emissorries
I do not know where they came from but I hope they go back there soon!
If I draw another scene like this I will likely want to call the image “undignitaries.”
I will avoid talking a great deal more about the hat video. Not that I couldn’t spend a year explaining every inch of everything that went wrong, or that I do not have copious personal notes and screen captures detailing each, but since I solved most of it I no longer dwell on it. I was able to do what this helpful person suggested I do about disney movies, because the problem actually no longer exists, which I do not reckon will ever be the case for disney movies. Quite to the contrary, there will only be more disney movies, even ones that alread existed and used to not be disney movies. The hat video did not improve my life or expand my audience or make me optimistic about being able to do that regularly but it felt like a better use of time than the usual uses of my time that do not improve my life, and so feels like an improvement in comparison.
I do however feel bad for talking so harshly to that person even though it wasn’t the first time and it would not have been the last time either if I had been any less than so displeased and displeasing that the person would abruptly cease contact with me, and the initial reprimand was even less nice than that. I am an angry aunt who writes letters to tv stations in my spare time who nobody is worried about being disinherited by since I never married and don’t have any money. The idea of being understood even it means being alone is more appealing to me than getting along with people who just want me to smile and shut up and bake cookies for them.
Oddly enough that person seemed outwardly supportive when i complained about one specific property which I referred to as dintydoone, even if he did not seem to care about or grasp my specific complaints, but whoa don’t touch disney. Don’t mess with my zootopia. The collective lowering of standards and standardization of homogeneity dinty and friends inflicted upon imaginary internet culture in four years is significant but less than one tenth of 1% of the profiteering brainwashing and brainscrubbing and brainshining disney has inflicted upon actual world culture even in the same period. I am a joke with no life, and the undead can only go undetected for so long when they pretend to be otherwise.
And I think this is why I have failed to expand my audience for YEARS; people constantly come in with totally wrong expectations, talk up how much they love what I am doing, and then get far away once they realize what I am actually doing. People who would accept that truth are presumably put off by whatever is giving all those wrong expectations. I of course blame nemitz.
I made some music that caused me to think of hats, and made a picture to accompany that. Then I thought I should have a little animation for it since I have not posted any in a long time. Then I decided to spend three days straight cramming as much stupid trash in there as possible, then spent two more days on it. Then youtube played a series of tricks on me resulting in a “final” product with a number of anomalies that I could fix but don’t want to reupload and make re-public after three past attempts the same day. However they occur too near the end to be at fault if anyone shuts the thing off in disgust.
Then after nearly a week I put up another version
Also it is a bit long and I couldn’t choose from the two closers I considered. A sensible person would split this into two videos and solve both problems. Indeed.
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artichoke this website is a mess. On tuesday i am going to upload another version of the same dumb video and actually look it over properly, in the intended context. And pog willing it will be acceptable and I won’t have any major reservations about its state that allow my mind to justify spending more days making “last minute” revisions after quickly sorting out the one thing I was actually supposed to be doing.
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I have now updated the video and believe that I will not do so again for a much longer period than elapsed between its other updates.
Sharing a house with my niece, I have seen more than my share of popular media that I would otherwise have pledged to avoid, and it has helped, forced me to discern the truly awful (Finding Dory) from the bearably mediocre (Brave) and occasionally something that isn’t even bad. I can take the 2016 [disney] Jungle Book better than 2017 [disney] Beauty and the Beast since Jungo isn’t trying to closely imitate the earlier disney cartoon while selectively changing things to be more twitter-morality acceptable, while meanwhile totally failing to be as good in the scenes that are completely analogous. It isn’t, like Maleficent, depending on you having seen the old (disney) movie so it can tell you how WRONG that movie is. But 1991 Beauty and the Beast is a different sort of thing from 1967 Jungle Book since it came out within the lifetime of most of the jerk hipsters who NEED a replacement version that is less interesting and more “social justice”y. Maleficent had its own amount of that, but foremost its goal was to emphasize how perfect its star/producer is. 1991 Beauty and the Beast is considered obnoxious fandom required viewing more so than Jungle Book OR Sleeping Beauty, but Jungle Book least of all since that doesn’t have a princess in it who needs to be retroactively transformed into a more substantial and empowered character. I hadn’t even seen 1967 Jungle book all the way through until literally last week because i never wanted to. Which is not to say its remake lacks elements that exist only to get the attention of annoying people, like putting a cowbell focally in the Christopher Walken character’s treasure heap. but it isn’t shoehorning in every song or lame imitations of the old version’s dance sequences. The two songs it does carry over are briefer, and the first is relevant to distinguish that the bear character is more fun-loving than anyone else in the jungle, who never even taught Mowgli what a song IS. The second song is a sinister/surreal counterpart to the first song, sung by an enormous megalomaniacal gorilla who is only trying to seem fun. Almost the opposite of the original character. Which actually was an original character, having no counterpart in the actual Jungle Book books. Yes, the B&B remake did something similar with Gaston, changing fun to sinister, but in that case it comes across more like they aren’t ALLOWED to make the guy likeable even for a moment because internet than a creative decision. And since the film is a scene by scene recreation of the old (disney) version, that change really stands out to me.
