Have you ever wondered why Almond Joy isn't called Coconut Joy? I haven't…
Coconuts taste bad. I've never eaten one, and I don't have plans to. I wrote this so you'll understand why. On numerous occasions I have tasted (but never quite finished) coconut flavored candy, sometimes, nay, always without really wanting to. Famous fortunately fictional fool Forrest Gump once said on the subject of chocolate contained within boxes that, quote, “you never know what you're gunna get,” and to some extent this is true. While it's generally possible to discern what is contained within the ambiguously marked pieces, this tends to not to be possible until after the box has been opened. Someone like me, who is content with and actually prefers the cheaper, less fancy varieties of chocolate offered by your Marses and your Cadburies, commonly doesn't happen upon a boxed chocolate unless through means of a gift, more specifically, someone else's gift, someone who foolishly neglected to hide said box before I came to discover it. Thus I do not experience benefits of any undocumented “try before you buy when no one's looking” policy, so that I might see for myself whether any white flaky refuse is occupying space that might better be filled by, say, chocolate crème or caramel.
Now think about it. Artificial coconut flavor didn't just happen. This was made, this was developed. Some people, possibly scientists, worked on this, they devoted their time and their effort to this, day after day, month after month, until at last, finally, they collectively decided “hey, this tastes like coconut.” And someone wanted this. Someone paid those scientists to produce this. This is not independent creativity at work folks. Some evil maniacal doctor in a secret island volcano laboratory didn't-
. . . . . .
Well, never mind about that. The fact is that this... this stuff exists, and it shouldn't. Sure, the FDA must have approved it, but they approved Olestra, too, didn't they. On a Friday, I'll bet. Stuff like that is probably always submitted on Thursdays.
