If they only expect me to watch it for the voices, they might as well broadcast it on radio.
Oh, bifocals. Look at this. Just look at this. When I inadvertently saw this advertised on CBS, I hadn't been so offended since the part right before it where they say they're going to air Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. That will go down in hiss-tore-ee as my shortest, most understated period of offendment ever.
Could that thing be any more badly drawn-like? Grapes. There's the “mouth totally disconnected from jaw” that's so become a trademark of people who just don't care. Of course the “eyes really close together with centered pupil” effect, to let you know this was designed by British people. The “glutton torso with anorexic limbs” just in case you forget it was designed by British people. Also note the “hooves as feet” phenomenon, characteristic of artists who've never actually seen anything with hooves. Then we have hands (missing a finger on each, for no other reason than to annoy me), which reindeer don't. But that's to be expected with the anthropomorphophizitation process. They're like a necessity if you want to have animals doing things that they don't need to be doing. You know what aren't? Protruding navels.
Or breastesses for that matter. Maybe you can't tell from the crude and thus so much more disturbing rendering, but this thing has them. The only possible reason for additions like this is to generate what them in the biz' call “sex appeal.” They might say “no, that's just so you'll know it's a female reindeer.” Like I couldn't tell from the eyelashes, lipstick and second set of hair. If you're a man and all this doesn't make you want to go out and impregnate a reindeer right now, the CBS marketing department will know there's something seriously wrong with you.

As bad as these look, you can be sure they'll be flawlessly animated. There's something about really, really shoddily designed characters that makes them be animated more intensively. As if to say, "you assumed we were lazy when you saw the promotional artwork, but now you realize we're just evil." Were this not involving sculpted figures, I would lay forth that cheap characters are easier to draw a multitude of times, but in such a clay situation, I would suspect that CBS hates their animators, and thus sentences them to work with these monstronsities for extra long periods. But it turns out CBS is only partially to blame. As I indicated already, this abominable abomination was imported from Britain. There must be laws against making this sort of thing over here. That's why “furrie art” servers are always in Sweden or something. Also, no American production would ever have a main character named “Robbie.” I think that name might have something to do with Robbie Williams' involvement with the British version, but to confirm this would require research, and to research this would be to insult myself, and right now that's Robbie the Reindeer's job. You can tell CBS knew the voices were all they could have going for them with this, because they went and redubbed it. After a whole solid November of Harry Potter related horror, I should rejoice at the absence of forced British accents. But since they've just been replaced with Amelican celebrities (I realize Jerry Stiller might not be much of a celebrity, but Britney Spears is even less of an actor) who I already hate for more legitimate reasons, and I wasn't going to watch it anyway, why should I bother?

Eventually I will mention Ben Stiller. I tell you this in advance so you don't think I've confused the two Stillers. It's not that I'm concerned about looking deficient of Ben Stiller lore, but rather that I don't look proficient in Britney Spears lore. Lore lore lore.

Oh, the excitement! You know, that's just the reason I'm always watching non-acted films. The voices. It doesn't matter whether they suit the character or not. How much I like a voice is based on how much money the person who owns it has, and nothing else. You know, acting is really hard, but talking is even harder. These people were only chosen because they were the ones who could get the job done. Gosh I'm so excited to hear them. It's so rare that I get to hear overexposed people saying stuff.

I make me sick.

If you've ever seen the TV spots CBS airs for this, it shows the voice people talking into the microphones besides pictures of the characters, because I guess otherwise I won't believe they really went into a studio and did it. For all I might have known, CBS could have gone and hired someone who just sounded like Ben Stiller. Certainly, his voice is so unique and delightful that I would have been able to tell right away someone was trying to swindle me and switch the program off in disgust, knowing that I did the right thing, but I'd be missing out on some otherwise top-quality entertainment. Now I need not feel anxiety at the prospect of such a thing happening, because I've actually seen the real Ben Stiller speaking in advance. CBS never lets me down.

Could it be worse? Now there's a question that never needs to be asked. Yes, it can always be worse. You fool. That computer generated flimflammery which I would complain ruined the American animation genre had it not been terrible on it's nonmerit already could make this worse, if it ever felt so inclined. Groutesqe, unrealistic figures shaded and moving as if they were real just has an eerie nauseating effect that has yet to be duplicated by even the most deformed of characters in Nickelodeon series. I'm so glad we have the Cartoon Network. It's nice to know there are still some people left who make their cartoons badly drawn and badly animated.