There was a thing. A thing I had rarely seen mention of even when it was current, long had this product departed from my memory. Much could claim to account for the relative obscurity of it: lack of advertising, few past titles from the developers, poor distribution (if I'd seen it in a store I'd remember it, because I certainly didn't forget seeing Socket or Wiz 'n Liz, as much as I've tried) a particularly immense influx of new games at around the height of the Genesis-SNES competition, or the fact that it was called

It was 1994, I believe it was. Indeed! The developers we know in this world as Treasure gained international fame for their McDonald's Treasure's Land's Adventure, because when you think of gaming excellence you think of fast food and circus folk. Also to Treasure's credit was Gunstar Heroes, which was not about country western sherives taking back their towns, nor did it involve the hunt for Mad Dog and/or Mad Dog's Gold, but I would assume it did, so if I did hear of Gunstar Heroes I surely ignored it. However, this one I was certain I'd heard of, and this one I was certain I'd ignored because of its stupid name. I feared this game and its stupid name right from the first moment I knew of them, some nine-ish years ago, for at the time I attended the same schooling facility as someone named "Hetty," (which sounds the same) and Hetty wrote poems like this. Even with my own opinions, I knew bringing about this death was not a solution, and to dynamite Hetty would not have solved my problems. So I rented Wristar instead and never saw the irony. Although I cited lack of advertising as a reason for misconceptions regarding Treasure's output, in truth there was plenty. A whole lot of it, actually. In the game itself. If you're baffled by the title, and I'd be baffled by you if you weren't, you might find interest in the rumors indicating that it was initially set to be titled Jimmy Walker Presents Dino-Mite! Heady, but after the rape trial Treasure dropped his endorsement but kept the part of the title that didn't have his name in it. He's certainly no Ronald McDonald. I, unfortunately, am not sated by such rumors, for 'twas I who started them. This being appears to be a flightless bird wearing mascot shoes, red pyjamas and a bow tie. Also: no neck. I assume there was supposed to be a weird looking neck at some point, but there eventually wasn't, and Treasure realized that looked pretty weird as well (Maybe the ghost of a flightless bird who opposed a French revolution?). Whatever the truth be, I find Dynamite's usual facial expressions much too serious for someone who looks like that all the time. My bird theory is supported by the the occasionally heard unnecessary digitized voice's resemblance to that of Big Bird. Also, know that those two have never been photographed together... hey, I haven't been photographed with either of them. I hope that doesn't mean I'm Big Bird, too. Although the head does not take damage, that's the thing that blows up when the body takes too much of it. Such goings on may seem odd, but recall how many times Megaman X fired upon Sigma's head and then that was the one part that didn't blow up, and... that doesn't make sense either. Especially since an efficient robot wouldn't need a thing recognizable as a "head" to begin with. I think about this too much. Not from the same year, or even the same system, I somehow had this character merged in my mind for years, (like until the week before I started this page), with Rayman. Neither of them have necks, but I don't think that's why. Rayman, what a ho. If there was ever a video game character from that period I wanted to bring to life and kill from life, it was Diddy Kong. But after that it was the gerbil from Kirby's World Land 2. And then Rayman. I hate you, Rayman, for making me think of them. My seemingly unprovoked hate for Rayman was totally unrelated to the people who used to mock me by calling me "Rain-Man," because they actually called me "Corky." So there. Oddly enough, I never once confused Rayman with Manray. But back to I'm not sure if it's the [possibly accidental] high contrast shading or the eerie foretelling of a Mary Catherine Gallagher feature film which I find more frightening about this. I never liked the Yoshi Island game. This was for many valid (my valid) reasons, perhaps the least of which, but still ranking, were the graphics for which the artists worked extra hard to make them look as if minimal work had been done on them. I would have a picure here, but it turns out that's one of the few games I hate that I haven't downloaded. I am reminded of that picture which isn't here looking at the ones that are, in the backgrounds for that which this page is about. Realistically, however, it surely takes a great deal more work to paint boards and nail them together than it does to merely scribble with crayons upon the walls, so I must give less negative credit to Treasure in this category. This thing is called "hangman." This thing is not. I know what a hangman is, and I don't know why this is called that. Perhaps because everyone at Treasure wanted to hang the man who hacked their system and put this in the game without them knowing right before it was compiled or whatever and shipped out. Although the thing does appear to be hanging by a noose, the fact that it lacks distinction between its head and its body deprives it of a neck, so I can't say for certain what sinister goings on are really going on. If 'Angmin looks familiar to you, I hope it doesn't, because it is actually a fruit (not a man at all) from the Kama Sutra tree that attacks Ronald McDonald on the moon. It think it goes without