August 12, 2014


Apparently I had “published” this at some point prior to completion and not realized it, since the primary clue is that the word “publish” has switched to “update” in an inconspicuous location. Since it was necessary to edit an older entry that I linked to, I had been using the update button on that one, and so probably mistook the publish button on the new entry for the update button it did not yet have, when I should have clicked on “save draft,” which is in a different place, even though it has the same purpose on a non-public entry as “update” does on one that is visible, on which the old save button vanishes. Does that make sense? No, it does not!
Anywuh,


breaking news [a week ago]: arbiter of notability has opinion on arbiter of history.
Jimmy Wales is the founder of wikipedia, the encyclopedia that anybody can put an article on that any administrator can delete on the grounds of it not being “notable.” Proof of notability is typically determined by appearances or references to a topic in advertising and cartoons. So if you want to make something notable, rob a bank and buy an ad on a cartoon that wikipedia administrators watch. Or go back in time and insert it into an obnoxious compuserve chain letter from 1993.

The only arbiter I trust is Bjorn Skifs,

for, you see, he knows the score.

however, the recent release and big money ticket sales of Guardians of the Galaxy troubles me. All I knew about it prior to viewing was that there was a talking raccoon in it and that Bjorn Skifs got money for it. The film includes a character whose power comes from a secret cassette tape of corny radio hits from previous decades. Which is also what happens in the low budget, beat-top-gun-to-market schlockbuster Iron Eagle but people actually paid to see this one. One of the songs heavily featured is the 1970s song Hooked on a Phonics Feeling, which Bjorn Skifs sang the lead vocals on, and it became a number one america hit song when it was released.

Skifs only became the Arbiter in 1984, ten years later, and it did not bring him the same level of recognition due to the song being less horrible. By then he had spent most of his Hooked on a Feeling money on extra zippers, height implants for his boots and one night in Bangkok, so his powers of arbitration were kept under control.
But now, with his old song in a hit movie, he must be getting big royalties. I estimate that every time an advertisement for the film airs on television, Bjorn Skifs gets one cent. By this point he probably has enough money to see the movie for free. Maybe even a 3d screening. How is that fair? He thinks he is such hot stuff now, we will probably never get rid of him.


Oh, OH, like this is my fault? What a trick! Now any time I walk near a brick building I need to worry that Bjorn Skifs will be lurking about in a camouflage brown 1970s suit, ready to step out of a doorway with just one leg so I need to slightly adjust my path to get past him. And fleepsy forbid I want to go IN that doorway, right? You think just because you won the second annual Karamelodiktstipendiet (Gold Neckerchief) that you can do this to me? I am not going to stand for… what? Oh gosh. Oh dear oh gosh


With no one left to arbitrate our dispute, I had no choice but to do as Bjorn Skifs demanded, and take advantage of his sporting head start to seek safety. At some point I managed to lose him, by running past a building made of concrete, and took refuge in my stylishly dilapidated 1920s apartment for several days. I think… yes I think it is safe to go down now. He would have gotten me by now, surely, if he was going to.


And then Bjorn Skifs murdered me. The end.



2 Responses
  1. 1
    2:41 pm, August 12, 2014

    PurpleSpace sez:

    What if Bjorn Skifs joined forces with the Lipton tea man?

  2. 2
    2:48 pm, August 12, 2014

    Heapinfrimp sez:

    Both are adequately dangerous without assistance!

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