This is that which wasn’t good enough for last time. Now there is none left. Yet still I do hunger.

Why are meals with vegetables and meat always named after the meat portion? If something is named after a non-meat, vegetable lasagne, for instance, you can usually assume safely that there is no meat in it. Is it really fair, then, that, if I want a chicken sandwich it still might have vegetables or worse on it? Mayonnaise is not meat or vegetable, and it is also not good at all. It is worse than both, yet harder to get away from once it finds me. It hides, it exempts iitself from The Menu, and it changes its name sometimes. It can say it’s ranch dressing, but I know the truth.

I hate when people imitating music with their voices interpret all notes as the syllable “bom.” And in comics it’s always “dum de dum” I don’t do that! Dehs, rorms, mahms and youihhhs must be utilized to get the most from one’s vocal capabilities.

I keep my bases covered to protect them from airstrikes.

It was an unhealthy relationship. We ate lots of bacon and drank Clorox together.

I’m often amazed at the tolerance some people have for themselves.

Pudding is made of puppies!
Ohhh me and my big font.

If nothing else, I want to provide an amusing autopsy. THERE’s a job where you’re set for life. And death. Urg.

I have much sympathy for people whose upbringing doesn’t allow them to get the amusement I do from corn with a k.

I refuse to call rappish recordings “hip hop” until they start incorporating more rabbits or kangaroos. Even then, I still will not listen to “the Kangaroo Hop.” I’ve just looked and evidently there’s more than one “The Kangaroo Hop.” I hate both. If you could make beer with kangaroo hops, I probably wouldn’t drink it. Hops in general are bad news.

I hate when someone on television sees another person aiming a gun and says “what, you’re gonna shoot me? Go on, shoot me!” No one would really say that, and no one with a gun would really not shoot upon hearing that. If I said that, I would be shot. I may be shot anyway.

When I see sports coverage, it’s no exaggeration to say that if these people had been showing me the exact same “guy throwing ball at other guy” footage for the past 20 years, I wouldn’t know it. How much cheaper would film equipment be if there wasn’t so much used exclusively for filming hours and hours of identical movements? Each day?

I remember when i first started hearing about Dame Cook I hated him. Then I didnt hate him for a while. Now (I reckon this was from May 2006 or thereabouts) he’s doing talk show tours again and I hate him again. Pretty much anyone who goes on television and mentions “myspace” just to get a cheap pop from the audience probably needs to be punched in the nose, or at least sternly poked.

Hey, myspace: Making things harder for people who don’t rape isn’t going to stop rapes. Just as limiting program capabilities and making all documentation condescending didn’t stop dumb people from breaking their computers or pirating software. You only make worthy users hate you. You might argue that with limited program capabilities one would actually need to be smarter to pirate software, but go to one of those websites and tell me whoever made it isn’t a complete degenerate moron. I dare say a hacker’s hacking skill is inversely proportional to one’s abilities in all other areas of existence. You might similarly argue that there is no such thing as a noble MySpace user. That is a problem: in most people the gland that makes desire to want a myspace account is genetically tied to being dumb enough to get raped through the internet tubes.

The only thing that will stop dumb kids from getting raped is those kids getting less dumb. But instead of educating them you just hassle them about their age to swat legal liabilities off yourself. If they can have been hearing about people getting abducted over internet relationships for years and still think they’ve found “true love” within a couple trivial exchanges and fake pictures, then they must be idiots. Fools need to realize that even in the best, rarest circumstances the results will be horribly bad.

Unfortunately, the Concerned Parents of America force MySpace to do something. They leave it no choice. It, itself knows the changes cannot possibly help. It realizes it will come to a point where the only thing it can do is write up confusing “agreements” which no one will ever read, like every other maker of products people hurt themselves with.