aw naw blippy.
according to legend, recently my mother Thorax was shopping with my slightly-less-recently-turned-six-years-old niece Violin and pointed out this display, then Violin said something like “i don’t like Blippi anymore.” Thorax responded “well maybe it is something for littler kids” and then Violin said “NO, it’s for ALL kids.” However neither turns out to be true, for the boxes here all say
“Not for children under 3 years.” You are either meant to blatantly ignore the safety guidelines associated with this screeching preaching hyperactew or encourage children old enough to know better to partake of his offerings.
I first became aware of blipson 1-3 years ago at a time when Violin was perhaps just entering the target range of these toys and fortunately either they weren’t available or we simply had not come across any. Unfortunately his videos were in ample supply and I had my fill surprisingly quickly, even beside a child who watched the utterly braindead and marketer-approved “baby shark” on a loop. blippo is extraordinarily annoying and creepy. He tries to put forth an “educational” image but it is fake. Even these boxes say “collect them all,” which is a fundamentally uneducational thing to encourage anybody to do at any age.
It seems that many adults also think he was/is creepy but cannot articulate why. I can. I just never had a justification to until he appeared in real space that I potentially have access to. He is creepy because he is phony and gross. Even before I knew he was a shill for mass-produced landfill filler I thought that, though that helps me put it better in perspective. That guy looks like he smells like human fecal matter and apple juice. Largely due to the combination of neon plastic clothes like kids wore in the early 1990s but the full grown man body and the fact that he is never ever fully shaven and his mouth never fully closed. he looks like a mentally disabled adult. which isn’t a crime but I was in special education, as a student, for a long time, and this guy reminds me of some of the more tragic cases, except it’s totally deliberate. including the attire like a parent chose and applied it, the ugly hat that looks like a helmet and worst of all the facial hair. That cartoon drawing of him makes sure to color in the place where his beardling is in a slightly darker color. Not a real beard, just light annoying hair so that he looks dirty. it reminds me of when somebody uses scissors to cut the tag off of blankets or cushions instead of removing the stitching, so there is always tag residue and it is worse than the full tag being there because I KNOW it is there but it can hide. I don’t want to worry about Blippy hiding in my bed when I stay at a motel.
The writer of that other piece annoyed by blippi concedes “He’s wholesome” but he isn’t! He is bad. He’s even named after the sound of swear words being covered up on broadcast television. In actual video blechhi is loud and obnoxious, and again it is totally deliberate and calculated. I think hating something for being deliberately annoying is valid. Even if an annoying thing has ostensibly educational goals. It is not socially educational. Nobody should aspire to act how he acts. And the guy is maybe educational about one tenth of the time, and just being a noisy jackass the rest of the time. The contradictions are maddening. He is childlike but built like some creep who got drunk at your house and passed out on your couch. he is exuberant and innocent yet condescending if you have soda in your house. He is utterly amasculine, but with that ugly forced mini-beard like he is a stock photo of a “rebel entrepreneur,” while dressed and talking like
Tony Barbieri, writer of ‘Monroe,’ Mad Magazine’s worst recurring feature, portraying Jake Byrd, one of Jimmy Kimmel’s numerous worst recurring features. Who is also unforgivably annoying but fortunately not marketed at toddlers and thus never going to get into the toy section of a department store.
I had to delete the email that I forwarded to myself with the store photograph in it just because seeing his sleaze makes me so uncomfortable. I mean blippy’s sleaze, not byrd’s, but byrd would also have to go in the mercifully improbable same situation. And then I avoided looking at the picture between then and today, and realized I initially misread, at small size on my mobile machine, the command “let’s roll” as “let’s pop,” and prepared some statements about why “let’s pop” is a stupid thing to say and now I can’t even use that*, and I think that also counts as a valid reason to not like blipli. Certainly it is better for his case that he isn’t commanding children to pop with him, but I don’t want him commanding children to do anything with him. I’m not saying I think he is a sexual predator, but I would only be about 5% surprised if he was. But I also am never surprised when anybody who gets rich off of youtube videos turns out to be one of those or a neo-nazi, and it seems like they all eventually do.
Isn’t it fundamentally un-wholesome of me to encourage such a strong rejection of someone, especially an ostensibly educational persona, based on how they look and sound? Not if the rejectee is only pretending to look and sound that way. blippi is deliberate, blippi is an act, by an actor, and I have every right to disapprove of that act simply on the basis of its outward appearance. And as noted he’s also selling toys designed to look like him now.
