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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
August 17, 2018
Its developer, Nihilistic Software, was inspired by the God of War and Ninja Gaiden video games to create an experience featuring gore and nudity.


nemitz strikes it rich with a metal detector. it must be assumed that the metal detector is borrowed or stolen. and also that nemitz will be quite glad to dig that thing up and will offer to split the prize with anybody who helps.
A picture that I liked as a sketch, but could not fill in with enough details that I liked it finished. This contrasts with what usually happens, when I ruin the picture by trying to insert so many details that I overwhelm both the image and myself, though a point could be made about the incredibly large distraction on the lower left. That makes the tiny little distraction on the lower middle right seem too small, and not providing adequate counter-balance. But the nonsense objects I would generally fill space with, such as pine cones and pumpkins are already featured, and at a yet smaller size, on the vending machine’s buttons. Worse still, neither of the allusions inherent in the external objects is organic to me. I played the video game Dig Dug early in my life, but too early in fact to remember what the primary monsters looked like and I never came back to it until now. I had to look up both that thing’s appearance and even how the game works. Additionally, I do not think the Atari 2600 game “E.T. The Last Dinosaur” is any worse or dumber than the average bad atari 2600 game. I inherited a 2600 unit and a collection of game cartridges, including Dig Dug, from my cousins when they obtained a Nintendo Ehhh System. They probably had about the average assortment of games, including Adventure, Missile Command, Mario Bros and whatnot. There were a few that I could not make sense of but that could be attributed to my lack of age and experience at the time. When I got to emulating the 2600 system, however, the complete collection of roms included loads of terrible, obscure games that even as a moderately old person I could hardly figure out. Those likely comprise a majority of what was available for the 2600. ET only differs in that its cartridge was produced in great quantities. But I never had one!
Although I distinctly recall, in the game Pitfall, the character would be destroyed regardless of what point it attempted to jump across the alligators, and people still swear that was a “classic.” And I never found joy enough in emulating 2600 to do it more than once in ten years, and consequently the emulators I have for it don’t even work anymore, and I don’t feel like getting them to work just to provide another illustration for this website update.
I believe it is fair to blame nemitz for all of these things.



August 9, 2018
They find Clumsy Smurf at the edge of a cliff, and while trying to help him up, they are sucked into a gigantic vortex that spirits them to present day New York City.


this sums up why i do not like or even think about the hotel transylvania film series enough to have previously acknowledged it. My picture is terrible and compiled from several terrible pictures since I did not want to look like I was photographing it, and also the stop and shop granola bar shelf is arranged like a mosh pit but this is all it deserves. “it” being just another bland story of pixar-derived normal boring people with a single unusual trait that happens to manifest itself in appearance + celebrity voices. Legally Adam Sandler still has more than enough money to be considered a celebrity and is not at risk of being called an actor. In fact the “moral” is probably don’t judge a book by its cover! Maybe the MONSTERS are not the REAL monsters! Like every computer movie that has ever come out. in fact pixar has a series that is literally also “monsters” that are just like “us.” And also the Addams Family did that half a century ago and the Munsters even used Frankenstein. I don’t know why the Sony corporation didn’t just brand Hotel Transylvania a Groovie Goolies reboot. I didn’t think Underdog had enough name recognition to justify a 3d animated point-missing remake, and the Goolies have even LESS.
Anyway I thought there was no idea to start with, but by 2018 they have run out of no ideas since the third installmeh has a “everybody takes a trip to the beach” theme, which puts it into Brady Bunch territory. That is even the premise of the third The Chipmunks bad computer animated movie. Apart from the mummy, these characters aren’t really recognizable as monsters now. They just look like slobs.

