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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
January 14, 2017
it’s time to clear the air when it comes to live dopplers in connecticut


an attempt to practice at a different art software, Clip Studio, which I acquired for a stupid reason and feel obligated to make use of. I could finish this drawing. Yes I absolutely could!

I still had to open up ye olde paint shopped proe 6 and use the mouse to clear up that which is there. I thought I had the PSP cd but I apparently only have Kid Pix, my original impossible to draw in except zoomed in really close since consumer art tablets did not exist back in 1994 software. I initially used it at the understaffed daycare for dumb kids that legally counted as “school” which I attended and then made my mother buy it for me after I got a home computer but eventually I had to concede that windows 3.1’s built-in and free pbrush.exe had more practical features with which to draw poorly using a mouse.
And I must say I have never gone through the hassle I did replacing my broken art tablets the past two years to get a replacement for my stupid old mouse, even if it is apparently highly controversial to sell me one without a keyboard.
For rather a few years I was curious about the likes of adope photoglop but never had a machine strong enough to run it well until 2009 or thereabouts. By the time I was decent at it, everybody I knew was trying to convince me I should use Sai or Manga Studio or flippindippin Gimp. I would ignore them at first but eventually see other people’s great results and think I was missing my chance to to do better, and then do far far worse trying. I may have to accept that I was correct all along in rejecting higher functioning software; I can only draw dumb stuff with dumb stuff!



January 7, 2017
friday its a new year and a new boot camp


What the horehound is horehound? The look of this packaging makes me think the company only chose this as a flavor so they could act wise and worldly by elevating themselves above people who have never heard of it. “Why, you’ve never heard of horehound? Well sit right down there and let me spin you a tale.” I hate the word tale! Why do people have to talk in ways that make me mad!

Well mice it is about time. I can finally end my hunger strike. Because you know apparently i couldn’t have “that” old fashioned wild cherry flavor before (No not that one, the other one). Or maybe I just wouldn’t because cherries are terrible, and artificial ones more so. Cherry pies are cherrible. Strawberry is much better. Even raspberries and cranberries are better. Certainly I doubt old fashioned fake cherries are more pleasant than new fashioned ones. This probably tastes like Robitussin. Arrrf i can hear in my mind the deliberately, proudly glib bland appalachian announcer telling me to “try some today” without a slice of emotion. This is supposed to appeal to people who see billboards for Cracker Barrel that say garbage like “Come in and sit a spell” and think “now that’s REAL america.”

This one said “eats, treats treasures,” and the treasure is apparently their boring peg jump game. It is an interesting thing to have at your table, I suppose, for a restaurant, for three minutes, but nothing that entices me to pull off the road. My camera refused to take a better picture under threat of throwing itself under the wheels of the next truck that came along.
Here are better pictures that other people took using cameras with less self-respect.

Hey you driving a car presumably to a destination, wouldn’t you rather, instead of doing something with your life, like to stop and play a game of checkers over a storage container while the anxiety that you are wasting your precious minutes of free time on something that takes forever and is boring slowly burns away at your last scrap of sanity? It’s like living with a toddler on purpose forever. Please observe that n’ has an apostrophe but dumplins does not. The barrel is gradually crackin’ away at our language so that it becomes not necessary to acknowledge when you spelled something a stupid way on purpose.

Wowie al-zarkawi, I get to PAY to eat GREEN BEANS. Or maybe I just get to pay for the right to strain them. Gosh I am supposed to believe this ad won an award. I think it was the bored award.


Cracker barrel is so cutting edge in being deliberately regressive that I cannot even make its terrible video full screen. Can’t have me stealing their secrets after all by seeing their logo at a legible size (But I can play its depressing banjo fiddle music as loud as I want). Yeehaw let’s have a hoedown at cracker barrel. Let’s all settle in for old fashioned country cookin’ and dysentery. Let’s eat like we live in a covered wagon –excuse me, waggin’– and don’t have access to anything that is designed to stay edible in a non-refrigerated environment. Biscuits again? Oh boy oh boy oh girl get in the kitchen.


cracker barrel is really rackin’ em up. Here its nationally distributed supermarket cheese that is most of a certainty constructed in a thoroughly modern factory facility has won an award for another cheese having won an award. You might say: hold on there skrimpfy, the cracker barrel cheese brand is owned by Kraft, and unaffiliated with the restaurant chain, which it actually predates, and that only isn’t obvious because the Kraft logo disqualifies a product from accolades of any sort. And I would tell you for beets sake stop calling me skrimpf five years ago!

The very same Kraft which coonskin cap pioneered the Creep ‘n Crackers self-application process. They will need a barrel to carry all the awards this deserves. Hopefully not the one I am hiding from them in.



December 31, 2016
Then, like a guardian angel, the tow truck driver that jim met hours before appears out of nowhere


2016 in pictures

I worked harder than ever in 2016. Consequently, I got far less done.

january


disco feber


marrrrrrg i’ve been helgenbergered


a now you’re a pril now


mavis beacon teaches typing


hey there june bug you sure look good, dancing in the mud


julehhhhhh


augtober


septococcus paiella


octchoo i sneezed eight times



the nov boat

don’t mess with dexas




There is everything that happened this year. In fact it may be more things than happened. We are living beyond our means. And now I am adding any text I can think of because I forgot how fragile this site’s crummy margin code is and it will condense to the width of the widest image otherwise. Howdy.



