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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
November 29, 2015
Could this really be a photograph of Abraham Lincoln’s ghost?


Why are you pouting? Did you not pay attention to what you put in your own cart? Until after you paid and walked out? Typical miply stupid animal.

NO! Do NOT act like you are doing me a favor! I did NOT ask you to buy that!
Actually, as dopey as that thing is I would not recommend walking inside a shop rite without waterproof boots since there is usually a spill in there somewhere with no employee for miles.

If you are not familiar with Shop Rite, good. It is like a Stop & Shop or a Kroger or a Food Lion except you get an uneasy feeling that you are trash when you are inside.


The drawing is of course inspired by the older shop rite logo. The one that it is impossible to find a photograph of that does not look like a crime scene. The current Shop Rite logo does not just have weird lumps floating over a coal black mine cart; it also has shards and scraps in the mix.

Also note that while they redrew the graphic they didn’t fix the glaring spelling and grammar error in the store’s title.
This Shop Rite is at the Railroad Salvage plaza, which in the absence of better data I will presume means all the groceries were illegally stolen from train wrecks that may or may not have been engineered by the

yet older logo’s sinister silhouette of Inspector Gadget beside some sort of death ray.


This person was created when the protagonist from the Apple Macintosh Trashic “Climber” bumped into the middle elevator too many times.


Ordinarily upon collision Climber will turn sideways, flop out its legs and have impotent rage while totally immobile for 5 to 40 seconds, however much time you have remaining, which was the perfect time to strike. I would like to get my own screen shot of this but emulating old macintosh games is the most arcane and arduous task on the planet. Forced, impregnable obsolescence on an Apple product is nothing new. This is harder than using an itunes gift card without installing iTunes (AND quicktime), which is impossible. It is even harder than coming out of a shop rite without crying.


What’s worse: that this isn’t enough Chef Boy ar Dee to satisfy the masses, or that they refer to this tinned glop as “supplies?”


This person is happy because the pertinent Shop Rite is clearly out of business.

the next part of this story that only mentions shop rite at the end
the part after that one which has far too much shop rite in it



November 24, 2015
This is unedited footage of Hallock’s massive appliance outlet


Questionable, thematically-inconsistent greeting cards, $3 each. I posted about it on the facebook page, and I will post it here instead of wondering “should I post it here?”


First of all, each card is printed on to the edge on both sides. A very nice product. People who ordered them last year were impressed at how non-cheaply made the cards were compared to the usual sort of thing they bought out of pity from the half-sane offspring or associates of co-workers. I am contractually obligated to be the first, occasionally only person to say one of my art works is trash, but these cards came out splendidly.

If you for some reason want to buy some, you may communicate with me via email, (volcabbage@mailbolt.com), or the note system, or in skype (yirzod) or whatever-else-have-you that also have-I. Please say which cards you want and how many of each.

Timeframe: After the Thank-giving holiday, I will place my own order with the print joint and retrieve the cards. Therefore you would probably receive the cards in early December. If you want the cards sooner, I probably cannot accommodate that at this point. However if you want the cards later, that could potentially work very well for you.

Shipping specifics: Within the United States it should cost about $2.54 to send most orders, since sense suggests use of a rigid envelope. As I hypothetically would earn a bit over a dollar per card, it is difficult to for me to justify covering that cost for fewer than five cards. And then it looks like an extra $5 to ship out of the country, and hypothetically the “free” conditions would be adjusted accordingly. Nonetheless I WILL ship cards to you in Sevastopol if that becomes necessary. But if by some chance fate you can arrange to meet and receive cards from me or a doppelganger directly, then obviously no outside shipping will need to occur at all.

I would probably make more sales if I just said nothing about shipping and let people think they were getting something cheap until they were in too deep to want to back out, like professionals do.

Payment: It can be done through check, paypal or other internet payment system (you tell me; I can never remember what they are called). Local deliveries can also be paid for with cash, gold, certain prepared foods or by pulling a gun on me.


These cards are available now. As the diagram displayed above suggests, types A, B and C are new for this year. Consequently, they have not yet been printed. The printing will occur after November 26, ideally before December 1. If you need cards earlier, then D through J are already in stock. Although only two remain of type J, the public-safety-themed “please merry responsibly.”

And if there is another rectangularly shaped picture of mine that you would like on a card instead of any of those, let me know as soon as possible and I will see about formatting it.

Thank you and good luck.

