I’m surprised the senate doesn’t get more done when both parties are led by the same person. As I get all my news from The Daily Show (whose stories are a day late which I witness a week late), liberal-leaning online acquaintances being outraged at stuff and whatever is on Google News Canada’s front page when I search for art titles, I confess I’m a tad behind on my government. At this time I was trying to find out who the Republican guy is that looks like Sir Thomas Lipton, and I came to the wikehhhpedia page about senate leaders. At the top of the page is the majority leader. First I thought “what, that guy’s a democrat? I see him on internet television and always think he seems like…” and then scrolled down to see “oh THAT guy” conveniently before I had time to consider whether I had any specific memory of him doing something I hated with which to finish the other thought or if I merely imagined that he must have. And THEN I thought “what, the democrats hold a majority? Somebody should tell them.” It is worth noting that Mitch McConnell has a smaller portrait but a substantially more pronounced head, accompanied by a phallic power symbol. And then I figured out I was looking for Bobby Jindal and changed the subject. However, in the process of changing the subject several hours elapsed, and now I have sleep to do.

Phreego, it was a sham! What a fool I’ve been! This angry bearded man is obviously not going to be having any of that.

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I should add that my remark about “being outraged” was unrelated to the recent Wall Street protests in which I’m told people got beaten up for no reason; I didn’t realize people were outraged about that yet and thus wasn’t aware of it. I wish more people would protest the stock market. I wish they’d protested it 12 years ago back when people were paying America OnLine millions of dollars because it seemed like it might make millions of dollars some day. All these krippendorfuses trading imaginary money and it doesn’t even come in pretty Monopoly colors think they’re better than us? I can’t stand it. I want to go and see if there are any recently broken windows and then throw potatoes through them.

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also by 2014 it became apparent to me that despite being different people supposedly pushing opposite agendas they seem to be rather inseparable, and only pretending to disagree to further the cause of not accomplishing anything.

I’m so used to seeing stupid anthropomorphisized fruit in my supermarket photograph collections that I must have momentarily forgotten how incredibly strange these look when I mentioned them last week. No doubt that was a factor in my deciding to take the picture in the first place, however. Instead of unfeasible cartoon eyeballs they or an unknown party (perhaps each other?) have ripped out pieces of their own skin and shaped that into cruel, functionless mockeries of eyeballs. The nugget fiends don’t seem to mind, but it is often the case that a shriek of joy temporarily shares a facial expression with unfathomable horror.

What makes these nuggets “au some?” I can find no reason for the spelling/spacing liberties here, unless it’s related to the nutritional ennui that leads a person to pick up a box of fruit nuggets.

Howdy. May I help you? Fruit, you say?

Ey I ain’t no health nut, I just want something fruit-y.

au, have some nuggets.

“Made From 66% Real Juices & Fruits.” Fife, I eat gummy bears which are made from 0% anything good, so maybe I ought not to complain. And then it lists all this no trans fat, no artificial colors statistics. But at some point there’s no excuse to not just eat real fruit. “24 .06 ounce Pouches” This is a good alternative to other pouched fruit products, but there shouldn’t be any pouched fruit products for whom product is a necessary disclaimer.

And now, all new* nuggets the drink. *Apart from this picture being old and my having forgotten I had taken it four years prior to the other one.
Fruit juice is for squares. We want juice FROM squares. From the nuggets that are made from part of the juice of the fruit. The orange is gone because the apple ate it and absorbed its powers and colors, because the apple is secretly Megaman. You might claim that Megaman doesn’t eat his foes. However, usually his enemies aren’t fruit, and massive complex robots wouldn’t just disappear upon defeat, even after being fried with high density heat projectiles that would potentially render tiny organic objects into vapour-like particles. That’s basic physics. Megaman must have eaten them. It reminds me of a long forgotten webpage by someone known simply as “The Heretic,” who theorized that Luke Skywalker’s tremendous increase in Jedi powers between Star Wars events is owed to him having eaten Yoda, and that’s why Yoda’s body dissolved as Yoda became dead. Luke exhibits powers even before Yoda’s death, because in fact he ate Obi Wan Kenobi as well. He did this from across a corridor through some means that I neglected to recall but that The Heretic no doubt described in satisfactory detail. I look forward to seeing this on Cracked.com as soon as they find two more Amazing Star Wars Cannibalisms [I] Never Knew Happened or manage to get the one spaced over three ad-laden pages and phrased in a strictly informative tone.

