September 28, 2009

AM Saturday: I was writing something about wallets, but I was distracted by skeletons. We will see if I finish.

9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

I over-explain too many of my pictures.

Why do I have footprints on my ceiling? And how, while you’re at it.

A rift develops in the CD-I Zelda cartoon remixing community. Lack of unity threatens to jeopardize the future of poop.

I won a flu shot in a fight. Yes, I won the fight by shooting flu at people and my arm is irrelevant..

If you are forthright about your most sinister sounding ingredient, and go so far as to boast about it on the front of your packaging, people will assume it’s a bonus feature. The Dorito squad could learn a lesson from this. Rancho-salsorella-guacoberry Doritos, now with neutronium mcsparkletrite! This reminds me of those original ads for the Rogaine hair enhancer, where some generic oaf would say a random thing and clarify it by explaining “it’s like Rogaine.” He had to talk about Rogaine through comparison only because laws that haven’t managed to make Cialis ads not-creepy prevented Rogaine’s purpose from being stated in the advertisement. After he said “Rogaine” someone else would pipe in real excited like “Rogaine with Minoxidil?” Verily, that be the one. Not that other rogaine that Scooby Doo buys from Columbian gangsters. Ask your doctor about Rogaine, because otherwise you’ll never find out what it does! As far as I could figure out, it helped men get brochures in the mail about catching fish and riding horses. Now that I do know what Rogaine does I find that imagery completely helpful and appropriate. Are you looking to get away from the hectic, urban lifestyle? Rogaine can help you get pictures of men doing inconsequential stuff outside! We also have pictures of a guy in a kayak and a guy playing golf! As long as my Mute button has functioned, I have observed that most oddly named things that come in little boxes are also good for this.
Hiii. Nice place! Not nice enough! I’m going to read my Rogaine brochure and wish I was at a rodeo, yup yup! Maaan… good times, good times. Oops, let me wipe my keyboard.

Excuse me, I always wipe my keyboard. Doesn’t everybody? Isn’t this a totally normal thing to show somebody doing in an ad? Because I’m always getting wipable stuff on my keyboard and people are always looking at my keyboard when they come to visit, so it makes sense. NO I’M NOT DONE YET!



8 Responses
  1. 1
    9:09 am, September 29, 2009
    Lucky sez:

    Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labors of men that as a result of the labors unfinished of Testew and Cunnard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labors of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicillin and succedanea in a word I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell fades away I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per head since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per head approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and then the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas in the year of their Lord six hundred and something the air the earth the sea the earth abode of stones in the great deeps the great cold on sea on land and in the air I resume for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis the facts are there but time will tell I resume alas alas on on in short in fine on on abode of stones who can doubt it I resume but not so fast I resume the skull fading fading fading and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis on on the beard the flames the tears the stones so blue so calm alas alas on on the skull the skull the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the labors abandoned left unfinished graver still abode of stones in a word I resume alas alas abandoned unfinished the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the skull alas the stones Cunard! . . . tennis! . . . the stones! . . . so calm! . . . Cunard! . . . unfinished!

  2. 2
    12:21 am, October 1, 2009
    Finkeldey Fabrax sez:

    That comment is indeed much easier to take in when I imagine the suspender’d, hat-clutching man in the picture saying it.

  3. 3
    1:46 am, October 2, 2009
    Alarmist sez:

    This isn’t a website! It’s a toooooooomb!

  4. 4
    2:44 am, October 3, 2009
    Alarmist Jr. sez:

    No it’s not! It’s a boooooooooomb!

  5. 5
    1:44 pm, October 3, 2009
    JC sez:

    A BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!

  6. 6
    5:44 pm, October 3, 2009
    Finkeldey Fabrax sez:

    A horizontal scroooooooooooooooooooolbar on my page!

  7. 7
    2:19 pm, May 31, 2010
    Kim Rhoades sez:

    bimshwel.com’s done it again. Incredible article.

  8. 8
    2:39 pm, May 31, 2010
    Hejmrink sez:

    Usually I delete rubbish like that, but the wording in this one is too delightful to be ignored. Yupperoonie, Bimshwel’s done it again! Another tasteful joke about men spilling their seed to hair restoration formula ads eight months ago!

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