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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
September 17, 2021
Its body is mostly skeletal and has no legs, while it appears to also wear a cape.


Howdy. Mystic Ark here. But you can call me Mark. Now i know what you’re thinking: “hey you’re not THE mystic ark, you’re just some weird giant face above a doorway on the box art.” that is true, but it still synecdochely makes me THE face OF Mystic Ark. And now you’re probably thinking “okay whatever synecdochebag” which shows even more ignorance on your part since synecdoche isn’t actually pronounced like that! But we’re getting off-topic. In fact I hadn’t even introduced a topic because your presumptuous arrogance prevented me from doing so. you know what, I don’t even want to talk to you.

You can talk to that tiny lady coming through my doorway to stab you. what that’s a man? man. I can never tell with Japanese sword-grasping hero types. Yeah I came out (not the GAY way, I’m no homo) in 1994, it was WEIRD for men to wear skirts, okay? In my personal opinion men belong in trousers and women belong in the kitchen, ha ha know what I mean? Now don’t ask me what the game Mystic Ark is about, I don’t speak foreigner. I got to the part with the kitty pirates but couldn’t figure out where to go next. Too bad I never met any of those naked little fairies on my shoulders phwoar know what I mean? Wha? there’s been an English translation patch since 2009? Well of course I didn’t know that, I’m a goldurned FACE on a gate. I don’t get out much. Also I don’t support copyright infringement. If you downloaded a Mystic Ark rom I WILL send our lawyers, with swords, through my gate, to get you, and if you patch the rom with unofficial content that’s even illegaler pal, in which event you can NOT be my pal. You can’t even be my NTSC. ha ha ha yeah too inside, I know. You don’t get to laugh because you aren’t my pal. In fact you can’t even call me Mark anymore.


hey calm down, Kitty P! Like take a chill pill homeslice, know what I’m sayin’? Because I sure don’t know what you’re sayin’! Ha ha ha. This is the best post ever on this website.



September 9, 2021
However, Magic Pot is a friendly monster, and pleasing it will allow the player to reap its rewards.


This isn’t wholesome, this is loathsome. I hate any company trying to turn a profit by selling cutesy pandemic-complacent garbage. To be fair almost everything on the wholesome memes page is cutesy and or complacent but I think this one is excessive. Even the specific wording “the smile beyond your mask” puts me off. What kind of weak-willed subjugated dork would buy this?

eh it’s no one I admit to knowing.

ALSO the most recent comment gidget on the sidebar is still broken and the actual comment display is still ugly. I expect they will be for a while!

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9-10-2021 yeoiks the artwork posting sub-website is even totally broken. What HAPPENED here?



September 1, 2021
this is a case of weird weather creating even weirder water

9-5-2021 3isham oaf now the comments aren’t working? I don’t expect them but I happened to glance down there on another entry that already had some and nothing but errors there. what a dumb few weeks!
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9-5-2021 329am the comments work now but they are in the ugly default style since I had to copy code out of the “default” theme that updated itself during the overall wordpress “update” that I didn’t want but thought would fix the site when it was broken, which it didn’t even do! hopefully I can work out the syntax of whatever “ereg” got replaced with since that suddenly being “deprecated” is what broke the comments form and have slightly-less-ugly comment boxes again but I am tired and have other things to do! and I just noticed another broken thing in the side-bar. beets
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this is one of the more eerily fake-looking “photographs” I have encountered. Have you ever seen water which looks like this? The blue is as if somebody dumped a load of toilet bowl cleaner pods upstream. This looks like an amateur colored pencil drawing or a video scene from a playstation game. This looks like the ghost of deceased water.

i tried turning it grayscale and and the substance still looked like glowing crest toothpaste more than water, particularly on the left. which makes me more inclined to believe this picture initially had no water in it, rather than more naturally colored water. and yet where it makes contact with standing water on the lower right looks real. the web page it came from only identifies it as “free stock photo” without any context of where it might have been taken or what was done to it.

the links at the side of the page indicate that for a fee you too can try to put water where it doesn’t belong and color it unnaturally. I don’t know why you would, what satisfaction you would get from making an ugly fake scene from elements of real ones, but other people are already doing it and likewise looking to charge for access.

even the blatantly blue-dyed water at one of the numerous inexplicably pirate-themed miniature golf courses I saw in Queensbury, New York didn’t look that queentoony.
this PHOTOGRAPH is terrible; I may have taken it from across the street or behind a fence. it was the same day as this borage. I didn’t use this photograph in fact because the result wasn’t as cartoony in the picture as it was in person. Stock photography vendors clearly see this as a pressing problem.

AND I was looking up pictures of water tumbling down mountains because to make a long story spork i couldn’t solve my computer problem with what I ordered and waited for, so have ordered and need to wait for something else. Consequently I am still using the backup computer, and consequentlier STILL haven’t finished that rygar picture, of which a tiny, almost irrelevant part of the drawing features just the category of scenery that I was speaking of, and consequentliest I wanted references for it.
for really no good reason I thought I should try and incorporate less-cartoon-looking scenery even though every figure amidst the scenery is exactly as cartoonesque as in the dumb nintendo game. ultimately it comes down to I never developed an instinct for what corners of realism can be cut and still have a corny fake drawing represent the real version. this applies especially heavily to blue-colored water which always looks bad and fake to me except where it naturally occurs.