Gaston’s divergence from the previous film, with regard to how he initially treats Maurice, is not significant enough to disprove my assertion that the film sets out to impersonate and swap places with the other, since otherwise it does, before and after that point. 2016 jungle book differs from the cartoon at the start, middle and end. 2017 Beauty and the Beast does so sporadically and strategically.
2016 jungle book is not a scene by scene recreation. It is not trying to re-appeal to the same people as the old one. The 1967 edition is silly. It is a cartoon. It KNOWS it is a cartoon. The newer film recognizes the change in medium and tells a different story with many of the same elements, and without trying to put itself over and diss the old one. And I am not of the opinion that the cartoon is perfect, either; Mugly just ends up near Man Village without ever resolving to go there, so he doesn’t need to grow as a character. He never shows an interest in technology so it is less clear why anybody is worried he will get addicted to fire. There are prolonged interludes with the elephants and vultures that do not accomplish anything except remind Shere Khan that everyone else in the jungle is an idiot. Apparently Walt Disney was obsessed with celebrity voiceovers, if not as obsessed with building the entire movie and marketing campaign around that as the current company is, and wanted the Beatles to voice the vultures and thought the novelty of that would be enough to justify giving them what feels like 15 minutes of screen time just saying “so what do you lads wanna do?” “don’t start THAT again!” But John Lennon knew specifically that he didn’t wanna do that and I suppose the others weren’t even asked but the scene wasn’t cut or redone, either. But I don’t dwell on this all day and all night because it is a dumb cartoon. It isn’t like Moana with the stop and go “you can do this! no you can’t do this! yes you can! no you can’t! now let’s have a montage where you prove you can do this! now let’s have another mopey interlude where you think you can’t” which also I am supposed to see as socially progressive since the female protagonist is more competent than the male one and neither is caucasian (and I acknowledge that cartoon Mowgli is literally Christopher Robin with a different haircut despite being in India). The obnoxious David Bowie tribute can’t be deleted without leaving a hole in continuity whereas if necessary you could skip 1967jb’s vulture section.
and so
When I read about 2019 lion king, months ago by now, I had never so profoundly wanted a film to flop. It seemed like it wanted to combine the worst traits of Maleficent and Beauty and the Beast Remake, What with loads of inappropriate celebrity non-actors in major roles, especially Beyonkay Knowles, who is about the only person I can think of who would be presented as less fallible than Angelina Jolie, and the source film being in recent memory and precious to dumb fandoms which will hype and buy into it whatever it does. Jungle Book 2016 is cited as inspiration but only on the technological side, even though the cartoon is more visually engaging.
Instead of two songs that nobody trendy cares about, we get four incredibly annoying songs from the earlier film that are supposed to already long since be seared into your memory, with the one bearable song about the one bearable character left out. As of february apparently it is back in, but then THAT means you’re literally recreating the old movie. Then you get a talentless ass like Billy Eichner, whose lame to fame is going outside and yelling embarrassing things at people while filming them and periodically reminding you he is gay like you couldn’t tell. And he’s not taking over the minor Bobcat Goldthwaite role, he’s being Timon, who sings a lot and is impossible to not see. I never liked Timon, but I learned to appreciate Nathan Lane in theater roles unrelated to the Lion King. Because he is actually an actor, even if I don’t think he is funny. Billy Eichner is nothing if he isn’t funny except loud (which is annoying) and gay (which is irrelevant). The hog is voiced by Seth Rogen, who I also don’t want to hear singing, or at this point even talking. I would say I don’t want to hear him breathing but that seems like i want him to die, when I merely want him to not exist.
John Oliver, why is he there? Why cast him as Zazu, the worst character? Just to make sure there isn’t one person left that I enjoyed in my late-night-comedy-liking years and haven’t yet developed a grudge against? I got past Andy Richter being a voice in both Father of the Pride AND Madagascar but my understanding is that, at least in the latter role, he was actually doing a voice, not simply talking like Andy Richter so you hear him and think “oh that’s tv’s Andy Richter” because he probably actually auditioned for the role rather than receiving it in an award show gift basket. Can someone I don’t hate in a role that I do make the role more bearable? Not at my position in life, no. They might as well have had Billy Eichner do that one also.
