(From the initial printout, A Silly Person retyped it, adding scene distinctions, and, where necessary, additional instructions for the actors. However, I prefer to read it without them. Since I am a tyrant, I shall impose this upon you as well)

(actual, uninvited, inescapable comments from me go in arial, size 10. It's too late to change that, now.)

F: (This is an unspoken narration. The next line is not.)

N: Jope enters

Jope: I am Jope!

N: A moment passes. Nothing Happens.

Jope: “I am Jope, I said.”

N: Again, nothing happens

Jope: I was sure I heard someone ask for Jope! Well, that is I!

f: (a moment passes in silence)

Jope: Well, alright then. I guess I’ll just be leaving, then! (Jope waits another moment before exclaiming) Harumph!

N: Jope leaves

Voice: Wait, Jope! Come back Jope!

Jope: (reentering) Ah-ha!

Voice: Go Away.

Jope: Bah.

N: Jope leaves

N: Inside Dope Manor. A room with a bed. Jope is lying down in it…

Jope: Am I just going to bed now, or have I woken up?

N: Wait until I finish, please!

N: Jope awakes violently.

Jope: Huh?

N: I don’t know, twitch around and stuff. Like people on TV do when they’ve had a bad dream.

Jope: It wasn’t that bad!

N: Do it!

n: hits head on bedside table.

Jope: Ow, I say.

f: (A bell falls off bedside table,)

Jope: Ah, I get it. A dream it was, then. But what did it mean?

(no, we... couldn't actually do this)

Greegorp: (holding ears) You rang the bell to summon me?

Jope: No, the floor did!

f: (Gesturing toward the floor to indicate what happened)

jope: I’ve just awoken violently from an allegedly bad dream. Ehhh….

f: (Jope puts bell back in its place, beside six other bells)

Greegorp: Allegedly bad?

Jope: Well, I really can’t say. It was very odd, certainly. Ominous might be a better word.

Greegorp: Maybe it didn’t mean anything. One time I had this dream where two monstrous, hideous, horrifying striped legs had locked me in a room with many brightly colored savage beasts. I pondered what it meant for years, and then it occurred to me that I probably just fell asleep watching Muppet Babies.

Jope: I hope to someday possess your wisdom. As long as I don’t have to watch Muppet Babies.

Greegorp: I truly regret it, though, since I never found out how that episode ended. Did the baby muppets rise up against the legs in a bloody, climactic rebellion? How are their transitions from unwilling sensory deprived captives to zany, madcap variety show hosts ever explained?

Jope: You say that my dream likely has no explanation, yet you expect to find one for Muppet Babies?

Greegorp: Everyone has dreams, whether they want to or not. Muppet Babies is an option, a choice, a path that few attempt to venture down.

Jope: Ehhh. But that dream still bothers me.

Greegorp: There’s plenty wrong with it. What are the chances that they’d keep in touch with each other their whole lives?

Jope: MY dream, I was referring to.

Greegorp: You could always see one of those dream analysts. Or at least as long as you’re looking at one. I imagine you couldn’t see one if one wasn’t there.

Jope: Be quiet! You bore me. This all bores me. Next scene!

n: (Jope claps twice quickly)

Jope: …so then Judge Reinhold comes in backwards on a candy-cane and-

F: (a pause)

Jope: hey, since when are you a dream analyst?! Why am I still in this bed?!

Greegorp: You demanded the scene change so abruptly; none of the other actors were ready.

Jope: Bah. All right, let’s go back to scene one, then. There’s no point in me talking to you. In fact no more scenes! They displease me.

Jope: EhhhhhhANYway… Dream analysis? That sounds fascinating. Do tell me more.

Greegorp: Like any therapy, its legitimacy is debatable.

Jope: Therapy? You dare suggest I need therapy? Well I never,

p-shaw, and all that sort of thing. You are dismissed!

Greegorp: I was just leaving, anyway.

Jope: No! You can’t be just leaving! I have dismissed you! Get out!

Greegorp: Why are you shouting at me? That’s most unkind. I think I’ll just leave you alone for mow.

Jope: That’s cheating!

Greegorp: Goodbye. Well, some bye, anyway.

f: (Greegorp walks out of the room not backwards)

(I think this was my instruction, but I cannot recall why.)

Jope: You’ll come back! You always do! You’ll see! (pause) Bah.

n: (Jope takes bell from bedside table. Jope rings bell)

Jope: Like there’s anything else I can do with a bell.

f: (Greegorp reenters backwards)

Greegorp: Yes?

Jope: Ha ha, I told you you’d be back!

Greegorp: (exiting once again) Oh, you stop.

Jope: Feh. (Jope lies back in the bed) Now then what was I going to do today?

Voice: Jope.

Jope: Ehhh?

Voice: Jope, I said.

Jope: Ehhh, I said!

Voice: Listen, Jope.

Jope: It’s a good thing I was listening; otherwise I might not have heard you tell me to listen!

Voice: Do not misunderestimate me, Jope.

Jope: Speaking of which, who are you?

Voice: I think you know.

Jope: I know that I don’t know!

Voice: We shall meet again.

Jope: We haven’t met yet!

N: Jope wakes up

Jope: Ahhh, that’s right. I was going to get out of bed today.

(next an addition to justify the presence of another character)

Topaglieh: Why do you talk in your sleep, Captain?

Jope: Eavesdropping, ehhh?

N: Some minutes later in the hall of great Dopes

Jope: This is the hall of great dopes!

N: Let me do my job please.

Jope: We wouldn’t want to improve productivity by phasing out the irrelevant and obsolete, would we?

N: Just stop it. I’ve had a bad week.

Jope: And I wish you many more! Now, anyway,

(I added the fololwing eight lines more recently, too recently for them to have to been in the show.)

Jope: Bimbelb! I am pleased that you were able to join us, even under such circumstances.

Bimbelb: Yes, I heard what happened to Cupcake.

Jope: Still, it was better than what happened to Snikpel.

Bimbelb: What did happen to Snikpel? No one will tell me.

N: You'll find out soon enough!

Jope: Just ignore that.

Bimbelb: Ignore what?

Jope: Dah... Oh!

(now then, where was I?)

Jope: Many great dopes of the past are remembered here!