Notice how the recent changes don’t improve the image but does make the characters present that are more important yet that I have not gotten around to checking on now look worse than before compared to the increase in background detail.

I thought I wasn’t doing justice to THIS. Even though the whole reason I like Rygar imagery is because of the specific weird, often stupid look it has. Why shouldn’t I interpret it literally? The answer to that doesn’t matter since I already didn’t and am more likely to spend another day working around a bad decision than revert it.


some bad decisions I have spent decades working around.



August 25, 2021
It’s 2 A.M. and time for the monsters to awaken

a picture that truthfully I cannot work on for the moment since my regular computer has taken ill and my regular image editing software objects to me trying to use it on a backup computer

but you probably won’t notice a big difference between this and what I hope to make it into once I can open it for alterations again. And indeed the website has also suffered a bizarre injury I yet do not understand. I was thinking about replacing the creature getting punched in the face with a nemitz suspiciously soon before this all broke down, however.

936pm EVIDENTLY the mere presence of an irrelevant index.html in the publichtml folder was screwing it up. It had been there since 2007 and not been an issue until the wordpress update, and I only updated wordpress since something totally unrelated was broken, since I couldn’t tell WHAT was broken.


I had to ask someone at my web-host to get this sorted out.

Their site also doesn’t work. on their TWITTER page they have a different, newer chat link than is on their actual website that I erroneously assumed would get priority.

which also doesn’t work.
I had to ask directly, at which point I was suggested to do some silly things that didn’t work, and then took it upon myself to try in another browser.

A very stupid day!
Once that indork was gone the thing read index.php properly and loaded the site once I removed the word “beans” from it. I only added “beans” earlier in the day to see if that would do anything, which it didn’t, until the index.html was gone, at which point the beans generated an error, but a proper responsible error that identified itself instead of unplugging everything and going to hide. WHICH is probably just what nemitz would do. Or more likely nemitz would stand there being proud of mitself. Even if rygar never gets around to punching mit I stongly advise anybody else to.



August 17, 2021
Meanwhile, Hoppus, as a result of the single’s success, began introducing himself to people as “that guy that wrote, ‘duh nuh nuh nuh nuh duh nuh nuh nuh nuh, he fucked her.'”[7]

844pm jeepers big animated gifs sure are rough on my slightly older computer. I forgot about how insufferable this used to be!
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8-25-2021 353pm and TODAY my proper computer’s battery is dead and it won’t start even on direct electricity so now I need to deal with all that involves. My hard drives are fine, just impatient.
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8-24-2021 1149pm hello this site wasn’t working at all, giving the “apparently that’s not allowed” error when i tried to access it or any other page around 11:27. for a few minutes? a few hours? days? I have an important rygar update but it won’t be feasible to present effectively in eleven more minutes. that is just how things are these days!






snikpel the snokpeal runs in five directions, gets hurt from 8 and then flops over in a needlessly difficult to draw fashion from 8, because that is what I drew happening the past week. The angles aren’t evenly spaced but they follow from the standing pose well enough and ideally nobody will spend much time walking around staring at the “corpse” to check on how consistent the angles are. I made the little orange bits that splash off dissolve instead of stay on the ground anyway, as much as I hate to remove any detail, since those would definitely mess with a coherent rotation.

I also expect to draw it flopping over in a less complicated manner because I already drew the legs for that in an earlier botched version of this flop. Like seems to be usual, I make something more difficult for no real reason on a whim and commit to finishing it rather than cutting my losses once I realize I have made it harder. there may be yet more defeat types related to the more upright agony poses, because my life has no meaning.
actually getting these sprites all into the game and programmed to appear properly will probably also take more days, and I still haven’t given it attacking frames! in fact the original low resolution snikpel from 2003 simply played its running frames out of order for attacking and “dying,” with a single flat on the ground pose.


some of the fun of a game like this is beating up dumb little beasts and having goop fly out of them so I ought to have at least one melting animation also. I would like to have little marshmallows fly out of it when it takes a regular hit, but that stuff is even harder to control than my ability to not do needless things. I am fortunate I still haven’t made myself give toes to these things.
I had terrible tools then and was much more easily pleased. I have not yet become displeasable enough that I force myself to properly animate the “pain” sequences; i can make them jump in the air when hurt as I did with dopes and wah beasts previously, but after excusing this awkward full rotation flop it may be more difficult than previously to not excuse any additional tediosity. So many of my endeavors end in flops that maybe it was inevitable that I would make flopping a full time endeavor for my-self.



August 8, 2021
Obi-Wan Kenobi went to the pens where Utapaun wranglers corralled native winged and wingless lizards for use as transports. He selected an obliging and brave lizard named Boga,




ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I am TIRED of DUMB LIZARDS stOMPING all over the place doing TERRIBLE DANCES and shoving their STUPID FEET into my business thinking that they are talented and welcome.

They aren’t!


AND that stupid box highlighting where the feet are is quite stupid enough without the zoomed in shot of it. Who do these reprobatiles think they are? I am fortunate I haven’t ever had to deal with-

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHGKGKGKGJGFheap



August 1, 2021
Laverne and Shirley are convinced that they are in danger from a werewolf due to some confusion with a new recruit. Every time they turn their heads from her and look back, a wolf-like animal appears in her place, and they think that she has turned into it.