I might have thought the right side one was Shaggy from Scooby Doo if I did not see the Hotel Transylvania logo and there being a woman attracted to him. in fact there is a Scooby Doo “movie” called The Reluctant Werewolf in which Shaggy gets transformed into a werewolf and gets taunted by recycled Groovie Goolies animation.* he even has an inexplicable female companion named “Googie” whom to my knowledge was not seen prior to then nor afterward (and isn’t seen here either). I remember watching it at the age of 6-9 on the USA network at my grandmother’s house since she had cable. It took about two hours. The running time was insane for something that dull and crummy. And I watched it anyway because kids have no taste. The left character here, I guess is just some lady. These people are PERSECUTED just because they’re MONSTERS even though they keep up with contemporary American fashion and gender norms.

Or maybe these two are the “normal” normal people that are supposed to be like the viewer’s avatar, who start off AFRAID but realize eventually that some business man/ trophy hunter / scientist nerd is the REAL monster, even though they are the people actually making the movies. the trophy hunters are doing it in a sexual sense but otherwise there is no difference.
(then I drew this) I don’t know. and i can’t tell. And once i can’t tell, what even is the point? “it’s what’s inside that counts!” that’s true! as long as you are completely ordinary and submissive to commercialism inside, be as garish as you want. Eat up –it’s on food, even– the fake politically correct morality of the moment.
I don’t even know if Hotel Transylvania 3: Die Darkman Die came out yet, maybe it even came out last year; these things are preservatived enough to be legally edible for several years.


here is The Roughly Adequate Dinosaur branded consumable material in shop rite in 2017 despite a visible copyright notice identifying 2015. Of course to be fair it IS at Shop Rite. You can tell it is Shop Rite because there are bright yellow labels that say “SAVINGS” on items which are not actually on sale. And you can tell I took this picture two years later than the date on it because I just typed text saying so.

(emphasis mine)

what on earth is “spooky” here? The five smoke stacks on the ship in the distance? The unsupervised child playing on a stack of abandoned cargo? That Quaker uses the iconography of a health food company while selling candy and corporate propaganda? I buy granola bars because I want to eat chocolate chip cookies and consider these marginally less detrimental to my well-being.
this is from the quaker website because the box with these characters on it was sold out when I finally decided to take pictures of them, not considering that I would postpone finishing what I was writing for another three weeks and would have ample time for the store to restock them even though I never finish one of these in under a month anymore.

*I mis-remembered this; recycled Groovie Goolies animation appears in a 1984 episode of The Let’s Go Ghost-Busters which I also have seen, but the production on Reluctant Werewolf is so shoddy and 1970s looking that this is plausible enough to leave in with a disclaimer. I was surprised just now to read it came out in 1988!

I have also been told by my own nagging need to sabotage my efforts by looking things up, that the completely ordinary looking woman here is Dracula’s daughter and the conflict is more of an obnoxious sitcom sort of deal with Dracula being overprotective of his daughter from this human who isn’t even a vampire and hanging out with his oafy friends who can’t stand their nagging wives. The nagging wives bit is extrapolation by me based on them being portrayed by Fran Drescher and Molly Shannon, them being absent from the plot description and my memory of commercials for Father of the Pride (that page is from 2004, when my parenthetical asides spanned whole paragraphs watch out). I was thinking: more Shrek, with all the annoying Saturday Night Live crummydians in the place of actors but really it’s more Shrek 2, with annoying pop singers added in to raise the marketing value among kids who aren’t yet old enough to think they are smart because they watch Saturday Night Live. In any event everybody’s just a slob at the beach by now and that means this completely ordinary-looking woman standing in direct sunlight is supposed to be a full-blooded vampire, so plainly it doesn’t matter that she IS a vampire. They probably try to play it like “look at this allegory about social harmony ho ho ho we’re so positive and messagey even though we just likened Jews to vampires.” Mel Brooks was even hired to voice Dracula’s father in the sequel (but not to write the screenplay). What’s even the point of calling him “Dracula” at this point? Dracula is only interesting because he does evil things while seeming pleasant and welcoming. A Dracula that is just an average nice guy –Adam Sandler isn’t a credited producer or writer but his wife and his daughter portray his wife and his daughter so one assumes he dictated how his character came across– and doesn’t kill people to keep himself alive or even kidnap them just to amuse himself isn’t Dracula!


