You haven't seen the last of me!
Bundle of Joy
the official Joy Behar website

August 2006, fool.
bland untarping

While the graphics and layout and everything below this are exactly the same, the website address is not.

The time has come to pay with dollars for the good webspace. While it is true that my long held theory of "people hate this site because of the ads" is easily disproven by websites like m'space with twice the ads and varying fractions of the content, this still leaves the issue of webspace itself. All of those pages listed at the right, quite regardless of whether you bothered checking, do indeed exist, and many of them have been stored in the imaginary spaces of my internet "provider" (more like dealer, really) Compuserve since the time when I filled all the tripod space. That may have been able to go on for a few more years before I smothered all the compuserve space, but even using that required considerable hassle via name changing (compuserve allots 12 megabytes per screenname with a maximum of seven names rather than one lump 84 megabyte lump of it), and also that I had to delete all newest things off of the tripod space (to allow for newer updates) and reupload just the right ones to the compuserve space. Even if I wasn't tired of that, the fact that I now use good internet suggests the immediate cancellation of the compuserve account, and so too, surely, terminating those files which it currently holds on my beharf. Those files' clones will avenge them, however weakly and pitifully they may have lived.

So now, there is much more space than before, no postproduction advertisements what-so-ever, less hassle for me (eventually) and less whining for you to read. I cannot rest until I've eliminated every possible reason for people to hate me beyoned my being unlikable. Sure, that's worth money. This comes at what cost, specifically? About $7.99 for the "" domain and $5 per month for its studio apartment. There are places which promise more space and bandwith for less money, but only if I commit to two years, which sounds like a horrible idea, considering that I had to commit to four years of compuserve which turned out to be an incredibly horrible idea. After spending days looking through various hosts and consumer complaints, I'm too tired to explain who's scum and why in this field at this moment.

Why and not or Not everyone is as hip and edgy as you, I'm afraid. I understand that your personal motto is "if it ain't edgey, I jump the hedgey," so feel free to register one of those yourself if it will help you imagine that your opinion of me has improved... OH, you meant “why 'bimshwel.anything?'” You should have been more specific. Be more specific, next time.

Regarding invalid links, a lot of these things have been on three computers (the oldest have been on four), and typically the transfer methods between them were rather uncivilized, meaning that all the correct items are mixed with ones I didn't use or just dumped from wherever into the pertinent directory (usually c:\mittens) without thought afterwards. Sometimes I can't find something because I stuffed it in a rar archive before moving it and then didn't bother to decompress it because I thought I had already, or, and this is my favorite, made changes after I copied it to the internet computer months ago, and did not synchronize the original with the newer one, forgot about it, and then started editing the old one after good internet was implemented on this computer and I no longer had to travel. I reckon I will make sure all the links on this page work first, and then copy those exact links to the other pages that have a similar list. If I ever finish that part, I'm going to stop making those awful space wasting lists leech the entire website from's more organized directory tree to some secluded, hopefully non-mitten related hard drive region and use that in the future, though for me to have to do this again, something truly wretched would have had to occur. So get to work on that. Tell all your favorite hackers, hacker ninjas and forum members about this site.

Really, I don't need much. I just want a single organized, secure place to put things, and which will take many things. I don't want to be entering big urls for every picture, or worrying that they'll suddenly vanish if not viewed once per month. Look at that bag of dougnuts over there, stuff can get lost. It may be years between each isolated page viewing. I certainly do not want to be typing urls with "" in them. You know what happens if you put photographs in a bucket? They bend, if the bucket is too narrow at the base, or the stack eventually topples over due to excess space above the base. If you're looking for employment opportunities for your buckets, may I suggest sand or vomit. It may be days, it may be weeks before everything actually functions properly. I may not like this webhost at all (, and I'll have to try a different one. And good luck, by the way, host folks, selling off "" in the event I have contractually ceded that to you.

Saturday, August 5, 2006
but the B to B better be by the boss

I am currently going through all the pages to make sure, after I have moved them, their links work and images show up . I'm realizing for a lot of them this is the first time I've done that.