Keegan Michael Key, another person I used to find interesting, has a role, but one of the hyenas which as I indicated I don’t remember noticing much from the cartoon. And I should be glad it is an ex-Mad TV person rather than an idiot from Saturday Night Live for a change. Considering that the film’s whole concept, recreate something that already exists and change a few aspects while mugging for applause each time a character I am supposed to already be familiar with appears for the first time is more or less what Saturday Night Live does now. But Phil Lamarr is also from Mad TV and has considerably more voice acting experience. Experience is irrelevant; Key was only cast because he is in stupid ads and Barack Obama likes him.
The top-billed actor is Donald Glover whose name looked mildly familiar to me, but what from I could not place. But apparently he is best known for an audio production called “This is America.” Something I heard last year, thought “this is terrible” and then forgot about and eventually learned had won six billion awards. That seems about right. That has really been Lion King’s legacy in my life. That which I find unremarkable at best becomes essential to the lives of others and shoved at me and heralded as the best there is perpetually. THIS is America. We make annoying movies set in other countries filled with lame comedy, irritating songs and fake contemporary morality and then tell ourselves it is the greatest accomplishment in the history of humanity even while constantly criticizing “america,” whose frivolous brainwashable marketing-addicted and disseminating consumers and above-the-law corporations this would be impossible without. ESPECIALLY if it is done in rap form. Because rap is new and speaks truth to power despite being older than me and totally appropriated by commercialism. The Media is controlled by white people who are afraid of looking racist if they claim to not like rap and conveniently enough the performance art presented as blackest is not terribly difficult. Anybody who looks the part can be trained to rap. Even if they have a weak voice and can’t talk very fast, hey hooray we trained the public to pretend they think digitally augmented barely-human vocals sound good! Convincing the public they like rap leaves you the most options. I don’t recall that the item in question contains digitally augmented vocals or that the new lion king contains rap, but Glover wasn’t hired for being an actor suited to the part, that is the point. I would be surprised if a single person in the cast was. Image is everything. Especially when the people are invisible. Anyway the magic of the Lion King is that it is bad enough on its own non-merit to not need rap to make itself worse.
The race-bait matter may be contemporary; it wants to compensate for the majority of television’s and cinema’s existence when no black people were allowed, except in demeaning roles, so I can accept that, for a few more years, possibly. I won’t pretend I like rap or the Lion King, though, because I don’t, and I shouldn’t have to.
1994 Lion King was a big line in the sand
I was not keen on lions already; I didn’t understand what made them “king” of “the jungle.” They don’t live in jungles and tigers are bigger than them!
And I really really hated the film! I remember hearing that the middle kid from Home Improvement was the voice of Simba, and not knowing why I should care or why he was a big deal. But I was SUPPOSED to know, and I didn’t go searching for the information. I thought talking feral animals were stupid and boring in general. I thought it was dumb that the prey had to KNEEL, on ONE KNEE, before these creatures that were going to kill them, and that I was supposed to think that was the right way of things. I hated simba bragging about being king and all these much bigger animals had to do what he said even though he wasn’t actually king yet, and compensate for his ignorance amidst that; when he says “everybody look left” they actually have to go RIGHT to match bratty dumb Simba’s viewpoint. I thought aging from child to adult in two seconds was extremely stupid. Especially in 1994, I had been in special education a year or two years and considered that all this garbage screwing up my life, probably for good, that I had no say in, in the DISNEY story this period of life is so easy and without consequence that you can skip it and be exactly where everyone else told you you would end up. I didn’t think it was funny that Pumbo and Timmy ate bugs. I ate a worm and got in big trouble, but oh ha ha when disney characters do it, it’s FUNNY! And they really don’t taste like chicken. They taste like dirt. Why does this wimpy scavenger know what chicken IS much less what a dead one tastes like, and why would Simba be expected to also know? I swear to you with complete sincerity those are the things I was thinking about. I literally didn’t remember anything that happened after the Hakuna Potata segment because I was so fixated on not wanting to be in the theater. I wanted to go home and play Donkey Kong on the Super Game Boy, so it isn’t like my standards were particularly high (though I’d still rather play that again than any Donkey Kong game released since then). In fact it was a long time before I realized that “caaaaan you feel the LOVE” song I used to get bothered by when buying pringles and 32 ounce Snapple at a local store was from a movie I had already seen. But it was four years before I had home internet access and yet longer before fan-wankdom controlled all discourse, so I was able to avoid alienating every single person who loved this thing, and I had emulators to keep me occupied even when video games tried to turn on me the same way that cartoons did, including a particularly shoddy and ubiquitous one based on The Lion King. Now Lion King wants to come back and really challenge my devotion to despising it. Well you know what, I’ve been alienating everyone I know by complaining about their false gods for half my life now so it is much, much too late to do any more damage. This isn’t something that is made to be remembered. Just to get press, get money, get awards and get lost. If it wants to supplant the old one, it may be my guest, put my apathy to the test. At least Josh Gad isn’t in it.
sometimes it is a relief to no longer care.
page 34 of part 3 of that dumb old comic strip.
