Let's go back to Delaware
This website

So this is what all the kids are talking about? No, not at all.

May 2006, ho.

Did you know if you change your name, you can get sustenance? I said that to someone in a dream, once.

Speaking of beer (see 33), as it seems someone somewhere usually is, they say "please drink responsibly," always, in addition to the stuff about beer. Recently,when not spending thousands of dollars in home renovation on unproven methods for protecting tens of dollars worth of lite beer, fans of alcohol, lumination and bad spelling have been driving around entering into legally binding marriage contracts in exchange for a trivial amount of the substance, as a recent commercial presentation shows one doing.
Now you have to figure, the sort of marriage you'd decide to have over a box o' beer is probably ending in, if not arbitrary and unfavorable division of assets, absurdly expensive lawyer fees and months of hassle. If not either of those, years, maybe decades of misery and mutual scorn living together sans love. Now imagine that this man is entering into multiple marriages, because he is. Not only is any negative aspect of one similarly multiplied, such a multitude of matrimony is not even permitted by law, so there are possible prosecution processions in the distant present, and even more lawyer fees! And for what? Beer? A couple bottles? Drink responsibly, please (we are so polite!), but be as irresponsible as you like in all other life aspects! If you want to eat staples, that is none of our business. Until we enter into a cobranding partnership with Office Max, at which time it may provide quite lucrative business.

It seems hypocritical to present such a message. It is almost as if the Bud people are required by law to say "please drink responsibly," and might not really give a doorknob either way. Hmmm. Like they just hate people. Having consumers emulate the man in the ad does not sell beer; he was getting it for free! And he's rich! Cedrick "my skill ought to be self-evident rather than in my name" The Entertainer would just buy beer if he was acting with any degree of responsibility. He must hate people, too. Especially the women he marries. Not willing to deal with the struggles detailed earlier, but still intending to get beer for free, Cedrick just murders his wives, buries them in the desert, and goes back to get more beer. I don't hate Cedrick (quite, yet,), I'm just very disappointed.

The Las Vegas minister performing the marriages also hates people, but you couldn't get a job in Las Vegas if you didn't. Or if you did, you wouldn't like them for long. Las Vegas, or any place with casinos, is where you get a job when you wish everyone below a certain social class was dead, but lack the long term planning skills and responsibility to become a serial-murderer, yet you still want to have an active part in spreading despair. “Fine,” you say to yourself. “I will settle for getting them hopelessly drunk and taking all their money. I don't even want it for myself, it's enough for the peasants I hate just not to have it anymore. I am content to merely hope they get eaten by coyotes.” Admittedly, I have my own share of biases against people who go to casinos, but only because they go to casinos.

Great Moments in History

December 15, 1525: Roneldo discovers port of Korf (fame as an adventurer goes up)

Jealousy was to be expected. Not all were destined for greatness.

Many, it seemed, however, were destined for poutiness.


I need to learn to control my temper.

Sunday, May 07, 2006
Help prepare your children for school by playing with puppets

I hate CSI. The television show called CSI. The primary, normal reason being that the only people I've ever heard say good things about it are in, or quoted in advertisements for the program. But also, I've passed by someone else watching [but not saying nice things about] it a few times, and there's always, and I mean that there never isn't, a self-righteous, confrontational, pretentious duckwad arguing with another person who has a differing opinion but the exact same attitude. Hooray for angry, irritatable scumboxes! Please give a round of applause for assertive, confident (they must dye their hair) creeps who talk without pausing while they walk through hallways! It must take a lot of skill to never trip over when you're walking and speaking that fast but not watching where you're going.

It is not fair for me to hate them for having a job which requires really nasty crimes to keep happening, but it is fair for me to hate them for having no emotional connection to anything. What we got ovah heeyah? A cheating husband and a dead wife!1 Yep, business as usual! Just another day in New York, Miami, or Criminal Intentopia!2 I wish people would have horrible things done to them in new ways so my job would be less monotonous! I would hate them if I met them, but since they're not real, that means the acting is great and I should like watching them act that way. It's so real and gritty! It's just like eating sand!