Bimbelb: I had not realized how many great dopes there were.

Jope: I consider it a magnificent honor, or at least something resembling one, to continue what they started so long ago.

Bimbelb: What happened to all of them?

Jope: They became old, and eventually they became dead

Bimbelb: Some of these pictures seem pretty recent. Surely these people in the place with the Corky Romano poster in the background are still alive.

(the poster could be any image of pseudo-contemporaryness. I didn't have any before me, so I absentmindedly typed "Corky Romano." And now again.)

Jope: They were evicted.

Bimbelb: Hmmm? But how? A place this old would have to have been family-owned by that point. And… you’re still here!

Jope: JOPE, not DOPE, and it’s my first name! The last true Dopes fled the country decades ago around the time of the Frupidor revolution! As I hear it, the Dopes disapproved of Freepfop Frupidor’s feather boa and left in disgrace. But no one really knows for certain.

Bimbelb: But their legend was so legendary…

Jope: No no no, it’s for the better, this way. The Frupidorian control- sector recognized what important work the Dopes did, and adopted the abandoned council as its own, giving those who would continue the way of Dope far greater monetary resources and disgustingly unchecked power.

Bimbelb: And what is your story?

Jope: After I bought this place at the state auction, they appointed me the Supremely Terrific Unquestionable Powerful Incarnate-Dope

Bimbelb: That’s all?

Jope: Yes. I hope you are not disappointed to know the truth.

Bimbelb: No, not at all.

Jope: Ah, ha ha ha ha!

Bimbelb: Eh, heh heh heh heh!

Bimbelb: Hey... STUPID?

Jope: I'm sure that was unintentional.

(later, I changed this line to)

Jope: Ayyyyy...

(intending for this to be said in a mildly flamboyant "alright, WHO drew a handlebar mustache on my autographed picture of Peter Tomarken?" kind of way)

N: Sometime later, Jope is in some sort of vehicle, nearing its destination, Topaglior is driving

("some sort of vehicle" presented a problem which was never properly solved)

Jope: I know they’re significant, because they recur and each seems to follow the previous.

Topaglior: Do they say “to be continued” at the end?

Jope: They don’t ever really end. They just kind of fade out.

Topaglior: Do you see many model miniature metropoli in ruins?

Jope: No!

Topaglieh: How about zippers? Is it true you can see the zippers when the monsters turn around?

Jope: Ing?!

Tope: Aren't we talking about your job as creative consultant for the Power Rangers series?

(this was the exchange the most recent time. Originally, it was)

/Topaglior: How about previews? Do you get previews for the next installment?

/Jope: No!

/Topaglior: Maybe an ad for the album the background music came from?

/Jope: Huh?

/Topaglior: Aren’t we talking about possible Buffy the Vampire Slayer spinoffs?

(this was relevant in May of the year before we actually did it, but not for a whole lot longer afterwards)

(before I had decided on a replacement, we tried:)

//Topaglior: Do they say “to be continued” at the end?

//Jope: They don’t ever really end. They just kind of fade out.

//Topaglior: How about battles? Do you fight many fierce battles, often engaging the same foes a myriad times?

//Jope: No!

//Topaglieh: Maybe an ad for action figures in the instruction manual?

//Jope: Ing?!

//Tope: Aren't we talking about your illegal beta of Final Fantasy X3?

(and it was terrible. Never again)

Jope: I hate you. Remind me to reduce your salary later.

Topaglior: You don’t pay me, captain!

Jope: Oh, that’s right. You’re a proud, certified moron. Ah, here we are.

f: (Jope opens door, gets out of vehicle, falls over and rolls sideways)

(because Jope hadn't waited for it to stop)

Topaglior: An insult to anyone else, captain!

Jope: Ow!

N: Soon thereafter, Jope is in the office of one Dr. Inchwelm upon whose couch-like thing Jope has just awoken, yet again.

(That "yet again" is misleading. I should take it out for the next time)

Inchwelm: Was it another dream?

Jope: It was, but not at all like the one I’ve spoken of.

Inchwelm: Certainly you realize that your dreams are of little significance now? They are completely random and devoid of decipherable poignancy.

Jope: You think you know everything, don’t you! Obviously my secret admirer was tending to other things!

Inchwelm: Who has all the Doctorology diplomas in this room, hmmm? I don’t suppose it’s you!

Jope: Why... You... Ehhh! Why did you not wake me! I see that much time has elapsed!

Inchwelm: Apparently you have forgotten that I charge the same whether we discuss anything or not.

Jope: Scoundrel! I’ll show you! I paid for an hour! I’ll leave one minute early! What then, ‘ey!

Inchwelm: You paid for an hour.

Jope: Ha, ha, and I do believe ha.

Inchwelm: Emphasis being on the paid. I already have your money.

Jope: Bah!

Inchwelm: Why can't more of them be like that?

(I wanted Inchwelm to say something at the end. But not that. I forgot what I wanted and left this. In the show at this point the Inchwelm actor picked up a box of Jujubes and threw it at Jope, and that seemed to work)

N: The next day, the Dopes of the Council of Dopes are at Dope Manor, assembled for their weekly ehm… assembly.

(another recent addition, this whole next bit is here exclusively to explain some things which really don't make sense to people who haven't read the script, people such as THE AUDIENCE.)

Larbo: Bimbelb. To see you, good again, is.

Bimbelb: Larbo! I like your hat.

Larbo: Hat?

Bimbelb: Vlumbagor, Fenfizzelt and Greegorp, also!

(otherwise, I have to come out and hold signs with the names on them)

Ergope: Congratulations, you can remember names.

Bimbelb: (who is this?)

Greegorp: Do not mind Ergope...

Ergope: An ironic choice of words!

Greegorp: ...you will have plenty of opportunities later.

Vlumbagor: Indeed.

Bimbelb: Hello, Ergope!

Ergope: Goodbye!

Bimbelb: That sure is a funny way of responding to hello.

Fenfizzelt: A vote!

Vlumbagor: Indeed

Greegorp: I suppose

Larbo: In the agreeing

Bimbelb: But of course

Ergope: [says nothing]

Fenfizzelt: Affirmation. Majority in agreeance, vote's result, 'goodbye funny way of responding to hello.'