I probably wrote more text about this page than any other and feel like showing less of it than ever!
this script is so old, elpse initially said “get up, ramus.” Ramus is a character from the video game Lunar Silver Star Story Complete Absolute Total, who is unprepared for the life of a video game hero and gets knocked down a lot. lope was also initially quoting ramus’s “blarrrrgh.” I played Lunar Silver Star, in 2006, and last mentioned it, specifically with regard to Ramus, in 2007. I don’t remember if I wrote this part of the script then but I was certainly un-old enough to think I could put an obscure exchange like that in here and have anyone know what it meant, even though I didn’t actually post a screenshot of Ramus saying “blarg” anywhere because I didn’t think it was an interesting-enough line for that, so it most certainly was not interesting enough to allude to out of context nearly 12 years after the game was already a 7 year old remake of a game from 1992 which wasn’t even particularly innovative THEN. Also the one time a voice actor says his name it is pronounced “ray-mis” and I always say “ram-us.” I made myself obsessed with Lunar because I knew, at that time, other people who had been obsessed with it when they were children and I thought they would link to my website if I liked the same stuff they did. If they read my comic strips in 2006 they certainly don’t now! Probably.
Oddly enough one of them specifically denigrated the game Breath of Fire in favor of Lunar and I said nothing in its defense even though I legitimately liked Breath of Fire and still like it better and I don’t know that I have mentioned it even one time in the half-my-life of having this website. I don’t even have any screenshots from it since I last played it before I made this website or meticulously documented everything I did.
Literally the last time I played it, my computer had an MS-DOS based infrastructure. Three to four times as much time has passed since I last played it than had passed between the last time I played it on real hardware and the first time I played it in an emulator, which I thought at the time was a long time!
I may even have stolen pog’s name from it! Although I only remember being surprised to see the name in the game years after stealing it if I stole it, not actually doing so. All this is not to say I resent Lunar –I was able to make a forced infatuation be sincere back in 2006– or that Breath of Fire isn’t made of problems that only a childhoodded fixation can disregard (and I may resent BOF instead for making me steal POG from it), but of all the things I make, the bimshwellian comicoid least of all I ordinarily wonder who I am trying to please with it and why, but today I did!
Also lope being felled occurred, initially, during the altercation with the robots, but when I got to that point I decided the robots should just get beaten up without doing anything. Inexplicably I liked the dialog enough that i contrived a way for lope to fall down in the same spot at a later point, and now that is a permanent part of the “story.” i only removed the ramus line literally on february 22 2019. Or rather made a copy of the dialog bauble and moved it to another layer and turned it unvisible in case I wanted to bring it back (and look, I just did). I had drawn it in knowing it didn’t belong there but not feeling like dealing with it. Thankfully I still think it is funny that lope is pitiful and a substitute line easily suggested itself, so this is only a major problem with regard to me knowing i cannot be trusted and that i will probably be 60 years old before i get through the entire script as it is now.
Of course, as I indicated, much of what goes on is NOT in the script. i get to a point and i change it, sometimes significantly; initially nemitz was intended to capture pog out of view, but when i got to this point I thought it would be funny if elpse’s goop fell on nemitz, so then elpse had to run off and capture pog itself, and that gave me an opportunity to acknowledge the dope still exists and also exhibit pog’s unusual attitude toward captivity.
But I do not want to drop anything I think of for any reason and so try to think of in-character ways for them to behave illogically to accommodate script pieces that are no longer relevant. In this case, lope thinking that the goop-covered nemitz is a ghost (and at the same time avoid saying “I’m soooo dead”). From a long term stand point, do I really believe that lope really believes that ghosts are real or that itself was well and truly dead? I did not think about it that deeply. But I knew “wow I am sooooo dead” is obviously not how lope talks by the time I got here, even when I still thought elpse might call lope “ramus.” I wrote that so long ago I did not have a solid grasp of how lope talked or just how foolish it was and in what ways. But NOW I wonder: does lope live in constant fear of death and undead spirits? What occurred to make it be preoccupied with that? I know, or think I know, that nobody is going to DIE in this comic strip, and have worried about my ability to introduce matters of consequence as a result, but I did not want to face the issue on the big punchable nose either, since it is too permanent an occurrence to add on a whim unless you are making something stupid like Dilbert that isn’t supposed to be consistent or not contradict itself. A hypothetical future version of me with a clearer mind may think a character death is necessary or even devise an alternative that is not strictly “death” as it applies to real people but without relying on conventional cartoon judeo-christian afterlife tropes that have no business applying to dumb old lope who I won’t even let have a christmas tree, or even some of the other innumerable copout ways American comic books have, often on whims, undone once-significant or equally whimly deaths. And that version of me would then also have to determine if there are supernatural forces which have interest in or authority over death and life. The present me is not qualified and so should avoid topics which lead to that one!
additionally lope’s new comment about ghosts agitates pog, who now has no reason to be this bored by the dialog. Fortunately pog has a looser concept of reality than lope so I do not need to wonder about why it is afraid of ghosts.