Say what you must about Michael Jackson, but dressing like a clown, having a ferris wheel at his house, having a life-size cardboard cutout of Peter Pan in his bed room, that wasn’t an act, that was real, and everybody could see it, and they STILL let their kids sleep next to him. It is bizarre now that youtube actors in a sense emulate some of Jackson’s weirdness on purpose and they still get encouraged for it.
*
what does “let’s pop!” mean? surely this is not encouraging children to overinflate themselves, but I don’t know what else it might mean in this context. it reminds me of when TNN The Nashville Network realized Nashville, Tennessee, after which it was named and at whose residents it was aimed, was just one place that people in most other places didn’t care about and rebranded itself “the national network” and used the slogan “we’ve got pop!” and it failed because that is stupid and meaningless and STILL didn’t make anyone forget that the N really meant Nashville, then they turned into Spike TV because spikes are always marketable. Someone in chicago was once murdered for popping, I know that much. So at least start with the ringleader.
actually I am glad I can’t use that, and it is fairly lame and poorly realized, and as much as it’s blippi’s fault I can’t use it, it’s also blippi’s fault I wrote it.
I KNOW it isn’t my fault! Just tell me WHAT went wrong instead of whimpering at me.
1930s technology is apparently more reliable. I would rather my niece watched old Popeye cartoons than Blippi; these are more realistic depictions of actions and consequences. None of those shallow twenty first century values of phony smiling fake-kindness, conflict avoidance and ultra polished blemish free cowering-from-controversy garbage
You know what, I’m busy, I have to get ready to not have thanksgiving.
I actually wrote about these cartoons over a year ago but since they are apparently rightfully unpopular they never came into my business again after the first time and I forgot they existed and didn’t finish.
This is SMART living because you would be a FOOL to pass up a chance to own a GOLD pumpkin
These must be the only three people who could beat him up. The emasculated quivering coward begging for quarter that only WE knew. Or maybe they are just more familiar with the beardless version shown here, which admittedly I am not.
He looks like he is fed up with people prank calling his office and asking for Matt Damon
Before this goes any further i need you to understand that vegetables most certainly canNOT beans.
Not in AMERICA, anyway. go to europe if you intend to engage in that sort of hedonistic rubbish.
You know what, go wherever you want, just go away from me.
the best thing about a world wide pandemic isn’t political parties making ignoring safety precautions a left or right-wing issue, it is definitely there being no clear end to the thing so that corporations have plenty of time to mass-produce smirky merchandise that just accept pandemic life is a given and here to stay. I expect these are produced by workers only kept about six inches apart.
i realize this is the future and I am not supposed to laugh at people with impairments anymore but I am going to laugh at Mighty Sight anyway. oh haha.
I just indicated it is improper to laugh at impairments, but that doesn’t mean you should be PROUD of not having ears. And it seems shortsighted, though mercifully not eyeless, as this creature doesn’t have limbs either!
but I am idding of course; seen from the front this whatever-this-is actually says “FEARLESS,” which makes even less sense since lacking ears, arms and your entire lower body is a valid plight to fear. If I assume this is just meant to be representative of the full-bodied character in its original feature Frozen film context it still doesn’t make sense, as much of the plot of the film is a consequence of this character being totally afraid. First of turning people into ice, and then being afraid of having turned everything else into ice instead, and then the writers were afraid of making this insanely marketable character into an actual villain, and so rolled some dice to arbitrarily assign “villain” to another character with almost no development 75% of the way through the film, even though he never created a giant evil snow monster out of nothing and tried to kill his own sister with it, or worse, another smaller snow monster that is voiced by patron saint of shrill mediocrity Josh Gad thereby transforming him into an inescapable, insufferable media presence after this film grossed over a billion dollars, and then pre-emptively ruining the first movie Rick Moranis agreed to appear in after almost 25 years grape grimpity.
hey look it’s Terry Bradshaw, that guy from commercials, bad talk shows and SHINGLES. Apparently he also played the American footed ball a long time ago, but is still evidently the most recent marketable nfl player without any major criminal convictions who hasn’t been killed by injuries the league insisted weren’t a big deal or their responsibility whenever the prior statement is proven false. Likewise he probably doesn’t eat chicken nuggets, definitely never did at such a time that he was “prep[aring] for the win,” and appropriate enough isn’t eating any in this picture, but he doesn’t mind if you do! And he doesn’t mind if you don’t since he already got paid.