Ergope: You know what's even funnier? Marmaduke.

(I can think of several comics unfunnier than Marmaduke, but their names don't amuse me as much)

Bimbelb: Ergope seems disagreeable

Greegorp: Jope is fond of Ergope. It cannot be explained.

Bimbelb: Oh. They are friends?

Ergope: Yes, people only get to be the very best of friends by one exerting dominance over the other with a shiny trinket.

Bimbelb: Jope pays you well for your services?

Ergope: I can see why they chose you.

Larbo: Speaks Ergope the bells of.

Bimbelb: Ah, these bells, I have seen them! Although they may appear as but styrofoam props painted green, and the ringing sound comes too early or too late and always from elsewhere in the room, I can verify that they are real bells. I understand your feelings, Ergope, but in such an important and respected job as this a means for keeping order is essential!

Ergope: Must you persist in amazing me?

Larbo: The bells... Work they do how?

Fenfizzelt: The letters on them.

Greegorp: Surely those are Roman numerals to denote the order in which the bells were made.

Vlumbagor: Indeed.

Fenfizzelt: Is no 'F' in Roman numerics.

Vlumbagor: Indeed.

Fenfizzelt: Letters for our names!

Greegorp: That's silly. How then would Jope induct members whose names start with the same letters?

(I need an ending for this part)

N: But enough of them for now.

N: As we see, Jope is once again in the bed, once again having a dream…

Jope: I’m narcoleptic okay?!

Voice: Jope.

Jope: I was wondering where you’d gotten off to!

Voice: There is something I must tell you.

Jope: There had better be.

Voice: And that is… (The voice pauses)

Jope: It is what?

Voice: I’m not sure you can handle it.

Jope: How about this: if I can handle it, that’s great, and if I can’t, you get the satisfaction of knowing you were right all along!

Voice: I believe I shall tell you…

Jope: Do!

Voice: …Maybe when you get older.

Jope: An absurdity! I’m old now!

Voice: Calm down, ya Jope. One day older. I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Jope: I grow weary of your trickery!

Voice: Don’t be late! Ha ha ha.

n: Jope wakes up

Jope: And it would seem I have woken up once more. But I must know as soon as possible! I shan’t leave this bed! I shan’t! Topaglieh! Have wheels affixed to this furnishing! If I must go about business as usual, it will be in a most unusual fashion!

(this wasn't possible. we had to substitute a wheeled chair and pretend it was the bed, undoubtedly inciting confused indifference among those in attendance when the actual bed stayed in the same place)

N: back to these dopes again

Ergope: Renk! Jope is late again!

Fenfizzelt: Words are nonsense! Time is only 13:07

Ergope: Alright, if 13:07 isn’t late, why have we all been here for half an hour, then? We were all early, I suppose?

Greegorp: Last week we redefined late to mean later than usual, and as Jope generally arrives-

Ergope: That twit lives here!

Greegoep: (finishing the sentence) -at the meetings later than now, and later than then is now, late as it refers to Jope. But yourself was not here last week.

(Greegoep. That was an error, but I like that name better)

Ergope: That is because you’re all insignificant wretches! Your witless leader only makes me come every other week, and I intend to come no more frequently! You’re only hurting your own worthless productivity by keeping me here! You’re only making the prank telephone calls, threatening messages with letters clipped out of magazines, and eggs thrown at your houses, by me once I’m free, worse for yourselves! I hate you all!

Fenfizzelt: A vote!

Ergope: No.

Vlumbagor: INDEED

Larbo: In the agreeing

Bimbelb: But of course

Greegorp: I suppose

Fenfizzelt: Affirmation Ergope overruled, majority in agreeance. Vote’s result: Ergope hates us. Result noted.

Ergope: If the lot of you had any remote grasp of sarcasm, what just happened would have been hilarious. But in reality it’s just sad.

(we didn't bother with this, since there was no distinction of rooms, and Jope was visible being pushed around to the area where these people were)

Ergope: NO! SHUT UP OR I’LL EAT YOU AS I DID THAT OTHER WRETCHED WRETCH!

Fenfizzelt: Unwise.

Ergope: Ha ha, I should eat everyone here. It’s not like they can force me to replace all of you, is it.

n: (Jope enters on bed)

Jope: I’m not late, am I?

Larbo: No, late you not are.

Ergope: Not anymore

Jope: Splendid, splendid. (Jope looks at Ergope)- Snikpel, have you gained weight?

Ergope: Wow, that was funny like, once, three months ago.

(this was originally just "a month." Soon I realized, with the mention of "every other week," this would mean the joke could only have been told one other time. Once someone else noticed this, I upped the months)

Ergope: That your response to the delicious demise of one of your own is to make a joke like that says a lot about you, and for you to still be rehashing it says a bunch more.

Fenfizzelt: An explanation for the bed?

Vlumbagor: INDEED.

Jope: Ah yes, I’ve been having strange dreams lately-

Greegorp: Wait don’t leave!

Jope: Hmmm?

Jope: You can stop pushing now!

Topaglior: Thank you, captain!

Jope: The poor fool really does try very hard. As I was saying, the dreams have been those in which I’ve been promised a great item of knowledge at some unspecified point during this day, so I want to be ready for it at all times.

F: (Jope has a bottle of Nyquil)

Ergope: You’re crazy. I hate you.

Bimbelb: We had a vote.

Ergope: Sucks to your vote! I don’t need an official mandate to despise someone.

Bimbelb: And yet you have one! You’re very fortunate!

Jope: If no one objects, I shall now drink this entire bottle of Nyquil.

Fenfizzelt: A vote?

Jope: Ehhh

(this is not how Jope approves a vote, but rather, how Jope votes)

Fenfizzelt: Affirmation

Greegorp: I suppose

Bimbelb: But of course

Larbo: In the agreeing

Vlumbagor: INDEED.

Ergope: NO

Fenfizzelt: Ergope overruled, majority in agreeance. Vote’s result: Jope drinks bottle of bottle of Nyquil. Result noted.

Ergope: There is something gravely amiss when the one who eats other people is the most sane one in the room!

Jope: (Drinkety drink drink) I think I feel it working!

Bimbelb: I know I approved, but can’t this wait? We do have important laws to make!