saying that you ought to watch your jewels around hangman. This thing, also. This other cretinous blob of the same stock as Larry Hangman is "Head-Case," the crooked pawn shop owner. It allows for the swapping of one head for another, usually better head. Since it never comes to your rescue when the default head blows up, I suspect that it is only letting you "borrow" the enhanced heads the rest of the time, with the regular head as a collateral payment type thing of some sort. (I say "of some sort" because I've never paid a bill in my life and have an irresponsibly vague grasp of that sort of thing. so) This behaviour I can understand, myself also questioning the financial stability of a float-headed bird who dresses like a hobo, but Case always recalls the special head after some seconds. That might make for a more challenging video game, but not good customer relations. Clearly, Steve got all the business sense in the family. (no, people in AOL advertisements aren't actors at all) This message may seem, like almost every other time words will appear on the screen in this game, to be a horrible attempt at a joke, but it is actually a dire warning. Don't lose your head, because it is actually my property, and I will have no choice but to charge you a fee and suspend your library card. There are quite a few heads available at various points in your magical journey, but it is all a bit like Earthworm Jameson games in that you spend more time enduring weird gimmicks than actually using all the weapons the game gives you. However, the disconnection from reality is more abstract here. So you could say that the disconnection from reality in Earthworm Jim is more realistic. But please don't. Regarding the "plot," I have no idea what's going on, any legitimately informative word-boxes having been omitted for the English release. Why was I playing the Japan version? Not because I'm a nerd, but because I'm a moron in addition to being a nerd. LIES! ALL LIES! I won't hear of it! Even if I could understand you I wouldn't! You might think it pretty mlupping arrogant for treasure to be congratulating themselves before the introduction's even ended, but do not be so rushful to judgement. Someone may just have been digging and found something that belonged to a pirate. Such as. for instance, Super Piratos. I found out eventually that this being is called the "Trouble Bruin," which is a kind of bear. You might not think this looks too much like a bear, but neither does Lizzy Bruin from . I think bruin must surely mean "doesn't look like a bear and accompanies the word trouble" in Swahili. Swahili meaning "random funny sounding language of choice" in Esperanto. Anyway. The first proper level is Toys N the 'Hood. Yes. In 1991 there was a movie called Boyz N the 'Hood. That's 'Boyz' with a Z and no I before the N in the word 'N.' I haven't seen it, but I am told that it told a story of a then rarely dealt with subject, that of the harsh life in urban ghettoes. I imagine the film is such that this level is an intelligent and appropriate parody of it. Or maybe the names just rhyme. In this zone, the platform appears to tilt toward and then away from the viewpoint, the top part stretching and the side part contracting. Quite a neat effect, and the game is full of such things. It is the stuff which elicits awe from a genesis player, and makes anyone else think you're a total moron. It is also the stuff that means I can't play this game in Genecyst. Additionally, I thought this had the best music of any part of the game the first time I played it. I listened to it looped several times and then couldn't stand to even imagine I heard it for many weeks, possibly ever. This yellow telephone looking object is what our dynamite legend eats. I don't know where it goes once it is eaten, but I assure you that it goes somewhere. Maybe to the Isle of Misfit Toys or Gilligan's Isle or the Bargain Aisle. I'll look into this. I thought at first that the food-object was a banana, and later on a bean of some sort. Perhaps it means to represent many foods, not unlike the similarly mysterious object the Sim-Ants eat. It may be a more ripe version of those. I at last deduced however, that it must be head cheese, because I've heard that that is edible, it has "head" in its name, and I don't know what head cheese actually is or looks like. But on this issue I question Treasure's competence. It doesn't matter how great you think something tastes the first time; you're not going to like it that much forever if that's all you eat. My cats also only eat one thing, and they are certainly never heard to exclaim "yum yum" afterwards. There are many speaking objects in this. For a Genesis game, anyway. What's truly surprising, is that for the most part, they aren't distorted and I can understand what they're saying. I considered providing them as I referred to them, but as it's their usage, rather than their sound which I find unusual, I've decided against it. But then I did it anyway, just because there are things wrong with me, even though I merely ripped them out of the sound test (you'd think they'd do that before selling the game), so it's not as if, were you in need of them, you couldn't get them yourself. The same "yehhhtx" is emitted everytime you change heads, even accidentally back to the one you just had, or, indeed, the one you already have, which leads me to believe our hero's one true goal is to rid the world of powerups altogether, and rejoices just a bit after each one is removed from the game. When taking one of these 500 point items, I at first thought "No!" was being said, for maybe the points were taken away. After paying closer attention