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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
January 27, 2008
ASTERITE RING: Dropped by Saturos? NO! This was just some idiot at gamefaqs posting rumors. Don’t waste your time fighting Saturos, he will not give you anything special.


Wow, I can’t believe Meet the Spartans opened “yesterday.” Not so much that I can’t believe it would be allowed to open at all, I just feel like I’ve been seeing its ads for two years. To put that in perspective, I’ve only been seeing ads for Strange Wilderness for six months.
I’ll not give it credit for breaking the naming convention of its forebears, as that only happened because epic movie was such a failure, the unmistakable mistake of a sequel wanted to trick us into thinking it wasn’t that which it had no problem with being. I guess they reason, sure it’s obnoxious, stuffed with overused, underthought topical acknowledgments which aren’t quite jokes, all of which will be in the spartan-like assault force of ads, why don’t we give it a different name? Why they’d choose an even worse naming convention is just because they’re bad bad people.

Excuse me my good man, but is this the sequel to Epic Movie?

No, look at the name. It’s the sequel to Meet the Deedles.

Cor, what a scoop! Color me deedled!

Ha ha, fooled you! It really is the sequel to Epic Movie.

Say, this movie is swell! I’m glad you deceived me!

Carmen Electra is in it, that’s all the proof you need.
A better question, really, is why, if the previous fared miserably, and everybody hated it/them, it gets a sequel at all. Why are these being made? Who watched any of the previous movies and said “your antics amuse me. Here, have 30 million dollars to make another movie with.”? Ehhh, but that much is known. Part of it is said to have come from Regency Enterprises, which also funded a real who’s that of the movies I’ve complained about the existences of or merely wanted to plus Fight Club. Epic Movie, Firehouse Dog, Big Momma’s House 2, Deck the Halls, things I did not think there could be any connection between aside from my scorn. Regency also funds “Baby First TV,” and that stuff is always loathsome, with typically as much non-market research driven thought behind it. I truly do not understand. Let’s go to the phones. Klube from Mipwip Junction, you’re on the air.

Don’t you see? “1984” is happening! Meet the Spartans is the two minute hate! It trained in seclusion for 22 years to swell to 4200% its previous size.
Sir, turn off your radio, please.
Also, FDR let Pearl Harbor happen! JFK tripped on his shoelace! OJ did 9/11! Spencer Nilsen ruined Sonic CD!
Sir, sir, could you please turn off your radio! Oh dear.
Well that situation is unlikely. There are also a great many things I hate which Regency was not involved with. I simply hate many many things. They fund what they think people will purchase tickets for, and that’s as far as it goes.

And George Orwell, fortunately, was wrong in guessing men who want power would be able to by now have separated themselves from their undoing agent, the craving for wealth. “They” would never give us Epic Movie for free, and that is why they will always fail. Although some of the ads feel like two minutes, there is at this time no penalty for not watching them. Not horribly long ago I read some mumbling and bungling about technology to force unskippable ads into dvd movies, and it’s already implemented in some fashion, but it can’t force anyone to care. Not yet. And they only do it because they want money, not to make us hate imaginary enemies as a distraction from our real problems. They don’t respect us that much. Also, that would alienate potential customers.

Elections are a different matter, because only citizens may vote. The next time a politician insists gays are signing up children in the streets and another proposes a bill to ban streets rather than investigate the charge, and that the ghost of Saddam Hussein is after not just yellow cake but our vast natural deposits of chocolate cake as well, and so we ought to devote all our resources to producing a cake so big that it cannot be stolen, be glad you live in a country where the government respects you. And if you don’t you may also find things to be glad about. I realize this paragraph has no foundation in reality but I bet I could get applause if I ended a commencement speech with it.

January 5, 2008
Go ahead, release your fears MY OH MY hey, hey, hey

Long time, part time or morphin’ time readers may know I have an ongoing feud with ducks. The Aflac duck, akadaka “The Aflac Duck” usually doesn’t factor into our dispute… I consider the rivalry to be of an honorable sort, or as closest a wretched scoundrel duck can come to that, but this duck is but a dirty uncouth rapscallion without even the minimal decency of its fethren. I’m sure some person, some place thinks it is comendable that advertisers attempt to make their filths tolerable to larger audiences then those who might have an immediate “need” to purchase insurance, but that ignores the fact that there’s no reason for anyone to watch ads or accept that they are shown. And insurance in general is a dire, dire dock scam against humanity. And also that that duck is a magnificent distance from tolerable.