Nuggets are also an Excellent Source of Antioxidants. Do you know what else is?

Candy. Why do we eat anything else? Well actually raisinets are a “natural” source of antioxidants. Like always there are specific legal controls on the use of otherwise nonspecific terminologies the likes of “good,” “great” and “excellent.” As we’ve already observed, the nuggets also meet the minimum requirement for “natural” which can’t be very high. Thankfully nobody can tell you how flashy you may make the graphic announcing your abomination’s bond with nature.

Raisinets also won an award for being in a room with busts of guys wearing chef hats. I like the idea of one of them laboring over a huge steaming pot with a dinkity little raisin it.


Although some prestiges elude even raisinets. There are “golden” raisins, yellow of color, in the world, but this award is reserved strictly for results that taste like jewelry. The only way to achieve that is to wear raisinets as jewelry, and then to hope they will have the courtesy to continue tasting like themselves. Yes this was a good day to criticize the humor content of other websites that one or more of my favorite internet people find favorable or write for.

and this…! Ah bosh you probably can’t tell at this resolution. Let me see if I can get a more clear picture.

This I absolutely cannot condone. I shall say no more on the topic today.

dopes, should be illegal | How to lose a guy in (4) days | !

It’s a pity that I make this website entirely for free. If I was paid for the deed, I’d have long since been fired for missing deadlines and then I wouldn’t feel compelled to do it anymore.

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Well I’m glad somebody does.
Maybe then I’ll be allowed to stop.

I’ve only heard it twice today –across approximately three minutes– and I’m already sick of the FOX FOOTBALL commercial break fanfare. Popular culture has no respect for instrumental music. If we hear it at all it will be three seconds long and looped endlessly. without variation, just right to be rapped or barely sung over. We have to marginalize it and restrict it, else people might realize that it’s a valid and functional art form and thousands of redundant, inspirationless vocalists could be out of jobs.

And the commercial breaks themselves. Yarp, Family Guy’s still ugly. Simpsons are still stagnant/animated at way too high a frame rate for how ugly they are. With the money you spend on these superfluous in-betweening you could get some much nicer artwork, but you never would because this show hasn’t evolved a scrap since I stopped watching it in 1992. Glee’s still grinsufferable. Aw grapes a kidz bop choir singing an irritating pandery song about New York City that I hated even when the real singer sang it. You want to be a millionaire? Be a skinny lady and sing about how great New York City is ha ha GOT EM. I do not miss network television. I do not miss bars. They get along so well together, they probably wouldn’t notice if I stayed home. I also do not miss not complaining about these things. I’ve said all this stuff before and better. Now it’s boring. I need NEW stupid things to inspire me (“these lights” also not cutting it).

Isn’t there supposed to be some government agency in place that keeps the word “natural” out of the vocabulary of nugget peddlers? Even for Florida, a land where a town can be a wholly owned subsidiary of the disney corporation and be built on land that shouldn’t exist (and probably won’t in two years) I think that language is pushing it.

You know, consumer health advocate’s fundamental problem with chicken nuggets isn’t the chicken. I can imagine the meeting…

what can we do to make fruit less wholesome?

Have you tried making it into nuggets?

Good show!

In fact it’s such a good show I declare it shall be a mini-series. This builds suspenses for the next episode and has the added benefit of letting me go to my bed before 2 am when I have junk to do in the morning. I’ll talk about nuggets more next time. Unless I talk about something else.

Ah ha but here you are wrong, my good warlord! I suffer for my rest!

MAN, sleeping in beds is SO HARD.
And now, good NIGHT. IF that’s even POSSIBLE!

I notice this is a lot less interesting a week afterward.

Nobody wants nemitz in their homes, and apparently nature doesn’t want nemitz outside, either.

Last week on Bimshwel, State Street New Haven, Connecticut, Amelica residents were mildly inconvenienced by a dwindling hurricane that actually did damage in other places. I actually made this picture before that even happened and meant to post it on its own, in anticipation of the electricity going out, me thinking that a decent excuse to post an entry of minimal effort, but the electricity went out before I could, and then afterward I no longer had my justification.

