design:
Both are way too busy but they are at least honest. If I delivered a simple, efficient, graphic designy card it would be a lie because that is not the sort of product I produce. I was hoping the old card design would be conspicuously less legible by comparison to the new one when reduced, but alas they are about the same! I never used it as a card, but I did expand it vertically to use as a sign at some event about which there is little positive to say. email@example.com is the same email address I had then; anything @bimshwel.com gets forwarded to me but I have difficulty deciding on what placebo firstname.lastname@example.org to give myself.
This one is from 2011, long enough ago that I thought inkbunny would ultimately be something I could admit to having an account on, and was willing to put money behind promoting my use of. If you are unfamiliar with Inkbunny, good. All you need to know is that it does not allow Toothcup.
That it does not allow Toothcup, capital T, that is actually one of the things it has going for it, and that many of the people you will deal with wish that were not the case. If you do not know what toothcup is, good. All you need to know is less than I already told you.
These days I will not put any of them on my card, which is in fact the very reason I chose horrible “names” like “queg” and “skrimpf” to begin with: so that nobody could connect them to my legal horrible name. I chose queg so nobody would know I had a deviantart account, and then I chose skrimpf so nobody would know queg was using furfaninity. I chose frubaklop because I had lost control of my life and figured there was no sense in hiding anymore.
For a brief, notorious period, and it must have been brief because it looks as if even at the time I was uncertain whether I should keep the website names vague so as to avoid outing myself all needless-like, I thought I was comfortable, and I cursed myself for choosing names nobody would ever look for me at, and now I am grateful again. This is my place and these are my people so I should not deny it, I seem to have thought. Those are not my places. I mention them here specifically because I thought it would be sufficient to stop using those names and websites to make people stop identifying me with them, which was not the case so I will say it here: please do not ever call me skrimpf, unless you are deliberately trying to irritate me, which is a valid pursuit, but better you do it on purpose than by mistake. I do have http://bimshwel.deviantart.com/ , which queg forwards to, but “DA” is still fundamentally a fanart porn site, like the other two, that I will always be marginalized on [for not drawing or appreciating fanart porn], and I prefer to be marginalized on my own terms. However, such websites are a bit more social than my heap, here, so I keep on with the one I am least embarrassed about overall.
At this point in the original manuscript I digressed into several paragraphs on identity and denial that were beside the point and tone, and were keeping me from finishing this, even though I only came to post the one picture! They have been removed for now. Indeed I am as messed up inside up as my card is outside. Why pretend? Why try and trick somebody into hiring me based on something that is uncharacteristic of what I can deliver?
Because otherwise I will not be hired! The first cards I actually had printed were very sparse, since that was, is the only way I could have control of the situation.
Control, such as with my broken, spring-based mechanical heating control panel, which these cards were useful for regulating the strength of during our six months of winter. I discussed a key design aspect in more detail here, but the blank space after “and” was so I could write something different on each card, such as “intrepid tortellini,” “raisin toads,” or “no dopes,” because I am not satisfied unless I make a hassle out of everything. The foremost one here says “you know what, you deserve it.” I can say that because you are here now, and therefore on some level you do.
I make drawings of subject matter specified by other people in exchange for money sometimes. I do not publicize it here, or most places, for a reason which miraculously lasted for eight sentences, so here in stead is that picture which I drew for free for nobody again. I realized this is my website and I can post the same picture on as many occasions as I wish, and if anybody has a problem they can challenge me to personal combat for control of the website, as goes the ancient custom of our people, and I can either accept or choose a surrogate, with the knowledge that if the surrogate wins my rule will still be considered illegitimate by much of the populace, and the surrogate would also have the right to challenge me, requiring that I choose another surrogate, and on and on. My reign is miserable and fraught with peril.
“You don’t just eat ’em” is the trademarked slogan for pringles brand potato crisps. What does that mean? I thought eating them was the extent of my obligation if I came into possession of them, but apparently that is inadequate. And like many rules of society, the further expectation is not explained. What else should I be doing with these not-quite chips? Is the moronic “duck mouth,” which dominated the brands’ 1990s advertising, and which nobody should ever, ever do, now compulsory? Am I supposed to build something out of pringles? Is Kellogg, who purchased the brand from the Proctor and Gamble company in 2012, with its greater investment in remotely nutritional products, looking to instruct me on the full function of my digestive system? You don’t just eat em, you digest and excrete em.
And yet the ambiguous grammar of conversational english makes it difficult to determine if this is instruction or merely information. Sometimes an orator says “don’t” when one means “shouldn’t.” This may mean you SHOULD not merely eat Pringles. Be a responsible citizen; recycle the can afterward. Make a a kaleidoscope or store your travel toilet brush in it. Keep one as a blank round for a t-shirt gun and another as a marital aid for any medium-sized ungulate you are keeping (whose marriage is in need of aid, obviously; I would be practical, not lewd). Or perhaps this means that you should not eat Pringles without adequate preparation. Don’t just eat ’em, consider the risks. Ask your doctor if Pringles are right for you. The Pringles virus may already be inside you.
I have been out of the pringle game a long time, so this catchphrase, arriving in my presence without the context of a greater advertising campaign, has me somewhat bewildered. I stopped buying them when the company stopped putting fake little green things on the sour cream and onion chips like every other company does. Not that, in my experience, pieces of real native onions are ever green, you, the producer, have cultivated me as an american consumer to expect certain things without considering if they link up with reality, especially with regard to the color of things I put in my mouth. Grape is purple. Dew is green. Cheese is orange. Sour Cream and Onion chips have little green things on them. If you suddenly change a color or remove a component that contains a color, I need to know why. Otherwise I start wondering what those green things are or why I would eat “sour cream and onion” ANYTHING. I will not consume actual sour cream. I always make sure it is not in my burritos. It is essentially the Mexicish equivalent of mayonnaise for joints that never kept up on their trendy fees enough to have been issued chipotle mayonnaise. Disgusting white goop needs to be in all prepared food. They invent new names to make it harder for me to ask to not have it.
Now “aioli” is the unexplained mystery ingredient but I am not fooled! I would not even eat Aioli pringles.
They look familiar.
I just realized that only one of them has ears. However, I have seen this loop about 413 times. Most people will not need to.
And NOW I have noticed how awkward the green one’s head goes when it lands. And worse, I did not keep count of how many more loops I watched while wondering how noticeable that is.
I subsequently meddled with the head extension but earage is yet inadequate.
After what I said yesterday, I considered that maybe I really have been on the wrong track. Maybe I need to, for the first time, really step back and evaluate what I am doing. Stop redrawing, start rethinking. Make a real plan, and start over. Do something that I can really engage people with, and stop being so silly and hard to understand. With that in mind I unveil a bimshwel.com exclusive, a sneak peak at the poster for the deluxe crowd-sourced reboot. Backers who donate $15 or more will get their own limited edition print signed by the entire cast except pog. Backers who donate $30 or more will get pog (they will have to share)