Why are there so many television programs with the "star's" name preceded by "the" and followed by "show" as the title? Am I supposed to be impressed by that? At least come up with something. There's actually one called "The Chris Wylde Show With Chris Wylde." I didn't want to have to say this but, yes, that's retarded. I don't even know who Chris Wylde is, so in addition to having a numbingly moronic title, the name-recognition scheme has failed, as well. This sort of nonsense is even more annoying than those sitcom type shows with single word star-name titles, like Seinfeld and Ellen. At least I know what to expect. A show called show could be any number of things that I wouldn't watch.
Radio is no better. In fact, it's even worse. Virtually none of it's offerings have original titles, which is made even more stupid when you realize something broadcast in that manner isn't even a show at all, since you're not seeing a thing. Unless you're watching a televised version, which is one of the most pointless things you can do. Hey look! People wearing silly things on their heads and... good lord, are they TALKING to each other?!
And then there's the internet, where apparently all you need is a single talking flash cartoon (preferably with at least one character named Bob) to have yourself a show.
Inside Schwarttzsszs is going to be a very bad show. How do I know that? Well besides the fact that the parts which were specifically chosen for advertising aren't the least bit funny, NBC also plays that Walking on Sunshine song in the background during the show's commercial spots. That's never a good sign.
America's Sweethearts looks to be undoubtedly the stupidest movie released... all month. It opens tomorrow, and I expect to hear nonstop critical praise the next time it's advertised on television. I just know it. It's not easy being right.
Prime Time Glick. Whose idea was this?! Martin Short's talk show is cancelled, and his very next television project is... another talk show? I don't care if it's scripted, if it's fake. It's still Martin Short talking to phony Hollywood people. The only difference is that now the phoniness is doubled and the host wears a fat suit. Oh this is a funny show! Hmmm? This week's guests were Molly Shannon and Nathan Lane. How funny can it possibly be?! Anyone who can consistently laugh with whores like that and not feel ashamed should be forced to eat diapers, clean or otherwise. I actually heard that Paul Schaffer was going to be on the show. Paul Schaffer deserves to be a hobo. He has all the talent of Gallagher, except instead of smashing watermelons, he makes sheep noises whenever he hears something funny, and he uses so many drugs, he thinks everything's funny. No wonder Letterman keeps him around.
(I've recently been watching the Late Show regularly again and don't necessarily feel the same way as I did when I wrote this, but I might)
A while ago, there was quite a bit of talk about how pennies are unnecessary, and that they should be eliminated. What a joke. Indeed, we have more pennies than we need, so perhaps production should be stopped, but the pennies that exist already are perfectly fine. I realize it's preferable to not buy things with them. That is why every month, people who feel their pennies are useless should exchange all they've accumulated for larger coins, and the pennies could then be redistributed to businesses that need them for change-making purposes. Rounding off the change from a purchase, as i heard was to be done under the penny elimination plan can only cause problems. As I see it, the only time a penny should be used is when making change for a customer who has purchased something. These pennies are easily traded in for an equivelant amount of money in nickels and quarters and such. I don't see what's so hard about that. If there aren't machines designed to do this already, I doubt it would be a big deal to make some. There shouldn't have to be an issue of crazy people hoarding pennies in the hopes of them becoming collectable.
Now, if there's ever a deadbeat coin out there, it's the dime. Two nickels make a dime, five pennies make a nickel. All that dimes can make are dollars and half dollars, and quarters do it better. Without dimes around, the maximum amount of nickels anyone would ever have to use is four, which isn't that bad. Fifteen cents would be a more logical amount than ten to have a coin for, and that's still not necessary. Even less necessary are half dollars. Again, the amount of extra coinage anyone might ever need to use is minimal. One more quarter. How hard is that? Those are the biggest coins we need. Forget about reinventing the silver dollars. There's no need for them, regardless of whose portrait is on them. That's what dollar bills are for.
And as long as I'm whining about currency, I still have yet to receive a satisfactory explanation for those bigger 'n' uglier designs that have invaded that of the paper persuasion. Ever since they started showing up, the excuse has always been that they discourage counterfeiting. The last time I checked, the old, more easily forged bills were still legal. Until they're not, I shall continue to bring up the subject and complain about it, because I really hate the way those new bills look.