He never puts any Red Man Chewin Dabacca in his mouth either. Red Man Chewin Dabacca, it’s like taking a big bite of an indigenous person and then spitting it out.
11-16-2020 these have perhaps been among the most surreal three days of my life, and yesterday was definitely the most tiring. but it continues. “because of covid” can be used to justify pretty much any arbitrary delay or disposal of function
/////////////////////////////
11-15-2020 a lot more of that than i expected! no a proper website piece is not popular. also this house is freezing. the new house shouldn’t be freezing. also today is my mother’s birthday and I have not done anything about that either! and I actually meant to! this is not a good house for doing what I mean to do!
///////////////////////////
11-14-2020 i will be probably assisting in loading a truck to finally commence really moving out of this house, after more than six years after the first attempt to sell it. I like to imagine I will feel more in control of my existence once all that is done with, and will do something more useful with it, maybe even with this!
///////////////////////////
Why isn’t the LAMEstream media reporting this?
or maybe he meant a parking lot.
no, seriously? he won days ago, dorks. I believe it is in fact quite common for votes to not all be counted for days, but to have so many states without a clear majority which the trailing party cannot mathematically overcome is uncommon, yet still not unprecedented. Media being afraid to project a winner, that is new. Still it was undeniable by yesterday except to career-denialists. As somebody who lives most of my life in denial, I can recognize that!
I don’t see a point to gloating about Biden prevailing since Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell got re-elected clean, so them and their ilks can still obstruct progress like always, and Trump is still the president until January 20. Biden isn’t anyone’s first choice, probably not even his, and anyone with high expectations will likely be disappointed. Plus the covid is still out for blood, and all the people who weren’t helping before will continue not helping.
Election day eve update: Joe Biden is still not cool. And less new than ever.
I can believe Biden abused his political position to meddle in a foreign government’s business to get his family money. That’s about the only thing Trump hasn’t abused his position to get, because he spent his entire professional life accumulating wealth through abuse.
I don’t think Biden belongs in this position. I think he was forced upon voters even harder than Hillary Clinton was, long before any campaigns even started. However, I can at least believe some things that he says. I can believe that he wants to improve something, anything.
in 2016 I thought: eh Trump is in, I will see what he does, in this role, and not pre-emptively condemn him and panic over unsubstantiatable rumors. Now I have seen that he dodges responsibility, lies about everything, insults everyone, same as before, and almost worse, is applauded for that. If he has real plans for things that matter, I can’t tell.
the Obama administration before that, while superficially an improvement over its predecessors, failed to end numerous bad Bush-era policies, greatly increased the numbers of drones in combat, couldn’t control the police, installed an incomplete health care system…Trump hasn’t really changed much, if any of that, for the better.
Biden MIGHT be different from Obama, and not necessarily worse. But Trump will be the same as Trump. Nothing he has ever done makes me think he means at all well in his screw ups. So based on that I can prefer one over the other. That is about as much optimism as I can manage! I still wouldn’t vote for either of them, but I will vote for somebody.
gosh the connecticut ballot is worse than I thought this year.
11-2-2020 522pm: i make political posts regularly on the twitter website and it never gets me anywhere, since while I have nothing pleasant to say about Trump I can’t bring myself to praise Biden, either, and nobody cares if you have nuanced thoughts or doubts. and anyway the GARBAGE is so constant I don’t have time to make proper website posts about it, which is thus probably for the best!
//////////////////////
the comic strip pages that “will” comprise “book 4” have been touched up, re-lettered and reordered to mostly an extent that I feel is adequate. I say mostly because I decided actually getting them sorted out and in order and on the website and pushing down the previous utterly un-art-related website entry but that might appear to a casual observer as if I was taking credit for the plumbing company marketing I was actually complaining about was more important than correcting every single ancient graphical blemish that I just today realized I hadn’t fixed yet.