2Despite my harsh words, I must acknowledge CBS's amazing writers for making an entire series out of cases involving lawbreakers on camping trips.

When I complain about things I deem "unrealistic," it's because they are presented in an artificial or phony way that I'm meant to think is real. That's why kids still use drugs. Every anti-dumb behavior message they get is either fake or stupid. Make kids watch CSI, instead. Look here, there, you're going to die from this, and the bimpy krippendorf who determines what killed you is more worried about not having the right kind of cream cheese for the bagel he got during one of the "local flavor" scenes actually filmed in the city named in the title or missing Law and Order than piles of dead kids.

I don't doubt that See Ess Aye is realistic. I'm sure it's very realish. Every story I've heard about a factual person's encounter with a law enforcement cultist goes about the exact same way, because why would you want a job like that if you didn't think you were better than everyone else? The decent ones who want to help others and improve communities are either in hiding or entirely imaginary (if you know some, then, tell them to stop hiding!). Every level of anything with regards to sending people to jail or keeping them out of jail is only in it for the domination aspect.
Not incredibly long ago, I went somewhere, and had a container of water with me, as I usually do, as a result of a particular mental error of mine. The entrance to some place was quite a distance from the vehicle I traveled in. After I had passed, walkwise, through two gates, a needlessly large man informed me "you can't bring that in here." Surely, I could have; I possessed the ability to do so; what the man meant was that he'd grab me and beat me if I tried to. The reason I, as I heard it, would have risked violence were I to bring the object, was due to its being built from glass. It was built from glass because I think plastic is a gross thing to drink water out of.
Why was information that could have helped me not more readily available? Why would not a list of forbidden artifacts have been posted near the car parking region? Because then no one would try to bring those things, and that would mean less people to dominate. It wouldn't have been the same if the entrance was nearer. If, rather than discarding it right there, I could conceivably have returned the item to the car without wasting time of other visitors, and within visibility of the person who received my entrance fee, then I would not have been dominated as much. Why, I might not have even been bitter for the rest of the day. Flaming bananas, I might still have the bottle right now. We can't be having that. (I know bottles are cheap; I wouldn't have thrown it away at all otherwise, but it still made me mad)

Why do banks charge insufficient fund fees? It's not like banks don't have money. They have some money at the bank. It's not like they need extra money to cover the cost: That's the place people rob when they don't have money! Banks just like being mean. They love it! Why did those milkduds in the house next to mine build a giant medieval fence around the lawn they only come here to mow? People are scum. Here, take this bootful of awards, CSI. Oh, and here's a gold anchor from the bank for always having enough money.

But that's a lot of television, isn't it. People love shows about wretched twunks with no regrets about anything. The Soprano bunch can murder whoever they want and get away with it! Including each other! Good for them! Mob rule rules! I wish there were total anarchy and everyone acted that way! Let's kill all the lawyers! Yay shooting! Let's watch Scarface but selectively forget half of it!
I've never viewed the Indisparate Housewives [either], but their show is popular, so I'm guessing the namesake characters rape puppies. Splendid idea! Let's rape all animals!

CSI's theme songlet is bad, too. A bunch of invisible nerds asking Whooooo... [am I]? Hu hu, hu hu! They sound like monkeys. Monkeys sound bad. Occasionally a really angry guy interrupts them proclaiming how much he really wants to know. And that's all. How about this: You actually entertain me for all of 15 seconds, and I'll think about telling you who I am. Otherwise, you can just know me as about to turn off this haggisy show. Oh, oh! Legendary song by THE WHO! That's why they keep saying WHO! You are not allowed to dis that song! Guess what, it's terrible. Its tune is five seconds long, and repetitive in the five seconds. Maybe the original version is good, which I doubt, but this one isn't. I can say without fear of you that the CSI version lacks merit. It's only there to remind people of the longer version that [possibly] isnt as bad. That's retarded.