Ergope: That’ll be the day!

Greegorp: What will be the day?

Ergope: No one ever told me, but I’m sure it’s not today!

Jope: You! Stop talking already!

Ergope: REEEEEESH! Steep it!

Jope: Now then, as long as I’m awake, I propose it be illegal to pronounce the T in “often.”

Noise: *Wumpph*

n: Jope sleeps

(when writing all this idiocy, I didn't give much thought to what the still visible non-Jopes would be doing right about now)

Jope: (Aside) How rude and abrupt! They ought to put warning labels on that stuff! I’ll have to check when I wake up.

Voice: So then I said “I’ll tell you when you get older,” and Jope’s all like “naw! Naw! Tell meh Nyow!”

Other voice: Aw, what a wuss.

Voice: And then I go “a DAY older! I’ll tell you tomorrow!”

(That 'go' was 'ho' before I fixed it just now)

Other voice: Some people are dumb.

Jope: I can hear you!

Voice: Hey, go away! It’s not ready yet!

Jope: I plan to stay!

Voice: Don’t make me send you into a toilet dream!

Jope: That would be most unkind.

Voice: I will!

Jope: Bah.

N: Jope awakes

Jope: Oh, dear. Have I missed anything?

Ergope: Not bloody likely!

Jope: So impertinent, you are!

F: Jope produces a V bell begins to ring it

Vlumbagor: IH IH IH IH IH DIH DIH DIH!

Jope: (looks at bell) My mistake. Hello, there’s one missing.

Ergope: You wanted this?!

f: Ergope eats E bell

Ergope: I’m free! I’m free!

f: Ergope descends through floor

Jope: Why did not one of you attempt to stop that fiend?! I know you, Bimbelb, especially realize the importance of … (realizing) Wait, I think I know. (Taking out the B bell) Well, that’s remedied easily enough.

Greegorp: That might not be for the best.

Jope: Silence! I’ll do as I please!

f: Jope crosses out the B, writes E, and rings the bell

(this should be apparent to the audience, but I don't believe it has been)

f: Ergope rises through the floor

Ergope: Many expletives? I forgot about that!

Jope: It’s not nice to steal other people’s things! And eating those who would prevent you from doing so is even less nice!

Fenfizzelt: A vote?

Jope: Ehhh.

Ergope: DIE

Vlumbagor: INDEED.

Larbo: In the agreeing

Bimbelb:

Greegorp: I suppose

Fenfizzelt: Affirmation

Fenfizzelt: Ergope overruled, majority in agreeance. Vote’s result: stealing things, eating people not nice.Result noted.

(I never looked up the word "overruled." I hope, for the sake of twentyish rehearsals and three performances I have used it properly.)

Jope: Oh, so dull. Let's try this again. Next scene!

Voice: This is a very serious matter, Jope.

Jope: Then what’s the meaning of all the jokes, then?

Voice: You have been the one making jokes, Jope, not I.

Jope: What about when you were making fun of me to the other disembodied voice?

Voice: I’m not allowed to socialize in my spare time?

Jope: Not in my dreams you aren’t!

Voice: Well, regardless of what’s happened, the situation now, and the situations to come are of grave importance!

Jope: Tell me more.

Voice: I can’t.

Jope: Oh, not this again.

Voice: The time is not yet right. You will know when the moment comes.

Jope: Oikes! Next I suppose you’ll be telling me it’s my “destiny” I suppose!

Voice: It is your…ehm…fate.

Jope: Pfuuui.

Voice: The path has already been chosen. But will you choose to follow it?

Jope: Quit being so vague. Tell me this, if it’s all “fate”, then I shouldn’t really have a choice at all, should I! It’s going to happen whatever happens! You might as well have left my dreams alone.

Voice: I had to make you aware of the fate. That was part of my fate. It’s certainly not like I wanted to talk to you.

Jope: Oh hush.

f: some kind of sound sounds, awakening Jope

f: Greegorp enters

Greegorp: I’d like to speak to you.

Jope: Then do it!

Greegorp: About yesterday's meeting.

Jope: Ah, yes A very productive meeting it was! I’m especially pleased with the Jujube issue! They taste bad! I hope we can get them printing that on all the labels by next month.

Greegorp: But what about Bimbelb?

Jope: We didn’t vote on that, did we? I forget?

Greegorp: Bimbelb was eaten.

Jope: Oh, right. Well, you’ve answered you question, then.

Greegorp: Ergope is a problem. Surely even you can see that now!

Jope: Fiddlefaddle! Ergope has many unique ideas!

Greegorp: Ergope votes NO on everything. Even article 27-xcgb3-L: “Ergope gets weight in snake meat delivered every Thursday,” which I might add, was suggested by none other than.. oh, Ergope!

Jope: Maybe Ergope is a vegetarian. Did that ever occur to you? I bet you didn’t even think to ask!

Greegorp: Vegetarians don’t eat people!

Jope: Well, if I recall correctly, Bimbelb bore a very strong resemblance to a piece of celery.

Greegorp: Ergope doesn’t even want to be there! Every week we have to listen to many spiteful tirades saying so!

Jope: (Sounding concerned) I find your words very disturbing.

Greegorp: You agree that something must be done!

Jope: well, I’d hate to have to suspend you from the council, but it’s just not right to speak ill of another member, especially when they’re not around! Such behavior negatively affects morale! Now shoo, shoo. I have things to do do. Some of them are important, even!

(There used to be only on "do," but then at one rehearsal Jope actor said "shoo shoo, I have things to do do," and I added that to the script just now. Please forgive me.)

Greegorp (frustrated) Oh,Oh,Oh! HARUMPH!

f: (Greegorp leaves)

N: Several moments later, Jope is arriving at the office of Dr. Inchwelm

Jope: Why oh why did I schedule another appointment with this imbecile?

Topaglior: Don’t you like imbeciles, captain?

Jope: NO no no. I can’t stand them, in general. You are an exception, because you’ll push my bed around and not demand a salary.

n: Jope opens door,

(we never had a door)

f: Inchwelm is there

Inchwelm: Hey, hey: Don’t bring that in here! I’m allergic to beds!

Jope: How can you be allergic to beds?