I'm tired of reading about "the collapse of the internet economy." There never was an internet economy. Anyone who thought there was, anyone who invested actual money into one of these so-called (by dopes) "dotcommers" expecting to get rich was, and still is, a moron. The stock market is a stupid way to get money. Any person who loses money through it, whether with a real business or an internet-based one, deserves what they get. Honestly, what did these people expect? Very few internet companies made any profits, and the ones that did tended to accomplish it by whoring out their sites to advertising companies, who not surprisingly lost just as much money as the sites they sponsored. All amazon.com and e-bay have is imaginary stock money, and that doesn't even belong to them. And what were those advertisers thinking? On television, I look at advertising as an excuse to get up and refill my drink, not as helpful, informative, unbiased advice. Did anyone truly believe the case would be any different when transmitted via 468x60 pixel boxes? I don't click banners, and I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit it. When I see a web-site that say things like "PLEASE OH PLEASE CLICK MY AD SO WE CAN KEEP BRINGING YOU CRAP YOU COULD EASILY FIND ELSEWHERE IF YOU WEREN'T SO LAZY," I consider the position of these "webmasters" (apparently anyone with their own index.html can dub themself webmaster) their own fault, for relying on advertising to pay their hosting bills. Were people actually surprised when the idiot investors realised they weren't getting anywhere and decided to all dump their clinically dead stocks at once? I was, but that was because my initial shock that anyone would invest in the first place hadn't worn off yet. Some digital empire. I have not payed a cent to have this worthless site here, and I would not ask anyone else to do so for me.
But maybe I'm wrong. Prove it. Whore.
Just think, none of this would have been possible if not for the stock market. As far as I can see, the stock market makes as much sense in practice as communism, and all these recent goings on have proven it. But it is not the evils of human nature that make the stock market stupid; I daren't say it needed any help. American OnLine, the most overrated internet service provider, was the dominant company in a corporate merging operation with Time-Warner, simply because their stock price had risen so quickly. That's pathetic. That no one "in the know" realised how pathetic that was until late last year is even more pathetic.
Me, I can sense what's pathetic, because I am pathetic, and I know it. Earlier today, I read a comment by something stating that he did not enjoy the film A.I., but still felt it was worth watching. That is pathetic. In fact, that's so pathetic, I can't think of a fitting way in which I am pathetic to mention in response to it. But I trust you to trust me on this one.
The next time you see someone holding a pencil with one of their ears, would you do me a favor and tell them to stop it? I'd appreciate that.
I'm fed up with hearing about how this Shakespeare person allegedly said "kill all the lawyers." Oh? So what? The man was a faqqing play writer, not some all-seeing oracle! Robert Smigel wrote a lot of sketches for Saturday Night Live that I enjoyed, but if he told me to set my house on fire, you know, I probably wouldn't. For all you "I'll like Shakespeare so I look smart" people know, the so-called bard could've been drunk and just have been making a poor attempt at a joke. You know how it was back then. They probably used beer (and leeches) to cure their headaches, or something. What's so bad about lawyers, anyway? They might charge more money for their services than they deserve, but I don't hear Shakespeare ordering his minions from the future to kill all the plumbers.
I'm so sick of that stupid "dumb character walking into camera" joke that seems to be so popular with television and film these days. Like most overused comedy devices, it never was funny, but I saw it demonstrated while my computer was on and I just happened to be editing this file, so I thought I might as well say something. It's not like anyone besides you will ever see this. I made this website for me.
Why is it that when some people have computer problems, they attack their monitors? Can anyone explain that?
Why do some toilet "seats" have a gap at the front? I hate that. There's no reason for it, either. Almost as if it was done specifically to annoy me. The whole toilet design in general bothers me; it could use a lot of improvement. But that one part, that stupid gap... Why?
