September 13, 2007

As for Capital Eli himself, his scary website uses the same logo but says very little about the soda and seems primarily intended to exhibit a too-small javascript window comic strip with fairly unreadable text (And these days my preferred screen resolution of 1024×768 is considered to be at the low-end). Imagine Bazooka Joe with delusions of magnificence, except you have to go to a website to see it, and you probably won’t because it’s scary, and even if you do you won’t know what’s going on. The Shipyard Brewing Company, which makes the soda, likewise does not mention the comic strip on its own website. Through it, though, you can order a box of twelve twelve twelve twelve ounce Eli Capitan soda bottles for $34.95, barely a bargain over what I paid for one, and we have no guarantee that they are full bottles.

For the picture stories is offered an email subscription service, even though it started in 2004 and not 1994. I presume this brings forth bigger, readabler pages, but I’m only presuming that and that it wouldn’t affect past “””webisodes,””” though I doubt they’re all that good anyway.


The character artwork appears passable enough –considering that the “meet the artist” page includes mumble mumble co-creator mumble internationally distributed mumble *cough* mumble mumble world¹s first disabled superheroes, The Scrap City Pack Rats, we probably could do worse. And verily that’s a tiny 1 instead of an apostrophe–
Ehhh! So the drawings don’t seem all that terrible, though if you’re bringing out the lame photoshop filler techniques for your cover image I have to question your dedication to quality, especially if the best backdrop you can find looks like

Doom II’s ASHWALL4 colored blue. Sure, GRAYPOIS or SP_DUDE7 would have been worse, but I prefer to discuss what could be done to improve things. For example, Doom has plenty of pretty sky graphics that would work.

As for hokey, noncomplex computer graphic models, I nominate that we save those for CBS News simulations of planned NASA missions. There’s really no sense to it if its non animated.

But I’m being unfair, as often happens. The effects on the inside, generally, are much better…



those people, however, are starting to freak me out. I concede that numerous online comic strips have utilized similar artistic anti-methods for humorous effect, and sometimes even succeeded, but this here is not meant to be funny, I don’t think. Though Eeleye is an apparent orphan, his plight was not brought about by a bright green tyrannosaurus stepping on his house, that’s all I’m saying.

Me, I may not be able to piece together a coherent story, I may not be capable of incorporating realistic, relate-to-able issues, I may not be able to read books on philosophy long enough to find the good non-sequitur fodder, I may not be able to draw a straight line, but by gummybear I’ll take hours and hours to get anything done. I pledge this to you.



Someone who appears to be the same author has uploaded a promotional clip through the youtube. In addition to being animated in the slightest, it features inappropriate use of one of my favorite musics, Gustav Holst’s (watch out, this is more noise) Jupiter: The Bringer of Jollity.



But I still prefer that to using music I hate and that has words in it unrelated to the visual content. I have filed the proper information requests with Neldo Headquarters to confirm that I do officially feel that way.

The site claims its “saga” begins in this story, although below it there is another one labelled as “first,” evidently by a different author. One who could draw backgrounds. One who could, but gave up on it a few pages in.


It’s hard to say if replacing this person was worth the trouble.



8 Responses
  1. 1
    4:08 am, September 14, 2007

    Admiral P. sez:

    Do you know how difficult it is to keep a hat on a dog? Even if the beast doesn’t object do having something on its head (and it usually does), it simply doesn’t have the necessary degree of forehead to prevent the garment from falling off.

  2. 2
    6:12 pm, September 14, 2007

    Mxy sez:

    I say this from experience: It’s never a good idea to let someone with no depth perception pilot a vehicle. When will comic writers learn?

  3. 3
    8:21 pm, September 15, 2007

    Eeplivopu sez:

    Admiral P:
    I imagine they don’t much like being crammed into little submarines, either. Truly, the Capt’n abuses his authority.

    Mxy
    And MARK FATHOM is in charge of security, too. No wonder he’s at a loss to explain the constant mysterious thefts in the east wing of Fort Eli.
    Ehhh one of the Scrap City Pack RATS supposedly had eye trouble, namely dyslexia. This may just be Mr. Piscopo’s way of acknowledging his earlier work.

  4. 4
    11:50 pm, September 17, 2007

    Hilary sez:

    HAHAHA
    Oh this made my terrible day 10x better.

  5. 5
    6:13 pm, September 18, 2007

    Eeplivopu sez:

    It was the Wall of Blue Hitlers, wasn’t it. Hitlers seem to have that effect on people. I’m glad to be of service, at any rate.

  6. 6
    5:19 pm, January 25, 2008

    Elfibrax sez:

    Lookout! There’s a vicious pingback a-comin’ through! I can feel it in muh bones!

  7. 7
    5:23 pm, January 25, 2008

    Razor Blade Casserole Pinged With:

    […] The entry it regards was quickly stripped of the offending materials and I have not yet devised suitable replacements for them all. I made plans, but actually doing the act was soon sickening. I’ll possibly tell you if it ever happens. The offending materials consisted of a comic page, a comic cover and youtube frame all depicting the exact same character drawings arranged in different ways among seriously lousy 3D computer graphic backgrounds, and seen exactly as I found them, except for one whose background I altered (which they noticed, pog bless them). My point being that the whole thing’s an overpromoted ugly hackwork and true. […]

  8. 8
    5:30 pm, January 25, 2008

    The Narrator sez:

    There were no survivors.

feed comments.

Sorry, the comment form is apologizing at this time. Which probably means I got tired of deleting robot comments off this post. It is unfortunate, but generally very few actual people have anything to say to me.

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them`s fightin` woids: October 22, 2017
Mxy sez:
I think very early in the century, when I first ended up in this website, I looked through several...
October 22, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
Gosh, I am then also give years older than you! I could drop dead at any moment. Thank you...
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Robot Parsley sez:
“1999 to 2003 seemed like a huge expanse of time, then 2003 to 2007 was another, and...
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Frimpinheap sez:
Thank you for reading any amount of that! I watched Conan’s program before I knew about...
October 21, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
Your prose is a marvelous testament to her. To find a connection to someone so sync.. You two...
October 21, 2017
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I put too much effort into enlisting people who do not “get” it at all.
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