Ehhhso the next day more trucks came and went. I considered that the tree may have been declared a cultural landmark that was actually being protected from removal.

12:30pmish: A slightly more organized rabble assembles at the usual meeting place. It’s about time some professionals took pictures of the tree. And this time with video cameras, just in case the tree tries anything.

Here they assess whether an apartment building is tragic-looking enough to film in front of. The sight of me living inside it must have clinched the deal.

Unfortunately I haven’t had local television access in a while so I didn’t recognize the famous Jocelyn Maminta of WTNH Action News 8. Though who would, with those magnificent sunglasses? That is twice as good as Clark Kent’s disguise. I might recognize Al Terzi, even though he defected to WFSB3 which I never watched in 1989. WTNH also hasn’t been called “Action News 8” since around the same time.

The Mayor said some things here, such as that approximately 100,000 manly hours had been expended in this aftermath. He did not clarify how many of the hours were devoted to driving up to stuff and then driving away from it, and if the county accountyants had multiplied this by the number of extra people in the vehicles who weren’t even driving.
I wanted to emerge from my doorway and proclaim something in the vein of

Please citizens, do not be alarmed! We are doing our best to drag this story out as long as possible! We are taking every measure necessary to keep up the illusion that we are the primary victims in this matter that was actually killing people and destroying homes two days before it made us ornery, and continue comparing it to an incident from 1985 that this is in no way comparable to. I am enormously honored to see that you deemed my apartment decrepitated enough to make your speeches in front of.

However, I should inform you that it looked like this before the hurricane, and as far as I can figure those trucks kept coming and leaving because you ordered them not to remove the tree until your schedule allowed you to personally admonish it.
I didn’t. I also just today didn’t go to a free local barbecue because I was terrified at the thought of having to speak to a stranger to get a hot dog. In food service situations it is alright because I can imagine I am paying people to not impose further social obligations on me.

I don’t know who was here with NBC; I assume it was the guy who kept glaring at me like I’d messed up his shot after I chose to emerge from my chamber with a queenly wave in the midst of the mayor’s words to take a picture of this van. I only know that if there’s any justice, it got legally held for ransom towed away and impounded, like what happens if somebody who actually lives here tries to park here. Don’t they know this lot is reserved for

sex limousines?

There are/were some legitimate disaster areas in Connecticut, and even further north in Vermont and such, but New Haven isn’t one. That’s why my parents were evacuated and came to where I was.

As to why they stuffed my kitchen with cucumbers and cans of beans and then left, I’m afraid that’s a personal, family matter and it’s highly inappropriate for you to bring it up.

The mayor should have posed in front of this. It is the apartment above mine. It was also like this before the storm. The people renovating it haven’t finished yet, I guess. They didn’t bother to lock the door to it, either.

I bet the mayor was ecstatic when he found out there were some locales under his juristiction without power. East Haven, my old haven, had some actual wrecked homes to shoot. All New Haven got was a tree that was due to fall over anyway.

Now only the stump is left, but still surrounded, and still presumably dangerous. Or maybe this is meant to be interpreted as a shrine. I thought this would be funny but actually it makes me kind of sad. It’s going to be even harder to park here now.

This is the zone of my previous dwelling, as seen by a picture telephone my mother sent before she rounded up the beans. Thankfully my brother Ibrow uploaded it at the internet through his aggregate-accessory fruit, because Verizon would have charged me twenty five cents if I’d done it.

Two people like that my ancestral home is in peril. The same number of people who historically have liked nemitz. There is no coincidence.

Here is how it looks from another angle. What a catastrophe! Oh and also this was from last year and a regular thunderstorm. This street floods EVERY year. Gobward it’s a good thing I made this story two entries; otherwise it would be lazy of me to use the same non-gag twice. Observe how I started out by implying this place was worse hit than the other place and then I dismissed that as folly. I wrote all this for nothing. It makes me sad. In the future I pledge only to address matters of substance.

Next week: exclusive before and after pictures detailing the tragic effects of a hurricane on disco.