Last week, someone signed my guestbook, saying this:
hey wasup!!?! nice site
Well well well. What's surprising about this is that there is no site linking to that guestbook, and that guestbook does not link to this site. I didn't end up using it in the end, because it (Alxnet) was just a bad guestbook service. This allegedly nameless person had used some sort of guestbook search engine to find it. Hmmm. Why would someone go out of their way to sign a rogue guestbook with nonsense like that? The message went on:
if you want to you can visit mine at: http://www.nohulo.com02.com and PLEASE SIGN THE GUESTBOOK!!!
Now you see. Still, I was baffled. I went to the site, and saw not only that it is really on Geocities, but that it had also started towards the end of June, and the only content was a couple of lousy computer generated images. Yet, there were at least sixty entries in the guestbook (incidentally, the same kind I had rejected, Alxnet), most of which were from people who had come to it in much the same way I had. Why do people incessantly SPAM guestbooks, messageboards, and the like advertising their worthless infant websites? Seriously, I've seen some that are just an ad-banner and a counter. What are you counting?! Your hitzzz are only as worthwhile as the content being accessed, and when there is no content, the counter doesn't count. Haha. I hate puns. A lot of times there will be a message that says something along the lines of "Hi! I will have lots of stuff soon! Sign my guestbook, bye!" I know that a good sixty percent of the time (more than half, for you math haters out there), when someone promises something "soon," it never shows up. Ech. I personally never sign a guestbook unless I like the site or have something to say (I fear the e-mail), so the fact that these meaningless guestbooks still bloat up the way they do just because some idiot says to sign it confuses and scares me. Do they think this makes them popular, that it justifies their internet presence, somehow, if a lot of people sign their guestbook? Well, I don't think so. I looked at that site again today, it's guestbook has over ninety entries now, the site has a completely different layout, and also a "forum." To discuss what?! Your new logo?! There certainly was no new content to talk about. The "downloads" page still says "under contstruction," for Steve's sake! Cad-spork, this makes me mad.
How does Gilbert Gottfried keep getting voice-over work? There was that parrot-thing, the Subway hand puppet, the Aflack duck, and that stupid link I keep seeing to Microsoft's "Clippy" site with the Flash movies that quite proudly boast "the voice of Gilbert Gottfried." Is this really someone who should be in demand? The man sounds like an electric can opener! How did he ever get hired for anything? Wasn't he on SNL the season where everyone got fired? Why couldn't he stay that way? Mmmm, well, I suppose it could be worse. It could be Rosie O'Donnell. Singing.
I went to see some fireworks yesterday (the second, even if I posted this on the fourth, making yesterday the third). The story is here. It could probably use a few pictures, but I don't have any pictures, so it's just words again.(That page doesn't work, and it's not going to work. Not that you care. I certainly don't seem to.)
I saw this a couple of days ago on the "complaints" page.
There is something to be said for providing misleading registration information. You can't be targeted if you don't fit any predefined demographic area. For example, as far as the advertisers are concerned, this site is about gay christian economic garden magazines. And I make $500,000 or more per year as the CEO of a company no one else works at while at the same time being unemployed. I live in Uzbekistan and am over three-hundred years old. My birthday is February thirty-first, in case you were wondering.
Eddie Murphy. Baked beans, how I dislike Eddie Murphy. I actually remember a time when I didn't, but I can't see my feelings changing again anytime soon. What with the inevitable Shlek sequel and two or three more Dr. Nutlittle or whatever other proffessor scientist types he'll play in some wretched remake of a movie that should never have been made in the first place, I have plenty of contempt security. I actually don't hate Mike Myers for... that movie, since the only voice I ever hear in the twenty minutes or so Shrek praise that airs in a single fifteen minutes is Eddie Murphy, who already bothered me anyway. OH OH WHAT ABOUT MULAN YOU ARE A FACIST IF YOU HATE EDDIE MURPHY IN MULAN! That I don't mind as much, because it stuffs Disney, Eddie Murphy, and "dragons" all together in a single easily avoidable package. Similar in concept is The Producers, which by employing Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick at the same time, and also requiring them to continually devote their time to it, is only a fraction as annoying as both of them in seperate movie projects that they'd be touring around promoting.
