September 13, 2013

Hello, Jack Nicholson is dead, according to context clues given off by this ironically named publication. I wonder if his unnaturally street caricature-like swollen head was a factor in his demise. Maybe an airplane crashed into it or a triceratops hatched out of it.
Additionally, I am so off my contemporary culture that I had to check first to make sure Jack Nicholson was not dead before posting this.

Another large-headed matter I had valid reason to check up on recently:


Tommy Lasorda, best known for his endorsement of the perennial Toys R Us video game-cover pegboard space-filler Bill Clinton Baseball on the Sega Genesis now looks like


the president who succeeded Clinton, Dick Cheney.

Also, when I was in Colorado (a geographical region to the west of where I presently reside), every man over a certain age looked like Dick Cheney. I believe one of them overheard me remark on this, and while he appeared to frown in my direction, he did not have me executed because he does not have enough shame to realize that me comparing him to himself is meant to be derogatory.


That is an odd way to end, so here instead is a corny guy listening to corn.

He looks like the protagonist from another Sega Genesis release, Flashback. I am also reminded of the time I loaned my flash to somebody, for at some point I needed to get my flash back. Additionally, public nudity enthusiasts never expect you to flash back.

I will call him Cornrad.

However, corn is not rad (though it may be radioactive).



5 Responses
  1. 1
    2:29 pm, September 13, 2013

    PurpleSpace sez:

    This reminds me, they just last month released an updated graphics remake re-imagining of Flashback with fancier green hologram messages. Do you think that is something of which you approve?

  2. 2
    3:05 pm, September 13, 2013

    Zeeplefreep sez:

    I can’t think why that is necessary! I only learned a few weeks ago that there was something like that for the Ducktales NES game, that took its ludicrous, unexplained setting and ruined it by trying to explain it. With massive monetary resources that would have been better put toward making a whole new cartoon that wasn’t trying to shoehorn a 25 year old illogical game into something that modern audiences would consider unthreatening. I can accept a 16×16 pixel vaguely scrooge mcduck-like figure defeating foes with a pogo stick, but one that is unmistakable and talks like Alan Young baffles me in an unpleasant manner. Then I start to wonder “Why does the cane have this power? Why can’t McDuck just hit things with the cane without jumping? Why didn’t he bring a gun? Why doesn’t he use his wealth and resources to level this dump? WHO is he talking to?” And once all that is explained, then I will just be tired.

    Flashback might be a better recipient for a makeover, since it aspired to seem plausible from the start. Although when I look at it now the only things in its favor are its super hokey polygon scenes and the subtle yet effective backgrounds in the normal scenes. The version released on CD systems had fully rendered (occasionally dithered) scenes and voice-overs, and was immediately indistinct from other bland graphics-first games on cd systems. The thing that needs to be UPDATED are the terrible controls that are the usual byproduct of games with motion captured animation.

    I imagine the ideal target for an update would be a game that could have been good but just wasn’t, due to a rushed release, programmer oversight, lack of resources or any number of things. A game like Plok or Spindizzy Worlds or Wonderboy in Monsterland (that had three sequels but it was tremendously flawed). The first Final Fantasy was a good target for a remake. Final Fantasy Adventure on the gameboy WORKED, and so was not. Color it in, put it on a bigger screen, replace the sound hardware, but don’t- don’t give me a chance to talk about that.

    I feel the same way about films. Why remake Total Recall? It did what it set out to do and people liked it. The sad fact is that people in general are yet more interested in “generating buzz” than producing a quality product.

    I am curious about Flashback so I will investigate the matter anyhow.

  3. 3
    3:11 pm, September 13, 2013

    Heapinfrimp sez:

    It seems to boast the “core team” of the original, but that does not necessarily mean anything because I presume they also made the CD version that missed the point and the sequel that had no point.
    The “Official Trailer” could be for any dumb contemporary game. The new Conrad is just some guy, rather than a distinctly weird looking guy, for whom I would not spot a body double on a bag of popcorn (that I would not have prepared for myself) for nearly 20 years.

    I might say “remake Blaster Master” but evidently that was remade. I have slightly more hope for that than this. Sunsoft’s NES development could often deliver a game that had the right audio and visuals but was not quite right. Gimmick might be a good choice but I have not yet reached the point where I want to care about Journey to Sillyus enough to actually play it.

    As long as it is back in contact with late 1980s era Disney, Capcom should remake its first Rescue Rangers release and only change those horrifying boss “deaths” that have the entire image layer abruptly vanish with no animation and just a creepy 8-bit screech of agony.

  4. 4
    4:35 pm, September 13, 2013

    PurpleSpace sez:

    I saw a video of someone playing the Flashing Back game, and it seems to have added new glitches not found in the original, or if they were found in the original, left them in as well, such as the character deciding to no longer respond to direction movements at certain times.

    They are also going to remake Robocop movies and color him black instead of silver. All the semi-believable 80’s special effects using real props will now be computer generated, such as Robo’s gun unholstering from his hip.

    The only good thing may be we finally get a good Robocop video game (besides the arcade game never released for homes) as every Robocop game has been terribad.

  5. 5
    4:52 pm, September 13, 2013

    Heapinfrimp sez:

    In the initial Flashback, there were numerous jumps that the player character would execute automatically when instructed to run toward the launch space. If a player attempts to initiate the jump (for the player must always press the button slightly in advance to the bad controls) the jump will always fail (This then might condition the player to expect the computer to jump for them in dangerous spots, which generally it will not do). Perhaps new Conrad is flashing back to the old game and hoping for a computer controlled perfect navigation, and locking out the player who is a known saboteur of such perfection.

    I never viewed the original Robocop documentary (though I have seen the frozen frieduh chickun advertisement numerous times). Perhaps I should take an opportunity to watch a mediocre remake without being spoiled by knowing of a better version. That was how I encountered the Conan Barbarian film a few years ago. I could see that it was mildly entertaining (though hardly worth watching again) without being concerned that the title character never punched any horses (which then saved me any time spent attempting to determine if a real horse had really been punched).

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