May 4, 2012

Attention nemitz:
You are a scumbag. Not at all dear, thus my not capitalizing the n in your name and using a formal greeting despite your low-class trashy presence. You do not even deserve to be greeted. There should be someone employed at Wal-Mart who has the task of making sure you aren’t. That person might even get health insurance. I despise you. Why don’t you go jump in a dumpster? Because that’s probably too upscale for you. You are the worst person on the planet. You are scarcely a person at all. I can’t think why I used that word. The mental energy it takes for me to comprehend your pathetic presence makes additional thought difficult.

You, nemitz, are less than dirt. You are dust. You are the poverty-bringing byproduct of overfarming during World War 1. You make me sick. You made the wheat farmers sick when you got into their lungs. Are you aware that Black & Decker has a product devoted to busting you?

I’d wish you were dead but that would spare me the emotional contentness of killing you. Not joy, mind you; I reckon I could not achieve it with the memory of your life fresh in my mind. Your latest appearance on my prospective graphic design logo project is particularly worrisome. I am deeply concerned with how fancy you think you look. Maybe you should open your eyes, ya bum. The fact that you’re still standing there in the lower right corner proudly as I berate you shows that you truly do not deserve to exist. Can you not read? Can no one read this to you? Surely your ridiculous ears are good for something. I suppose you’d need friends for that. I am not your friend. I have already violated my personal principles by justifying my ire to you. I don’t even justify my text. You are both sub-justice.

Just the fact that you are there means I cannot fit as much abuse in this letter as I would like to without printing a second page. You aren’t worth the thirty seconds that would take much less the 50 cents it would take to use the double-side color printer in the library.

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand your standing. You go to the trouble to dress fancily but you don’t put pants on. Did you think I wouldn’t notice because you are only comprised of two colors and transparency? Did you think at all? I think you do it on purpose. Likewise, you do not wear shoes, but you wear spats. Spats only exist to protect shoes from dirt (which is better than you). They are not inherently fancy. Reprobates like you just think spats are fancy because those are associated with something that is fancy and you don’t bother to do any research. You are not Scrooge McDuck. You are lose mcdork.

From where did you steal that hat? Why does it have a shamrock on it? You are a sham and I want to throw a rock at you. I doubt you took my needs into consideration. Typical selfish imp. If I followed a rainbow and you were at the end you’d probably try to give me a pot of beets. I do not require beets! I have it on good authority that beets taste like dirt. Thus even they are superior to you. Beets should have a pot of nemitzes. However I forbid the presence of more than one nemitz. I forbid even but one nemitz. Who let this happen? Not me.

11 Responses
  1. 1
    1:39 am, May 5, 2012

    Schnooby sez:

    Nemitz is rubber and you’s glue; whate’er you say bounces off biv and sticks to you.

  2. 2
    1:18 pm, May 5, 2012

    Jumbi sez:

    I think you and nemitz need to have a talk!

  3. 3
    5:47 pm, May 5, 2012

    Patachu sez:

    well said ! god i hate this guy, he’s totally unoriginal and pretentious. he’s an insatiable douchebag who does nothing, ever. he’s a vermin, a parasite full of parasites parasiting everything he touches, and i hate ever more that pretentious style and character he’s trying to build lately “look i have a fancy hat” or something in a gibberish only him and his buddy seems to know. i also know he ripped off many people, i would list a lot; but that’s their fault for trusting nemitz. hell where does he even get that retarded name ?
    what angers me most about nemitz is that he thinks he’s super cool, a real attentionwhoring bastard, mischievious and calculating. (trust me i worked with him and it was the worst days of my life. ever.) no one expected such a level of hateability but i totally agree why some poeople gets so mad when you know people like him happens to just “exist” and just for that i’m writing an ED article about him. no, wait it’d take an entire book to sum up how wrong he can be. da heck how is he still alive ? have he sued anyone who threatens to kill him ? urgh everytime i see that fucking pointy tail and gobbly eyes gazing into nothingness smiling nonchalantly i want to choke him to death. if i ever see him irl, call the cops ’cause i wouldn’t control myself.
    no wait, if by a very bad circumstances this would ever happen, actually i think the cops would get their guns out, ask me to step back and shoot him down. i mean, seriously this guy is worse than hitler. two or three even ! it’s hard to consider how vilous nemitz can be, because it takes astronomical proportions.
    i’m gonna tweet this because more people should be aware of this kind of critter.

  4. 4
    5:48 pm, May 5, 2012

    Patachu sez:

    i had to say it, reading that whole page with a British accent makes it just wonderful.

  5. 5
    6:13 pm, May 6, 2012

    Rororivis sez:

    I have some rather harsh words for rubber, as well!

    Jumbridge: If nemitz has anything to say to me it can call my lawyer or draft an angrily worded letter of mitz own. That it has not done so constitutes a verification of the factual nature of my accusations. Also I will interpret anger by nemitz as a threat of violence and respond overwhelmingly accordingly.

    Chupa: You make some good points. The only thing worse than being yella is being orange, I always say, as of this moment. I had not even considered the utterly unnecessary posterior protrusion, huge eyes or incessant smiling. I also call into question the motives of anybody who hangs around with elpse. Elpse, as we know, is a suspect individual for hanging around with nemitz and for having questionable taste in hats.

  6. 6
    3:51 pm, May 7, 2012

    Dopes For Everyone Committee sez:

    You are either with Nemitz or secretly with Nemitz!

  7. 7
    7:10 pm, May 14, 2012

    Carlsberg sez:

    Nemitz murdered my family and won the trial pretending it was an accident!

    People must be aware of how evil he is!
    I will avenge them!

  8. 8
    8:04 pm, May 15, 2012

    Tuborg sez:

    What a co-inky-dink, an accident murdered my family and won the trial by pretending it was Nemitz!

  9. 9
    7:04 am, May 25, 2012

    Tez sez:

    Actually I think there is a slight discount for printing duplex in the library.

  10. 10
    5:41 pm, May 28, 2012

    Rororivis sez:

    It usually goes wrong the first time. I would probably need to pay 70 cents. All because of nemitz.

  11. 11
    7:07 pm, April 15, 2015

    Prescription Pudding Pinged With:

    […] the strength of during our six months of winter. I discussed a key design aspect in more detail here, but the blank space after “and” was so I could write something different on each card, […]

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