I'm so sick of the word "dragon." I hate it. I only recently became aware of this, but apparently any Chinese person with fighting ability can declare themselves "dragon" and use it in their movie title. Oh, happy day! And that no talent hack "Sisqo" (ha ha ha, remember Sisqo?) has laid claim to it as well. Well good for you. I think it was in one of his album titles. In fact, I know. And I knew. I wish I didn't. It's not like I ever wanted to. Hey, how about that PBS children's show (I hope it's a children's show. I hate them for watching it, sure, but they're not beyond the ages of forgiveness yet). Have you seen these things? HAVE YOU SEEN THESE THINGS?! If you haven't, I'll give you a picture, because I'm nice. Nice enough to share the subject of my painful, inescapable sleep-visions, that is.
Gad. Hey, have you noticed that "kid friendly" dragon characters are always severely retarded and missing a bunch of teeth? They must come from "the hills," or something.
Jurassic Park 3? Why?! Great gimpity, you'd think by now those twit scientists or whatever would have learned that dinosaurs are dangerous. I say, either leave them alone on their little island, or drop a bomb on it. The U.S. could make that their new test site. It must get boring destroying the environment in the same place all the time, anyway. I know it doesn't make for a very good movie, but it's a White Castle of a lot more plausible. JP3: Kill the Damned Things. I used to use the word “damn” a lot, didn't I. Good galoshes, if they're not all dead by the end, the inevitable fourth movie had better feature the dinosaurs taking over the world and closing the series, because once you've made four sequels, it's officially a low budget horror movie or porn. Or in this case, horrible porn. Maybe the dinosaurs can become cartoon characters. That Land Before Time series never seems to end, either. Horrible, horrible porn.
You know what job I would hate? Animating mouths.
NBC is advertising some new show called "UC: Undercover," (and such a clever title, by the way) and are promoting it with, of all things, "from the producer of Erin Brockovich and the writer of Armageddon." Perhaps I'm wrong, but isn't Armageddon the movie where Bruce Willis and a bunch of people who probably die go into space to land on and blow up the asteroid that's heading toward Earth, ignoring not only the definition of the word "armageddon," but countless laws of physics, as well? Ah, that's what I thought.
6/23/01 Update:
Let the record show that I posted this a full day before a certain television show I have admitted to watching aired a segment poking fun at the very same thing. What's that? No one cares? Alright, then. And I'll bet no one remembered, either. You fool! Ehmm... I mean, I fool. Or something to that effect.
Could someone explain this "AI" movie to me? What I gathered from the nonstop advertising is that it's about a robotic child. Dah...? Why would anyone make that?! We're overpopulated enough as it is, and despite continued warring in many parts of the world, the birth-to-death ratio still is still increasing. OH BUT IN THE FUTURE WE HAVE NUCULAR WAR! I think you mean "nuclear." Even then, I can't think of a single reason why robot children are a good idea. Especially not ones that look like Haley Joel Osment, (whom I can't stand) who looks like a young George W. Bush (whom I also can't stand). Anyway, I can understand the concept of making machines to do tasks that humans can't (or can't do very well), but consuming resources, whining, blindly following idiotic trends and shooting each other is not something we need perfected by the Japanese. Maybe as a science experiment someone would make one of these... things, but that's not what it looks like from the previews. Sentience in machines can only mean bad things for the human species, and despite disapproving of many of its actions (such as making films about robotic children), I'm still a member, so their best interests must come before those of the stupid things they make, as far as I'm concerned.
What's so special about non-edited cursing on the South Park season premier? Didn't they have a full length film much of dialog containing just that? OH, BUT THIS IS TV! As far as I know, there is no law prohibiting that sort of profanity on cable television. Not that I did any research, but I'm pretty sure it's voluntary, to some extent, at least. Anyway, Conan O'Brien did it over a year ago, on network television, at that. He was trying to say something else, but the word was still said and it evaded any censorship, and this isn't even a live show I'm talking about. I don't believe it was ever re-aired, so whether the word "passing" was a mistake or not I may never know (things like that tend to be "fixed" during re-runs). I also recall another much publicized occurence of CBS airing some show without any "bleeping," but I forgot what it was. It probably involved law enforcement in some way. And people walking quickly towards the camera through neverending hallways.