The facebook post was late, and this is VERY late. I should have posted it sooner than that, but I was not sure if I wanted to. I still am not sure. But two-to-three people have already asked, so I have to go through with it regardless of who else does. My fate is sealed.


Maybe it is sealed like this, but this actually got delivered, so legally it is permissible.



November 22, 2015
She would avail herself very heartily of the free samples


page 9 of part 3 of this
I wish more pages were this simple to arrange. 4 actions, each only needing 3 or 2 spaces.

And here comes a gripe I wrote about the layout that must be irrelevant because I forgot it even mattered until I re-read it just now. But it did matter, so I had better post it so I do not write it again.


The trouble was that I had to reverse the lower frames to make lope right-handed, because kumquat and nemitz are the only left-handed characters. Which is a stupid thing to care about, especially if the beasts aren’t supposed to be human anyway, and have no reason to have the same proportion of right-to-left-handedness as normal people, who often force right-handedness as a standard arbitrarily, if these things even NEED to be “handed” at all. And this is a stupider thing to ruin my composition over. before, the character on the left always talked first and the word spaces made sense, but now they have to be awkward. the other solution would be to switch which hand the creature used in the composition I already had, which would put the hand in front of its head, which would conceal its dumb expressions, which, while dumb, are amusing to me. Either way, the page gets worse due to something nobody would notice. And that I didn’t even notice when I drew it the first time. And I worry about stupid garbage like this instead of real garbage like drawing better or a regular completion schedule. Notice, if you like, that the drawings look looser and scrappier than ones from years ago but that I did not get them done any sooner.

And of course it does not advance the “story” at all. It just replays the “elpse is bothered/worried but forced by nemitz to get over it so that we can continue” process again. Nemitz is a scoundrel.
The next page will almost have some details, and without nemitz’ permission at last.



November 17, 2015
A Biker Mice from Mars video game was released by Konami for the Super Nintendo in 1994. The European version features extensive advertisements for Snickers candy bars.


This notice recently accosted me on the deviant-art website. Obviously deviant-art is a silly website full of trash-marketing-vulnerable adult babies, but everything is –we have bred several generations to whom that is normal– so I can hardly be faulted for lingering there if I linger anywhere. While I do gripe at my getting coercion to become an under-compensated advertising vector for a major corporation disguised as a legitimate opportunity shoved at me, but unique to today I will gripe at the content of what I am to be advertising.





A question: How can I sincerely believe that the friendship is “unlikely” if you already told me it happens? And how can I believe that in any event, based on the past 20 years of animated cinema?

I have seen plenty of human children teaming up with, and usually riding on big misunderstood oafs, human or otherwise. These kids need to get stepped on once in a while to make it seem less likely when they do not.
And there are even more such pairings where there is a tiny little thing and a big thing but both are considered to be adults. And I have heard tell this is not even the first time a cartoon apatosaurus has taken on strange companions and journeyed forth. It is a functional setup. I grant its right to happen, but not to pretend it is profound.
I am not even here to fuss at any of these movies, specifically (least of all Totoro, whose film did not get an America hype-job until years after its production). For one thing, I haven’t seen more than promotional material for any of them.* But I doubt that any person who did watch these films would sincerely proclaim: I never expected those two to become friends! That twist took me completely by surprise!

*Actually, the book Where the Wild Things Are was in my house during the pertinent period of my development. I recall not being impressed.

And anyway, in this case, I am being instructed to evaluate the film exclusively based on its promotional material. It will not be released to theaters until November 25, five whole days after the contest entry deadline!

To be fair, dinosaurs generally are not big thinkers.


He is intimidating because I say he is. Even though I also said his scar makes it apparent visually, and I included a picture, and so I don’t need to say anything. But I have space and so I must say and say and say!

The contest page is full of character descriptions, terrible artwork and rogue plot details. Essentially I am to base my masterwork on a webcomic cast list. Many details, very little meaning. And if the event organizers believed for T seconds that any development, not necessarily restricted to friendships, were at all unlikely, they would be cautious about spoiling it for me! They would want me to be surprised. But they actually know that there is no chance I would be surprised. Go into a movie without knowing exactly what’s going to happen? Why that’s Unamerican!

And only americans can enter the contest! I knew a single person who found that Lorax movie at all endearing, and the person lives in Estonia.