Wow, this explains so much. On the Barney page, somewhere. That picture, "l337.gif," since 2001or2ish, has never once appeared unless I was looking at the page, it seems. I thought I had corrected it about a year ago; I had viewed the page from a remote computer and been shocked at the absense, but all I did was reupload the image, which would not have (and indeed did not have) made a difference if the page was trying to load the picture from "c:\mittens\barney." I even recorrected this on the not-yet-deleted version that some page somewhere linked to, just because it's such a horrible, stupid mistake. That seems to be a theme as of late. That sort of thing was always one of the best parts of using Netscape 4.3 Composer to make webpages. The other part was deleting all the extraneous <font> tags when I tried to make edits with a text-based program.

Additionally corrected, stop, wait until it's safe is there now, also. It's nothing worth clicking on, this note by me is just to tell you that if you read that page before and did think that was worth clicking on, you would not possibly have heard the sound and realized "that was not worth my having clicked on." Also know: I have not neccessarily been reading the pages, so they, notably this one, are not any less retarded now in that aspect.

I know this was released a while ago and the joke's probably been done to death by now on those other websites you're less ashamed of reading than this one, but it deserves to die. The only reason people didn't assume Lance Bass was gay was because they were too busy assuming Justin Timberlimber was gay, or more likely too busy assuming the lot of them were gayish to consider the possibility that if it was just one [at a time], who it would be [to admit it first]. That inset picture of the whole ensync might as well be from a gay orgy they held, the way they're crawling over each other. I don't know that it matters which of them are gay, only that's it hardly big news in any such event. That would be like having Cathie Griphen on the cover with "I'm annoying" or Whiny Guitar Dork on the cover with "My music's lousy" or Gandalf on the cover with "I don't exist!"

Hurt by rumors is an excuse; Lancybean's been gay for years, and he knew that if he kept it "secret," then merely revealing the secret once he was no longer famous would mean instant media exposure and some reclaiming of past fame. If he had said this just as *n sync was *n sinking, it would have made no impact, and if he had said it while they were still stealing the money of ineffective parents everywhere, it would have been entirely detrimental to that end (but perhaps more liberating to his own end). What respectable 13 year old female human, after all, wants to lick the poster of a man she has no chance of ever licking in person if he's gay in his spare time rather than just looking and sounding gay all the time?

Don't be true to yourself until your agent says it's a good idea. My uncle realized he was of the gay a few years ago, and you know what he got? Evicted from his home by his wife and pretty much slandered, as I hear it, to other family members of the wifal persuasion. If only he had waited a bit longer, and also gone back in time and murdered Lance Bass and had surgery to look like Lance Bass and occupied the relevant position in in in insync things would have been so much better.

Speaking, as I was a few moments ago, of the poster licking demographic, the one least likely to be accused of having standards,

would you mind explaining to me how this straight to dvd extravadanza is a "comedy hit" if it ehhh) hasn't been released yet, and ugh) surely isn't intentionally funny in the slightest?

I think Larry King's had a bit too much plastic surgery.

Why is that sentence in quotation marks? Who really said this? And is this a sincere sentiment or are the people responsible just trying to cash in on the perennial fame of Booty Call? (starring Academy Award winner Jaime Foxx) Could I actually call up a Jack-in-the-Box (long distance, of course; I've never seen one in Connecticut. Or Pennsylvania, or Maryland, or anywhere), say "foody foody foody!" and get some sort of response? Also, what is the tie supposed to communicate? "Beside the giant Brio/Tinkertoy head, I'm all business! I can't be bothered to put my hat on straight, but these suspenders will make sure my pants are! What time is it? By gum, if I could see through this thing, I'd look at my watch and tell you!"
I don't know that I would go to one of those places even if I could, because I'd be too afraid an employee, most especially the one pictured here, would jack in the box.

Page 45 of this. Why is it that every time I try to eliminate a step in a process to speed things up, the whole ends up taking much longer?
Also, I received my first ever bit of pretensious, loser fan-art. 'Tis on the list page. Sure, I made it, but I wasn't sure I liked these comics until recently.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Tonight's forecast: unseasonably chilly, partly cloudy with a 60% chance of BLACK HOLE ENGULFING THE ENTIRE PLANET.

