 Gosh, they sure got to texas quickly, didn't they.
I lack the geographical knowledge to declare from that undetailed map that this is definitely Texas and not Mexico or Ecuador or Czech Slovakia or something like that, but I can't fathom a themepark anywhere else having, or even wanting a cowboy hat ride.
  Why doesn't this guy have any problem with the jungle children who are obvious accomplices? Oh, and those bunches of grapes (I think they're grapes) floating around are the items you use to feed the elephant so it stops. I was hoping to avoid discussing them but I can see there's no fooling you, is there! Since the elephant stops a full five seconds for each fruitle distributed, it is impossible to time their use properly. See also: my complaint about the ski-lift level.
Please explain to me how this happened. It's unfortunate that regionalistic stereotypes had to wait until halfway through the game, because I tell you they're the most amusing things here.
I have to wonder if the depiction of americans as stetson wearing, roller coaster riding 
 I have to assume any situation informal enough to allow your Marsupilami cufflinks would be just as fine with no cufflinks. Your watermelon yarmulke, however, is still debatable.
The Marsu people have by now evolved past the usual mass produced cheap tacky merchandise stage to the minimally produced, expensive tacky merchandise that is the sign of true, lasting success. It's certainly not Inspirational Sports Jesus, but nothing else ever is (of the eight hundred pages which mention that, this one gets the link, even if only for its headline).   I hate to give them credit for anything, but I know the Disney people, had their unenthusiastic investment caught on, would have made this a working light. I sure would love to have a life size, fully functional late 19th century French street lamp being violated by a jungle mongrel in my home. The website gives no indication of how large it actually is beyond that it is about as tall as the url watermark is wide. At least that stuff's kind of strange. I mean, these people aren't just whoring out their characters to any old stupid pointless trendy thing.
 And once again we come to Palombie. Unlike Spirou, whose journey through this apparently underwater nation of unfamiliar plants and animals encountered a boxing glove plant and no animals whatsoever, the circus 'scaping shepherd has considerably more to contend with...
  Blanket-clad banditos who throw hats,  lazy vagrants who drag guitars,  and little kids who run around with firecrackers.  (Yes, our gold-garbed goober punches them, too) This is not a uniquely or outstandingly insensitive depiction... of Mexico, but in Palombie that sort of talk is just not tolerated. There is a statue of Zorro riding a Pinata outside the presidential estate, and they do take these things quite seriously.
 After about the 80th obstacle requiring this technique to pass, I really started to wonder why our pachyderm pityer couldn't just carry Retardo to the exit. I still don't have an answer.
 In this level, a fruitish man (note however that he cannot be fed to the elephant) wearing pink pajamas throws fruitish things. I don't think that's a Hispanic stereotype. Not yet. My theory: no one involved with making this anticipated console emulation and assumed everyone would give up before the third level. That seems to be a theme around here.  Once he runs out of rubber ducks, he attacks with this strange tank machine. In an obvious nod to Henry James' literary alleged masterpiece Turn of the Screw, this game's single climactic moment occurs a good hour before the end.  I thought our tall tailed twit lived in The Palomb Jungle and that was our destination, but this seems not to be the case, for we have left Paloumbia and gone quite out of our way to enter into the Chahutas. What are Chahutas? I don't know, but they are inhabited by guys with spears and 3 Stooge haircuts. I didn't think it was possible for them to look any stupider
 Mean...  meaner.
 I'm not sure if this encounter is technically an example of racism, but it's definitely disturbing. Only the statue's feet move, which would look pretty stupid if it weren't so scary when the thing jumps. Precisely how stupid cannot be effectively communicated at this time, since I almost killed myself making the animated gif at the start of this "article." Just trust me on this one occasion that it looks stupid.
 Oh. Now we're in Jungle. Where were we before?
Right. You know, I don't have to talk to you today. I have plenty of better things I could be doing. Don't make me do them! 
 A jaguar or tiger or cat like animal of some sort. Ironically, the most potentially dangerous one here can't be incited to action with any amount of encouragement. Nor can the creature be blown up. Cat like animal just sort of lies there, and doesn't attack at all. Not even by spinning. And yet, damage is still dealt to our hero upon mere contact. I'm guessing this is another character with a name that the Sega people wanted to include as a foe, but weren't competent to do so convincingly, making this the first time that's stopped them.
 In the final level, Bring 'em must be attacked a lot. Considering that he appears on failure in every single preceding situation (and somehow still on this one), It seems to me that we could have done this a lot sooner. In the end, after about twenty-two "aug!"s he transforms into smoke just like all the augers who came before. The very same smoke, in fact.
 I almost want to cry. And then the game is done. I can't really accuse the developers of having made anything resembling a build up to a grand conclusion, yet still I somehow expected more from our baboon buffoon's Backalive besting. Because I am so very very naive.
 Congratulations, sure. We're so proud of you for wasting six hours of your life on this. We wish you all the best.
 Arrrgh! Why didn't someone tell me I was aiding and abetting a love story? Oh, oh oh!!!  And what's more romantic than a nose in your eye? They look like low priority Siamese twins.
 BAH. Why must I say those things?!
But what about those cages? Didn't some levels have cages I was supposed to grab?  Ohhhh noooooh!
 Those x lines are leftover from some background animation, and, alas, are not to indicate that the rope is moments away from snapping. That's just me. After this, a really off-model Shoney's kids menu-looking Marsupilami troddles past the game-over wallpaper (to which it bears a resemblance most striking), followed by the actual game over screen.
 Yes, just like that. And that is the only difference.
I have seen the opening montage to the oft-referenced Disney cartoon (it's on the YouTube, as is this), and known that were it successful this game could have been much worse. Although then it probably would have been made by Capcom, actual Japanese people, and been much better. Ehhh! But this was made in 1995, by which time Disney had formed its own video game development factory, so the game probably would have been just as bad! Never mention this paragraph.
By the way, lest you think I am the biggest dork to ever have lived just for going to the trouble to have assembled the material for this page, let alone actually putting words to it and on the internet,  Things can always be worse on the internet. (I have mercifully decided to not use the picture where they have a similarly attired child with them. Because I'm so nice.) |