December 29, 2016
It centres on a cyborg policeman with a seemingly endless amount of gadgets he can summon by saying “Go-Go-Gadget” before the gadget’s name.


Initially I p-p-posted this on my twitto page and think its meaning did not come across consistently. Subsequently I reversed the order of the frames to make the suspicious nature more evident without outright stating “this is a joke,” even though from an artistic standpoint, which is to say artistically presenting something to seem not artistic, I like ending on “oh I am so embarrassed.”


By the time I got to THAT site, I thought it would be necessary to write “this is a joke” underneath it. I was “right.”

Incidootily the last frame is an excerpt from something so horrible that I did not post it here at any point. In part the joke was that it WAS so horrible, but I think people did not pick up on that, either. Or perhaps they just did not think it was a good joke. Maybe I should give up jokes!



December 22, 2016
As a young teen, Garfunkel was struck with a lung infection, leading to a love for basketball


This has been a fairly frivolous and fruitless few months. It has lately become important for me to assess what I am doing and who I am doing it for. Here is a picture just for me. It does not necessarily have a purpose, but I believe my future, if I have one, where it pertains to static “painted” imagery, is in this kind of picture when I make them with a purpose. After ten years of deviant art sorts of websites I am done being accepted only as a second or third rate version of tacky trendy homage-obsessed cartoon artists that I think are boneheads. There are of course other surreal artists in the world but I have never explored being a second or third rate version of them. My advantage has been of-taken more times than I can count by the same old boring people and I have complained about them incessantly. It is tiresome. I have no idea who to complain about with regard to this. There is a world of possibilities! There are so many other people and concepts out there to resent!



December 15, 2016
how are you gonna bring to the table that YOU are Harriet Tubman?

Whoopth. For the first time I completely forgot this website was here. Which is silly since I have a backlog of drawings that theoretically can be presented with minimal recontextualization. I just use too many gosh darn ding dang rink dink oing boing thank you moing websites, and I seem to have had visible existential crises on half of them. Including this one, but that is almost a tradition here. It should not lead to a lackage of updatage.

Warning, the fish is not a role model. It is not even human.
I think the creature may be a snake when it is treated badly, and a fish when it treats others badly.
Also, I do not personally think anybody with a reasonable job is a “hack.” Initially the question was “have you had any studio employment?” but late in the process it seemed wrong, yet I could not think of a better way to ask the question properly in the space I had left for it. In any event the point is that the fish is a jerk.



December 7, 2016
‘You can’t just say to the child the pig was only pretending it was naughty.’


Flight of the Irritator

An art swap with the mysterious and powerful Kiki of tsukurikake.com, who has very elegant and varied characters. Unfortunately, my own encourage foolish behavior!


Kiki’s highly elegant picture. Also, the associated twitly and patreon pages. I do not have a patreon page! I already put everything I do on the internet for free and even that is a hard sell!


I may have made too big a job of it! But I like making complicated scenes. Lately I have not had an excuse to spend this long on one thing. Some people seem to have appreciated it.

Somewhere amitz the process I became aware of Kiki’s sketch and lineart. Notice how they are totally to the point, not inclined to doubt themselves, despite a growing number of uncalled-for stowaways.
Really, I should have kept mine as it was, and made it a relaxing matter. However, since mine had only two characters, I became determined to match or exceed the number of seen here! But the composition I already had did not allow for it, which required expanding and breaking its flow somewhat. At that point obsessive compulsion was totally in control. Not only had my characters encouraged foolish behaviour, they got ME to do it. Typical nemitz nonsense.

Generally, the blended color is more appreciated by general audiences and easier for me to do, but on many occasions I think the solid way looks better. In recognition of a previous swap, I tried to do it again. Ultimately it is most important what the specific image recipient thinks. Alas, I lacked the patience at post-expansion to keep up the hard color application, but that is minimally evident when the picture is reduced for internet display, and all or most seems to work out. And so, if you or someone you know or someone who knows you would like an art trade picture like this, please tell me next year!



November 30, 2016
freddy fox has found a chocolate egg in the middle of the birdbath.


a special message from pop tarts: poob hzej). #poobtarts

I was reminded of this when earlier today I saw somebody link to a glowing brown swirl of lines subtitled “poob” in arial font with no context

and that is comedy now.

And big business, and not in any way indecent to display in public.
Somehow i do not associate wet lumps of excrement with disinfecting a wound. Or really anything that I want in my life or the life of anyone with whom I have contact. Also, the excrement has a mouth, which indicates it can eat, and potentially produces its own excrement. And it is very enthusiastic about something, presumably that.


Oh well pardon emojME. I didn’t REALIZE that I was dealing with a BRAND. My problem all these years was assuming that being iconic meant you were instantly recognizable and did not need to inform people that you were. Even though I am Bimshwel, ribbtly-acclaimed creator of Bimshwel, the iconic brand of comic strips, greeting cards and self-destructive political commentary, I am too beloved and ubiquitous to concern myself with how anybody else perceives anything. Such as, for example, grotesque drawings of fecal matter on my website. Nonetheless I would like to discuss topics apart from fecal matter, also.