Like whatever you want buddy but I don’t need to know about it.


Also this is apparently the greatest statement I ever made. Which is still not enough to matter because I don’t actually have much in common with most people who even understand what the “joke” is there, and perhaps more than i would like identify with finding wolves sexually attractive rather than think a sign warning about you possibly doing that is funny, thus it won’t reach anyone who wants to see anything else I have done because this system of “engagement” is garbage even when I inadvertently trick it into working. but I will take what i can get when it doesn’t involve accepting money to draw something that will prompt the general sort of person who retweeted this to giddily hope I am exceedingly into the subject matter despite never drawing it UNLESS someone gives me money.

if you are seeing this now I am not complaining about you! And if indighost is stiil out there he only read the first and last sentences anyway.

apart from that i personally think this maneuver was superior



after pondering it all, this “sherlock bones” display from the same Denver Colorado museum is now funnier to me, considering that it wastes serious truth museum space with that ridiculous hat which has nothing to do with bones and that Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes never actually wore. But it isn’t retweet material except possibly among people who find hats erotic or have had bizarre exchanges with people who do but none of them know me. and as before, if you do, it isn’t necessary to clue me in to that!



the initial concept, it reminded me of those “warnings” people use as jokes or potentially seriously without realizing it makes them look like the bigger joke either way


How about “warning: my occupation is hauling clowns” ?


this creature seems unsettlingly content about all this despite the warning


WARNING: inexplicable military stencil font in needlessly edgy red on black and also not bothering to identify self in paid promotion.


actually this warning might be appropriate, for what that is worth. These do seem to mostly be furries, I suppose.


they aren’t, entirely, but this was on the website deviantart which was furry-zone #1 for years and at times came across like it would gleefully burn itself down to be known for anything else.


likewise was this from deviantarrrrrrrrgh. i saved it in 2014 as “WARNING don’t criticize me for being an empty, semi-human being.png” but I think now that it speaks well enough for itself


this warning is to the home owner


meanwhile this had NO warning and consequently I vomited all over my screen and thus can no longer see what I am typing. Goop day.



July 23, 2021
The YM3812 was used in many arcade games, but was especially popular on home computer sound cards from the late 1890s to the mid-1990s,

a robision drawing for a person called Draque of a mysterious creature performing a tarot card reading. ordinarily I do not show robisions here, as I believe I said the last time I did so, but as was also likely the case last time, this is what I have this week and so here it shall go! and NEXT week I won’t be here at all, so I may have less to show than this.

the sun symbol on the decoration is from the arcade game “3 wonders.” Initially I was trying to draw the circus emblem from shining force but couldn’t remember if i had a screenshot of it available but I knew I had this one since I used it on a web page back in 2003 and it actually made less sense than this does.

draque suggested a “seedy bar” as a setting. I very much hate bars and felt intimidated by that until i realized there wouldn’t be much room to show scenery. then i looked up the phrase “seedy bar” and was reminded that a lot of bars and restaurants that for whatever reason fancy themselves as being bar-like tend to have framed monochrome photographs of famous patrons or people that they wish had been patrons, so that provided a simple way of suggesting there was more going on than just bricks. Just the thought that they might be PROUD the dope came there, or even worse WISH the dope would but couldn’t persuade it to do so must surely mean this is among the seediest of all bars.


although suspiciously two of my pose sketches indicate that the dope is in the bar as this scene is taking place and I am uncertain if I would have put something else in the picture frame knowing that. What if dopes are this bar’s ONLY customers? That place should go out of business IMMEDIATELY. not just because instead of buying drinks dopes just wander around smiling at people, allowing them on the premises at all is most certainly a mental health code violation. Although I am sad to say they still probably would not make for the most annoying experience I ever had in a bar, I can yet blame the dopes for reminding me of that!



July 16, 2021
get your smart on with a new episode of scorpion


forget just for men hair paint phony ads, now THIS is realistic.


I know when I personally snayack i also balance a plate with a sandwich on one knee while simultaneously holding another sandwich in a hand and continuing to shove popcorn into my mouth with the remaining hand even while stating that i have problems when i do that, instead of chewing it, thereby causing the popcorn to tumble out of my mouth. How is that the bed’s fault that this guy is a moron? I appreciate that the adjustable bed owner is both aware of and gloating at his counterpart, whom he only refers to as “that guy.” Perhaps that guy’s name is That Guy. He LOOKS like That Guy. In a still picture it looks like his head has been edited onto someone else’s body as a gag to make him look stupid. But this is all natural! I don’t know who he thinks he is fooling with that napkin, he looks like he just hurried over from a dentist appointment, leaving in disgust after being told to cut back on popcorn. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t feel like chewing.

notably, the dork in the craftmatic bed doesn’t have any popcorn, he has a banana! Somewhat more nutritious, much less messy. He also went and got a tray, which definitely isn’t part of the package being sold here. Maybe the problem isn’t so much what bed you buy, more how much of a slob you are. Which isn’t to say I recommend That Guy take up bananas because I am convinced he would find some way to slip on its peel while still in the bed and then blame the bed for it.
even with the disdain he still refers to the product as a “quality flat bed.” Craftmatic ads always use that phrase, consistently, and I never had any clue why. Is the idea that hey, we’re not comparing this electric monstrosity to a RINKETY DINKETY flat bed. The people in those things are so worthless they can’t even get the popcorn in their mouths before dropping it, much less possess the poise to hold a plate on a knee, why would we trust them to complete the payments on one of these?

a “good night’s sleep” is only the THIRD perk mentioned of having a craftmatic bed, even though it is rare to see somebody actually sleeping in one of these advertisements, as they are too busy doing other things that you shouldn’t do in a bed anyway.