My task in this adver-tunity is to donate free promotional “fan” artwork to stir up hype for the thing before it comes out. I am supposed to endorse it, and pledge to it considerable effort, based entirely on stuff I am told about it by another party, without any guarantee of payment, even if it turns out to be garbage that I would not want my name attached to.
How could I, and why should I be a fan of something that isn’t available? How could I know anything about the power of their friendship or the spirit of their adventure? I am suspicious any time somebody has to tell me an adventure happened or is happening.


In fact, another dumb movie where all the exact same stuff as before happens, that you tell me about before I am even eligible to see it: that is the OPPOSITE of adventure. Just as fan art is the opposite of original art! It isn’t even POSSIBLE to do what the contest demands.
Why should I be inspired by what some context-devoid list says each character supposedly is or does? I might as well draw fanart for the Michelin Man. At least that would be by my own inclination. And potentially less ugly. I hate those “eyes too close to each other on the front of the head” pixar character designs anyway, but ESPECIALLY on dinosaurs. “Good” is only in the title as a form of mind control because my natural inclination would be to proclaim these dinosaurs as less than adequate in quality.

The contest also encourages me to view the film’s trailer. Trailers exist to simplify, exaggerate and mislead. And to stop the music abruptly so I know what I am supposed to laugh at. I avoid the Star-Wars previews because I want to see the movie without knowing anything. I avoid the the Good Dinosaur preview because I just plain don’t want to know anything. That does not invalidate my earlier complaint; I probably would not watch the film, but I absolutely would not create a derivative work paying homage to its virtue unless I HAD watched it.

And it probably isn’t as terrible as the advertisement inevitably presents it as, but it most certainly isn’t as good as post-release praise will swear it is. Why try and force me to swallow that in advance? Apart from “because we are getting paid by Disney to hold this contest,” I mean. And that is “we” as in them, not me. Unless I win, which I wouldn’t, because I hate it. “It” as in all that has transpired this evening.



November 11, 2015
and as the convictions piled up, more tough guys started to talk


Self-Defense Portrait

They seem to work well together.

I have not had much time for image production recently! I fear it is evident. However, this one was considerably less trouble than the last evident “art-“themed picture I displayed here.



November 8, 2015
just because your bladder’s changing doesn’t mean you have to


Hey ya’ll, it’s me, boo berry. so I wanna tell you about my cereal? It’s like MADE with boo berries, even though I AM Boo Berry? uh-huhhhhh… yeahhh….. just picture this, ok, like, I’m a GHOST, though, uhkay. I like, ate this stuff, for a long time? And now I’m DEAD????!?!? SOOOOOOOOO….. but trust me, it’s GOOD?????!?!? Like REALLY good????????? like better than FRANKENBERRY even??? If I EAT this stuff where does it GO idk lol XD Check it out, my body is see-through, but not my mouth, even though my mouth is a HOLE. Anyway, this is the perfect cereal for halloween, so like… no seriously that was last week? my bad lol. And these are fruit roll-ups BASED on the cereal? Blowin’ my mind, dude. I guess the fruit in question is uh cereal. Or boo berries I guess. Hey speaking of ROLLING UP… heh heh heh. You can just call me Doobie-rry heh heh. Hey where do you think boo berries come from? Are they also, like, the ghosts of berries? But if you like, made the berry ghosts come out of the berry bodies when you ate the berries, what happens when you eat the GHOST berries? Do they have like GHOST ghost berries? You’re seriously freaking me out, man! I gotta get out of here.



November 2, 2015
you’ll have to excuse me, I’m far too busy to answer damn fool questions like that

I will watch the newest Star Wars film, but I will not watch any trailers for it, however hard or frequently ABC World News tries to trick me into receiving promotion for it immediately before Jeopardy by pretending ads for their parent company’s other properties count as World News. And if during the film I hear the words “viceroy,” “senate” or “files,” as in “only a jedi could have erased those files,” I shall plug my ears during dialog and imagine my own story.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: March 22, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
I bet that insidious Lizard Man only came to the wedding to show off his new mammaries!
March 16, 2017
Indighost sez:
Looks lovely. I’d like to go there.
March 11, 2017
Indighost sez:
Thanks for your thoughts. I think it was your old post about Don Rosa, a person whom I did not...
March 11, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I find real ducks amusing, but cartoon ducks tiresome, since so many people thoughtlessly...
March 10, 2017
Indighost sez:
Oh by the way, this is me.
March 10, 2017
Anonymous sez:
Thanks again Frimp! Randomly, could you make a post about the announcement of the new DuckTales...
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