I received a form letter of rejection from Paier College of Art Incorporated:

I am unsure whether it is telling me it hates me or that it has already initiated enough people it likes for the approaching semesterial period. I also wonder if my statement on the application parchment, that I perceive commercial illustration to be dominated by "creativity devoid, soulless hacks" and "annoying, pandery whores" had any part in this. Well cucumbers, I never said it definitely was, only that according to my perception it was, and beside that I only referred to ones who dominate.

The repetition of "commercial" on this response makes me think that to have succeeded, I need only have added to the end "but hacks and whores are great and I wish I was one so I could get the big bucks." Did I fail a secret lack-of-character test?

When I had an interview at the place, and showed out actual artish things and my personal presence rather than easily misinterpretable written words, the man tending to me suggested that I might find more adequate facilities in Los Angeles, and I wonder if he meant I could get some kind of generous money job right away or that he was merely ashamed to share a state with me, and went so far as to suggest the one most likely to have large parts of itself fall into an ocean. I don't take hints very well (see also: every internet message board I've been totally ignored on). If you want me to stop, you must say to me, you, cupcake, transfestunerix, yimpinkilp, whatever, we all hate you, we will ignore your comments, quoting the posts immediately preceding them if necessary, and we most certainly are not going to click the link in your user profile, so give up already. We already have enough unique, "revered" members, so unless you're going to fall in line and agree with their posts or be enough of a whiny moron that other people can become popular through the mocking of you, there really is nothing here for you, so die, or do some roughly equivelant thing which affects us in the same way. Just imagine the preceding pertained to the initial topic and not the parenthetical aside at the end.

Not incredibly long ago, during my usual depressing ego searches (depressing because I do it and also because I typically only find things I remember making myself), I came across an unposted message board comment. I don't know why it was indexed, or how one even places a link to nonsubmitted form data, to allow such indexing, but there it was, and it went a bit, and in fact exactly like this:

[quote="geit_kjonn"]I really want the FAP icon. I'll FAP to the FAP icon is it come FAPping our way.

Edit: [img][/img]

Thats not as good as some of the others I've seen though...

Edit Edit: [img][/img] [img][/img] <-- Dragoon Knight from FF?

Those are amazing, still no good fap though.... :cry:[/quote]

Hmmm, strange, I thought. First of all, that it could have been EDITed twice yet have that blimpwreck of a sentence survive totally intact both times. Strange, and a little stupid, but not much else.

Then I read, not incredibly long after not incredibly long ago, about some of those famous websites that I never bothered to read back in the day, and now never want to due to the people who reference their content, just because I don't know what to do with my life. It turns out people who write about popular websites for the sake of being informative, while they certainly know about websites, know even less than I do what to do with their lives, so merely from the presence of such a comparison this is less depressing than looking myself up and finding nothing.
Und so anyhaw it turns out that one such site, with enough of an inpenetrable mythology surrounding it that it seems more sensible to type its url in a google box than an actual url interpreter, uses the letter assemblage "fap" as some sort of code word for the act of rubbing certain parts of one's self in pursuit of an internal chemical reaction that ideally results in a brief pleasurable sensation, and I guess they needed a faster way of saying that.
My point in mentioning this:
I hope the apparent relative popularity of Kirby page 3, where "fapfapfap.gif" hails from, is not exclusively due to people in need of a fitting illustration for their personal epic mastirbation narrative. Is this a subject that comes up a lot? Is there demand for these accounts? Maybe the people who aren't talking to me are doing me a favor. Well I still think they're rude.

Friday, August 18, 2006

I am doubting many self-related things at the moment. I did not at foist believe this particular sequence of self-doubting was activated by that letter, but maybe it was. Other things have contributed, however.

I thought the original Commodore Keen game was good enough to not hate, but the sequel, mostly the fault of the level makers deciding, since in-level saving and loading was possible, to make constant, exit-to-main-menu-up-up-up-enter-enter-search-for-'Y'-key-in-darkened-room-please-don't- make-me-look-at-the-keyboard-AH-MEINE-AUGEN-now-what-was-I-doing-again use of it absolutely necessary to complete all levels, simply was not fun at all (worse still, as stated in the terms of their company policy, Apogee's subsequent games ripped that off as well, Realms of Chaos ARRRGH everything). Anyone* willing to devote the effort to keep trying until a solution presents itself and, you know, play the game properly will find the "extra life" count notably uncooperative (*me). And at any rate console games of the same year were far better in most ways unrelated to English and can actually be run inerrantly much more easily on modern computers. How am I supposed to explain DOSBOX's "drive mounting" process to my mother, who wants to play the King's Quest games again, when I don't know why it needs to happen myself? I suppose I should be glad it doesn't require snakeskin boots and a cowboy hat.