Pog’s boredom complaint came about because consistently in this section of the comic strip i have worried that i had more dialog than interesting visuals could be made to accompany. But again and again, and indeed again, had to strain to cram in all the visuals i came up with. However, now a script revision that I added due to the boringness of the script was made irrelevant by a future revision. That is so convoluted, crowded and broken I am surprised now that I didn’t keep it in!
Beyond all that, this page is one that is very hard to get working without layout swapping or dialog bauble stem crossing because there are so many characters stuffed into it. Ordinarily you can switch around where characters are to facilitate better dialog flow by zooming in, zooming out, or going to the next page, but I don’t like doing those things! i had in fact gone to a bit of trouble to switch the layout already; initially the viewpoint matched the previous pages, with the dialog positioned to suit that, and then I realized that would mean drawing the back of this parking lot 12 more times and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to draw this side either but it at least is plainly a different page.
I should just put the word “trivia” at the top of a page every time I am conflicted about the overall relevance of its contents.
nemitz is no stranger to hugging, despite being strange
this from 2004, a far off period before the mediocre expectations of internet communities beat my creativity out of me but also before i could draw. nonetheless i did it with colored pencils, which when digitally scanned gave the drawing the unearthly quality of the blank paper actually being darker than the marks on it, so i just today artificially augmented the ghastily large eye-balls to look less grey. I miraculously resisted the urge to alter innumerable other components of the image.
ah yes and the image title is Unlawful Restraint. Don’t forget. nemitz is a fugitive from justice.
Also there is this, Imminent Self-Defense, from 2010, of colored pencil PLUS expensive prisma color markers, since internet people led me to think those would be crucial for functioning, right around the time they all switched to yet more expensive copic markers. It shows the creature Eliah, known to a person called, at the time, Science Fox, and I know not what these days, being physically assaulted by the scoundrel nemitz.
Hugly Situation, from merely 2011, in which Astro Q Duck (the Q stands for “Questionable”) and a terrible creature known only as nemitz reunite after, I assume, being exiled from every place in existence.
Fuzzcilities: not very long ago there was a Valentine day and I regretfully thought it prudent to check on who nemitz was hugging more recently.
nemitz x toilet, hollywood’s power couple for 2019
You HAVE to hug people who don’t want to be hugged. What a tragic, unfortunate, sad-emoticonable plight! I hate to admit that in seeking out inanimate emoticon depositories maybe nemitz has the right idea, so I won’t.
page 33 of part 3 of this. One good thing does happen, but not much el[p]se. It took me less than two weeks to make, though, which is good, I hope, and not just reflective of my shoddy work on the backgrounds and the already mentioned not much occurring. The only thing in my favor is that I can hold a thought for twenty years. I think usually web comic people hit their peak within two years and finish everything they ever planned on doing within ten. I don’t have to/can’t beat anybody, but eventually they will all retire or move to endeavors that I am not also trying to do, unless battling for the last piece of breathable air becomes a common activity in the near future.
as I possibly said but was in such a hurry i do not remember, I have started touching up the pages that would go into the third comic book.
The character introduction up front is, no longer feels necessary, being left-over from before i redrew the first sections, when they made even less sense than they presently do! And so I extended the imagery on the first page and took the introduction out. but still have it on the web page! In order for it to go in the next book I will need to think of four additional, remotely characters to reintroduce, but i do not want the lizard to be among them since I mean for first time viewers to not be expecting it to appear, even though indicated at the closing of the previous section that it intended to appear again.
Apart from that, what I primarily to do is adjust lettering, add shading to often unshaded pictures, and revisit some radical ideas i had twelve years ago about where muscles went on legs. The overall “process” is going much more smoothly than the previous such series of events, since I am not starting from such a low point; You probably would not be able to tell which ones I have updated and which ones I have not! But it still will not be complete soon, because nothing I do ever happens soon! And so rather than forcing this through to its finish, I have begun the next new NEW page, since I have not put one out since November. Of course I have not put out a cartoon since March 2017 and have no immediate expectation of resuming that, and have had no new music since July 2017 I think. I also again started accepting money from people in exchange for time consuming irrelevant drawings that don’t reflect my interests or expand my audience, more because I need the validation than the money (and not surprisingly don’t command much of either), which holds overall matters up yet further. What do you want from me? I am only three people!
two elpse-like imps that i drew apparently almost three years ago and two nemitz-types that i possibly but not necessarily also did. The idea was brought about by the person of https://twitter.com/dookingplaza who i suspect also comments on my posts here under the name “charmlatan,” who said
“I wanted to request seeing the two grivvits Elpse was supposed to go on the mission to with their mibrim partners, non-pickled please”
This was to be a hastily done improvised sketch but I only accomplished the improvised part. In the absence of anything else related to this, I drew it slightly better than I perhaps intended to. I got myself stuck redrawing yet more old comic pages, and also everything else in the world I might be doing that gets me nowhere but takes a long time.
i have not thought out the circumstances of elpse’s past circumstances a great amount beyond what I showed there, so this is very possibly a fictional event apart from the base fiction.
