December 13, 2015


Excuse me shouldn’t there be a spoiler alert in that ad? You have already told me that Frosty survives the first movie! Imagine watching Star Wars if you knew in advance that the Empire was going to Strike Back.


Everyone’s favorite snowman. I think that’s supposed to be Frosty also. But now that you mention it, I don’t know a whole lot of snow-men.


Ones that are eligible to be my favorite, I mean. Between this and the

creepy cartoon frog “Kandoo” that wipes itself in front of your children we as a nation have enough uninvited smilers sharing this space with us.

Okay buddy the facial expression was actually beside the point and in fact you are making this worse.


Back to snow-men, I used to not like them at all, but then I found out that Battletoads hated them and I decided they might be doing something right. Kandoo of course grew up to be a battle toad.
For favorite snowman I did consider Parson Brown, but I remembered I was only pretending that was who it was.


The only other one that comes immediately to my mind is Bad Mr. Frosty, presumably of no relation to regular “Mr. Frosty is my father” Frosty. But he is no good and is not my favorite. He is almost as bad as a bad-tle toad, despite them declaring genocide on his species. He is a traitor through and through. My source informs me that Bad Mr. Frosty’s buttons and facial features are made not from coal but from leftover Shop Rite logo pieces.


You know, those old stories about Santa Claus giving coal to naughty children are a lie. Coal was a valuable commodity in days of yore. You couldn’t heat your cold Victorian hovel without it. Shop Rite pieces are only good for bad. They will burn your house down without generating any warmth. Fire is a neutral force of nature, but the Shop Rite logo means to harm you, have no doubt. Consider that only the “hop ri” part of the logo is underlined. It deliberately omits S t and e just as an affront to notorious video game artist Ste Pickford. When Shop Rite is around nobody else is allowed to spell their name weird.

Or perhaps it holds a grudge since Ste-drawn Kuros was, historically, the first person to ever get kicked out of a Shop Rite.

part 1 of this investigative series on shop rite
part 3 and I’m not saying that twice



3 Responses
  1. 1
    12:27 pm, December 16, 2015

    Purplespace sez:

    What a terrible night to have a shop rite!

    Saint Nicholas was just chosen at random as a generic church-approved “good person” who was popular with the masses to be the spokesperson for Christmas festivities and help tie all those pagan tree decorating people back to the church.

    I’m not sure where the snowmen making people fall into all of this, nor the fancy shiny reindeer people as well.

    I liked the movie where santa has a super factory at the north pole and makes toy robots for the children.

  2. 2
    10:09 am, December 31, 2015

    Prescription Pudding Pinged With:

    […] the next part of this story that only mentions shop rite at the end the part after that one which has far too much shop rite in it […]

  3. 3
    6:59 pm, December 31, 2015

    Frimpinheap sez:

    http://bimshwel.com/?p=5409 does this make a ping or do I have to do this?

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