Yet here a group of people seemingly obsessed with a 13 year old mediocre [undeservedly, but still] PC game I would have assumed an amount of mental deficiency was required to revere so, have totally baffled me. It seems to start off innocently (E H: stupid and pointlessly) enough, but quickly gets very smart sounding, and goes on for three pages. How am I supposed to accept this debate on the meaning of infinity from people with things like "Vortininja" beneath their names? It's not like I haven't had college level math classes. Why don't I understand this? How am I supposed to post as an emotionally distant, artificially confused intellectual jackass –and I must if I want to avoid my usual internal WHY-A EVERYONE HATE-A ME phase and more website entries like this one once I'm sure everyone does– when I legitimately don't know what's going on? How am I supposed to laugh at the constant poll topics about "metal" preferences and health insurance when I can't even figure out what the STAT STAT ERROR function on my calculator is for? How am I supposed to instantly notice and sliently gloat about my superiority upon seeing a plural indicated with an apostrophe when I can't even remember what an ordered pair is?

The initial topic refers to a comment made by a character only seen one time at the very end of the first Keen game, and only mentioned again at the very end of the second in allusion to another sequel that was never made, unless you go to the absurd effort of translating some screen of silly text, which makes it three. What's the point of being enough of a nerd to know that if I can't apply the same arcane devotion to real abstract pointlessnesses?

And while we're at it, what does Rocky the Flying Squirrel have to do with naked ladies, genocide committed against lymphoid organs, pride at participating in it, or incompletely applied gradients? That picture isn't even a link, it's just there, always, taunting me with its mysteries.

Above: Gateway to mysteries that quickly ceased to interest me the least bit due to the phlegm coated magnifying glass of a video game through which they must be examined. Dull fact: I hate Realms of Chaos so much I deleted it and then had to download it again just to confirm one of my reasons for hating it was consistent with my reason for mentioning it. A more complete examination of my reasons for hating them (for I surely hate every Realm) is probably not forthcoming.

Snakes live in deserts, why is it so shocking an idea to put them on a plain? Sam Ule Jackson's character had better not be named Rain N. Spain.

Such serpent-related notions were being bumbled about for months before I even knew there was a feature film built around the concept. I actually thought it was a Daily Show inside joke that I just didn't get, until I heard some other show mention it, at which point I knew it was an outside joke that I didn't get. Allegedly, Samuelel's classic line is "I am fed up with these motherfoop snakes on this motherfoop plane!" I have never heard that sort of language in a movie preview (that would be as controversial as not showing the ending), and I've certainly never heard an expletive deleted noise while inside a theater. Actually, usually "mother" is fooped as well. What savage, cowardly fiend would foop mother? Where did this happen? Was this on the I-Tunes or the Youhootubes or the Myspaces?

As for when, I guess the first trailers for this trailed in late spring, but I didn't see any movies then, so I really could do little more than resent the constant references to the trailer that occurred between then and now. I'm not saying no one should have been allowed to make jokes; I resent plenty of things that are allowed. For instance, the newspaper headline from June "NBC GIVES NEW KID WHO CAN BELT OUT A TUNE TWO MONTHS TO WIN MILLION DOLLARS"
Then one day, since none of the jokes, to their credit, I suppose, specifically mentioned Lotflr, get it? Like that movie that's coming out, I wondered: "alright, so what is Snakes on a Plain and why can't I not hear about it?" It turns out to be an internet phenomenon that the Blogosphere has been buzzing about. Well, that's all I need to know. Those are the same people, recall, who demanded, pre-hyped and made a general fapquest of the very idea that a The Matrix sequel might get made, to such an extent that two were built at once, and both, according to the same people, were quite awful. More recently, they ruined King Kong. They will probably ruin the Transformers movie too, but I'm thankfully not old enough to give a wheatabix about that. However, by the time the old Transformers were wrapping up their eh transforming, I was a devoted viewer of the Thundercats, which was mercifully awful enough to keep me from worrying about and making delusional demands in fear of how bad their eventual live action movie will no doubt be.