I hate that stupid abrupt record stopping noise that likes to interrupt bad classical music when I'm expected to be surprised by something on television. Whatever happened to subtlety? If I'm surprised, let me be surprised. Don't make it look like it's intended, because when you fail to shock me, it will be so much more evident that you've failed. This is pretty much the same principle as the "laugh track," except newer shows don't accomodate studio phonographers in an attempt to legitimatize it.
Hey, when's the last time anyone listened to a record, anyway? I admit I was sad to see them no longer acknowledged by music stores, but I have come to accept that. These clever, clever twits in the moron-panderment business either need to find a new gimmick, or a new sound effect (I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they all shared the same one, like they do with cat noises).
One thing (of many) I always hated about the school system were those stupid kids who fancied themselves as "artists." There they'd be, with their lined notebooks, churning out multitudes of mediocrity which looked as if they were copied directly out of one of those "I Can Draw" books. And chances are, they were, always looking exactly the same, with no variation. Another annoyance were the throngs of idiots who had made it their quest to seek out the hack-animators-in-training and say "you're a good drawer." I swear, not once in all those thirty or so years did I ever hear even a slightly different version of that oh-so-annoying phrase. "You're a good drawer." Drawer?! Ehhh?! If I want a good drawer, I'll buy an end table.
I was very appalled to find out that the word "salad" applies not only to an edible mixture of vegetables, but also to anything at all with mayonnaise on it. So watch out, the next time you go to an unknown restaurant with a salad bar on their menu. It could just be a mayonnaise bar, and that is most definitely not worth paying for, not only because mayonnaise is bad, but also because McDonald's will give you more than you need for free.
Who started this whole "every REAL American must go see [the] Pearl Harbor [movie]" propoganda? That's one of the millions among the stupidest things I've ever heard! What makes this different from every other schapluraking war movie? Wow. Shouting, explosions, and one or two mandatory intelligence insulting love stories to make me forget I'm paying to see actors pretend to kill each other! Weh-haw!
OH THIS IS NOT A NORMAL WAR MOVIE OUR PROFFESSIONAL CELEBRITIES WENT THROUGH BOOT CAMP! BOOOOOOT CAAAAAAMP!
Let's just assume for a moment that these media-whores did endure the full however-many-months-it-is amount of basic training, and that it wasn't a special "rich kid" version (think Celebrity Jeopardy). Am I truly intended to believe that makes the film more watchable? Here's a thought, hire some actual soldiers. I'm sure there are plenty of trained lunatics over in Montana who would gladly do a lot more than the average Hollywood jope if it meant getting some extra funding for their own militia. Forget about "acting quality." Everyone knows it's a movie, and the brain-dead film critics all ended up hating it anyway. My use of "brain-dead" indicates that despite agreeing with me, I still hate them. They'll need to try harder than that... Good gorgonzola, this is pathetic. I heard that there were official Navy warships present at the premier of this overhyped dollar-machine. Official, as in, provided by the U. S. government. AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO SEES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?! Holy harmonicas, they've sold out to the oil and "entertainment" industries. And what's so entertaining about a fake war, anyway? Unfortunately, I once again suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It's not as if movies these days are helping society along any better than the other groups the corrupt controlling sector panders to.
...and don't even get me started on that Shrek. Please, don't. It's pretty much the only reason I approve of Pearl Harbor being in theatres. But I've said too much already. I just wish I had said more. This is nice. I don't totally agree with it, though. Eddie Murphy is plenty hatable.