Inchwelm: Whydyawanna know that?! What, you want to try it too?

Jope: That depends on whether you want a serious answer to your question or not.

Inchwelm: That’s what the-ahhh couch-like-thing is for, anyway. You want to do sleep, my furniture should suffice. In fact, I hope it does. I’m kind of busy today.

(we didn't have a couch-like-thing either. people must think Inchwelm is an idiot. More so than I intended them to)

Jope: You don’t look busy to me.

Inchwelm: Would you believe it, I didn’t think you looked like a total deranged lunatic nutball, either.

Jope: I find your manner unbecoming of a medical professional!

Inchwelm: But me being the professional among us, only I would really know, right?

Jope: Doesn’t the phrase "repeat business” mean a thing to you?

(I'm editing this in wordpad which doesn't insert quotation marks properly. Sure, I could fix it, but I've already given my excuse for not fixing it, so I won't)

Inchwelm: It means patients who get clingy and think I’m honestly interested in what they have to say.

Jope: Speaking of patients, I think I’m running out!

Inchwelm: You are a doctor as well? I was not aware.

Jope: No, the other kind of patience. It’s spelled ce instead of ts.

Inchwelm: Neither of those spell anything. And I was thinking of the one you weren’t, so you actually weren’t speaking of it after all.

Jope: Now you’re confusing me. Slow down.

Inchwelm: And what happened to that “running out” part? You’re still here!

Jope: You want me to not be?

Inchwelm: Now you’re getting it.

Jope: In that case, perhaps I will stay.

Inchwelm: So come in or go out, but please close the door. I think I shall sneeze horribly if that bed is not out of my breathing distance soon.

Jope: You must really be allergic, since that comment didn’t sound snappy at all.

(I don't like the way "snappy" sounds)

Inchwelm: Arrrgh! Go away!

Jope: I’m thinking about it!

Inchwelm: (much irritatedly) Greegah!

f: (Inchwelm rushes towards bed and pushes it)

Jope: Well I never! I had quite forgotten about the stairs here.

Noise: Bumpbumpbumpkwash

(this next part was not possible to be performed, so it wasn't. I copied this from an older script, which I had typed in notepad and modified in another program that used fonts and saved it in Courier New to keep it looking similar thus explaining why it is now looking different)

f: (Jope is thrown from bed into a wall, and knocked unconcious as per the currrent story furthering device)

JOPE: Wouldn't you know it, another dream. 'Ey, is it time yet?

ERGOPE: Not in here you aren't!

JOPE: Aren't what? And since you seem to know, where is here?

ERGOPE: All I know is in the pudding!

JOPE: I beg your pardon?

GREEGORP: I said you were apple.

JOPE: Hey, weren't you just someone else?

FENFIZZELT: Is this like we are the toothpaste.

JOPE: Oh, I get it. I must be having a normal dream. Carry on, then.

f: Jope runs forward but goes backwards very slowly.

CUPCAKE: Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know, go ask your dad.

N: Jope eventually wakes up in stairway, beside the bed.

Jope: (To narrator) That’s it? Couldn’t I wake up in an underground laboratory and not know where I am for a change?

f: (Jope looks at bed)

Jope: Ehhh! Get out of my bed!

Topaglior: You were having a nap captain. I thought I should , too.

Jope: You’re so innocent, so pure, and yet so… so… entirely unlovable.

f: Jope gets into the bed

Topaglior: I don’t think I like you that way, captain!

(this line sounds dirty. I suppose it's supposed to, but I wish it didn't. Why did I put it there?)

Jope: Get out, then!

Topaglior: I have nowhere to go!

Jope: Except out of my bed!

f: (Topaglior exits bed)

f: (Jope returns to wherever that is Jope came from)

n: Jope sleeps

Jope: All this sleeping is making me exhausted.

Voice: We meet again.

Jope: I've just now had a dream in which you were not involved!

(this refers to the part which was omitted that I just showed you. Any intelligent audience member should currently feel like a moron)

Voice: Do you think I have nothing better to do than talk to you?

Jope: I do not honestly believe that you do!

Voice: It gets very busy around here sometimes. It’s not like you’re the only person who has visions , you know.

Jope: Oh, ho! Since when are these “visions?”

Voice: Since now?

Jope: Ehhh. What is this great important truth you were going to tell me?

Voice: It’s under your pillow.

Jope: Wuh…?

Voice: Wake up and look!

N: Jope wakes up

Jope: Hey, I wasn’t finished with you!

Voice: Be quiet and look under you pillow!

Jope: What are you, the tooth fairy? Is there a shiny new quarter for me?

Voice: You’ll find I’m quite different. And the tooth fairy hasn’t given quarters for decades. You really show your age.

Jope: You’re just jealous because I’m older than you!

Jope: Hey, didn’t I wake up? Why are you still talking to me? Leave me alone!

f: (topaglior leaves jope alone)

Voice: Do as I say, and maybe I will!

Jope: Bah, fine, fine.

N: Jope moves pillow to one side.

Jope: (shocked) FEEP!

Yeep: Close, it’s Yeep.

Jope: What is yeep? And what is yeep?

Yeep: I’m Yeep. And I am a yeep.

Jope: I think I can understand an insignificant lerd like you not getting a name.

Yeep: That my name is Yeep, and that I am a yeep, is a coincidence!

Jope: I’m sure.

Yeep: Come on, I’m sure you’ve read plenty of stories with bears named “Bear.” What’s so hard to believe about yeep?

Jope: Just as much. And that’s plenty!

Yeep: Did you know you talk in your sleep?

Jope: Do you like green eggs and ham?

Yeep: My rhyme was another coincidence!

Jope: That’s a relief.

Yeep: As I gather that you have gathered, I am the one with whom you have been speaking!

Jope: Wow, what a letdown.

Yeep: Hey, you are in the presence of Yeep royalty!

Jope: I’d rather talk to the prime minister.

Yeep: I’ll have you know, my monarchy is not constitutional! I hold supreme power over all yelps!

(Yelp?)

Jope: I’m sure. I’ll bet you’re the only one!

Yeep: (quietly) yes…

Jope: I suppose you’re also that nitwit narrator?

N: Hey, leave me out of this!