I can't be in the blogosphere, because I don't buzz at the correct frequency. Oh and also because I'm deathly allergic to any word derived from the derivation "blog." I become so sick I typically get stuck in my blog, blogging for hours, all over my blogging blog. In other news, my sister wants to portray a smurf for Halloween. Blog smurfs, I say. Even when I liked Thundercats I hated smurfs.

Despite the enduring life lessons I learned from them.

I should probably remove the "e-mail" address field from the guestbooklet, for in the time it has existed, I do not believe I have attempted to contact one of the people who left a legitimate looking response who did not contact me first or for a reason related to the guestbook. Ehhh, excluding the person called Caroline who requested "Please write back," and so I did, saying something like "I am writing back to you." My lack of correspondence is not the result of contempt toward the person(s) (usually), but the whole point of that guest-book is to let people tell me things (not that they do) without singling them out for awkward responses from me, and also to save me the time of writing the horrible misunderstandable things plus the paranoid fear which follows after I send them. With all that having been typed, I probably will not remove the e-mail field, just because I set that thing up so long ago and remember hating dealing with it a lot. However, if it ever gets a 100th entry, and it currently is at 80... I may continue to do nothing.

I have also discovered that the guestbook makes a user enter a special password now (the guestbook entry complaining about it was of course from me). Why? I did not tell it to do that! The password is of the sort that is randomly generated and displayed in fiddly rectangle so to confuse the merchant robots who love so much to be guests.

Though based on some of the other passwords I've seen, I doubt mine is going to be stopping any deviant droids.

As much as I hate merchant robots, if I see something from a robot (and I haven't seen one yet!) I'd rather delete it myself than give the guestbook service one additional step to misplace its form data over or scare off a human violater with. I'm not well connected enough to get piles of them like most other Dreambooks I've seen. But to be fair, you never saw such mania blue teen.
There's no retarded machinery on this one, I just found funny that it invokes its own "how dare you link to my images" image.
I just wish it had been as assertive as this friendly reminder:

You're quite welcome.
Seriously, I want to throw a boot at this dipe and I haven't even stolen his/her/its bandwidth. However, I think the peculiar knuckle anomaly on that middle digit probably causes enough pain. I think I may eventually switch this to the real, non-bimshwel-uploaded picture at some point, because after four years I'll do just about anything to get my site logged.

Another dreambook, Gay Chile en CiberGay. (This one's for you, Mxy) I don't think this is a cyborg army victim either, although it's really hard to tell.
This book helped me to understand ...well actually I don't understand at all, but evidently it helped a bunch of people to understand something. Just search for the words "helped" or "understand" to get an idea.

Well, I do what I can.

Ah ha, this is something new. For this site, anyway. I am allotted 10 gigabytes of bandwidth per month, and I haven't filled a tenth of that. I don't necessarily need your help, I've done plenty of damage just putting these here and then making sure they're here. The following is a bit hard to read, but AHHHHHH! I'VE BEEN SHOT!
Mark Klem - Beligerance.mp3
From Gothic Deathmatch 2 (for Doom2, obviously)

I informed the fine fellow who wrote this music that for various reasons, I was unsure if the midi I had of it was actually that, and he was nice enough to send along this fancy sounding mp3 version. Hopefully at some point he will make a website again or send me another one of these.

Dave Shaw, another legend, his website has some high bitrate Markklemmery, but not nearly all of it.

Since I have the space for this sort of thing now, here's another.

Lee Jackson - CCCool.mp3
(just with underscores instead of spaces because I am not in the mood to deal with "percent sign 20" today.)
midi version
From Rise of the Triad

I don't know what the deal with that song title is, but that's not the part you hear, anyway. Note that this is through my own bootleg Yamaha SYXG50 (unless I recorded it back when I used Windows ME in which case it is SYXG100 but probably a bit too loud because I didn't know what I was doing back then but I have aged speakers so I can't tell) midi device, so it is considerably less fancy in that aspect, but still much better than it sounds through "DirectMusic," which is what most people have, I assume. Similarly, according to WinROTT, I'm the only person in the whole pogspammed world who uses the numeric, logically arranged arrow keys (which work but void alt-key strafe capabilities for no known reason). I have to run this game in the ever disagreeable Dosbox if I want to control it and hear noises properly.

