November 30, 2014

You might be surprised to learn that some people talk to me. There is one person who does it on google plus for some reason, in addition to an unclear number of other people I get updates from whenever they remember they have google plus pages who do not necessarily talk to me. I noticed the update feed seemed to be feeding itself in an unclear order, placing things I saw months ago above things which had been posted more recently. This is done under the pretense of “tailor”ing the experience to meet my desires. Essentially it censors posts which do not get popular enough in favor of stuff that is already popular. An automated system to marginalize unconventional works and people, beyond the marginalizing people already do on their own. Speaking as someone who all evidence indicates is filtered out of existence and systematically ignored on “social media” regularly, I would prefer to not actively engage in that myself. I certainly would not delegate the job to a robot. Facebook does it too, and probably did it first. Google resents anything that controls information badly before it.

Twitter appears to offer a similar function, but I only found out about it via the control panel mechanism that lets me stop it from happening.

I searched for a way to make google+ stop, and I found Auto Aweseome instead.


When did “awesome” come to mean “brandable and roughly adequate?” Condescending advertisers finally killed epic and need another hypey youthful-sounding buzzword to ruin. Certainly they have been trying for at least a year.
Or more like two years

I forgot about this one.

alright it has been happening for a long time! But it subsided for a while.


In fact, I seem to have saved this in 2011. I appreciate google+ for not imposing itself on my experience regularly enough that I realized how much I hated it earlier.


If it can be done automatically it is not an adventure. An adventure should involve the unknown and personal initiative. If somebody else is leading you along, telling you what matters, and what is interesting, that is a tour. And if some robot is just guessing based on largely meaningless figures or nothing at all it is tourash. I saw some bit of between-show filler on one of those cartoon channels showing some barely-drawn figure floating across a landscape pointing out every ostensibly adventurey thing that appeared, as if they were expected, each as stereotyped as possible so that the protagonist could be not surprised by them. And I thought “what rubbish this is, I hope I never see it again.” And then a year later it was called Adventure Time, literally telling you YES ADVENTURE, excitement obtained through taking risks and seeking the unknown HAPPENS AT THIS SCHEDULED PRE-ARRANGED JUNCTURE and everybody liked it and was trying to be derivative of it and its self-aware dot-eyed auto-awesomeness. Bah! Doing things that you expect on time is the OPPOSITE of adventure! Crap’t’n’ Ecoli’s website and its cease-and-desist letter to mine had the tagline “Stand by for adventure!” Adventure is not something that you stand by for! If you are STANDING BY then it is someone else’s adventure!



Everybody on the internet wants to be Napoleon Dynamite except he is more artistically inspired.

I recently heard an advertisement for oatmeal with the slogan “today is going to be awesome.” Oatmeal is NOT awesome! Not even close! And neither are pop tarts! You should not rely on them to impart awesomeness onto you and it is irresponsible for advertisers to advocate such a behavior.


Pop tarts just make me think of playing to the second level of blaster master with the little lava pools that look more like pop tart filling and then having to turn it off to go to school. Blaster Master is likewise pretty bland and school is worse, especially when I have indigestion from eating two pop tarts. I could only get up to level 3 in Blaster Master so having to turn it off early probably fit in with my plans then.

There is, in present circulation, a televisual ad for one of these cereals with some dork eating Froot Loops and pretending to play the demo of Super Mario Brothers, while music as if they were actually playing is dubbed over with an announcer who sounds like he is wearing a neck brace strains out “bring back the awesome.” Froot Loops were NEVER awesome! I just finished saying how non-awesome oatmeal and Pop Tarts were and you found something yet less so. While still not awesome by comparison, they are at least less unimpressive. Froot Loops were just alright, at best. Unless I am mistaken Froot Loops was the big pioneer in spelling the key ingredient’s name wrong on purpose to keep yourself from being legally obligated to use any. But with the “bring back” and the desperate attempt for retro-game approval, these cereals are not being marketed at kids. Not real kids anyway, because this generation’s adults are still children. Children do not desperately pine for “good old days” that were not really all that good. While you’re at it why not “bring back” an 80 pound tv with dials on it, a rotary telephone, chuck your hard disk and chisel a floppy drive in its place, replace all your soft furniture with hard wood and swap your car for a stage coach. Then spend your inheritance playing old video games and eating tiny fossilized doughnuts while your own kids go to work in a coal mine.


With that all said, I am glad to see froot loops and friends finally dropping the pretense that they are food. It is mediocre candy with centrum silver injected into it. Is a double-wide box not enough?
The Kellogg Cereal Company probably saw that most of the ponely audience was 30 year olds, and realized that pandering to real kids was a waste of time when there was another demographic just as fickle and unconcerned for its own wellbeing but with a lot more money to spend on banquet sized stocks of crystalline corn syrup rings. Actual children probably won’t touch the stuff. They probably aren’t allowed to. I know they’d get expelled if they tried to bring it to school. Froot Loops are probably in an offense category with plastic knives by now. But that’s alright, you can eat rainbow dust hoops when you go home, and thanksh to modern innovations such as making the box twice as big, there may even be some left by then.