Jope: Right, right. Well, I’m sure you must be going now, so feel free to do so.

Yeep: Aren’t you at all interested in why I chose you? And how I’ve been surviving beneath your pillow?

Jope: No. Leave.

Topaglior: I’m interested!

Jope: BAH.

Yeep: (to Jope) Well, I’ve been feeding off your brain waves! They are my kind’s preferred form of nourishment.

Topaglior: They make you all great and powerful?

Yeep: (To Topaglior) No, they just taste good. Not yours, though. They taste like Jujubes.

Topaglior: Hey, I like Jujubes!

Yeep: Please don’t sleep in this bed again.

(this bit makes sense in theory when we've been using a bed and not a wheeled chair which we were doing in actuality)

Yeep: (To both) But in all my travels, Jope's have been the very best of all. And that is why I stayed.

Jope: But what about all that destiny nonsense?

Yeep: Exactly. Nonsense. I made it up.

Jope: What about that time there was another vice? You invited your friend over for a late breakfast, I assume?

Yeep: That was me using a different voice! You really thought that was someone else? Hey, you wanna hear my Ozzy Ozbwerne?

Jope: NO NO NO, GREAT GIMPITY, NO! You illen me! Now go!

Yeep: I did not jest when I said yours were the best.

Jope: There!

Yeep: Alright, that one was on purpose. I do not plan to depart any time soon.

Jope: You should have kept quiet, then! You honestly thought I’d let you eat my mind?

Yeep: First of all, it’s just the waves I eat. And second, yes. Why else would I have told you?

Jope: Because you’re impatient and desperate for companionship

Yeep: (Quietly) Maybe…

Jope: Well too bad! Get out before I eat you!

Yeep: You’re not the one that eats people!

Jope: I don’t consider “people” to include you!

Yeep: Hey, that’s not very nice.

Topaglior: Don’t be a meanie, captain!

Jope: Don’t be an idiot!

Topaglior: Hey… right… What am I doing?! I’ve been wasting my life away performing menial tasks for an eccentric aspiring despot! I need to get out of here!

f: (Topaglior starts to get out of here)

Jope: Oh, you…!

f: Jope throws a bell at Topaglior, not realizing it is the E bell. Ergope rises through the floor. Yeep jumps on Jope's back in fear of Ergope or doesn't or whatever

(it was decided in my absense that the Yeep actor should be jumping on and grabbing at the Jope actor. I did not try to argue)

Ergope: Seeing Topaglior first WRETCH! Who dares….?

Topaglior: Not I!

f: Ergope eats Topaglior

Topaglior: This is unfortunate.

Ergope: You too, Jope?

f: (Jope emits negativity)

Ergope: Why not?

(At first, Ergope was to eat the bell and, freed from it's power, would descend through the floor to elsewhere right about now, saving Jope. However, for a reason which eludes me just now but I'm sure exists, Jope gets the bell instead and does not allow Ergope to eat it.)

F: Jope holds up bell

Ergope: Oh, right . That.

f: Ergope exits making a menacing gesture

Jope: (Yeepward) You! Look at the trouble you’ve caused! Now not only have I lost my most trusted apparently unwilling follower, but now I need a tin-foil helmet to keep you away!

Yeep: Calm down.

Jope: No.

Yeep: Pwease?

Jope: Begone, await your fate!

N: Jope is the clap-master!

Jope: And...

Jope: I hate you.

(Before I attended rehearsals, the following scene had not been used. There was much chaoticness regarding this whole region, but it was sorted up. I only mention this because I just realized I've been editing a version of the script from that period which didn't have that scene in it. Now I shall need to consult an older one again since I don't have a newer one. There were a lot of scripts.

Gee, I wonder why there were so many problems when we went to perform it.

Ah, here we are. To attempt coherence, I shall omit the parts featuring and referring to a mysterious, for now irrelevant character named "Kierfo" which was necessary to do when the scene was re-added without an actor for the part. Additional alternate versions of the "end" are available at no one's request)

LARBO: Quite early, you are!

VLUMBAGOR: INDEED

JOPE: I think rather that you were late!

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: That won't be necessary.

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: Now you're just being silly. Where have you all been? I have been waiting! I was should not have had to RING for you.

GREEGORP: Usually you arrive much later than this. Like, a week later.

JOPE: No I don't!

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: What are you, a robot?

FENFIZZELT Am a robot!

JOPE: Truly? I hadn't noticed.

FENFIZZELT Have wheels!

JOPE: Well, with the table and all...

FENFIZZELT Is glass.

JOPE: You know what, shut up.

FENFIZZELT: Run sad program.

GREEGORP: I imagine that is what kept Fenfizzelt from being eaten.

JOPE: Eaten?

GREEGORP: By Ergope.

JOPE: Ah, yes. I'm afraid Ergope is no longer with us.

GREEGORP: Dead?

JOPE: No, just not here, with us.

GREEGORP: Oh, right. The every other week thing.

JOPE: Again, no, as of this time, the council does not include Ergope as a member.

GREEGORP: You took action at last!

JOPE: Ehhh? Don't be silly. Ergope left quite voluntarily.

FENFIZZELT: Can do that?

JOPE: Once more, no! It was through a series of unforeseen circumstances. Had I foreseen them, they wouldn't have happened. Anyway, looking around this room it's obvious we need some new members.

LARBO: Nominate, I-

JOPE: I've already decided who they are!

LARBO: Bah.

JOPE: Only I may say "bah!"

f: Jope rings bell

f: Yeep appears

YEEP: Oh, misfortune.

LARBO: The meaning of any of this, what is?

JOPE: I've come to realize that there is none. This council is too silly to help anyone!

GREEGORP: You are the one who is silly! You allowed yourself to be corrupted and are trying to bring all of us with you!

JOPE: Ah, but I shall be going alone.

GREEGORP: What? Where? I wasn't talking about a place.

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

LARBO: Much bafflement, am I experiencing.

JOPE: All of you, calm down. I guarantee you'll all understand what's going on in due time. I'll write a book, or something. But right now I have to go. Away.

Jope: Clap clap, don't you know.

VLUMBAGOR: INDahhh.