Today I saw a "do not enter" sign vandalised so that it would read instead "do not suck." The word enter had been covered up with a similar-yet-clearly-different shade of red as the one surrounding the word. No effort was made to "authenticate" the graffiti, as the word suck was scrawled in the white space at the center of the sign rather than in the place of enter, and the sign's default font was wholly dissimilar to the childish scrawl which made up the word suck. Is that what we, as a society, have degenerated to? I remember back a few years ago, when people would spray-paint go on to stop signs. At least that's being somewhat rebellious, as if to protest the sign's placement or even the very idea that one should halt the advancement of one's vehicle merely because a silly red sign says they should. "Do not suck" seems like little more than good, albeit poorly communicated, advice, if you ask me. And what of all those 25 MPH speed limit signs you (or at least I) used to see all the time, the ones with a diagnol line placed from one end of the 2 to the other, to make it look like a deformed 8? Oh, ho ho ho, what a prank that was. Surely, the thought of motorists seeing the sign and increasing their car's speed to sixty miles per hour above the speed limit delighted the vandals to no end. While you might think "do not suck" also possesses the potential to cause accidents, I could easily argue that sensible viewers of the sign would gather that the act of sucking is achieved by passing the sign, and not wanting to be thought guilty of such an act, they would refrain from driving past it, thus the sign accomplishes it's original intended purpose while simultaneously preventing potential sucking.
I found this in my local newspaper two days ago:
Is it really correct to refer to Mr. T as an ack-taur? Every character he plays is the same! I don't mean like Morgan Freeman or Matthew Broderick, who might as well always be playing the same characters, no. Every character portrayed by Mr. T is Mr. T. His personal catchphrase –"I pity the fool"– is the one he used in Rocky III, because as far the film's audience was concerned, Clubber Lang is merely an alias Mr. T adopted so no one would know he lost to Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sick of seeing Paul Simon and Ron Howard wearing those silly baseball hats during all of their public appearances, as if they think I don't know they're losing their hair. That must be it. It's not as if there's some other excuse they could give, because there's something about never taking off your hat that eventually just looks funny. After a while, spotting these people can become almost as fun as seeking out those with comb-overs and toupees.
"You can't have your cake and eat it, too." Whoever came up with that little "pearl of wisdom" is (or more likely was) obviously an idiot, because if I were to say I had a piece of cake, that would mean that I did eat it.
I hate Comedy Central. Really. Any network where Ben Stein can have a show, let alone two deserves to be shut down. I admit, "that boring guy from that movie" hosting a game show had initial novelty value, but now that atomic jackass thinks he actually is funny, which is neither true nor easy to watch without becoming homicidal. And what's this Tim-May plork they're doing now? (an actual month-of-maylong promotion they had; this is not me merely exhibiting pointless fandom like every other site on the internet with that hyphenated non-word mindlessly plastered all about it) I didn't watch South Park when it was popular, and I'm certainly not going to start just because they can make fun of the mentally disabled. Big deal. I'll bet even Bil Keane could do that, and I'm pretty sure he is mentally disabled. But what about That's My Bush, the hilarious new sitcom parody from The Creators of South Park™? HMPH. They might call it a "sitcom parody," but that's just an excuse to use thirty year old jokes and storylines, and every sitcom does that. Also, could someone possibly explain the comedy channel's decision to air Sports Night? I see the end of that every Thursday before the Daily Show, and can't even detect moments where it tries to be funny, let alone any where it actually is. I seriously think Comedy Central should stop making new shows. I might miss the afore mentioned Daily Show at first, but even that's beginning to remind me of Norm MacDonald's last few months on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update before ultimately being dismissed from it, as far as humor decline is concerned. But it's still on, and I'm still watching it...
I try to avoid hearing any and all popular music, but sometimes that's just not possible. Because of this, I have unfortunately heard those Pop Star winners (whatever their official title is) sing, and I'm pretty sure they're all tone deaf. Holy Hamburglar, they sound like robots ( with their monotone, rythythythmless voices, I mean). Errr... more so than the other hack groups of dancer/singers which abound today, I mean. What I want to know is, at what point did they become legitimate TRL Trash? They're game show contestants, not certified no-talent clones. I'd investigate this further, but I risk insulting my own intelligence, and if I wanted that, I'd watch the Cartoon Network and have it done for me. But perhaps I am being too harsh. After all, as wretched as their song is, it still isn't stupid as Wooly Bully (I feel stupid just typing that), but that apparently hasn't stopped me from hating it just the same, and if you can't handle my opinion, GET OVER YOURSELF. GOODBYE.