Just keep those remarks coming, cat. They will be factored into your rape.

They think We're so kewl, our show referenced Them Who. Yay for us! If that part of the song only seems good to people who know what else is supposed to be before or after it, then that one part isn't good! It is an incomplete object which fails without its other parts, if it might conceivable succeed with them. And I shouldn't have to like some stupid song from the 1970s to enjoy a show that isn't from the 1970s, that isn't about things from the 1970s. The music should represent the show, be good, or not be there. Harumph!

Have you ever thought about why something like this is called a "craze?" No, clearly, you haven't. When have you ever thought very much about anything? If you had, it would have only taken the word "astrology" for you to realize this is not a book anyone needs. If astrology is rubbish pertaining to humans, who potentially have goals or concerns, imagine how much it wouldn't mean to a creature that doesn't care about anything or anyone ever. If you might as well be dead when you're doing something helpful to a cat, such as feeding or granting permission to live in your rain-wind-and-vulture-proof heat box, reading vague-yet wishy-washy worthlessness in one's presence probably isn't going to make a breakthrough pesronal connection either. "Learn[ing] to talk to your feline friends" will have about as much impact as all those times you said "mrrow."

May 11: happy... emotionally stable birthday, website! Emotionally stable 5th or 4th birthday! I was going to get you a present, but... no, I wasn't. I was never going to get you a present, so you don't get an excuse, either. I didn't even give birthday presents to my own not-yet-estranged family members; why would I start with you? What have you ever done for me? I'm even going to be two days late in acknowledging you, and if you didn't notice, notice now that I am not sure your exact age and did not bother finding out. You are a colossal disappointment.

Don't get used to this treatment, for it plans to worsen yet. So thank me for my kind advice, the very last you'll get!

Don't go back and reread the other part. None of it rhymes. And this advice isn't kind, because it implies you would be dumb enough to read that again.

I hate cars. Especially Mustangs. I couldn't identify one by sight, I just hate the name. They sound like they smell bad.

You have must, which is a kind of vanilla-y smelling dust. Or at least, that's what my mind always thought of it as. I do not think that is a proper dictionary terminology. Still, must sounds like dust. Actually, the defintion "Stale or moldy in odor or taste" is probably even worse than dust. Need more data. And then stang, which not only is the last name of the actor who portrayed the nerd from Hercules in New York, but it also contains four of the five letters in stank. While that means it smelled bad in the past, that does not mean it will not smell bad in the future, will never smell bad again. That does not even mean it does not smell bad right now.

Some time ago I referred to a character from a lord of ring movie as "nasghuul," but it was the wrong one. I think that name is used one time in the semi-recent film series, when Gandarf says something like "yo mama so dumb it took her three minutes to cook minute rice as the nazgol flies..." and I thought he was referring to the winged beast, for that was the one doing the flying, but I guess it was actually the scary ghost knight man riding it that is accurately called nascal. This means anyone who read the books, in which the word is used a lot, thought I was an idiot, and anyone who didn't probably didn't know what I was talking about. Or maybe thought "oh, those are called nazgul? I'll look that term up at nerdopedia... no, they aren't called that" and then thought I was an idiot. I'm just glad you can all agree on something.

Monday, May 15, 2006
Can the spinach! I wants me instant Quaker Oatmeal!

Why must tough always get mispelled? Why couldn't these garbage bags be TOUGHSTOUGH!? The Telecommunications UK Fraud Forum is at www.tuff.co.uk, even though UK is not actually a word, but rather an abbreviation of two words, meaning that the url should be tukff. But they went with tuff because people accept that as a proper word. Or maybe fraudulent telecommunicators prefer to use fraudulent words while telecommunicating.
Exposure to great quantities of water seems to have some effect on swaying one towards the properly spelled side. http://www.tuffriverstuff.com/ cannot decide on one, but the url, once again, shows the true allegiance. Conspiracy!