(originally I had Larbo always saying "in the affirmative," and Fenfizzelt saying "agreeance" but felt this change was further from proper English for Larbo and more robotish for Fenfizzelt. I've discussed this change with several actual robots and they seem to agree)

Narrationer: Ahhh... Jope goes back to the bed, I guess.

CUPCAKE: Stop this! I refuse to be eaten like a muffin! What an insult!

VOICE: Jope.

CUPCAKE: Who?

JOPE: That would be me.

VOICE: Yes.

JOPE: WHAT?!

N: Jope awakes

JOPE: How do you continue to find me!

YEEP: The same way I did the first time.

JOPE: You never told me what that was.

YEEP: Nope.

YEEP: I'd love to know why you left your friends all confused like that.

JOPE: They are not my friends! But seeing as this asinine story is almost over, I might as well explain.

n: Jope explains

JOPE: So I've got these things which I use essentially to make people do whatever I tell them to, right?

YEEP: Maybe.

JOPE: Stop trying to be dramatic. Right, so why should I be content meddling with those... errr... dopes when there are so many small, isolated countries to take over?

(I wonder if it would be better to just have the narrator say "Jope explains")

YEEP: Oh, Jope. What a devious, albeit delicious mind you have.

JOPE: Not all of us get to be the sole member of a species, you know.

YEEP: Hey.

N: Jope displays a bell

JOPE: Now go, please. I still have the one that affects you.

f: Ergope re-enters from opposite side of Ergope's exit

(it should be noted that this time Ergope has appeared without being summoned by a bell.

I don't believe that it usually is noted thus, unfortunately)

Ergope: Ah ha! Found you at last! I shall now feast upon thy pitiful self. I figured out how your little toy works and had my name changed! You can’t do a thing!

Jope: You changed your name? To what, may I ask?

Ergope: Do I look stupid? Regardless of the answer, I’m not!

Jope: Surely you could eat me before I’d have time to change the bell. Is it too much to ask to die with some closure?

Ergope: Oh, all right. I was in a hurry, so I only had it switched back to front! My new name is Epogre! Do you like it?

f: (Yeep, having a vague understanding of the complex machinery, grabs the bell and tosses it to Jope)

Jope: What?

n: Jope can't catch the bell

f: (bell falls on the floor)

Epogre: EEEH!

Jope: Yeep? I'm surprised at you! Ergope, this villain plots against you!

Epogre: (recovering quickly from the brief attack) At least get my name right!

f: (epogre approaches yeep)

Yeep: Let's be reasonable heeyah.

Epogre: And soon I shall have eaten thee as well!

Yeep: All is woe, for I am eaten!

F: (epogre does eat yeep but jope thinks Ergope is still eating yeep und so jope takes advantage of the distraction to approach the bell artistically)

n: Jope approaches bell…. artistically

Epogre: Oh?

n: Jope does not get bell.

Jope: Scalawag of a narrator!

f: (Epogre gets it instead)

Epogre: But I choose to spare you, Jope!

Jope: You believe if we work together that no force could stop us?

Epogre: Close: I'm no longer hungry.

f: Epogre takes, rings the L bell

Larbo: What you do want?

Epogre: Here, read this!

Larbo: End The.

Epogre: Gwa ha, you're priceless.

Jope: Foolishness! I take my leave of this preposterous production!

f: somewhere else. Bimbelb and Topaglior are there.

Bimbelb: Oh. You.

Topaglior: And you as well.

f: Vlumbagor enters

Bimbelb: Ergope has eaten you as well?

Vlumbagor: INDEED.

Bimbelb: Why?

Topaglior: how?!

(in the pictures I made, Vlumbagor is the only character larger than Ergope)

Vlumbagor: Actually, I just wanted some more lines.

Bimbelb: Are you satisfied now?

Vlumbagor: INDEED.

(I wonder if the actor truly was...)

F: Vlumbagor leaves

Jope: INFIDELS! Find yourselves elsewhere, it is finish!

(here's another version that has Kierfo in it. There are parts that are very similar. They are only not identical because I haven't edited this one as much by that time. By the time I had, this part wasn't there and there was instead that which is above this. So.)

JOPE: Oh, you...!

TOPAGLIOR: IPE! Don't be so childish.

ERGOPE: WRETCH! Who dares...?!

TOPAGLIOR: Not I!

TOPAGLIOR: This is unfortunate.

ERGOPE: And...

ERGOPE: You too! JOPE. Why not?

ERGOPE: Oh, right. That.

JOPE: (Angrily clutching yeep) You! Look at the trouble you've caused! Now not only have I lost my most trusted apparently unwilling follower, but I have to make another new bell!

YEEP: Calm down.

JOPE: No.

JOPE: Bah.

JOPE: I hear a knocking sound! See? I could have said that!

JOPE: (calling into another room) Hey, aren't you going to get that?

JOPE: TOPE... Ah, right. Stupid, stupid.

JOPE: I already had the door. It's my house, after all.

JOPE: Hee hee hee. Uhhh...?

KIERFO: Good day-

JOPE: I doubt it

KIERFO: I am officer Kierfo Kegar, I'm here to investigate the disappearance of one...

KIERFO: Bim Bayulb Bick Beeeee...yarvissss?

JOPE: Bimbelb Bickbyarvice.

KIERFO: Is that you?

JOPE: How...

JOPE: Yes, that's me. Bimbelb Bickbyarvice, at your syarvice! As you can see, I've reappeared. I'm a magician, you know.

KIERFO: Oh, really? Why don't you show me a trick then?

JOPE: Because I don't have to.

KIERFO: That is true. Would you mind answering some questions?

JOPE: No. Unless there are more.

KIERFO: I think...

KIERFO: Yes, plenty more questions.

JOPE: Wait, I just thought of a good trick I could show you.

KIERFO: Oh, that's simply delightful.

JOPE: No, really. You said your name was...

KIERFO: Kierfo...

JOPE: Kierfo, you said! With a Q?

KIERFO: With a K.

JOPE: Not that it matters, we magicians always have to make small talk to distract audiences from what we're really doing.

KIERFO: 'EY! Keep your hands where I can see them, please.

JOPE: I think you're missing the point.

KIERFO: Alright, I think I've seen enough.

JOPE: A bit too much, perhaps.

KIERFO: Oh, really?

