June 14, 2008

Have you noticed that when I complain about other people’s comedy it always ends up really unfunny itself and I can’t get rid of it for five days? Gosh, I hope not.


Oh dear. Ohhhhh dear.

——————————- (dashes)

Well now I just feel bad. Am I supposed to buy this out of pity or whuh? I admit I’ve watched this movie as many times as Martin Lawrence has been funnier, but when’s the last time I mentioned a film I’ve seen? I do know for a fact that Sheneneh does not appear. Face it, folk: he’s never getting any better than this! Run Tel Dat to all your friends!

Whowhat? Male Female? You mean like Big Momma (of Big Momma’s House fame)? Or just Relationships between males and females? Drat it all, I wanted to be surprised! I was under the assumption that the human race had ceased procreating. But you have spoiled that for me, once again. I wish I lived in a world where every movie, tv show and ad for automobile insurance had a predictable and improbable romance angle in it so I wouldn’t need to look forward to them like this.

Interestingly, or maybe not, on the series Martin, uh Martin is also said to have portrayed a talk show host. I’m not going to stretch for some irony that isn’t here (though I like to imagine Martin conducting interviews entirely by shouting), I just think it’s kind of dumb. Is this simply coincidence or does Martin Lawrence find something especially fascinating about talk show hosts? And if so, what? Is he a fan of big, pointless desks and bending his neck at unnatural angles to speak with people, while others watch and are not permitted to participate or leave? I remember, relatively recently, a program appeared simply titled Talk Show with Spike Feresten. Like just “Talk Show.” Is it spoofing the medium? Is it bucking the tropes? No, it’s just another generic white* man with a funny name behind a big desk talking to people selling junk I don’t want, occasionally airing pre-taped, seriously lousy video segments intended to be interpreted as comedic. Because the true problem with this kind of show was that there weren’t enough of them.

*well he is, even if Martin isn’t.

Really, the only apparent thing the slightest bit unusual is the fact that it airs at 12 am on Saturday, or Sunday, I suppose. Even if it looked more interesting than it does I probably wouldn’t watch it then, but fortunately it doesn’t. Its signature bit seems to be “comedy for stoners,” which is as lazy and unsatisfying as you could possibly imagine it might be. I saw it once, when I was curious as to what this curious new entry on my channel list was, and remember thinking “gosh, that was totally lazy and unsatisfying.” And today I watched several of them with my internet, all for you, bimshwel, and they still are. I just wish a wikipedia editor would make a comprehensive and utterly unnecessary, never proofread list of them all.

I admit the title “extreme hitlers” sounds interesting (as you know, historically Adolf Hitler’s policies were rather reserved and rational). Alas, I could not find it online, but I have full faith in the production crew that they could make it boring and tiresome 10 seconds into its magical minute. I have seen “electric lincoln” (you should not) and verily it belongs on the internet. In fact, “lemon party,” in which old men take off their clothing and go all gropey on one another after drinking kool aid, I’m told is based on some memely internet non-joke I’ve never heard of before now and hope I never do again, and therefore it doesn’t have to be funny.

A look at the full list suggest that obese, elderly or otherwise “unattractive” men wearing triangularly shaped scraps of clothing seem to be a common theme at the talkshow show, not surprisingly (why start now? (OOOH ZZAP!)).

I used to think my tendency to create pictures of shiny hairless imp-people lacking sextual identification was a result of a brain disorder, but maybe it’s secretly a very stupid protest against someone else’s. A lot of someone elses. SOCIETY IS BREAKING MY BRAIN WITH ITS GRUBBY GROIN EXTRAVANDANZAS. I would design a bumper sticker that says “don’t let crotch be your comedy crutch” if I didn’t think people who buy bumper stickers were the sort of people who enable this perverse pelvic perpetuation.

Yes, so, apparently all the show’s bits are lazy and I shouldn’t pick on that one. Not that youtube users are always the best arbiters of quality, but I have quite enough doubt in the aspects of my life which matter, so whether I’ve misjudged a program which could at best be kind of good due to its entire basis and format being dull and unoriginal shouldn’t AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I’VE BEEN SHOT!

So why am I telling you? Why did I waste the last hour fretting about minor details of this pointless description of a pointless thing? I thought we were done with this. How could you do this to me? I could have watched two Talkshow shows in that time and been just as miserable with less effort. I think I just liked my Hitler joke, and also that I could make one without angry lawyers sending me letters about it.


I’m not bitter, there just happen to be a lot of things which remind me of that.

3 Responses
  1. 1
    8:25 am, June 15, 2008

    The Old Jersey Dopes' Barkeep Association sez:

    Sadly enough, I actually saw Big Momma’s House upon its initial release (paired in double-feature form with the equally bad Road Trip). I didn’t have to pay to see it, however, and ’twas being shown at a drive-in, so I assumed the novelty would make the experience worthwhile. It didn’t.

    Under most circumstances multiple Hitlers placed in absurd situations would be a surefire recipe for Big Laffs (unless your name is Capt’n Eli), but ’tis nevertheless possible to overextend such a joke, as witnessed by the infamous one-episode TV series, Heil Honey, I’m Home! (though this specimen admittedly features only one person who hittles). Popular lore states that this series was quickly given the boot due to offense factor, but I suspect the real reason is that it was simply far too boring. I tried to watch it on YooToob once, and I couldn’t even make it through five minutes.

  2. 2
    1:17 pm, June 16, 2008

    Slengof sez:

    I also saw BMH (it needn’t be typed again) when it was new and mysterious, and though it was not grouped with another of its ilking, this did occur during a supposed vacation trip, perhaps foreshadowing the less adventuresome antipathy of later such extended outings. I do, alas, recall immensely enjoying the moment when the “actual,” non-Martin Lawrence Big Momma, shunned in the sequel, returns to her home during a gangfight/bang, declaring “Not in Big Momma’s House!” (oh no! I typed it again!) and forcefully ejecting some thugs.

    I hope, for the sake of the people who watched it during its limited run, that the That’s My Bush people learned from Hitler’s mistakes and put on a decent show, but I secretly hope it was just as bad. Because I’m a horrible, spiteful person.

  3. 3
    9:26 pm, June 17, 2008

    The New Guernsey Dopes' Tar Heap Association sez:

    Well, your secret hope was actualized, then, as the two shows are pretty much identical. Admittedly, B did at least bother have the fact the main character was George W. Bush in some small way shape the form the wacky antics took, whereas in H the fact that the main charachter is Hitler is not only irrelevant, but he really only is Hitler insofar as he is called Hitler by other characters and dresses in a Hitler-like manner.

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Sorry, the comment form is apologizing at this time. Which probably means I got tired of deleting robot comments off this post. It is unfortunate, but generally very few actual people have anything to say to me.

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