The real reason That Guy can’t sleep is because he just drank a bottle of soda and the bed is covered with sandwich crumbs and popcorn. The plate is probably still in there. In fact Craftmatic Guy doesn’t even say he sleeps in the bed, only that he’s “no dummy.” Because dummies advertise hard wood furniture and are slightly more convincing actors because I at least expect them to look unnatural. Then he takes off his glasses and lies back, as if he is going to sleep but obviously he isn’t because the light’s still on and the covers are still off!


years later craftmatic ads still emphasized the fact that you can buy your own eating tray separately even though you can use that tray in a regular bed. You can even use that tray if you don’t have a bed at all! Although more curious is that this man is so well organized that he keeps the bed immaculately made in the absence of his wife nagging him to do that, and is able to climb on to the bed AND set up a tray without disturbing that, yet he also WEARS SHOES in the bed!


there’s that dumb tray again! and the user is actually under the covers for once (presumably entering… to Win!) and so I cannot check for shoes.

the real problem with this advertisement series however is that it fails to disclose the full implications of the curse attached to using one of these beds.


curse in progress. the text calls it a massage and claims it to be optional but I would be curious to interview those who have experienced its effects.


Alas they rarely have much interesting to say afterward. I reckon they didn’t get much CHOICE about turning into dopes! Yet they should have known! Your body doesn’t turn all purple and featureless with lines rapidly going through it when you are being massaged! Right? Well MINE sure doesn’t.


the guy with the shoes, instead of saying “because i already have one” he should be saying “because i do not want to turn into a dope!” i will praise craftmatic for accurately representing how annoying and pushy their unsolicited calls probably are, but transforming people into dopes without their consent is hard for me to get past. And doing it WITH their consent is probably even worse because whoever wants to be a dope obviously deserves to be in jail and Craftmatic should pass that information along.


Hello! I’d like to be turned into a dope? thertainly, thir!
NO! Don’t go along with that request!

Turning into a dope is right up there with transforming into a skeleton, really.

although at least there is no item combination in castlevania circle of the moon which causes the hero to transform into a dope. for one thing since that game was released several years before dopes began appearing in my business that would mean I owed Konami royalties on dopes.


I hypothetically REFUSE to pay! Even IF that would allow me to blame somebody else.

More questions i pondered recently, were craftmatic adjustable beds designed to turn people into dopes or was that an unexpected side effect? and is it worse to BE a dope to begin with or to get turned into one?
AND, assuming it is possible revert a craftmatic’d dope back into a “normal” dumb old imp person, what would happen to a natural dope if the same process were used on it? and what GALL for dopes that weren’t people at one point to assume they are natural, they aren’t. I can’t believe it oh pardon ME dope, do craftmatic dopes FAIL the dope purity test? i can’t stand it who do those dumb dopes think they are? dopes?!


they think they are the MASTER dope race? dopes are so dumb they LOSE every race because instead of moving they just stand around at the starting line smiling at people. that’s right (wrong) KEEP smiling, like you ENJOY this, like you planned it all along, which I doubt you are capable of.


you would need a butler to do it for you! and you have no money to pay one! only the original rich people who transformed into “inferior” sub-dopes have it! ha-ha, ho,ho, teehee humperdink.
actually obscene affluence and servants is the only way all those weird trays, perfectly made beds and pajama-clad freakadoodles who never seem to be out of them make sense. Maybe we SHOULD change them into dopes and kick them out.


I have PROBLEMS when I transform into a dope in this quality flat bed!

ARRRRRGH of COURSE you do! Turning into a dope IS a problem! The QUALITY of your bed prevents it! WHY are you trying to do that and WHY are you telling ME about it?! Maybe you’re a dope already!



July 7, 2021
we have stopped being cave men who think deadly swords are good items

urf thursrday, friday now? yes yes i have something coming, uesh.
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HOLD it. This isn’t you, it’s an older guy.

this has never happened ONE TIME in the history of cordial police traffic stops. I also question whether cordial police traffic stops ever occurred.


how dare you ask this question!


you fool! they CAN’T!


it is true, i asked this on my own and therefore am calling myself a fool. i cannot expect everything I do to make sense to you!

as dopey as this ad is I prefer it to the other one I wrote about in my previous life or the one I wrote a few years afterward while evidently neglecting to notice and or care that it was the same product. because in the early 1990s ads were still hokey and corny and didn’t mind if viewers laughed at them.


i could not easily find video copies of the ads i took camera pictures of and crummy mp3 recordings of, but this one has the sport oafs at the end of it, evidently in another dimension from the main ad,

in which some dork loses a sword fight because his hair is the wrong color! and the hair wasn’t even visible until he took off the sword fight mask! and THEN after he changes his hair color enough that he gets better at sword fighting his opponent turns out to be wuh-wuh-ZOWIE! itsuh LADY!

a lady with perfectly brushed hair despite having it crammed into a fencing outfit and perfectly made up, sweatless skin despite being in a real sword fight and not a contrived television advertisement. Her hair isn’t even grey and she STILL couldn’t beat a REAL man in a fair fight! Or MAYBE she WANTED to lose *wink hink chortlebleem*. This ad is simultaneously blatantly unrealistic, even beyond the “this is an older guy” ad yet it is much more smug and bro-y about how fake it is.