JOPE: It's a bell, you idiot!

KIERFO: So it is. What's so great about a bell?

LARBO: Quite early, you are!

VLUMBAGOR: INDEED

JOPE: I think rather that you were late!

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: That won't be necessary.

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: Now you're just being silly. Where have you all been? I have been waiting! I should not have had to RING for you.

GREEGORP: Usually you arrive much later than this. Like, a week later.

JOPE: No I don't!

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

JOPE: What are you, a robot?

FENFIZZELT Am a robot!

JOPE: Truly? I hadn't noticed.

FENFIZZELT Have wheels!

JOPE: Well, with the table and all...

FENFIZZELT Is glass.

JOPE: You know what, shut up.

FENFIZZELT: Run sad program.

GREEGORP: I imagine that is what kept Fenfizzelt from being eaten.

JOPE: Eaten?

GREEGORP: By Ergope.

JOPE: Ah, yes. I'm afraid Ergope is no longer with us.

GREEGORP: Dead?

JOPE: No, just not here, with us.

GREEGORP: Oh, right. The every other week thing.

JOPE: Again, no, as of this time, the council does not include Ergope as a member.

GREEGORP: You took action at last!

JOPE: Ehhh? Don't be silly. Ergope left quite voluntarily.

FENFIZZELT: Can do that?

JOPE: Once more, no! It was through a series of unforeseen circumstances. Had I foreseen them, they wouldn't have happened. Anyway, looking around this room it's obvious we need some new members.

LARBO: Nominate, I-

JOPE: I've already decided who they are!

LARBO: Bah.

JOPE: Only I may say "bah!"

KIERFO: You and your bell! You rapscallion! You'll never get away with this! Whatever this is!

JOPE: I think rather that I already have.

JOPE: And, just because I can, and we have space to fill...

YEEP: Oh, woe.

LARBO: The meaning of any of this, what is?

JOPE: I've come to realize that there is none. This council is too silly to help anyone!

GREEGORP: You are the one who is silly! You allowed yourself to be corrupted and are trying to bring all of us with you!

JOPE: Ah, but I shall be going alone.

GREEGORP: What? Where? I wasn't talking about a place.

KIERFO: I don't know what treachery you're plotting, Bimbelb-

JOPE: There's quite a bit you don't know. Like my name, for instance.

KIERFO: So tell me. Anything at all. Please?

FENFIZZELT: A vote?

LARBO: Much bafflement, am I experiencing.

JOPE: All of you, calm down. I guarantee you'll all understand what's going on in due time. I'll write a book, or something. But right now I have to go. Away.

KIERFO: I'm an officer of the law, you know! I can beat you up with any object I wish, quite legally!

JOPE: Please.

KIERFO: Ohhh...

JOPE: Don't worry, that's the last time.

GREEGORP: When the Lower-Upper-Middle Controlling Orderlies find out about this abuse, they'll deactivate your bells for certain!

JOPE: They already know. They thought what I'm doing was a splendid idea.

GREEGORP: How could they!

JOPE: (to self) They couldn't, but you seemed to believe it easily enough.

YEEP: Well. That certainly was fascinating.

VLUMBAGOR: INDEED. And you are...?

(this part is slightly differenter than the previous part was)

CUPCAKE: Stop this! I refuse to be eaten like a muffin! What an insult!

VOICE: Jope.

CUPCAKE: Who?

JOPE: That would be me.

VOICE: Yes.

JOPE: WHAT?!

JOPE: How did you find me!

YEEP: The same way I did the first time.

JOPE: You never told me what that was.

YEEP: Nope. What are you doing here?

JOPE: I would have taken the car, but I just realized I don't know how to drive.

YEEP: No, I mean where are you going? I'd love to know why you left your friends all confused like that.

JOPE: They are not my friends! But seeing as this asinine story is almost over, I might as well explain.

JOPE: So I've got these things which I use essentially to make people do whatever I tell them to, right?

YEEP: Maybe.

JOPE: Stop trying to be dramatic. Right, so why should I be content meddling with those... errr... dopes when there are so many small, isolated countries to take over?

YEEP: Oh, Jope. What a devious, albeit delicious mind you have.

JOPE: Not all of us get to be the sole member of a species, you know.

YEEP: Hey.

JOPE: Now go, please. I still have the one that affects you.

YEEP: I should think not for long.

JOPE: Ehhh?!

YEEP: I brought someone with me.

JOPE: I see no one special.

YEEP: Well, obviously. We want to make a nice entrance, don't we?

ERGOPE: I told you I'd get you!

JOPE: NO.

JOPE: Back! Get back, I say!

ERGOPE: Ah ha ha ha! I figured out how your little toy works and had my name changed! You can't do a thing! I shall now feast upon thy pitiful self!

JOPE: You changed your name? To what, may I ask?

ERGOPE: Do I look stupid? Regardless of the answer, I'm not!

JOPE: Surely you could eat me before I'd have time to change the bell, so it's not like that matters. Is it too much to ask to die with some closure?

ERGOPE: Oh, alright. I was in a hurry, so I only had it switched back to front! My new name is Epogre! Do you like it?

EP0GRE: EEEEEEE! EEEE'LLLLLLL G-G-G-GEEEEEEET YEEEEEEEH!

JOPE: Yes, very much so.

JOPE: I'll just be going, now.

YEEP: What you're doing is wrong!

JOPE: Just maybe... why not? (looks at yeep somewhat menacingly)

YEEP: That would be even wronger. I do believe we’ve been over this already.

YEEP: Oh, misfortune.

JOPE: Ergope, your wise ways are to the envy of all!

EPOGRE: (in pain) At least have the decency to learn my name.

(and... why not? I can do whatever I want)

Epogre: Oh, is that so?

f: Ergope eats Inchwelm

Inchwelm: I meant because I'm in it.

Epogre: Oh. Pardon my lack of patience.

Inchwelm: You are a doctor too? I was not aware.

Jope: No, not this again!

n: Jope eats Inchwelm

Jope: Imprudent Ergope! You are no longer permitted to eat people now that I have eaten you!

Epogre: All this talk of eating is making me hungry.

f: Epogre eats Jope

Jope: Enough! I take my leave of this preposterous production! Hopefully for the last time!