it sounded like "Yay!;" the points are being awarded. After paying even closer attention it sounds like "Mice!;" the points are little rodents who get caught in traps baited with cheese. Whatever the truth be, it's far too much emotion for the difference of 500 points, even in a game where they matter (which this isn't). In addition to these pointless points are secret bonus points, which also don't help you, but instead of "mice," a slightly less Big-Birdy voice informs you that "you've got a secret bonus poin-tih!" How you don't use it is up to you. If you manage to jump into enough T items upon defeating a level-end enemy, very much the same voice except without an echo informs you that "you've got another try!" How hard would it be, really, to just flash the word "continue" or "extend" on the screen? Perhaps all of these are Treasure's way of atoning for the lack of a "robble robble!" in the Ronald game. And now that I've thought about it, does Zeus really need to tell us when our power has been upped? After overcoming several of the large enemies, a pink-skinned villain shows up to claim the spoils, really big wind-up keys. This is another one of Dynar's fiendish arch-nemeses, called "Heather" by the ending but not at all by me. To build suspense, you have several of these brief inconclusive encounters before the final hoedown. Excuse me, schmodown, I meant to say. I know this looks bad for my "mortal enemies" theory (especially with the undetermined whereabouts of that left hand), but aside from the skin color and presence of ridiculous bow-tie, these two are pretty much identical, so you'd get about the same reaction if a mirror was stealing the keys. It is not incidental (unless I've misused the word) that immediately following this particular theft a curtain lowers bearing the inscription "Terminate Her, Too." Yes, like that. I'd settle for "Terminate Her Only," but that's not an idiotic pun on something irrelevant, is it. Thank you for reminding me which character I control and which level I'm in.   Compare these two images from the UE and J versions of game. Maybe Treasure thought a giant doll would confuse amelicans in a way that a giant robot wouldn't... ehhh, unlike the sumo wrestlers operating machinery in the background of both of them, right? Maybe I'm too sensitive, but this seems needlessly cruel to me. Hmmm, which way to Puppet Tower? They told me there'd be signs along the way. If I was a tool for a corrupt beurocratic regime, my deeds only serving to distract the public from the true sinistry going on behind the [cardboard] scenes, I certainly wouldn't put up many, many signs saying so. Especially not ones in which I did that pose even less justice than the Widget title screen. Why do I mention that game so much? You might protest that puppet actually refers to the wooden, string operated creatures who are known to congregate around prop-scenery. Well. I'm not sure what kind of puppet goes around with its head unattached. The only thought that comes immediately to [my] mind is that of the "broken" kind Headwick's arch nemesis tosses the stolen keys into this relatively peaceful evil robot to increase its destructive force. See what you get for meddling! Also note: spiteful, pointing laughing warrior spirit and our puppet hero, emotionally unaffected. This is worth the damage the game deals me for doing so. To a point, I suppose. Not a secret bonus point, however. I thought this must surely be the final enemy, because of what happens before you fight it and the masterful technique required to evade its attacks. However, according to someone else it aims for the indestructable head so that by attacking the air you may far more easily evade 'n avoid damage. Still, it's more fun to fight the wrong way. I don't have any comment here, I'm only pointing out once more what a gope I am. Welcome to Trump Missile Base casino and resort. In this place missiles are launched, and it's bad to touch them. Let's keep going, shall we? Next is "Fun Forgiven." That's what I said. Unfortunately, such a blatant Moraff reference might have been inaccessable to the Japanese, so in their version this level is "radical party." Seriously, stop that. Dynamite doesn't sound quite so bad now. Still, I don't deny it would be to my amusement if someone at Treasure was interviewed about Ikaruga (a more recent game I've been informed people play willingly) and tried to avoid the subject of past works just to get out of mentioning Radical Headdy. Still, knowing the mindsets of the time, I wonder why they really didn't go with that title... No I don't. Might this be another Moraff reference? Oh dear, which way to go? Thank you; so helpful. This "fatal contraption," as the curtain calls it, is the Super Finagler, which the curtain call calls it. (I think they could have figured that out. We don't need a picture for everything!) It is notable because the programmers got it in and out of the game without once accidentally reversing the letters on it. I don't know what a finagler is, but it does begin with an F. However, phantom does not. Fantom does. More mind games from Treasure. "Why doesn't Japanese Spider Phantom have S P on it?" and "why is Puppets Introduction at the end?" being questions of equal magnitude and urgency to "why did Ronald McDonald go to the moon seeking to escape from the moon?" and "why did you make a game about Ronald McDonald, anyway?" I thought for certain I had an old eggem magazine with a then infuriating advertisement for this game lurking within, but the best I can find is this cheat code for showing the game's animations (I started this page before I stepped on my scanner. Shut