It's so easy, too.  The turtle shell, for example, makes a great bedpan.

Recycle, for a better environment, in which this can happen. This is why alpha republicans hate clean air and water regulations. It has nothing to do with keeping profits consistently high rather than slightly less high for the people who fund their election campaigns. How dare you insinuate they're so ignorant and petty. They just don't want turtles marrying frogs.

It has recently come to my attention, via the usual channels (TV channels), in another splendid work of product promoting, that "only a jackass would fix the special olympics. Nyurr nyarr nyannng..."

If we take "fix" to mean pre-define an artificial outcome through sinister means rather than repair that which is broken (in which sense only a masochist would try and fix the Special Olympics), this much is true. But were you aware also that only a jackass would try and promote a movie ("The Ringer") entirely by mentioning another movie the jackass was in which has no connection to the one being promoted beyond that jackass being in it? How about using the exact same font for the word and playing the same music behind it? It's not even good music; it sounds like the Al Franken Show theme music.
By the way, I hope Al Franken does "go into politics" like he has occasionally threatened to do, so he can stop pretending to be a comedian.
There was a time when I liked Al Franken, around 1998ish. I remember thinking "he looks like Pat, he sounds like Pat, he was on the same show as Pat during the right years, he was listed on some webpage's credits for It's Pat the Movie, he must be Pat." But he wasn't even Pat, I found out eventually, and then my opinion of him seemed to decline somewhat in the succeeding years. So he can run for mayor of a town I don't live in or get a job as a Pat impersonator.

But ehhh, I rememer, back when the Jackass television program ceased production, some urine stream of lines being passed about saying "well, we don't want kids to copy us, so we're not going to do these nasty things anymore. We'd still like to, but we believe in what's right and ack ack ack..." All trash, naturally, because then a Jackass feature film shows up not long after that which is exponentially nastier than anything airable on basic cable (but according to the rating, about equal with whatever happened in Basic Instinct 2). Essentially, what the MTV era Knoxvillian was saying was "Here's a chance to make people like me by doing what looks like a noble sacrifice in the name of morals, and later make a lot more money off of a more ambitious project of the exact same sort after people forget what I said but not that they liked better me for it." And now it's come to this: Johnny Jackass invoking the memory of the thing he once distanced himself from to sell something he's even less publicly proud of.

I have no doubt this was a move of desperation. It is not as if, a few months before, anyone dared proclaim "only a jackass would agree to appear in, let alone audition for a formulaic remake Dukes of Hazzard movie 20 years after the source material ceased to matter to anyone," even though that is as true as any other recent statement phrased or fonted in such a way.

Even if my memory is misbehaving and it was merely MTV press release statements pretending to be concerned for dumb kids with video cameras and inadequate parents, that channel, to these days, regularly airs other criminal deviancy shows with different titles, so someone at some level was being a jackass in regards to the end of the jackass tv show, and I say it might as well have been all of them, in which case it wouldn't really matter who was responsible for making the recent ads, because any of them would have done it.

Also: I think, if their production can not be stopped altogether, we should either have shortened pants of that size designed with the inner half with length to match the outer half, or a cultural value system without gendereal double-standards when it comes to what is an acceptable pose while dressed like that. Because this configuration looks bad and I see it too often. It's more crotch emphasis than I require at this time. As for yellow shirts with darkened rims, those have always been dead to me.

Sunday, May 21, 2006
Do you believe in magic? I hope you do, for as long as such remains the case, you will have an amiable relationship with a person fond of large footwear of a color at the beginning of the visible spectrum.

Sometimes I write things and don't quite finish them, meaning to do so later. "Later" can vary by quite a bit, depending on how long I forget about them for. If it is a short enough period, sometimes I can salvage the topicality. Other times it's so beyond relevance that I might as well put it off for another year. Right, so, I guess I'll be seeing you in 365ish days, then.