I do not have a pertinent conclusion ready but here is King Richard from the 1938 Robin Hood film (which features slightly better sword fighting) wearing a real belt as he simultaneously wears an oddly-angled fake version of the same belt which is patterned into his clothing.



June 29, 2021
what’s wonderful about “into the woods” is that all the characters go into the woods

I was in Wells, Vermont, then Queensbury, New York, then Wells Vermont again last week to watch other people have a vacation. The following section is largely unrelated to that apart from where the photoglops were taken!


i don’t want to try and deny The Jade Lightbulb or Emerald Lamppost or whatever he’s calling himself a livelihood but “pests” ARE nature’s way.


it really is about time for somebody to TAKE OUT the trash since it seems to be accumulating unnatural characteristics and colors.
I figured out that the object on the left is supposed to be a chicken leg, am not certain if the drink has a face or just the cup, and likewise am not certain which of those is worse.

yes indeed they are STILL here for you on the opposite end of the sign. I suppose i appreciate this proactive approach; i need not worry about them coming for me since they are already here for me. I WOULD appreciate that the artist painted them fresh on both sides rather than printing the same image twice but it is also badly drawn food with ugly faces which I am against even on material that looks edible.


hey look it’s 40 Classic American Grille Oak, the world famous restaurant specializing in wood-based cuisine. It has a slightly lower art budget.

Yeah support local businesses, not multinational corporations that pay millions of dollars for super bowl advertisements every year to push their gross painted sugar sludge at children and adult children. I don’t think it is valid to use guilt as a marketing tactic when you promote yourself with pepsi logos. nor coke logos but those are more likely to be marketed at hokey old people who deserve what they get.

also this it isn’t actually open! but still very pepsi.


religious instruction is getting pretty abstract. the artist has a 1940s buck rogers concept of how space travel works, wearing fishbowl helmets and flying around with flame gurgitating jetpackages that somehow avoid incinerating your feet. Yet the very idea of outer space contradicts just about every biblical statement and subsequent illustration ever made regarding the concept of “the heavens” as being above earth. That can only occur if alternate earths or “dimensions” also exist, and thus this is really depicting more of a 1960s comic book sort of idea, and very much confounding the point! If I had kids I would NOT send them to an institution that deliberately confuses the gold and silver ages. This is outright heresy.

As I understand the multiple earths were introduced primarily to allow writers to take over a character and bring back an older version that they liked better which a previous writer had erased from continuity, and then eventually even the multiple earths started getting their stories rewritten. in fact scriptural accounts of what “heaven” “is” contradict each other just as much, and the persistence of worldwide religions suddenly makes sense to me when I consider them to simply be fandom for ancient cartoon heroes, which I was also very bored with as a small child. I had as much of a choice about going to catholic church thirty years ago as kids these days have about getting elsa and baby yoda shoved at them as soon as possible, probably in utero once technology permits it. I don’t know if it is even POSSIBLE to get baby products that don’t have pictures of mickey mouse or elmo on them unless you go quite out of your way to procure them, or make them yourself, which you probably won’t unless you are Amish or part of a doomsday cult.


something is really unsettling about this ventriloquist puppet. it looks less like it was designed and built than a real person was cursed and turned into it. I presume it either dines at oak grille or is dined upon there.

apparently the character is a local advertising fixture, or the company wants people to believe it is. the ads are incredibly low energy, badly edited and depressing in how zany they think they are.


this is probably the best produced and most openly surreal one they have and it still makes me uncomfortable. That “aren’t we mischievous!” piano music is on all of them, except one that blatantly steals the piano music from charlie brown christmas, which is a substantially worse video but it only features the guy since he apparently hadn’t adopted the puppet gimmick yet and it makes me VERY uncomfortable so I am not linking to it! Despite not bothering to change his voice or disguise his mouth movements while operating the puppet –though sometimes there are weird, slow cuts to the puppet alone with the guy just suddenly not there– he still has a more bearable presence once he is partnered with a pretend person made out of wood, even a fraction of the skill or emotional investment of someone like Paul Winchell. Yes indeed at one point in history this was a legitimate form of entertainment that performers worked at rather than a weird embarrassing curiosity to make people remember what your business is called. It seems to subconsciously communicate: “obviously there is something seriously wrong with this man, you may feel better about yourself in comparison.”


children should not drink alcohol, unless they are chemotherapy patients delivering fav brand wine on a skateboard.

i examined the reverse oriented version on the left side of the car and while the large WINE and LIQUOR text is intact the “artist” neglected to correct the text on the bottle or the hat! How could anyone not notice this? Please, how? I want to not notice and think about stupid garbage like this.