up). You'll notice that this only gets two POWER TRIP points, whereas the code beneath it, which makes Mega Turrican more annoying to play gets six. You're right, Trickman Terrence, it is hard playing when your controls are messed up! I should have sent in my famous "change channel cheat." It's hard playing when your screen is messed up! Even better, my famouser "unplugged Genesis code." It's hard playing when you aren't playing! I don't know if the peculiar pointage was due to a crazy mixemup or the fact that the first code doesn't actually work (and it certainly didn't give me $999,000). Oh, all right. I believe you. All is forgiven. Why the gilk did you print the code, then?! Just to show off? You couldn't wait for someone to actually buy the game? Yeh, great job, guys. You scooped Gamepro on a code that none of your subscribers can even use. Come on. Think of all the "start with 1 life!" game genie codes that could have fit in that space. Not even so much as a "please." This is the bonus game. Or, that's what the sign says. Maybe it's referring to something on its left (our inalienable right). There are three other bonus games just like this one, identical in every way but tediocity, which is incremental. They aren't in the least enjoyable once you realize that. Rather than introduce new obstacles to make the game more challenging, the length of time during which you must endure the same obstacles increases. And also there's no benefit to come from enduring them. There are no extra lives or head enhancements to be won. Not even a useless, non-redeemable point is spared. You might come to think that these bonus games are meant to make the regular game seem as bonus. If you complete all four (assuming that's possible without emulate-cheating) and defeat the final enemy (assuming much the same thing), and you remembered your bonus numbers and you remembered their order and you didn't make any error when entering them, you will access access to the mega bonus level, which also gives no benefit upon completion, except it isn't helping you on a much grander scale. Still, you do get to see some very strange imagery, and if I had to make a choice, I would take this over the old Nintendo tradition, a "100%" on a file select screen, like I just passed a spelling test or something. This is the Dark Demon, but for the purposes of an inside joke which you wouldn't find funny if I explained just now or likely ever, I shall call it Dark Deben. I don't know what its connections are to Trouble Does-not-resemble-bear or the evil wind-up key robot or what exactly is accomplished by defeating them all, as the ending, despite taking about twenty minutes really doesn't explain a whole lot other than what everyone's proper name is. It seems a shame to destroy someone who does such good deeds, but Headdulus mistook Deben's repeated Japanese attempt at a pirate laugh for accusations of corporate prostitution, and so a battle was inevitable. Dark Deben seems to act randomly and thus unfairly, since the most painful is impossible to avoid if you don't see it coming, but you can in actuality anticipate the next attack by pausing the game and checking the color of the orb during the second this is visible and then attempting to grab one of the head enhancements rapidly spinning around. You can know to do this by randomly guessing which things are related and not being of the opinion that pausing the game to take note of the situation every ten seconds makes you a lousy player and so therefore there must be another way to do it. Unfortunately, unlike SNES games, my Genesis emulators lack the capability to perform the cheat search function, and I know entirely too little about that sort of thing to do it manually, I had no choice but to... horror, play it properly. "Properly," meaning saving before the battle and reloading after each mistake, past the amount of lives alotted and without redoing the previous levels as per the rules set forth in the Continue protocol summit of 1986. At any rate, no one said I couldn't switch the region to Europe (PAL) and decrease the frame rate by 10. When Dark Deben is convinced that Thomas Headison is not a sell-out, the ultimate reward is bestowed: I still keep to my initial statement of sworn adversaries; This is not the manner of someone who appreciates your advances. In this final top-secret episode, Headward has been granted audience with The Boss and his trusted assistants the Pastel Blues Brothers. As I said before, nothing is gained from this level. There could have been, but remembering Dark Deben's words, Headwyn was worried about being labeled a ho', especially after seeing all those "Headdy for sale" and "puppet hero" signs throughout the game, and so The Boss's generous offer was refused. Despite walking out of that office having artistic integrity intact, with Treasure's insistence to not rely on sequels, Headwick was soon left out of a job. Not knowing what else to do, Headdy turned to drugs. More recently, with the release of the gameboy advance, many old stars of the golden age of gaudy gamemaking were invited to reprise the roles which once made them famous. However, one in particular was wholly absent. On October 29, 1996, Dynamite Headdy was found in a parking lot outside Amarillo, Texas, dead from a helium overdose. It wasn't damage to the lungs, but rather, the head floated away and eventually burst when it attempted to leave the atmosphere. Several rodents are thought to have become sick from eating the shrapnel bits. Headdy is survived by two cousins, Ice Bomber from Wonder Boy in Monster World and the White Spy. What's so heroic about biting things with your detachable head?