I'm less fascinated by David Blaine in a wet spheroid than the spheroid itself. I appreciate Blaine's presence for visual frame of reference, a mid point between the normal people in front and the maximumly distorted people behind it. Usually when you see such a large amount of water, there's either a solid surface or apparently unending water behind it. Also, the sphere shape itself is neat. I saw some brief film of Blanie being put into the bowl, and the water falling out of it over the glass with non-falling water behind it looked neat. Was the bowl even glass? I hope it was reinforced glass. That would have been quite a disaster for them if someone threw a rock at it and shattered the whole thing on the sixth day.

I don't regard Blaine as a "failure" for not lasting nine minutes; I can scarcely reach two. I think a lot of what he does is incredibly phony and things like this show impressive, if incredibly boring (so not visually impressive), amounts of self-control that the Amazing Jonathan could never manage. Blaine did not fail at holding his breath; he at least got a b or an a-. For entertainment he failed, but even if he had held his breath for a day you'd still have to watch him float there for a day. This is not something which can be entertaining. Certainly not something worth any more than nine minutes of program time, if even that. Und so naturally it was an hour. I saw a bit of it, partially out of a curiousity of "how can they fill an hour with something they admitted in advance will last, at most, nine minutes?" It should not have surprised me, and fortunately didn't, to find that this was with film of the phony, tricky Blaine we all know and don't give three beans about, numerous personal assistants pretending to be concerned while they figure out ways to mention how muscular he is, and most importantly advertising. There were also pointless vignettes of Blaine consulting various persons known for facing dangerous situations. I can understand why he'd want to talk with the Cut Off Arm Trapped Under Big Rock guy, but why standing outside in a blizzard? And why shirtless and squeezing his own pectoral region? That was too much for me.

This is also relevant enough...

What does that headline mean? The pregnancy was an accident? Brittany was out clubbing rabbits naked one day, slipped on a banana and fell on Kevin Funderloid, who was also naked? And if she only might be pregnant, how was a full report even writable, let alone thought worth publishing? How about a second-hand report on the barely writable first report?! I saw this item, thought, "gosh, that's dumb," and didn't think much else, until a week later when I started hearing the likes of "yes, Britney Spears definitely is pregnant! Oh yes and yay!" Which confirms Compuserve didn't even know when it posted that which I show you as its front page story. How is it big news, the biggest news, that Britney Spears is pregnant, let alone that some person who isn't her or on speaking terms with her only thinks she could be? Gotta thcoop 'em! Even if it might not be true and can't possibly matter! Gotta get them thcoopth!

Even if you've justified it to yourself that all celebrities deserve fame and are better than me, their babies at least should need to prove they aren't scum. "So tell me about the new baby" is a sentence fragment which should never be spoken on television by an interviewer. First of all, you, interviewer, probably doesn't want to know, and I, me, definitely doesn't want to know. Recently released babies have no skills. Babies have no personalities. Any that the parent cites are entirely imaginary. All they do, and all they shall do for quite some time are emit irritating noises and putrid subtances. This may shock you, depending on how dumb you are, but female babies have every bit as much interest in football and racecars as male babies do: none at all. Similarly, if made to pick between only blue or pink to have surround them at all times, both are equally likely to pick up a spider and eat it. If given the choice between watching Air Bud 6 or playing with their own fecal matter, they may choose to fall over and suffocate (fortunately, you'd be foolish to present them with that last choice).

Also: "baby bump" is one of the worst phrases ever invented by whore media. It's even worse than "metrosexual." At least "canoodle" sounds funny. I fully support the idea of inventing words in the absence of one that says what you want and any logical reason that you shouldn't be allowed to, really. Some folks adore pointing out "that isn't a word. Nyah!" But things only "become" words because someone made them up! If people weren't allowed to make up words we wouldn't have any! Nautiloids, imagine if, 80 years ago, people like that saw the first automobiles and said "that isn't a vehicle. Nyah!" The world would be a much cleaner place, yes, but we'd send mail by carrier pigeon, do calculations by abacus, and all sorts of annoying things. Stop being so closeminded and easily led. I'm trying to tell you what to think about celebrity gossip!