And then I had to recheck the proper version and in fact the hat text is gibberlish. Presumably this image was auto-vectorized from a line drawing by someone not familiar with all the settings or who simply did not care, such as whoever drew it in the first place. The hat would have been better left blank or adorned with another wine bottle drawing WITHOUT letters on it. isn’t this interesting?


eh last week was very boring and unproductive! I have been trying for days to make some sort of update out of what I saw and the most interesting part was driving through

Winhall Vermont, ancestral home of the world’s most famous S.

which I was not able to get a picture of until leaving! I saw it on the entry trip but was positioned improperly to photograph it. Truly I thought about it for eight days. Thankfully it was not detailed as a backwards s on the north-bound side! maybe liquor kid should have one of these on his hat since it is so sensible. Again I would very much like to not think about that.



June 18, 2021
Haley Joel Osment as Beary Barrington, an optimistic bear cub who idolizes the Country Bears.

6-28 310pm the next post yet refuses to be concludable

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I escaped vermont but having something coherent to say about it continues to be unfeasible.

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help I am stuck in vermont

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congratulations, you qualify for a free trial of Guy Fieri. If you decide you are satisfied, thereafter for a modest monthly fee Guy will continue to visit your home and eat your most disgusting food.
I remember being surprised when i learned Guy Fieri actually owned and operated restaurants. I truly thought he was just some guy who drove around eating horrible things, hence him being called “guy.” He looks like how the band Smash Mouth sounds. He looks like Scott Steiner without chainmail or steroids but just as much buffalo wing. In fact Scott Steiner ALSO owned a restaurant. A Shoney’s, admittedly.

i cannot at this time confirm or deny the rumor that Scott Steiner is the original shoney bear but I would like to start it.

he has definitely seen to it that his successor is smaller than and unable to challenge him.

in any event I doubt he invented triscuits like this Guy, who seems to be tossing an enormous, presumably lethal wheat thin at me, perhaps to keep me from leaking the family secrets.



June 10, 2021
Snakes are actually more scared of humans than we are of them, experts explain


this month is, as an increasing number of businesses want to tell me, a “pride month.” Specifically with regard to whom you do or do not want to have sexual relations. But I do not know how to be proud of something that I did not have a choice about or work to achieve, particularly when the things I DID work to achieve I am also often not proud of! Even if I could manage it, experience has shown that no established group represents any of my own interests, especially as more and more of the symbols are co-opted by global corporations that are larger than many national governments. I am destined to be confused and alone! Is it possible I am proud of THAT? I hope not. But I am confused and consequently uncertain.


Contrary to what deviantart and world-class comedian Fortune Feimster suggest, my true self’s pride is not what it creates with, but what with which it distances itself from other people.
i do appreciate that the person i never heard of being shoved at me today by a corporate entity is not a fraction of my age and famous for smirking on youtube or singing shoddy songs, but I still find no fun or camaraderie in marketer-approved activities.

I used the pathetic snake in the illustration because it has and is problems closest to coinciding with my own, despite being subtly different in appearance from my self.
my “regular” characters are extremely proud of themselves but none of them know what “sex” is as far as I am aware. YOU may, naturally, be proud of whatever you want! this here is only about me. and it.

for other websites I named this piece “pride and precipice” because oh how droll it rhymes with the title of a book I never read. But I also realized that


years ago naming this painting “unimprecipe” must have made no sense. i confused “precipice,” a word for the edge of a cliff (specifically a vertical edge rather than the cartoonish, ready-to-crumble overhangs I prefer to draw but nobody knows that) with the evidently non-existent “precipe.” This is otherwise irrelevant to the present subject matter.

a few weeks earlier my mother had sent me a link to “asexuality, the ascent of the invisible sexual orientation” but which seemed to especially focus on “asexual” folk wanting to see more asexual folk on television, and I was not sure how to respond to the link-sender about it, and never did. I am not asking you to read that! I am merely issuing proof that it exists.

I appreciate my mother’s consideration, as twenty three years ago when I first knew I didn’t want to be called he him his, there was absolutely no way to bring up this topic and not encounter misery or mockery. I remember the first time I did I was asked by this person “do you want to be like TOBY?” a ridiculous ‘neuter’ person who had appeared on the Sally Jesse Raphael show, clips of which were subsequently shown and laughed at on the E channel’s Talk Soup program, which we both watched. I did not want to be like Toby. I still do not want to be like Toby.



it’s about 40 minutes, this link is just to prove it exists, I am not asking you to watch it!
Toby is boring and has a boring name, even though Toby’s stated approach to sexual matters and method of responding to people who are far too curious about it is similar to mine. Asexual is not the same as agender but they occupy the same “nobody is selling what I am buying” part of their respective spectrums. AND I don’t want anyone to sell it!

However I am not at all concerned about the more recent self-labeling asexuals’ “representation.” Any group with photogenic representatives will eventually get represented in photography, and they are certainly prettier than Toby. They will get what they want. I do not seek representation, as I do not trust anyone else to achieve it. What I want is to be believed and accepted when I describe my own condition, not have to check a box and not have to choose a flag. Maybe news of self-described asexuals would reach more neuro-normal fans of awful media, and after long enough eventually be believed by them, and make it easier to describe my own problem to them, but that would be a side-effect.