I think the yellow creature may be of a third, token minority imp type that does not necessarily have an assigned counterpart, at least of nemitzy origin. nonetheless i drew them in this way, even wearing the same clothing as the other time, since they would barely be recognizable otherwise, even though for all i know the clothing was new at the point shown in the back flashing or at least only recently acquired by those specific creatures and thus even less possible to have been worn when there were still green nemitzes to do stupid things with. And let me be clear that there is no way that something which looks like nemitz is going to do something that is not stupid.
I even just last night decided that pog’s name should be “pwog” or “puag” after 23 years of calling it pog, and maybe ten years of not liking the name but not having a preferable alternative. anything can change, so long as it requires extra work on stuff I made ages ago and makes no real difference.
a just barely edited video to show the latest developments in degeneration. I have not spent the time to make a proper video to share on websites other than this one since the dopes still have the same bland green cheerio attack and terrible sound effects from eh fifteen years ago, and the last part has even more stuff that has to go, including the boring old “weapons,” but I was bored of that ugly test room. I intend for there to be at least THREE ways to destroy dopes but these at least do as many things as the old dopes did, apart from attack with their umbrellas, since they no longer have umbrellas since there are too many existing characters which attack with umbrellas, and that was so even before i gave the first dopes umbrellas!
a bonus that i missed at first: the dope at approximately 29 seconds melts without being hit. It is so: these dopes are SO DUMB that after doing their STUPID dance they RANDOMLY DROP DEAD! Unfortunately I fixed that and it won’t happen again. I wouldn’t mind it but they still have the ability to take regular damage and then start walking around again so that is just confusing! I COULD set them to randomly drop dead and stay that way but that is too stupid to do on purpose.
yep it’s true, you knew it, you know it. Strike up the band, batten down the hatches, run for the border, hang your stocking and say your prayers: cheap chicken is back. you thought i was gone for good! you doubted i would survive the results of your vile treachery. you thought you could make me pay full price. you thought you could bully me into adequately seeing to my own needs. just watch me bid $1 on the price is right. watch me opt for ups ground shipping and save two dollars to get my item three days late. you will believe one chicken can stand up for the difference between a “use by” and “sell by” date. and now y’ain’t NEVAH gettin ridda me! That’s right, cheap chicken is BACK and EVERY DAY!
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huh whuh a-HWuh?! What’s happening? What’s going on? Oh?
OH? Just who do you think you are dealing with? How do you intend t
Attention citizens: The cruel sorcerer from the outworld, Cheap Chicken, has been cast back into its circular orange interdimensional poultry portal and the portal sealed by our nation’s finest counter-sorcery experts, who guarantee the portal will not open again for a thousand years,
provided the 8 chicken cubes are not compromised or removed from their shrines. Return to work, go on about your lives, our long national nightmare is over. Rest safely knowing cheap chicken will NEVER be back.
Do not read about the character that broke the internet.
I have a big enough problem with the concept of Wreck’em Ralph, yet another Disney/Pixar story of the mundane wage-slave behind the scenes lives of formerly extra-ordinary beings, except now instead of characters they made up or that are at least public domain, they have enough money that they just license anyone they want. And unlike “Food Fight,” which was criticized and shamed into obscurity for that, since it’s Disney + Vidya Gaemz it is purity and SO GOOD. Alright, and now since Disney owns Lucasfilm, Marvel and Fox (for what that is worth) they can also insert most of the remaining characters which would never have been licensed to them otherwise, and they can just toss Darth Vader and Spiderman and the Krusty the Klown in a movie and act like this encompasses the whole of creative validity, and can imitate the copyright-infringement wasteland of internet social media to a great enough extent as to just be able to call it “the internet,” and then put the title character over all that. Alright, and now there are book adaptations of that. I haven’t seen the movie. Obviously I was never going to, it wasn’t made for me. The advertisement literally shows Ralph and the dark-haired gremlin running from Star Wars stormtroopers and then getting chewed out by Rapunzel and Cinderalla (the Disney versions, the REAL versions, of course) and I am supposed to think those both being in the same or any movie is a good thing. And, one assumes, remotely coherent in a children’s book. This is essentially embarrassing fan fiction with a price tag on it. I thought that was what Patreon was for. Where is the worth? I don’t have kids, you can thank your gods, but if I did I wouldn’t want to read them stories about some chubby guy palling around with an incongruous cross-franchise mashup of characters they never heard of inside a facebook post or whatever I have no clue and I think having a clue would require making myself dumber below the safety threshold from which it would be possible to get as-smart again afterward. AND AGAIN the relatable schmucks behind mobile communication premise was already done in The Emoji Movie, which was MASSIVELY criticized long before it came out, and unlike Food Fight actually did come out. And heeptydeepty my sister tells me that Ralph’s gremlin is voiced by Sarah Silverman, who is famous why? For being crass and contrary to the corporate-approved comedians who kept getting sitcoms in the 1990s. Crasser than Roseanne, then, even. And now Sarah Silverman is in DISNEY movies and Roseanne is unemployable for typing something Sarah Silverman would have spoken aloud on television and gotten big laughs from even though it doesn’t actually make sense 20 years ago.