It isn’t even Duckula because Duckula’s attendants legitimately want Duckula to start killing people, are disappointed when he doesn’t, and he is usually suffering most of the time. It’s more like Count Chocula: The Movie, especially considering the sugar-loaded rubbish component. Everything I see about Hotel Transylvania makes it seem like it is only as interesting as a two hour episode of Scooby Doo. Which regrettably is enough.



August 2, 2018
ANIMATION CELS FOR A CARTOON FEATURING THE EIGHTIES ROCK BAND THE GO-GO’S

this trashy video is meant to display some stupid yellow creature that throws a bowling ball, but since I have not yet made level spaces well suited to that, I ended up using non-ideal sample areas that happen to also be the ugliest areas i have yet made.
I am quite sad to say that as lame as i imagined this looked, i imagined i was exaggerating to try and set myself up to feel better when it actually does not look so bad, but this does in fact look quite bad. even in these brief samples meant to display a single object, that I admittedly have not yet made appropriate landscapes for, I see an inordinate number of unchanged graphics from the original Doom game and amateurish non-original game graphics that I mean to remove.

The original “plan” called for the bowling imps to be placed beside stacks of bowling balls but I discovered that it did not look terribly “wrong” for them to just grab the balls out of the ground so that is how things presently are.

I show it here because I spent so much of the last two weeks getting this to work that I have nothing else to show! it feels like too mundane a creature to spend that much time on, but the time has been spent. I drew it throwing the ball from 8 angles, when most people would just do five, even though that motion takes 15 frames. and STILL is somewhat jerky. that is 15×8, 120 frames, not including the just standing there and “hey stop shooting me” frames, ALSO drawn from eight angles instead of five. I merficully allowed to accept a single angled “death” animation because it just turns into globs that would not necessarily be noticeably not rotating when walked around.
None of the monsters die, they just fall over and look sad, unless they melt. The few non-goop monsters that actually can bleed still have their eyes open when they get disemboweled. I want to hurt them, not to kill them. I want them to think about what they did.

i made this one into a goop monster that melts rather than an “organic” one that simply falls over and looks sad since it is uniform of color and unclothed which suggests goop compatibility, even though I only have three non-goop ones so far, and two, based on lope (pathetic blue lizard) and nemitz (incorrigible orange imp), have to be redrawn to NOT look like them since the theme has become more specific than “weird junk in doom” since I first implemented them roundabout 2003-4ish,, and I cannot imagine lope being any good in a fight anyhow, assuming it would ever be even willing to fight. Also, chronologically speaking, nemitz should not be present at this point. Yes you will believe I have a serious timeline for this “story” even though it is ludicrous broken garbage that will always be somebody else’s game even though I guarantee you I wasted more time from my life than id software collectively did while developing doom and the predecessors it follows from. I MUST justify the time spent, by spending yet more time on it. I might have justified this paragraph better by actually including those two IN the video but I mean to assure you that they are nearby since I can hear their noises.



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them`s fightin` woids: August 6, 2018
Dhraiden sez:
Do you want imps infesting the internets, because this is you get imps infesting the internets...
August 5, 2018
Frimpinheap sez:
Nobody is invited! The location has been quarantined. We need to keep the dumb imps and their...
August 4, 2018
Creeply critter sez:
Oooh. This makes me feel like I am invited for some mischief. No! Must resist!
August 2, 2018
Frimpinheap sez:
It has doom programming at its core but it is not working within doom’s limits, apart...
August 2, 2018
Purplespace sez:
That looks hilarious! I can hardly believe that’s the same game as Doom!
July 30, 2018
Frimpinheap sez:
This is NOT about cartoon porn, as I said in the text here, and every other place where I posted...
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