All kfc famous bowls will get you are famous bowels. Ha ha ha ugh.
We might as well toss it all in a blender and make a convenient drink. And do you know anyone who eats like that? People in ads always engulf their food in such unconvincing, often gross ways. They do the same thing with hot dogs* and Snickers Bars. First, they hold it sideways, in a Price is Right inspired position. Then they open their mouths really wide in a “wlahhhhw” fashion and slowly grind down on the thing and pulsate their mouths around while nodding their heads as if to say “oommmm hoommmm!” Who has time for that? I never did that. Even when I was six years old and I always loudly exhaled “ahhhhhhh!” after drinking Coke from of a can I didn’t do that.
*actually, I think the proper way to eat hot dogs is sideways. What I mean is that people hold the things upright, which is sideways from the most efficient way of eating one. Ehhh.
In the rare instance people not from the 1970s are shown eating the titular product (“Kentucky Fried Chicken”), they’re always holding it at opposite ends the way nobody does and smiling kookily even though it’d be impossible to take a satisfying bite out of with such a weak grasp. If you tried you’d drop it. I just thought I’d mention that.
I realize that in the making of ads like these people typically have to pretend to eat continuously throughout a day of filming because… they’re obviously really bad at making it look natural and so require a lot of takes. And yet we still end up with this as a final product. I forgot what my point was. Which is good, because it was a counter-point to what I was already saying. I face quite enough doubt already without adding my own.
There’s always room for doubt! I’ll see you shown!
But ehhh, I’m tired of KFC scheming up new ways to trick me into buying things from it other than what its name is. If there actually was a KFC within fifty miles of here, I’d make this well known. Get it: I don’t want your “sides!” I don’t want smaller pieces of chicken! I don’t want more paper and cardboard junk to throw away! This last point is alarmingly and increasingly prevalent among many food servicers. I can’t figure it out. I went to Target, recently, in search of the green Chex Mix, the primary reason I go to Target. It was not present.
There was CHOCOLATE Chex Mix, though, and a pleasant space where the green Chex Mix should have been. Because what better complements a salty savory snack than chocolate? I’m surprised KFC doesn’t put that in the famous bowls. While there are chocolate covered pretzels, I never seem to find them in my mouth.
And when I say “green chex mix” I mean the “hot m spicy” variety, not apple cinnamon, which is also much more ridiculous and much easier to locate.
I don’t even know what to do with one bag, and now I have two!
And no, the suggestions printed on the bags concerning what to do with the bags don’t help. If it was up to me,
I would have figured you out you wouldn’t be trying to give me plastic bags. In conclusion, Target without good Chex Mix is Wal Mart, and I don’t need to travel to Old Saybrook or wherever to find one. Also, this.