The one thing I said in Ralph’s favor last time, even if I didn’t mean it as a compliment: “Why is this film special? Because it’s not on the internet. ” And now it thinks it IS the internet. The likes of Ralph could never have been conceived without the utterly broken culture of internet social media and in such a state it is incapable of being broken by Ralph.
It once was the case that, at least in the united states, you could use any intellectual property character you wanted in any way you wanted so long as it was a parody. That law no longer applies to Disney! Disney can buy any copyright and once disney owns a copyright it never expires. Disney can decree that Doctor Doom and Salacious B Crumb play Mario Tennis against Pinocchio and Frank Caliendo as John Madden and put that in a video that gets turned into a gif and then Ralph watches the gif and somebody makes a gif of that and that’s Canon with a capital C and that rhymes with P and that stands for “Please kill me” for all time. Maybe Disney will also buy Canon Inc, the digital camera company and repurpose that to making cannons for restorations of 16th century Spanish galleons just to drive home that point.
2018 in pictures
janu handle it
or february of it
marf
ayp
may
june
july
august
september
october
novemeberg
december
That is everything that happened this year which wasn’t depressing
You may need to click at that twice for it to be remotely legible. i will need to make a separate section on the regular comic sub-website for these because increasingly they are not able to be read when reduced to a degree that fits here! And there are things wrong with this to needlessly point out apart from that.
I thought I could save time but not obsessing over the visuals, since this is stupid anyway, but it still ended up taking days, even unfussed. Or actually it took a year since it is based on opposing, non-acknowledging trash-content site posts which I saw last year, in search of what I cannot remember. People can find ways to be authoritative, elitist and condemnatory about any topic. Really the first box without the “argue” statement would have sufficed.
here are dope “pain” frames. of course it is rather un-dope like to show pain, so some/most of these may be repurposed as templates on which to draw other in-pain imps. I do not know how many more imps will need to be included. I fear there is a great many imps to whom retribution is owed.
This one will hop a bit when damaged. I do not know yet what effect causing the sprite to hop will have on the actual player dope’s control, but enemy dopes (all dopes are my enemies) should at least do it properly. This should NOT be taken as evidence of their competence and general ability to do any thing properly.
Also by now i can confirm that the player dope can indeed hop when struck. That does not mean I am impressed!
The second one has 8 views rather than 5 because i do not want its unusual pose to be mirrored when facing left. I do however want to have a full rotation of mirrored poses so I have a third pain frame. it will look bad at the front and back views since for them the alternate pose would be mirrored versions of themselves rather than the view across from them.
and so on this third set I included fresh, not totally mirrored alternate poses for the front and back, so that they cannot awkwardly switch to a backward version of themselves if harmed again before recovering. It is hard to see but I redrew the faces, moved the ears, changed the shading and things like that. I forgot which one actually IS facing forward so I made what turned out to be an alternate for facing front left also. Because I have a poisoned brain. Anyway this means this dope now has 5 potential pain gestures for each direction, so even if minimal effort to make the mirrors look less so is not sufficient, the chance of jumping from one to its backward clone is only 20% and would only be a factor when facing straight at or away from the player. I also went and added a manually reversed and resurfaced alternate for the second pain pose’s front view. Does that make sense? It shouldn’t!
When I have my dopes in a row I will present a full comparison of these beside the “original” dopes from 15ish years ago. In this one state you can see that while they got sad, they maintained their composure.
in the “game” the rendering engine was instructed by me to warp the graphics for this pain state. the warping unfortunately works in a very limited range of ways and it looks somewhat sloppy when it only appears for an instant, for there is no transition in and out of warp.
beyond that the sprite needs void of a height and width to prevent the warped part from wrapping around one edge to the other. Ths warp effect was designed to be put on floor graphics, you see.