Admittedly I have in the past appreciated fictional characters that are never shown to have outwardly sexual identities, like Samus, Tintin, even dumb old Rygar. I don’t need an official seal of “by the way they’re ASEXUAL!” to appreciate that they do something important without romance screwing things up. And I would continue to prefer them if labeled asexuals started appearing in crummy tv shows, having that be their core defining trait and being exactly like every other annoying complacent smirking jeans-wearing forklogan I don’t like otherwise.
And I do like Olive Oyl, Dynamite Headdy and certain Batmans, who sometimes have their decision-making skills impaired by the appearance of romance potential, because they are able to remain interesting. Sailor Moon is perfectly capable of both fighting evil by moonlight and winning love by daylight. What I don’t like are gross, boring “sex scenes” and contrived pairings, like when a woman and man fight each other a lot and then out of nowhere start kissing, I can’t stand it.

it is the “love” as a completely embarrassing and forced plot device that I cannot tolerate. I may also experience difficulty tolerating the people who tolerate them! Even if asexuals never do this I have every confidence that terrible writers will think of other disconcertingly moronic things for them to do instead.


I can imagine the gay porn test being a quad-annual requirement for renewing your asexual license.

I don’t even like the WORD “sex” and I think “ace” sounds stupid but that isn’t necessarily the fault of anyone I am griping about today.


apparently there are rings you can buy or forge to grant yourself the magical power to not want to do sex. I should be grateful to not need one, perhaps. I suppose the idea is to identify yourself so you can be found and find others with a similar condition without having to be very ostentatious and PROUD. A little black ring is more discreet than a big dumb flag. I don’t like having constricting trinkets stuck to my skin, though. I have never even been able to wear a watch, back when people wore watches. A ring is worse since it will either be too tight or inclined to fall off and get lost, and I would want to constantly fiddle with and adjust it before then.


and now I need a flag to let everyone know I am a fiddler!



June 2, 2021
the mork and mindy and laverne and shirley and the fonz hour

very busy tuesday and wednesday. thursday should have a proper update with hopefully most of the text I fussed over on wednesday and tuesday when I was busy and boring not included.


comic page 53 of part 3 of this

as has frequently occurred, I came into conflict between wanting to be accurate with what i already showed years ago that i drew on a whim and what purpose I actually require the already established form to serve. one of the events that occurs at this location requires a hallway, which I wrote without considering I had already drawn a narrow tower. But I suppose it can work in a tower.

and even now i am not certain what sort of business goes on in this place. is it administrative offices? a shopping mall? a hotel? maybe it will never be important and I can avoid being clear. maybe these smiling morons are so dumb that they have businesses that don’t make any sense and I should not attempt to understand or explain.



May 27, 2021
the legendary warrior Rygar rises from his grave to restore peace and justice.


a rather alarming series of email messages from an old foe. what could they portend?

a peculiar delivery seeming to correspond with the e-mail, but evidently from someone else.

oh no! RYGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (the book)
Plus his assistant Rygarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Junior.

to be clear, this guy looks like he is SAYING “Rygar,” I do not have official documentation proclaiming that he IS Rygar, but that seems like something Rygar would say if he spoke in words rather than disapproving game-over jingles.
I hid the smaller Rygar object that I thought was simply a little card with a picture of Rygar on it, because why WOULDN’T there be such a thing, in a stupid place before I went shopping last week, wondering how it would be received,

and it was stuck to a car when I returned. Which is probably for the best because I might never have realized it was a sticker otherwise, and if I had I might have perpetually imagined a superior place to attach it was yet to be revealed, and kept it unjustly out of public view.


The important matter here is that somebody did indeed write a book about Rygar and I bought one. FINALLY a book I can read in public, or at least keep at the ready to show how intellectual and absorbed I am until someone gets close and realizes it is about RYGAR. It is the perfect conversation starter, or if necessary conversation concluder. Perhaps Rygar was Ender’s game all along.


apart from providing more information than any sane person could require about rygar, it is also an effective tool for reminding various people you may know in your own life what rygar has done for them and how much worse off the world could be were Rygar not there to throw his trash can lid on a string at angry turtles.

as the back of the box states, now rygar is battling evil EVERYWHERE. I challenge you to identify a location not covered by that statement.


I became aware of the book when some months ago the author Brian Riggsbee asked if I would like to contribute this piece to the book, which was initially drawn in order to accompany my comments on the Rygar Racing phenomenon that is sweeping the one youtube video I saw several years ago. I certainly was not going to say no. I did however say just about every other thing I could think of about Rygar, and the author at one point thought he might be able to include some of those in the book, but I didn’t realize what a graphic-design intensive tome it would be, so I can understand why space for unplanned contributions from people nobody has heard of, especially ones which don’t take the subject matter seriously, would be at a premium.


It takes devotion to list factual information in the form of this CORNY rygar tower, complete with the creepy lines, those dopey gremlins AND the stupid island up there. I wish every book I bought had Rygar graphics incorporated into its layout. Although in fairness, so far every book I bought this year has. It reminds me of the magical, tragical period when I changed this website’s appearance every month.

Unfortunately there is no DOOR floating there with a ROPE going up to it, but considering how uncommonly tall this variant of the tower is I can excuse Rygar for not reaching the top and playing the dumb bagpipes yet.

excuse me the INSTRUMENT. You are never going to achieve your dream of hosting Jeopardy(!) with that “please be less specific” attitude.


it appears without context, and I wonder if it might be better for that. I WANT somebody to look closely at this and realize that it isn’t quite what the text says it is.