Also there are now thirty pages! It still seems like too few but it is more than there were.
as previously noted, there are two new pages, meant to come after what had previously been 62 and is now 49, but not immediately after, thus it being pushed back 13 spaces. There is also a new half page, partially on what is now 56 and what is now 60 but only of the existing very crowded content being spaced out more, and then the section ends a half-page later than it previously did, to rest on an actual revelation and not the robot idea that I ultimately did nothing with, still working out to end at the end of a page due to the restructuring I already mentioned!
consequently the next section starts a half page later than it previously did, but I filled the half page in a way that I initially hoped would aid clarity and presentation but may not have accomplished that, but since nothing was removed to make room for it, it does not necessarily make a great deal less sense than before.
I was yesterday made aware of this via a blurry phonetograph of truck spotted on the highway:
the 1990s deviantart-anime-webcomic mister t logo and slogan were bad enough, but the doofus narrator actually says “we pity the stool” in what I assume is a mr.t impression voice at the end of this terrible video. As a profoundly white being myself I, personally, don’t care if a white guy wants to try and impersonate a black guy’s voice if he happens to be good at it, but this one is very bad at it.
what is with this drawing? Am I supposed to want this guy to come to my house and beat up my pipes? And risk getting his jewelry dirty?
I am sure the company has a lawyer that assured everyone involved, first of all, that “#1 plumber in connecticut” is an ambiguous enough set of words to not need to strictly be proven, and also that “a-team” is a generic phrase uncopyrighted with regard to plumbing, and that as long as the cartoon is vague and is never explicitly identified as being a representation of Lawrence Tureaud akadaka “Mr. T” this is totally legal and acceptable. It is still stupid and embarrassing and not sure if it is targeting 50-70 year olds who would actually have watched the a-team and own homes now or 30-40 year olds who knew Mr. T as a proto-meme (in my case twenty years ago literally drawn over a proto-man) and were aware that he said “i pity the fool” about something on some occasion but probably rely on a landlord or equivalent entity to deal with broken home infrastructure, but in neither instance would he be associated with quality leak-fixing services.
And as far as I can tell, T’s character B A Baracus never wore gold chains on The A Team nor vowed to pity fools, but that doesn’t matter; the point is that I don’t know what the point is.
the website makes absolutely no mention of the logo, Mr.T or anything to do with the a-team television program (nor thankfully the insufferable yet equally unrelated to the tv show or plumbing ed sheeran song), but does appear to be promoting that its employees are pushy and looking for silly things to charge you for.
Benjamin Franklin makes much more sense because he was historically about three feet tall and did carry around a wrench almost as big and crawl about in human waste dressed in goofy 18th century government garb and a wig.
i presume this all started when some university dork saw an ad for an “a-1 plumbing” service and then thought
why does a french fry truck need an obnoxious star trek reference –that I only know IS a star trek reference from witnessing so many obnoxious references to it– as its name and slogan? the same reason a plumbing company needs a confused Mr. T reference: it doesn’t but the boss said it had to.
it apparently no longer says “resistance is futile” on the webpage or the trucks but the rest of the goony text mess remains. I would assume this guy also made Streptococcus Paiella with A-Team plumbing’s artist if I didn’t remember that it doesn’t exist because I made that page myself as a joke. Clearly I missed the point of life and everything that is a joke to me is a potentially lucrative business. “Jon” talking about himself talks like I did on web pages that I soon after hoped and stopped short of praying would eventually be purged from existence because everybody rightfully hated me for talking like that. I tried to stop being a corny idiot instead of doubling down on it and having the money to buy a truck lying around.
I never ate cinnamon toast crunch as a child or adult nor actively sought memes so perhaps that limited my mind from entering the contentedly mediocre state necessary to lose all shame and shill at everyone I know to get them to finance my grand bland garbage aspirations, and now the living embodiment of that has been US president for almost four years, and people in my own family that I never asked for money voted for him and look forward to doing so again. But I do not request pity; save that for the stool.
a robision for cyanic of Sudo the Caralynx, having been ambushed by dopes in a jungle setting
I have no idea why somebody would pay me to draw their character getting hassled by dopes. If I were a morally upright sort perhaps I would decline but I prefer this to being asked to draw morbid obesity fetish that swears it isn’t a fetish-art or morbid-dullardry fetish animal people wearing jeans pants and drinking coffee. Also since i theoretically “created” dopes I don’t need to look up references to draw them properly, and know that in fact no dope is proper.
ehhhhdit: yes it looks better after today’s alterations but I feel uninclined to replace the video right this moment!