You know what I realized recently? Well, your answer doesn't matter, because I am going to tell you. I realized koalas don't wear diapers. I realized less recently that koalas aren't bears, but they look like bears and might as well be. However, they don't look like they're wearing diapers. But all these things are beside the important matter: what do koalas and diapers have to do with swapping my baby?

My things for other people and my recent illness seem to be finished with, so hopefully soon I can get back to my regular illness and making things for nobody.

Here is page thirty-nine of this.

if Abercrombie and Fitch made the army supply catalog...
Yes, very much so.

Hey, remember these things? The new webpage link, with the brief description beside the possibly relevant picture in the neat and tidy rectangle? Apparently, I do.

Spirou V. Wade
We return to Belgium for, to date, I hope all dates, the greatest amount of trivial, inconsequential nonsense I've typed in one place about one video game. The game isn't any more wretched than usual, I've just become tiringly perceptive of the ways in which they can be wretched over the years. I need to start downloading ones that have less wrong with them.
a wholly needless, I expect, link to the second part
Wow!  It is so big!

With over 100 images (some reused), even without reading it takes about 45 seconds to scroll through. My initial description, including the previous sentence, was itself too big to fit nicely in that fancy rectangle above here. It has been disciplined.

Memorial Dar or Labor Day or Arbor Day or something, May 29, 2006
Why can't they just have Batman break up a gang war once in a while? Or how about having him travel the orient, and face terrorist?

I love the King's Quest barter system. Oh, thank you so much for saving my diamond chalice from the demon toadstool! Here, take this boot. No, just one. Sure, you could have bought a thousand boots if you'd sold the diamond chalice which by right of conquest and frontier justice is yours, but you would have had to get past the angry dog first to do that, and the only way to get past the angry dog is to throw a boot. You couldn't pick up a rock because the hand icon doesn't appear over any of them. You COULD use the magic cheese, but then you won't be able to activate the G.O.R.G. machine at the end of the game, and you won't know why you can't activate it either. Why don't you ask the friendly talking wolf to scare the dog away? Because when you talk to the wolf, the wolf just says "thank you for saving my family. Did the piece of string help you?" Just smile and take the boot, idiot.

so many pages.

not necessarily the worst internet comics ever made

stupid pictures V
stupid pictures IV
stupid pictures III
stupid pictures II I/II
stupid pictures II
stupid pictures I
I'm starting to think there will never be more of these.

Yes, the guestbook is still here!

In depth
(alas, they cannot swim)

I do not approve.
Dennises are dead to me
This page is not about shoes.
I hate shoes.
something award related

Those Green Eyes again
More valid but unfunny Disney criticism
Biggest Loser
Mall Blandness
More words
Mall Egadness
Las Vegas
Spiderman 2
Jope and Dopes
These Green Eyes
Game Over
Mall orneryness
Movies I'm not going to see
Back fashion school to
Movies Make Me Mad. Moreso.
Official pizza of Nascar
Michael Jackson
Free Speech
Film Critics. I hate them.
Coconuts. I hate those as well.
Independence Day
Some time in July 2001

Video games in depth
(alas, submerging them shorted out their circuits)

Spirou part 1
Spirou part 17
Kirby part 1
Kirby part 2
Kirby part 3
Dynamite HeaddY?
McDonald's Treasureland Adventure
Pac in Time part 1
Pac in Time part 2
when do you think?
Air Fortress
Super Widget
Back to the Forest
Tintin and the Prisoners of the Sun
Bip Bop II
2001, a space waste
Barney's Hide and Seek "Game"
too late to make a difference
Moraff's Dungeons of the Unforgiven
before the one above it
Super Games Galore! Doy!