Having all the extra space is no big meal for 1994-style low resolution sprites, but when I make them extra large, so that I can barely see them full sized in the Slade editor, and am drawing loads more frames, void management becomes yet more cumbersome.
you really don’t care, do you! Alas I must proceed as if you do.
the only warp currently in effect is on the pink brute’s wing-like attachments. the unseemliness of the warp effect is less obvious when it only affects a part. However, that also means that for this state at least the creature must be inserted into the game separate from its wings, which is its own bigger-then-necessary hassle. Doing that for EVERY frame would be a hassle ludicrous in size beyond already being ludicrous since I would need to spawn and remove the wings for every single in-game tic due to my lacking the presumably meager coding prowess necessary to make the separated wings merely follow what the pink dork is doing.
Observe also that one of the test dopes is in a pain frame even though it is NOT being struck; that is because I inadvertently gave the whole run of new pain frames internal names which conflict with the names I already gave to the idle frames I showed two weeks ago.
I forgot I had reserved the prefix “dopi,” with i meaning idle. I was today thinking i meaning injured! I didn’t want to go with dopp for pain or doph for hurt because I wanted to use just the vowels, not expecting I would need more than 4 extra sets of dope animation frames beyond the base “dope” I use for the normal stomping around animation. Each four letter frame set name can have up to 29 frames in it. I apparently was worried that 116 would not be enough stupid garbage to draw from 5 or more directions!
I used up to F — not using B in case I decided to also do mirror alternates with that first set I showed here — so only G of the idle frames still shows up!
ALSO! The first one is DOPIE7E3, which means it should be E facing right (angle 7) and E mirrored facing left (angle 3). However, its accidental replacement,
DOPIE7F3, is frame E ONLY when facing 7 right; it is F when it is mirrored to 3! Which means??! What SHOWS UP as DOPI-E3 in-game is no longer that standing graphic mirrored but actually
THIS graphic DOPIE3F7 NON-mirrored! Oh what a situation!
and then this graphic MIRRORED replaces
DOPIF7G3, which should be forwards! What a catastrophe! And DOPI-G3 is not replaced at all which means while this graphic DOES show up, it will only EVER be seen BACKWARDS! Why aren’t I in jail?
But nothing exploded so I should be safe to fix this and then all that will no longer be relevant! In fact I can fix it faster (I merely rename the second DOPI series to DOPO, O for “oh no”) than it took me to make all those pictures and text explaining it! But please believe I regularly screw up bigger than that and take longer to realize both what problem there is and what I or anything else did to cause it. I of course blame nemitz.
This is important to me for some reason. The sooner I conquer it, the better for everyone. For dope detractors and supporters alike. Although if you are personally acquainted with any dope supporters please refer them to the jail that I somehow am not in.
The second (and first also) “issue” of my comic books can now be ordered from http://www.indyplanet.us/bimshwel
It features 36 needlessly dense pages, artwork superior to my photography, considerably more legible lettering than the first book and NO DOPES ((actually there is one dope on the inside back cover, don’t tell anyone).
The linked page has them for 8 dollars, which may feel a tad excessive for a comic book but most comic books there have less content per page and eight fewer of them. More panels stuffed into the the same space is not necessarily “better” but I think it suits what I am doing better than the other way would have! Or at least it had better since I sure am not going to change it after all that. And then it would end up being a 48 page book and even more expensive!
Of course it can still be browsed for free up to and beyond that point also on the internet, but people on the internet are peculiar sometimes so I offer both options to them.
ALSO: if you dwell outside the federated republic of United Statia and want this for some reason but think the international shipping cost is exorbitant (I sure do), please contact me directly at [email protected] and I can send one to you through rinkety dinkity postal mail, although I could not guess when it would get to you! This is a fairly stupid time of year to try and mail things.
However, I would have gotten this out of my way much sooner if I could! “Currently, it’s taking *at least* 4-6 weeks from when a book ships to when it goes live” eventually struck me as meaning: “NOTHING will happen BEFORE 4 weeks and afterward it could be any length of time. weeks months years.” the “-6” is misleading. it has no meaning.
I only found out the book was finally available during a cursory check on it before I wrote a second annoyed request for information; the robot never contacted me!
Gimme a break, robot. That “i was driving to the bathroom when you called” story isn’t going to cut it this time. What kind of idiot would make a robot that even needs to do that? This smiling moron should be able to interface directly with the robot car instead of needing to operate external controls!
Another more worrisome matter: It has been brought to my attention that after months of obsessively relettering the internal text, I left out the M in “bimshwellian” on the FRONT COVER of the newish comic book! Order now before I fix that, and be the owner of a rare collectors’ item. Apart from the huge pile of them I ordered for my own purposes months ago and the fact that I might not get around to changing it at all.