Here, have a lumpy sack, like something you’d fill a cat litter box with. I admit these are the generic non-kellogg brands, but real Post Cocoa Pebbles are on the shelf. “Real” said with the understanding that being not actual pebbles, their cocoa quoquotient may likewise be called into quequestion. Cocold in here!
In fact I would rather eat fruity pebbles than froot loops, but they ALSO remind me of blaster master!


or worse, jujubes.



7 Responses
  1. 1
    10:04 am, December 1, 2014

    PurpleSpace sez:

    I recently saw in a store where you could buy a fake sega genesis pre-loaded with about 40 roms of genesis games. I used to see these before, but usually a fake atari system. It was labeled as retro gaming flashback or something similar. Apparently someone is trying to cash in on the goodoldays even though most all those games can be found for free online. When I was younger we would rarely buy those “candy” cereals because they were unhealthy. I didn’t even mind that because I could tell by looking at them that they were all sugar and probably not the best thing to eat in great quantities. They have always gotten around this by saying “part of a complete breakfast” where a complete breakfast also consists of orange juice, eggs, oatmeal, toast, bacon, and a banana and any other things to make up the nutritional value of eating sugar-flavored packing peanuts with marshmallows. Who is more awesome, nemitz or lope?

  2. 2
    2:19 pm, December 1, 2014

    Frimpinheap sez:

    Found for free online? Where do you think the yobos who manufacture these items are getting the games? They are counting on us not knowing how easy to find their stock is.
    Like the Power Player Game Systems.
    I only just realized that was also back in 2004, the Jope Age, which does not seem like so long ago to me (but 2000 seems like eons). I feel like I have been in a coma for a decade. I once stayed at a hotel with one of those gamepad-contained emulated game systems in every room, and the actual legality was still not clear.
    My dominant cereal memory is my mother refusing to buy Cookie Crisp, which I might have thought even at the time to be a sound parenting decision. I did have Captain Crunch, but never more frequently than once every three years. I liked Product 19 and Triples best. I never let milk touch any of them.
    Nemitz is probably slightly more likely to think mitself “awesome,” though both are equally likely to smile in such a way as to deserve to be punched in the nose, and lope having an inherently more punchable nose will likely come out ahead.

  3. 3
    1:16 pm, December 2, 2014

    Indighost sez:

    I am honestly curious, then, Frimpinheap. What IS actually awesome, to you?

  4. 4
    1:49 pm, December 2, 2014

    Frimpinheap sez:

    I do tend to fixate on the negative, alas.
    “Awesome” is not a word I use, in fact. If I did,I would say its essence cannot be mass produced, you cannot have it every day, and you cannot guarantee it to someone else. I see the word as a warning that somebody is exaggerating. It is impossible to be perpetually in awe. We would find the experience of staying alive by breathing in oxygen awesome, otherwise, and then would never do anything else.

    But if I were to apply it to food, the food should be freshly prepared and not cold factory-produced misery out of a plastic bag inside a cardboard box.

    I enjoy strawberry pie, which almost nobody makes, because tv tells them to use cherries and rhubarb, I can only assume.
    New Haven-style pizza with bacon, although the bacon should be prepared separately. I have not found a chain-prepared pizza that I especially like, but thankfully I do not need to seek one out.
    Pancakes, also, but not from a restaurant, which tend to hold a misguided ideal of smooth uniformity, and like with many things want nothing better than to smother my food with white goop without my permission. These should be crispy at points and the color should be a mix of brown and tan tones.

    Tacos are great. Again I like the shells crispy. I like crispy things. A good crisp is hard to preserve for long periods or automate. A lot of “crispy” varieties of candy are awful or unremarkable.

    I enjoy fried chicken, even from some cheap and crummy places. Maybe it is not “awesome.” It does not need to be! I am sure if I had a higher budget I would have more interesting choices. Not because things were more expensive, but because I was less afraid of trying things that were. I would NOT feel inclined to buy a taco or a pizza that promoted itself as being “awesome.”

  5. 5
    10:35 am, December 5, 2014

    Indighost sez:

    New haven pizza is awesome indeed <3

  6. 6
    12:48 pm, July 13, 2015

    Prescription Pudding Pinged With:

    […] are good, right? I liked the freezer-borne Eggo variant of my bygone days slightly less than Pop-Tarts, but those were not FRESH BAKED! Apparently you can call something fresh baked when the waffle […]

  7. 7
    3:53 pm, June 17, 2016

    Prescription Pudding Pinged With:

    […] but it already told me an automatic process does the job, and apart from that it declared itself “awesome,” which it wouldn’t be concerned with doing if it […]

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