///////////
a fairly annoying video. i under-estimated how noisy it would be, since I had increased the frequency with which they make noises in order to ensure they were making noises at the correct times, and then only recorded in rooms that contained about fifty of the dumb things. particularly the ignoble noise they emit after being defeated is conspicuous here, playing at intervals of 8 to 64 game-time units rather than 256 to 1024, and one of the sounds it can play is louder than I thought it was.
because the sounds themselves were recorded between 2003 and today, in sometimes less than adequate accoustical circumstances, because I couldn’t find the thing that lets me use a microphone with this incredibly shoddily designed combined earphone/microphone port, or it was before I had a microphone at all. I have both now, thank you, good luck.
I will hopefully give them a means to explode when hit with exploding objects since that they lack one here doesn’t seem at all fair.
wurf this took long enough.
two supplemental pages for book 4 of this, showing something that is mildly alluded to later, since I introduced the idea of these dumb blobs so long ago without a plan, thinking a plan might arise, and then it never did and I forgot about them for a while. They are placed as 63 and 64 for now just so they will come after 62 but I want to put 62 earlier.
what is presently page 3-01 i may break into two pages since it is too cluttered for what it shows and it may work as 2-65 instead so the book gets and extra page, and then also i can end on a revelation with actual implications rather than the lurking robot since that ultimately is a non-issue.
Somehow it took me two weeks to draw these pages even though hardly anything is happening. The machine design was frustrating and I worried it looked too simplistic, yet the pages are still hopelessly cluttered. In fact I had a totally different idea for this insert from august 2019 but then COULDN’T FIND IT nor any sort of script describing it when I finally got around to dealing with it a year later, until a few days ago when I was looking for something else. And I couldn’t remember anything ABOUT it, either. In fact I eventually convinced myself I hadn’t made it at all in order to make myself give up looking for it. That it was too long to fit on one page is the SOLE detail that I recalled and that prevented me from totally believing it didn’t exist. I seem to have more anxiety about things not fitting on pages than what they actually are.
What this IS, whatever it is, it does not completely contradict what I did use, so it can be used as a foundation for a similar page later. probably for the best that I didn’t find it, for the book 4 spot, since this openly shows (or would once it was drawn better) kumquat becoming kaklabesk, and also some baser form which i have no recollection of designating as part of the process. since i fussed so much over the way i presented kumquat being kaklabesk in recent “book 6” pages, inserting an earlier page where i show it more blatantly would seem counterintuitive. Which would also be consistent since nothing I do is intuitive but there is still plenty on today’s pages that doesn’t work so don’t be concerned about that.
9-13-2020 addender:
I only added the panera logo yesterday after having to drive a car somewhere and seeing repeated mentions of Panera and I considered that I feel more insulted by panera than mcdonalds; selling junk of a comparable quality and nutrition level but with a pretentious attitude of “this is REAL food for SMART people” and they don’t even have chicken nuggets so it definitely had to go in here, even if it is apparent as a late addition.
////////////////
click for needlessly larger image
this is not meant to be: i hate all this stuff and we can’t be friends if you like any of it; i probably hate 75% of this stuff and generally I can only be friends with anyone as a remote exception. It is more about a system that inhuman but ostensibly run by humans constantly pushes forced hype and enthusiasm for brands as if this is organic rather than uncompensated labor for corporations that can afford to pay for it.
I don’t like paid promotion either but that is correctly identified as “advertising.”
admittedly I primarily get nfl rubbed in my business off the internet, but I have had a LOT of nfl rubbed in my business. Although I would not be recognized as a legless naked orange mutant off the internet.
Or put another way, the same thing i have been saying incessantly for 15 years presented in a sadder, more defeated manner. I look forward to feeling inspired to say something else!
Don’t make me put bandai or whoever’s logo in there. please. there isn’t space for it.
Purplespace sez:
Do you own the gold pumpkin or does it own you?
November 16, 2020
Charmlatan sez:
Moving is quite the pain at any other time. I can’t imagine what obstacles are making...
November 1, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
I am always glad if somebody notices my mouse-over text! especially since years ago the...
October 31, 2020
ARandomKid sez:
I definitely agree with you there, I just seem to remember every site I looked at having the...
October 31, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
I doubt Moraff ever pursued software piracy very diligently, if at all. I used to be worried...
October 31, 2020
ARandomKid sez:
Well. Seems full versions are far easier to find than I remember. Game is just as great as I...