Frank Klepacki - Zanthia's Swamp.mp3
midi version
From Legend of Kyrandia 2 Fables and Fiends Hand of Fate Hamburgar Helper Hydroxy Cut

All right, I know that's not the real music title. It doesn't have one in the game. Interesting is that unlike the other two actual persons whose noises I have mentioned, Frank Klepacki is known by me to currently have a website, and with a version of this music called "Zanthia's Funky Swamp" on it, but it is my personal opinion that the addition of funk essence in certain places totally messes up the flow of the tune and the musical story it is telling. Aw ban, I can't believe I just typed that. At any rate, I guarantee you no funk was granted access to the premises during today's recording session.
You know, I tried, I really did, to get "accurate" Roland MT-32 sound on this, even finding an emulator and hunting down a ROM for it, but it would only sound right, once again, in the dreaded DOSBOX, and quite enjoyed skipping and prancing about if I had wavwrite mode on. In the end, I'm not sure echoey bell sounds are worth the trouble.

This game has neat music too, orchestrated even, but it has not worked in numerous years, even since the time when I had a computer that could run it properly.

Addendum as of more recently: I was mistaken. Its music is well done but it's too brief and ambient to be enjoyable by anybody who doesn't have an inexplicable attachment to the game itself like I do. Gobliins 2 has nice music, though (and more 'I's). Some of the cd's tracks never play during the game for some reason. Eef.

Friday, August 25, 2006
Oooop! Ants can't swim!

Page 46 of this.
Now it is officially as long as an Asterix album (that's what this sort of layout is called in book form)! All I have to do now is design a cover, totally redraw half the pages, rewrite all the pages, have something be concluded in the last one, kidnap and hypnotize the entire staff of a publishing company and wait for the money to show up.

I want to dig a hole and live in it.

What kind of heaven has bagels for breakfast? Or ever? I wonder if that comes as some sort of ironic punishment for living life as a goy. Sure, you can enter Heaven, but you have to eat bagels and knishes, play with dreidels, light candles, wear kippot, ignore the two candy holidays, interject your speech with awful Yiddish terminologies, enjoy bad comedians, work at a bank, control the media and whatever other applicable things you were glad you didn't have to spend your life doing. Muslims can do pretty much whatever they want, except they need to occasionally bow in the direction of someone eating a bagel, which is arguably worse.

so many pages.

it appears to be arrangements of comical pictures along rows... "strips," you might call them.
page 45!

stupid pictures V
stupid pictures IV
stupid pictures III
stuppict II I/II
stupid pictures II
stupid pictures I
I'm starting to think there will never be more of these.

Yes, the guestbook is still here!

In depth
(alas, they cannot swim)

I do not approve.
irrational complaining about my television set
Dennises are dead to me
This page is not about shoes.
I hate shoes.
something award related

Those Green Eyes again
More valid but unfunny Disney criticism
Biggest Loser
Mall Blandness
2004 advertisement complaint world championship
Mall Egadness
Las Vegas
Spiderman 2
Jope and Dopes
These Green Eyes
Game Over
Mall orneryness
Movies I'm not going to see
Back fashion school to
Movies Make Me Mad. Moreso.
Official pizza of Nascar
Michael Jackson
Free Speech
Film Critics. I hate them.
Coconuts. I hate those as well.
Independence Day
Some time in July 2001

Video games in depth
(alas, submerging them shorted out their circuits)

Spirou part 1
Spirou part 17
Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure! There, I said it!
Kirby part 1
Kirby part 2
Kirby part 3
Dynamite HeaddY?
McDonald's Treasureland Adventure
Pac in Time part 1
Pac in Time part 2
when do you think?
Air Fortress
Super Widget
Back to the Forest
Tintin and the Prisoners of the Sun
Bip Bop II
2001, a space waste
Barney's Hide and Seek "Game"
too late to make a difference
Moraff's Dungeons of the Unforgiven
before the one above it
Super Games Galore! Doy!