I dare you to find a stupider song than "Wooly Bully." (Maybe I should put these entries in ascending order) No, you can't do it, can you. While current releases by Nellie and Shaggy (if you don't know what those are, consider yourself fortunate) might indeed be more annoying, you would be lying if you told me "Country Grammar" exceeds Wooly Bully in the stupidity category, as stupid as it may be. It too is very very stupid. But not stupidest! My life's quality has definitely improved since I've started being able to avoid any and all situations in which I might hear popular musicnoise. For one thing, it keeps me from feeling the need to write stupid stuff like this. Again, however, this is not as stupid as Woolly Bully. That does not know it is stupid.
Have you ever noticed how ashamed toilet paper companies are of what they make? This is clear to me because rather than call the product what it is, and what everyone knows it by, they use the term "bathroom tissue." Some people might be quick to tell me that this is merely for the sake of decency, but I hardly find much decent about animated bears defecating beside a tree or anything at all to do with "thicker ripples." I especially hate that one bear with the glasses. I hate animals wearing anything. And that last sentence looks really strange for some reason. Are they or are they not supposed to be naked?
I hate the way "country" music groups always have at least one (though rarely that few) guy who insists on wearing one of those stupid hats. You know what hat I'm talking about, surely, and yet, I can only hope neither of us are active viewers of country music performances. Right. I hate those hats. Rappers tend to wear stupid hats, too, but at least those are different sometimes. Most often they're baseball hats, turned backwards, for some reason, but sometimes they're Winter hats (whatever the frop those are called), and every once in a while an oversized, brightly colored, fabric top hat. I actually like those. Those are funny, for now.
I hate the way people sing along to songs they don't know the words to. There are several ways that they do this. Someone might sing wrong words mixed with correct words, or sing the most obvious correct words and say the rest in such a way as to make them unintelligible. But the worst, the worst, is when someone mumbles things that sound like wrong, obvious words, quietly so that they don't think anyone can hear them. Hey. I can hear you. Learn the correct lyrics or shut up, I say.
Why do protesters always act so outraged when they get arrested for holding their demonstrations? Don't they ever watch they evening news they too will inevitably wind up on? People get arrested for picketing, striking and the like all the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what they want, since it gets them on television where the whole world (or at least whatever meager percentage of people might be watching) can see them, being rounded up by "the man." Hey, unlike you, protestors, the police are actually doing their jobs. Don't misunderstand me, a lot of good has come from organized boycotts and civil disobedience (not recently, certainly), but cad-spork, these people need to acknowledge that much of the time, they are, in fact, committing criminal acts.
I'm sick sick sick sick sick of idiots who try to pass off common sense as innovation. I shouldn't even need to name examples since this is one of the most common of all corporate evils, but I will anyway. Have you ever seen those silly "minivans?" Yes, you probably have. Those have two side doors in the front seating area, but only a single sliding door for the middle and back. Not four doors, not even two. One. On the right. WHY?! I don't know! What I do know, is that last year someone with money finally decided to design a minivan with a sliding door on the left as well. GENIUS! One must keep in mind, however, that this is the same class of vehicle that only has tinted rear windows. What, are you afraid I might figure out you shop at Wal-Mart? Come on, you drive a minivan. I bet you have fat children, too. But getting back to my original near-point, that door thing is very much like people who are proud of not smoking. Great thinking, don't put an overpriced, smoke emitting, stick-of-death in your mouth and inhale the contents after lighting it on fire. You ought to get some kind of award for that one! I'm not going after older people for this, of course. They didn't know any better back when they started. There was no surgeon general's warning on the box. Why, even Fred Flintstone, one of television's most reputed cartoon characters told them to do it! Never mind that this is the same cough inducing substance that's a natural byproduct of possibly the oldest form of destruction known to humans. No, forget that. Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should, after all.
Why have people started complaining about violent video games in recent years? Video games have always been violent; it's nothing new. Even the "ball" in Pong was likely to reach out and strangle you if you looked at it the wrong way. Remember Super Mario Brothers? No one complained when a fat, color-blind, midget plumber was running around recklessly stomping on turtles and throwing fireballs at little porcupines when that game came out, did they? No. People these days are crazy.