It’s bad enough when every fumblewig who can afford ad time thinks they’re so clever commissioning wooden puppets of themselves roundabout December, but this is… slightly more bad than that.

I don’t even like stupid rudolph the dumb red idiot nosed moron reindeer and I think the recent aflac ad, which I can easily embed in this page but never will, is, was despicable. Like worse than the other ones. I suppose it’s good that the ad was “unauthorized,” meaning whoever owns the rights to the characters and situations and such gave no assistance or permission, but it’s also bad because that means anybody can make a cheap daft Winnie-the-pooh-job ad with any characters they want and get away with it. Not that anybody really “owns” Santa Claus, but I think we’re smart enough to know when something’s an obviously derivative work which exists exclusively to sell a product or service and only attempts to be entertaining to distract us from that while it takes our nostalgia behind a barn and shoots it in the head. Fortunately, the ad is so quick and crowded -and I knew it was coming! I was mentally prepared in advance when I watched it online- plus the addition of that tiresome duck which never wasn’t annoying that no one could possibly like or excuse it.

Also, am I the only person who’s bothered by these vague “smart dates” that show up all over the place now? That really messes with the accuracy of my screen grasps if I don’t use them right away; all my rudolph abuse occurs past immediate relevance so you know I mean bidness. I prefer to see a simple calendar figure. It doesn’t matter to me if you put the month number first or second. I’ll figure it out from the context the first time and remember it after that. I’m smarter than I eat.

Even at the moment the dates are generated, when they’re correct, I have no immediate concept of what “four weeks ago” means. Was that in November? Was that in… no, that’s twenty eight days, right? Almost a month. So what about “1 month ago,” then? And how do I know when something occurred beween 1 and 2 months ago? As far as this system is concerned everything happened on the same day. Grapety purple, I need to know these things! We aren’t talking about veoh comments, after all. Stop trying to make the past seem like uncertain memories of insubordinate importance which are worth knowing with decreasing specificness the older they get! We have the technology to know exactly when these messages were left! If I choose to say an event took place one month, two weeks, three days, back to back law and orders and a belt buckle ago, it should be my choice! And it won’t be! Screebidy deebidy!

November 25, 2007
While he was braggin I was coming down the hill a-just draggin all his pictures and his clothes in a baggin

I’m tired of idiots standing around with their hands like that! Do you think you’re in charge? You aren’t! Maybe if you looked where you were going instead of at nothing you would see the helpful label floating in front of you. Not that you’d be able to read it at that angle. Not that you’d be smart enough to move to a position where you could. Not that you can read.

No! Don’t turn to face me! Didn’t you hear the abuse I just directed at you? I want nothing to do with you! Arrrgh! What’s wrong with you? You look like an idiot! (you are.) And don’t smile! You’re biologically unfit to do so!
Ubggggggigiggg…. There’s no excuse for that beast. None at all. How do these things find me?! I want to throw a sock full of rocks at that thing! I want to throw TV’s Roc Charles S. Dutton, at it! You hear me, lizard? I’ll throw a very special Roc at you! In front of a live studio audience! I wish that show got better ratings so I could shame you in front of as many people as possible, not necessarily because it would have lasted more seasons then, because I always found it boring. I learned about racism through Family Matters. But I didn’t learn enough, evidently, because I thought the family on Roc were essentially the same people, and I was disappointed when they weren’t as wacky. I was eight years old. But anyway. What’s important is that I want to throw a large fat man at that thilly thmiling theropod up thither.

Whaaaa? That’s too stupid! And don’t you dare try and make that my problem! I hate ducks and I hated you before you were a duck! I hope this will at least serve as a warning to other dumb animal people that would attempt to address me. I will have none of it.

Fool, how could you not see that coming? Look at the original juxtaposition of the images! You are beside yourself with imbecility! And… and… I drew you at 2:50 am! That’s not afternoon at all! If it was, it would not be good! You made it bad!

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: February 20, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
I have literally no idea what you are talking about but given my recent prohibition on...
February 20, 2020
Charmlatan sez:
I wanna see the horribly realistic duck-man nail the human lady.
February 19, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
Just to be safe I am banning all duck-related products from my existence.
February 19, 2020
Purplespace sez:
Disney has come up with a new way for you to spend you money! Will I be able to watch...
February 13, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
don’t let me stop you!
February 12, 2020
Dewd sez:
ON that globetrotters thing under all-new I wanted to wright Shitting the limits..
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