Quasi-monthly arranging of briefer things

The Rest 00
04/29/01 to 08/02/01
The Rest 01
03/28/02 to 06/01/02
The Rest 02
06/15/02 to 10/01/02
The Rest 03
10/07/02 to 01/19/03
The Rest 04
01/23/03 to 04/05/03
The Rest 05
04/09/03 to 05/11/03
The Rest 06
05/22/03 to 07/30/03
The Rest 07
08/13/03 to 09/28/03
The Rest 08
10/02/03 to 11/26/03
The Rest 09
11/29/03 to 12/26/03
The Rest 10
12/29/03 to 01/16/04
The Rest 11
01/28/04 to 03/24/04 somehow
The Rest 12
03/31/04 to 05/07/04
The Rest 13
05/11/04 to 06/17/04
The Rest 14
06/23/04 to 07/26/04
The Rest 15
08/01/04 to 08/27/04
The Rest 16
09/01/04 to 09/29/04
The Rest 17
10/06/04 to 11/05/04
The Rest 18
11/12/04 to 12/07/04
The Rest 19
12/14/04 to 01/13/05
The Rest 20
01/20/05 to 02/21/05
The Rest 21
02/27/05 to 03/24/05
The Rest 22
03/31/05 to 5/19/05
The Rest 23
05/28/05 to 06/25/05
The Rest 24
07/09/05 to 07/31/05
The Rest 25
8/8/5 to 09/05/05
The Rest 26
09/11/05 to 10/02/05
The Rest 27
10-15-05 to 10/30/05?!
The Rest 28
11/06/05 to 12/02/05
The Rest 29
12/12/05 to 12/30/05
The Rest 30
January 2006
The Rest 31
February 2006
The Rest 32
March 2006
The Rest 33
April 2006
The Rest 34
May 2006

The Rest 35
June 2006
The Rest 36
July 2006

whatever else

Awards this website hasn't won
Embarrassing pictures part 1
Embarrassing pictures part 2
The same
The Annotated Umiliphus
11/24/04, (I can only justify this by calling it an experiment, so I shall)
Poetry Page
The same

Golbez sez: (Hey, that rhymes)

Golbeza Clad in Dark or some pretensious nonsense like that
You fool! You twit! I crush you dead!
I eat you like sandwich! Mmmm, Wonder Bread!
Do you doubt my rageful power?
I invite you to my swell Zot tower!
Come and do enjoy the show
(But I ask you don't bring Meteo)
All you gunk MCs bragging 'bout your ice caches
I got ice too. And ice 3, be-atches
Regarding your bling, it can't represent
My crystals pimp-slap every element
Rubicant, Milon, Kainazzo,
Valvalis is my favorite ho
You think your rides are great, they aren't even good
Mine's 800 feet tall and made of cat food
It's called the Giant of Bab-Il
But I think I shall name it McGill
What time is it? It's almost noon
I hit you with my dark sword SWOON!
I eat you with fork, I eat you with spoon
I stole crystals so I might eat the moon
I hear it is made of the greenest cheese
But I do not fear lyme pigment disease!
Shut your mouth, you spoony bard
Don't drink coffee, lest your growth retard
Next to me, y'all be midgets
I'd be more afraid of a party of Widgets
Ho ho ho and hee hee hee
Kefka can't even laugh better than me
Exdeath meet me, meet ex-life
I beat Sephiroph like my ex-wife
Who's the villain from F F 8?
The entire game! Ha ha, check mate
Kuja's gayer than a male nun
Seymour? See this. THWACK, you're done
I'd deal with volumes one through three
But I'd have to play them first, you see
That I'll get to some other time;
I'd rather be raped by a mime
My word is lethal, I leave 'em cryin'
I drop bombs like the Red Wings over Damcyan
Anyone challenge, they find I trash 'em
I do not even fear

The Challengers
Hey!: The above message does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or words of Golbez. Oh, you noble looking!

Leave me alone.

We've looked and looked, but we can't find it.