I'm fed up with parking meters complaining that I've "violated" them whenever I turn their dial thingie without putting any money in them. Oh, oh! I'll let you park here! Come on, you know you want it!Forget it! I'm not giving you any money!RAPE! RAPE!
Stupid parking meters.
If you go out to see Shreck and leave the theatre 25% stupider than you were before going in, don't come whining to me. No one did, but I could tell they were thinking about it. But as they were 25% stupider, I had usually left by the time they finished the thought.
A Knight's Tale. "Someday, I'll be a knight." Shut up. I hate your voice.
What's the deal with that retarded organ music in the recent Mounds/Almond Joy advertisements? Have you heard it? The announcer says "everyone needs a five minute vacation" and then the music starts up. You can't miss it. I really don't like using the word "retarded" in this way, but that's exactly what it is. Who wrote it? Was someone actually hired to produce the music only to have it rejected initially on the grounds of not sounding retarded enough? These are the sort of things I think about. Pity me.
I'm tired of how all black celebrities must come from "the ghetto." You never hear anyone say "actually, I was raised in an upper-class suburb with little to no crime. I was an only child and my parents were quite nice to me. Not once was I ever arrested, in fact, I've never been hassled by the police at all." No, no. Nothing like that. Poor living conditions in ghetto = respect. However, if you're white, things are much different. Poor living conditions in trailer park = funny funny ha-ha. It's true, apparently. Look it up sometime.
DID YOU WATCH THE LAST EPISODE OF SURVIVOR?! No. Shut up.
I hate the way people obnoxiously apologize when they think someone has overreacted to something they've done. SORRY! Eh? You're not sorry, we both know you aren't, so why do you insist on saying that? Tvasfropple, get over yourself.
Urrrgh, but what I hate even more is when someone holds a door for me and says YOU'RE WELCOME! Eh? I do not recall asking you to hold the door for me, and if you were even half-competent you would realize that I am fully capable of opening it myself. You're not being courteous, you're being annoying. Believe it or not, there's a difference. Sometimes I actually turn around and go the other way if I see someone trying to set this up. Sometimes I even stop and let them stand there like an idiot, holding a door for no one. Serves them right.
There's a candy company called Wonka, named naturally after the character Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They make some of the more obscure sweets (tee-hee) like Nerds and Bottle Caps. Those aren't really as obscure as I seemed to have thought they were, but I still might be getting at a point here. But you know what kind of candy they don't make? Chocolate. I say if you're going to rip off a book for your business, you might as well read the title first, don't you think? They do, however, make Everlasting Gobstoppers, but although I haven't read the book in quite some time, I know they look nothing like their film variant, which is more likely where these people got the name Wonka from anyway. They aren't all that everlasting either, tending to last at the most five seconds before I start trying to bite into them, and three more before I succeed. On the other hand, no one really wants an Eight Second Gobstopper, do they. Nope, no point. Oh well.
So I hear the next Star Wars movie is supposed to focus more on romance than space battles. Yeah, that whole "love story" angle just worked out great for Final Fantasy VIII, didn't it? Yes indeed, thinking back, I definitely remember the character interactions being the best part of the last Star Wars. Forget the choreographed fight scenes, give me more Anakin and Jar-Jar! Yes! And I personally cannot wait for all the intelligence insulting "cameos!" Ha ha! Seriously, what was the point of having R2-D2 in it? Am I to believe no one had designed a better model 40 years in the future? And why did that stupid kid name the robot he built C-3po? That's not a name a person gives something. That's a name a factory gives something.
Steak. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of eating it, I'm sick of seeing it on menus in restaurants, I'm sick of hearing how great it is. It's so bland. It's just a solid lump of beef. You can't even make Hamburger Helper with it. You know, it's bad enough that cattle are bred for slaughter by the millions, but when it's all for steak, the grave injustice becomes so much more grave. And they don't even get graves. And they don't taste any better with gravy. Gosh I'm stupid. Really, if I'm going to be poisoning myself with fat and ecoli, shouldn't I at least enjoy it?