Quasi-monthly arranging of briefer things

The Rest 00
04/29/01 to 08/02/01
The Rest 01
03/28/02 to 06/01/02
The Rest 02
06/15/02 to 10/01/02
The Rest 03
10/07/02 to 01/19/03
The Rest 04
01/23/03 to 04/05/03
The Rest 05
04/09/03 to 05/11/03
The Rest 06
05/22/03 to 07/30/03
The Rest 07
08/13/03 to 09/28/03
The Rest 08
10/02/03 to 11/26/03
The Rest 09
11/29/03 to 12/26/03
The Rest 10
12/29/03 to 01/16/04
The Rest 11
01/28/04 to 03/24/04 somehow
The Rest 12
03/31/04 to 05/07/04
The Rest 13
05/11/04 to 06/17/04
The Rest 14
06/23/04 to 07/26/04
The Rest 15
08/01/04 to 08/27/04
The Rest 16
09/01/04 to 09/29/04
The Rest 17
10/06/04 to 11/05/04
The Rest 18
11/12/04 to 12/07/04
The Rest 19
12/14/04 to 01/13/05
The Rest 20
01/20/05 to 02/21/05
The Rest 21
02/27/05 to 03/24/05
The Rest 22
03/31/05 to 5/19/05
The Rest 23
05/28/05 to 06/25/05
The Rest 24
07/09/05 to 07/31/05
The Rest 25
8/8/5 to 09/05/05
The Rest 26
09/11/05 to 10/02/05
The Rest 27
10-15-05 to 10/30/05?!
The Rest 28
11/06/05 to 12/02/05
The Rest 29
12/12/05 to 12/30/05
The Rest 30
January 2006
The Rest 31
February 2006
The Rest 32
March 2006
The Rest 33
April 2006
The Rest 34
May 2006

The Rest 35
June 2006
The Rest 36
July 2006

whatever else

Awards this website hasn't won
Embarrassing pictures part 1
Embarrassing pictures part 2
The same
The Annotated Umiliphus
11/24/04, (I can only justify this by calling it an experiment, so I shall)
Poetry Page
The same

I sez:
Well well well. You have some nerve showing up here. Do you have something to say, or are you just going to loaf around unfustifyably occupying space like that scoundrel animal last month? No. Get out of here, dope. You don't even have a name, you're just a dope. You are not welcome. At least the stupid proud animal pretended it didn't know I was here, but for you to blatantly acknowledge me and disobey my commands is inexcusable. Why do you have ears? No one would want to talk to you, save for the sort of thing I am doing right now. Even then, you're so stupid, the most you ever do is look at and smile at whoever is addressing you, and no one wants that! Everyone hates you! As I see it, you have nothing at all to smile about, so stop! Leave. dope, you need to learn to respect and never acknowledge your betters. You're so dumb, you don't even know how to breathe. If you did, you couldn't, because your nose is purely ornamental, (in much the same way as a propellor beanie hat) Between the scoundrel animals with no nose and the ones with no nose function, I am quite fed up. It's not enough to have a nose. The nose needs have a purpose, dope. Your very appearance is obscene! While it is true you possess nothing resembling reproductive organs of any sort (and for that we are grateful in many ways, just not to you), that which a person may cry "foul!" at the sight of and demand be covered, I mean that just the whole of your stupid self is too frightfully, disgustingly stupid to be looked at, and hereby order you to wear a full body coccoon at all times or even better get run over by a tank. If you do not obey, you will be beaten severely. And even if you do obey. At what point does a dope go from deserving a beating to requiring a beating? I don't know, but you passed it a long time ago, fool. Whoever decreed that you dopes have a right to live was dangerously misinformed. You must be stomped out, stomped on, and tossed in a trash compactor. If elected, I will make this happen. How are we losing the war on dopes? It is not as if they fight back. War on dopes? More like moron dopes. How dare it have those ears! How dare it. Those ears are a felony! dope, are you aware that your ears are in violation of federal law? If you do not cut them off they will be cut off and you will go to jail. You will go to jail anyway just for having had them and also your other numerous crimes, but your sentence will get longer with your disobedience. I don't know why that law was made, but I fully understand and support it. Hey, why aren't you green? The rest of the page is green. It's not like you know what color you are, so why would you be blue? I drew you with a single-(gray)tone pencil and you only had color after entering a computer program! You can easily be any color at all! This is most infuriating.
a dope
The above message represents the words and thoughts of me, since the dope has none.