Initially I was a scrap miffed to have my picture that, contrary to what it may seem, I DID think about and work hard on, appear between several examples of people who just pasted or recreated existing sprites for easy internet forced retro-stalgia points, one of whom apparently SELLS them on merchandise by the hundreds through etsy as if that is “legal”. On closer examination the Kari Lyn sprites are retouched as if for a sega genesis release in the vein of Megaman, the Wily Wars and there is purplish gradient lighting on the scenery, neither of which are my particular cup of beans but I can consider some thought went into the presentation. And I don’t know enough about Mine Craft to say if creating an enormous Rygar even with instructions is a simple task, especially with a name like “Slugboi,” meaning a man who has not grown to maturity with the further physical and academic deficits of a slug, but I like the idea of it being visible to other players who weren’t expecting it. ALTHOUGH I think a wise adventurer should always allow and be prepared for such a possibility, but whatever the case people are celebrating the legacy of RYGAR who do not necessarily need to.
I still seem to take umbrage with the collage-person presenting the sunset mountains as awkwardly symmetrical. Maybe the lighting, at least for a still shot with no scrolling, matches where the sun is better, but it could have been done in a way that didn’t look folded down the middle. And besides the foreground pillars AREN’T mirrored to match the sun, even though by being far apart than the mountain graphics it would be less noticeable if they had been! OH!


It reminds me when doom add-on authors would make the sky repeat like that since they couldn’t be bothered to match the edges of the graphic they wanted to use or because they are afraid of the doom engine’s sky-mirroring bug

in fact it may be ideally suited for that!
And anyway having my drawing in that position DOES help it show how I used the sprites for inspiration. Anyone who wondered why I would elect to show the right-most Rygar in such a stupid running pose need merely examine the image before mine to understand that ah of course, Rygar ALWAYS runs like that.

However the left-most Rygar may be in an unorthodox position because the in-game Rygar simply recycles the jumping pose for using the rope-attachment item,

and it only occurred to me this very week that the developers may have intended that to be not a hat but a hand-held object, and the pose may indicate a raised arm. Which is still impractical but a helmet wouldn’t hold up its wearer. UNLESS rygar has the arm up to grasp the helmet. The fact that in some stages he is content to walk into an instant death pit instead of grabbing the rope is just more proof nobody needs that Rygar’s ancient methods are mysterious and not always meant to be understood by us. I always thought of it as a hat because my cousin Patrick told me the item was “The Mickey Mouse Hat” and the game never definitively stated that it was not a hat, and so I continued believing it was one long after I became skeptical of Tecmo deliberately violating one of Disney’s most sacred copy rights. This is Argool, not Etsy! Shirts may not exist here but there are laws.
I was so CERTAIN it was a hat

that I prominently featured it in my extremely important hat video. I have to believe that if it wasn’t a hat the Washington Post would have awarded me four out of four Pinocchios by now, and then I would have had to replace Rygar with Pinocchio, and I can assure you that Pinocchio is battling evil in relatively few locations, and even a dedicated team of four would have trouble covering as much ground, much less groundless areas using their less-adequate hats.
Patrick also told me those red gargoyles in the tower area were “the guy who flies with his pants on” and I believed it, because why would such a guy fly with his pants off? Pants don’t always restrict wings the way shirts do, or would if they existed in Argool, anyway. You need not remark upon the great number of beastly creatures I have illustrated engaging in activities without proper clothing on because I never show them flying!
In those days I knew little of Rygar and readily accepted whatever I was told. But even in 2021, with a scandalous expose at last in print, there are a multitude of facts about Rygar that nobody knows.


For example, were you aware that Rygar started a deviant art account in 2002 and never used it at all? Undoubtedly he has the power to have illustrated the whole book himself but recognized that deviance is a step removed from evil and Rygar will have naught to do with that apart from battling it, but he reserved the account anyway so that no impostor could sully his good name. Or even his less-good name, Steve. I wish I had realized this back in 2010 when I was dwelling in New Haven and would occasionally place take-out orders at Modern Apizza under the name of Rygar. I could claim I assumed the pizza was a new kind of diskarmor but that would be disingenuous.
OR perhaps by being an undead warrior from millennia ago Rygar simply couldn’t figure out how to log in. You know, old people and computers and all.


I wish I had prepared a more interesting illustration (and incorporated more details from the official concept art items), since I certainly drew plenty of boring stuff (furries) for less interesting projects (getting $30) in the time between when I learned of the book and when it went to press. And I already had plenty of old, stupid rygar sketches which I had even scanned and uploaded to a page I don’t talk about earlier the same year in case I or anyone else needed them, and somebody making a rygar book and telling me about it so that I could contribute a drawing is undoubtedly the closest that would ever come to happening! However late last year I was very concerned with moving out of my old residence, which took months to execute on top of the years already spent nudging that process along, and by the time that was settled I figured the book was already being finalized and I didn’t have time to bring anything elaborate to completion.

This may be more important to me than is reasonable!


I am glad to know I am in good company.

Despite primarily talking about ME, I do think that all in all it is a fascinating, well-designed book that I might have even bought if it didn’t have a picture that i made in it and I appreciate that Brian Riggsbee permitted that to occur! I could probably write a book about Rygar, and it would have much less justification to exist than this one, and it is fortuitous that I shall devote that energy into other endeavors.


some of which may even have nothing to do with Rygar.


The might of his diskarmor ranks second only to his guiltarmor.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids:
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