While staying with parents and assorted relations amidst the summer I discovered that The Weather Channel, first of all, still exists, but also it had, at some point, fired its original music department and is now licensing crummy Late Night With Conan O’Barbarossa musical guests from the late 1990s.
I’ll never let youu go! I’ll never let you turrrn around falsetto each other, budget easy listening beegees promise to your mother Preposterous!
and it’s ME! YOU! and ALLonnaPEEEeeebul AWFUL.
is the idea supposed to be that the theoretical fans of those songs now have miserable, habitual weather-channel watching lives, but would watch something else if they didn’t recognize the songs?
would the channel have been doing this all along if it had the money? was I fortunate to evade Bay City Rollers excerpts coming at me every morning while I gave myself indigestion from a pop tart, a bad dessert for breakfast, 30 minutes before I went outside to wait for the bus because it would drive past my house at full speed without even slowing down if the driver didn’t see me from the far end of the street, so I could arrive early to wait in the perpetually cold, featureless Catholic school parking lot because we weren’t actually allowed inside for another 20 minutes after the buses left us there and nobody saw any way or reason to make this system more efficient? Do I need a therapist?
However, I’ve never one time heard anybody say “you know what song I like? that really miserable one with the guy whining about all the peebul or that goofy one with the guy singing like Bosko.”
Somebody at The Label told the bands “these are singles. These are the songs that will be played on radios. Try and make your other songs worse than these.” That way, people only buy the singles instead of the full album that’s 1 cd in 1 box that’s cheaper than buying 4 different cds in 4 boxes. There was less concern for good non-single songs if the singles themselves were also bad. You might ask “but doesn’t the lack of distinction make the singles seem less more appealing than the non-singles, which are now relatively less less appealling, and so more less deserving of non-purchase?” But hopefully you won’t. That’s just confusing. But anyway this then served the function of thoroughly demoralizing anyone who heard them, so that if they also became musicians their songs would be just as pathetic and unpleasant, and if they got uppity it would be also be simple to replace them with another mopey band that sounded exactly the same. I will go into more detail on this on a previous occasion.

Why watch the weather channel on vacation? It reminds me of that time I wrote about being reminded of having to get up at 6am for catholic school, especially if there is cloudy lighting outside that approximates dawn circumstances. I think the same lady is still the on-air personality, too. This picture is not actually from August… of 2012. I didn’t think to take any pictures of the television. Yes I neglected my responsibility. It’s from August 2010. The only time I encounter the weather channel is when I stay with my parents. Maybe they secretly invented it. They aren’t millionaires because they spent all their money licensing terrible songs and investing in whatever THIS is. The house they rented had some system for “interactive” content on certain channels. One of them was this weather channel. Even for people who will have it on all day under proper circumstances this is too much weather channel. Yes, you should have an idea what the precipitation and temperature are expected to be like when you’re planning a prolonged outing. However, this information is irrelevant if your plan ultimately ends up being to continue watching The Weather Channel. This extra information on screen only makes your continuing to leave it on make less sense. You don’t need to wait for the extended forecast or the radar view; now they are visible at all times. The only gripe you can now make is that the division of the screen space leaves the elements too small to be read. Oh dilemma! At least you can still hear those totally kickin’ sweet nonthreatening light FM hits! Keep ’em comin’!
ya da ta, hee dee tee, fu fa foy, it’s my greatest mistayeeake. WRETCHED.
Bland, unremarkable verses only to lead up to that? How does that nonsense make money and then become “classic?” That wasn’t on the weather channel, but rather one of the radio stations the driver temporarily listened to during the return. I can remember a time when I was tolerantly indifferent toward it, but now I find it upsetting. I’m imposing it on you because I think you’re making fun of me for not being able to drive.
Hard to SAY what it is ah SEE in yoUuUuU meowww meowww moaning fat guy wearing a fedoraAaaA and THAT I always hated, even before I knew fedoras were bad news. I just thought they meant you were Clark Kent (who I only recently decided was a scumbag for unrelated reasons) or on Carmen Sandiego’s trail.

It’s important to be discrete and blend in when you’re tracking a master criminal.


Incidentorally, we should not have been asking “Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?” but -when.- Of COURSE we haven’t caught her.