Lighter cat litter! This just looks like you put less of the same stuff in the same box and raised the price.


I do not understand the incentive to purchase this. And there is ample space on the front of the box to make anything resembling a case for it. This is literally dirt for cats to drop emojis in. It should not be mysterious. Lighter weight is not intrinsically more desirable or a sign of better technology, like on a laptoob computer. If the box is just as full as before, that means you actually made the product less efficient! It is not as if this awkward huge box would occupy less space in my house.


Although I do not understand the difference between “neutralizes odors” and “neutralizes odors GUARANTEED,” either. Are you permitted to advertise that your product does something which you would be surprised if it did? And the light litter doesn’t even suggest that it MIGHT neutralize odors, it just is light. Hey it does a terrible job and you get less than half as much in the same container, but the container is SO easy to lift!

The guaranteed product notes that it ATTACKS the odors before neutralizing them. The three KEY odors, sure to join the pantheon of other famous trios amidst the likes of musketeers, tenors, blind mice and mile islands. The non-guaranteed peasant pebbles only neutralize (without undue aggression) odors of fecal and urine style. What is the THIRD odor? The smell of ghosts so you don’t notice your soul leave your body as you consider that purchasing cat dirt has become a major decision for you?
I acknowledge that I mentioned worrying I didn’t have a soul due to other factors recently, but if it checked back in between then and now it most of a certainty has left for good by this point.


The vertical chart suggests the additional odor is that of ammonia, but my understanding was that the smell of ammonia was part of the urine smell, so it still only neutralizes two smells, guarantee notwithstanding. And then part 4 is just the clump power, which the other 2-flavor cat dirt also has, but hesitates to assign a number to.

Our greatest, nuttiest research professionals agree that two is the limit.

/////////////////


Spacko noted in a comment that the cat food and cat litter are made by the same company, which means they have a vested interest in keeping the box-filling going two different ways and may have their resources spread too thin to exercise proper quality control in any one field. It occurred to me that the Purina company was also responsible for the all time mail order video game classic Chase the Chuck Wagon.

What if Purina’s entry into the cat litter business is just a ruse to dispose of extra wide pixels made from liquidated Chuck Wagon cartridges? The “lighter” variant is literally the lighter colored pixels which of course are far lower in amount, hence their increased price.



November 23, 2016
A stagehand at the hip-hop history lesson said he was “surprised” by the ad.


I cannot really say I have the energy or interest for this right now, but nobody else seems to either, and if nobody buys any that saves me several trips in the coming weeks! The real trouble, of course, is people who do want some but don’t say anything until very late so I should probably do as I did after getting very few decisive requests last year, and just print replacements anyway. Although “Cholesteronslaught” and “Hang in Where” have not been in this series previously and it is hard to guess potential interest. Theoretically any more desirable designs could be substituted for them but I forgot to ask around about that months ago like I meant to!
Although I did not ask about any of the types and nothing has been totally un-bought. “Slopes of Lope” and “Exskis Me” have probably been bought the least times and I did not print any new ones last year, and still did not run out. I would like to take them off the chart to make it less cluttered for the things people are more likely to want if they discern the presences, but I also want to get rid of the amount I still have. But if I DO sell them that proves there IS interest which means I need to keep them on the chart!

I really should have left the pog logo alone. Perhaps I will just put a picture of a potato on the back of the new items.

Regular 8.5×11 inch prints are also generally available, for about $10 each. I realize $3 for the little things with stuff printed on both sides and 10 for something slightly larger with no ostensibly practical function may not seem to make much sense, but the big prints are ultimately better for displaying long term, whereas the cards I presume are looked at briefly and tossed away in most cases. With that in mind I offer a 33% discount on any cards you don’t want sent and will toss them away for free.



November 21, 2016
The mono mix is missing a “deedledeedledee” present on the stereo mix. I believe that the ’45 version matches this.


A sketch off of paper colored in computerly without a plan. Sometimes when I do that I think of a purpose for it by the time I finish. It is always nice when that happens!
I have loads of drawings I did not put here, and possibly have not put anywhere. Posting those might be more productive than endless circular harangues against any possible person who might still be checking this thing!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Even though everything I say is true to the best of my knowledge and it is important to me to have my thoughts expressed someplace. These just happen to not be very helpful thoughts for general coexistence.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: March 22, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
I bet that insidious Lizard Man only came to the wedding to show off his new mammaries!
March 16, 2017
Indighost sez:
Looks lovely. I’d like to go there.
March 11, 2017
Indighost sez:
Thanks for your thoughts. I think it was your old post about Don Rosa, a person whom I did not...
March 11, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I find real ducks amusing, but cartoon ducks tiresome, since so many people thoughtlessly...
March 10, 2017
Indighost sez:
Oh by the way, this is me.
March 10, 2017
Anonymous sez:
Thanks again Frimp! Randomly, could you make a post about the announcement of the new DuckTales...
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