December 20, 2007

Jaypeg jaypeg. It would seem that people at document printing places are instructed to use that as generic terminology for all image files, because both times I had junk printed at Staples, persons took my flash drive behind the counter and had their way with it, loaded it into a computer I could not see and asked me if I wanted “these jaypegs” printed. Which I found worrisome, because my pictures were png. Ping. Does that mean there are some other pictures on there which I forgot about, possibly of an embarrassing nature (egg: anything on this website)? How can I direct that person to the right pictures without going back there myself? I can’t just say “yes” and assume the person is inaccurately describing my pings and risk having an enormous 11-and-a-half-by-eight-inch picture of Dennis Swanberg come at me. Not so much that he even scares me little on a screen, but then I have to explain both that it’s not the right picture and secondly why it was there, but I also have to do this in such a way as to not present an opinion just in case I’m talking to a fan or a shaming-me-ly openminded person and oh the chaos. And when I went to CVS, where the customers have to do this themselves, the machine wouldn’t even acknowledge that there were images on the drive because they weren’t jaypegs. Somehow it picked up the “Sandisk” logo, however. Yeah, I came here to print that. Imbeciles!

At Wal-mart, ever the haven of cowards, the big yellow Burger King playground-inspired monstrosity insisted I had yet to insert anything. Only after making me wait while it whimpered for five minutes, that is. Even though I most certainly did insert something and what’s more the device itself acknowledged it had been plugged in by putting its green light on.


Oh, and by the way, that’s NOT “ok!” It is unacceptable!


What we were attempting to print were these frightful things:

Yes, that picture only existed so somebody could make stupid “christmas cards” with it.
As I neither buy cards nor harbor pleasant/functional memories of snow mischief, in addition to not desiring to associate characters whose backgrounds I keep intentionally vague with any pseudo religious ceremonies I have no reason to assume they’d even know about let alone go along with, there was difficulty in coming up with an acceptable image. “Your characters building a snowman” was one suggestion, and this was the first way I could think of that such a thing could be allowed to happen. That one actually beat out others. (And that’s exactly the way I presented them). As ought to be expected, I didn’t figure out what about the green animal (“elpse”)’s head bothered me so much until I saw twenty of them in front of me. I made it shiny in the wrong place, so elpse appears to have a deformed, almost jowl-like, wayward cheekal region, when it in fact should not have one at all.

People did buy these, but I assumed they felt solly for me. I acquired some dollars out of it, so in theory I could buy someone something, but I still don’t have a credit card so it probably won’t be you, across the internet.

On the whole, the card affair (plus another thing we’ll discuss later) was an apparent improvement over Jope and some Dopes, which was, at least as far as my contributions were concerned, a total disaster and far less discreet.


All the same, if you see these people, tell them I miss them.



5 Responses
  1. 1
    9:29 pm, December 20, 2007

    Chargin' Chuck sez:

    I always pronounced jpeg as “jay-pee-ee-gee”. The first time I heard “jaypeg” was from an unctuous former instructor of mine with a distressingly peg-shaped nose, and thus this pronunciation has in my mind always been inextricably linked with that nose. But in any case, pronouncing file extensions as letters tends to be more dignified than forming “werds” therefrom. And it’s not as if anyone calls bitmaps “bmmps” or Quicktime files “movvs”. And I’d certainly like to see what they do with “html”.

    Also, I couldn’t help but notice that the program for Jope and Some Dopes proudly proclaims that the drama in question is “BY: ME (NOT YOU)” Is this meant to suggest that a large number of impostors have attempted to claim credit for this work?

  2. 2
    2:35 pm, December 22, 2007

    Elfibrax sez:

    I knew they would have tried if I had not set them straight in advance.

    I thought of bitmaps as “bihmmmps” but never let anyone else know that. It is likely I’ve let “gif” slip on a few occasions, however.

  3. 3
    5:44 am, April 3, 2008

    efab sez:

    I prefer reading this kind of information when I’m alone in the room, so no one would see an expression on my face. It’s disgusting! I don’t believe a single grose word about it!

    This is a junk robot message, but entirely by chance it is appropriate so I will leave it.

  4. 4
    9:34 pm, September 24, 2008

    Razor Blade Casserole Pinged With:

    […] For some reason I only have until the first week of October to design and complete a christmas “holiday” card this year for whoever I did it for last year, and for some other reason the person who was supposed to tell me that didn’t and so I just found out today. The last time I saw that person was August 29, and of course Christmas Season doesn’t start until August 31. I don’t have much time to think of ideas, so if any person happens to see this within a reasonable period I would appreciate any input as to which of these seems the most usable. Last year’s cards are eventually mentioned here. […]

  5. 5
    9:41 pm, September 24, 2008

    Eesklipisk sez:

    Fiddle dee dee!

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