February 4, 2008

I don’t think I have many entries like this left in me. That can only lead to improvement.

Maybe you wondered (or more likely never thought about at all) what my problem was in this entry with SIMPSON-ZU, since it actually improves upon the original artwork and was more complicated than the standard art-site character posing against no-background. Because it only does so for the sake of looking artificially japanese. I think the artist may even be Japanese, and I still find the whole thing a bit contrived. It was not an earnest artistic choice, it was just a stupid gimmick. And without that, what is it? Just a bunch of someone else’s characters loafing around looking at a television set. Nothing interesting is happening (I doubt what they’re watching is, either. I can’t think of anything I could or would view with every person I know, so the set is most likely off). All it’s done is swap one ugly commercially mandated “style” for another. My discontent has nothing to do with jealousy this time, surprisingly. Very often I see an insipid example of nothing going on get beloved just because the perpetrator does that all the time and weak people love it and I get mad but that’s as far as it goes. This was more sinister, I felt. Whether or naw the artist set out to have it be so.


A mere fortunate coincidence is that both the pictures were approved by the same master judge, grave accent animator. Why should I be bothered by the opinion of somebody who draws awful large-mouth disney-standard-unquestioning duckface people who otherwise appear totally human? When I hate duck-face-people more than almost all awful animal people? Maybe I just like being bothered. It’s probably not that big of a deal, actually. But I definitely hate duck people. They are ruthless.

Verily, they lack ruth.

But regarding the universally accepted deviation, the proponent of ruthlessness admitted that this was already an overexposed piece of trash by the time it got official acknowledgment, so why’s it even need that? Just because the office said so. It is Simpson Week, after all. And what is that? I didn’t know the fourth week of July 2007 was simpson week, and I was there! Ah, that must have been the week when the Simpson movie was released. Everyone was “going yellow.” Cowards.


It was the same week we saw a googly-eyed burger king and this jaundiced overbiting puffy cheeked round toothed myspace moron, who it’s easy to imagine not enjoying a sandwich, which this whole thing is the inescapable mass-marketed equivelant of. I assume other companies got involved but I won’t go looking for them. By suggesting that it really had no choice in playing along with such a corporate holy week, the Deviant Art makes clear that it has not a skrimpf of integrity, had it ever. The original object of issue might as well be fifty discarded mcdonald’s bags standing around a couch staring at a bottle of coke.

Hey, according to, I’m told, former Coca Cola Company president Donald Keough on the subject of a less successful business stunt I’m not old enough to have been affected by, “The simple fact is that all the time and money and skill poured into consumer research on the new Coca-Cola could not measure or reveal the deep and abiding emotional attachment to original Coca-Cola felt by so many people.” That is a dumb reason to buy soda.


That is also a dumb reason. Doesn’t anybody buy anything because they want it anymore? Oh oh oh and of course the website isn’t cokerewards, it’s mycokerewards, because they think that will make me think I like it. Guess what: I don’t think I like it!

It seems there is no smart reason to buy soda.



Unless you’re Duke Nukem, and you probably aren’t. But I was complaining about a picture of The Simpsons.


It’s not Mona Lisa Simpson on a toilet, but it doesn’t have to be. Whenever you draw these characters, just for the sake of drawing them, you are in a sense also drawing every other tacky picture of them. That’s how it ends up to me, anyway. Maybe it doesn’t matter to you. That’s why you didn’t complain about it on your page. Sometimes I feel like I do everything around here.

I didn’t get a good shot of this because I was afraid someone would see me taking it and think I liked it, but this sums up what the Simpsons are, as purely two-dimensional (note the absence of any logical appearance of depth) images, without scripts to make them funny, without the best animation FOX can buy distracting us from how ugly they are, without Hank Azaria’s 2 or 3 distinct voices making them seem worth staring at the endlessly plopiting mouths of: just another greeping “institution” getting airbrush-painted on a piece of wood at some life-draining tourist dump in Florida, with Elvis Presley, Betty Boop, the perennially dead and talentless Marilyn Monroe, The Beattles dressed as mandarins or something, Snoopy flying a doghouse, ugly jerk-worshiped cars and enormous ghost heads threatening to devour us all. The only reason Mickey Mouse isn’t in it is because the Disney people have a history of suing anyone who puts that on a wall in public. I wish I could sue for that, too. That happened in 1989 and doesn’t seem to have happened since, but this picture is probably almost that old. If this was made today it would definitely have Dale Ernhardt and the Geico skink in it. “This is why not to become an artist,” I thought when I saw this in 2006’s November, long before “Simpson Week.”

On the subject, sort of, why, on The Simpsons, are white people drawn yellow, but brown people are still brown? Couldn’t they be orange?

Ey, why are Simpson Halloween episodes still called tree-houses of horror? Is the tree-house still a major location on the show? I know Bartholomeau was the central character when I first watched it, but he wasn’t by the time I stopped,* and I can’t even recall with certainty that he had a treehouse. I suppose nuclear power plant of horrors or scum-sustaining tavern of horrors or Rolling Stones guest voice contract of horrors would seem redundant.

*unlike apparently every other whinist on the internet, I wasn’t counting to see what season that was. Oops.


There’s nothing else there.

And they think I’ll shorten Saint to St and Petersburg to Pete, but I won’t.
Ha ha huhhhhhhhzzzzzjzjgbjb.



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