This wasn't intended to be a study in depth, but there aren't just a few things wrong with it. Everything is wrong with this game. Everything is wrong, and nothing is right. Even the direction right has temporarily changed its name to "not-left," because it knows it would otherwise be most unwelcome.

For the benifit of no one, first is a brief history of the Pac-Man:

If you originated during the decade of 1970 or earlier, you likely know Pacman as the first video game to truly be successful and newsworthy. However, if you came after that, and never got to an arcade until the game had already been replaced... you also know Pacman. But no, not the harmless piechart shape. The yellow anthropomorphisized blob, the unlovable, generic creature with no outstanding characteristics who shows up in numerous Namco games for little to no reason. The inoffensive and merchandisable object, designed to appeal to every person demographic, and thus appeals to no one. After 1980, knowing you can't stay in business long with one game, Namco concocted Ms. Pacman. Or rather, someone else did and Midway bought it and changed it into Ms. Pac Man and gave the game to Namco so they wouldn't get mad because they made the first Pac-Man game. I hate knowing things. Anyway, people were actually fooled by this for a while, but by 1984 Namco was forced to hire some programmers. Still, they couldn't leave Pacman alone. It was something people had heard of and could use to distinguish this Namco from the one that sells swimming pools, after all (don't bother checking that link if you aren't actually looking to purchase a swimming pool). Pacman had that thing called name recognition. Namco wanted people in an arcade full of innovative, cutting edge, smash hit games like Appoooh, Pig Newton and Mr. DO vs. Unicorns, to see a Pacman sequel and say "hey, this game is by those people who make the games where you eat dots in a maze, and then eat dots again and again until you lose, there being no real way to win! They know what they are doing!" Or maybe "I hated that game where you eat dots in the maze! But I love the character, and will gladly part with monetary units for a chance to play any game it is in!" Either of these reactions would suit Namco. But you can't make mediocre side-view jump, run, 'n miserate games starring a formless mass, can you (it wasn't until many years later that Claymates proved, yes, you can). In a smudging blot of creativity, Namco gave Pac-Man legs and arms, and never looked back.

Even in 1994, so long after the original, Namco sticks by this creature. Most mascots succeed by either being "cute" or "cool" (two words I despise, and shall always contain within quoting marks) and again Pacman fails by trying to be both. Unfortunately, being backed by a mystifyingly powerful corporation, Pac-Man is guaranteed to continue showing up throughout the years, regardless of interest or demand. However, unlike Mickey Mouse, Pac-Man's corporation is known for it's video games, which very much prevents competent yet misguided developers like Capcom from signing up to make undeservedly playable games starring the pathetic character. What would that be, but aiding the competition. However, if you have a group creative enough to come up with a name like "Kalisto," who's never made a game before and is in no position to be making demands, then by all means, come on in. Und so ve haf

Now that the needlessly wordy introduction is over, now is the time for my needlessly wordy commentary on the game's own needlessly wordy introduction. Wordy wordy wordy.
With a name like Pac in Time, you know it must have a great and complicated story. It doesn't, actually.

That's true. This refers to every year after 1980. Let's face facts: Pac-Man is a boring game. Maybe it didn't seem so much when it was the only game, but even when I was but five year olded with an admittedly outdated Atari 2600 I did not like it. Not a good port by any semantic nonsense, but when you consider what I might have had to compare it to, I'm somewhat astounded I was enthusiastic about N'sES at all. I doubt nostalgia is a factor in my distaste for Pac, either. I've never been nostalgic about the Legend of Zelda (I have been nostalgic about Doom; figure that out) , and yet even with a clear vision of what it is and simply isn't, I can tell you that not only is it better than many newer games, it is also better than most older games, Pac-Man among them. And Adventure. Don't even pretend you still have fun playing that. ANYway...

Like eating and re-eating dots forever. And then there was the time he put on makeup and lipstick to eat and re-eat dots. Oh, and who could forget when he had to eat dots while being viewed from an isometric perspective? Crazy, crazy times.

Perhaps a bit too happily. The other three don't look half as brain-vacantly ecstatic conbined as Pac-Man does.

Not end it, just disrupt it. Oh, what a trouble-making rascal that ghost witch is! Such a scamp!

Huh? The game hasn't even started yet, and you've failed already? And apparently, eliminating someone once and for all is something different than diabolical.

Hey, when you're called the "ghost witch," I think it's generally accepted that you'll be using spells of the forbidden variety. You just don't get a name like that using government sanctioned magic.

I think your present is pretty dangerous if you're being stalked by someone who can blast you with electricity whenever she feels like it. Also note, only Ms. Pac shows any worry, and it seems to be more of the "hey, I just got that roof reshingled, and oh, the carpet..." variety than out of any concern for the STILL HAPPY smiling idiot over there.

Brilliant, brilliant writing. I have one issue, however: Why not send Pac-Being even further back to create a Pac-Fetus? (Because then we would have no game. Normally, I would support that, but in this instance I'd have tried to make a page about Rolo to the Rescue instead, and that one frightens me).

Ehm, in the game it doesn't loop like that. However, it is off-center like that. I'm only telling you this to compensate for that fact that this game doesn't have any weird horizontal flipping anomalies. We are shown this sequence to demonstrate Pac-Man's transformation, but I truly believe it was only added to the game in post-production phase because whoever was in charge of the game sprites forgot to give Pac-Man a nose. Also: the next time you think you've worn out your shoes, keep in mind that Pac-Man wore the same pair for twenty years. At least, that's my explanation for them and the gloves not experiencing similar regression and degenerating into threads and such.

When I read "dangerous past," I think of cheating the Mafia, escaping from Central-American prison through a minefield, surviving the Pharaoh's curse... Are Pac-Man's ego problems really so severe that making him relive not being famous constitutes an effective offense? Look at the house he lives in. If he had money, he certainly wasn't putting it to any use. He wouldn't even buy clothing.

So beauty = liking Pac-Man. Got it. But since they'd never heard of Pac-Man anyhow, I don't see how they'd have an opinion either way.

YIKES! you sure got my attention with that one! No, not the bit about the mystical horde. It was my sudden realization that this introduction may never end.

The only thing that looks distorted here are those letters against this background. And unless Pac-Man is fatally allergic to grass and/or snow, I don't see what's so hazardous about that land. But since that grass is still green, for all I know the white stuff is Marshmallow Fluff. That stuff'll kill ya. Or even worse than that if there's some Sinful Vanilla ice cream mixed in. Alright, now we're getting somewhere.

Assuming a monster made of gum could be anything other than horrific. If I wasn't scared before, by golly, I sure am now.

Best question yet, how does Pac-Man know any of this? It's not as if anyone told Pac-Man, as it's already been made quite clear that no one likes or knows Pac-Man. Does this happen every week? Does Pac-Man's schedule consist of: Eat dots, eat dots, get transported to 1975, eat more dots?

You might wonder why, if the ghost witch has the power to locate and strike Pac-Man with a bolt of time distorting lightning, she doesn't use the kind which would kill Pac Man and additionally burn the house down. I'll tell you, if Pac Man were eliminated like that, we'd have no agonizing, insufferable video game. Time travel notwithstanding (I think), you seriously need to consider getting a new script when the excuse "otherwise there'd be no game" comes up more than once. A new theory: More than Pac-Man, the Ghost Witch hates people who play Pac Man games. That is... that's perfectly understandable. This game is deep.

In addition to such a groundbreaking realization, the introduction seems to be through.

(click there to see the next part, ya jope)