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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany with tentatively-named Beans Cunningham
February 2, 2016
In the 1980s, Velveeta used the advertising jingle, “Colby, Swiss and Cheddar, blended all together” in its US television commercials to explain its taste and texture, because at that time genuine cheese was used in its recipe.[7]

page 10 of part 3 of this strange comic strip.

I am not even going to pretend I know anything about cooking. I think it might push this series more in the direction I want it to go if I am honest about what I do not understand, also.
I should also be honest that I am terribly amused when somebody gets poked in the nose.

And initially the item was square-shaped and being removed from an oven, and I like this dialog line better with “oven” in it, but since I didn’t at any point show it going into the oven, I could not make that work with the pot I have already shown being fixated on. It shouldn’t even be important enough to mention but I literally have too much anxiety to sleep lately over dumber things than that. The fact that I did not previously draw an oven into the same room was thankfully of less concern to me.

Also I keep forgetting to mention that the first book can be bought from here. Or rather I wanted to make a longer post about it, but I also wanted to wait until after I made another post explaining that weird “maybe I’m a lion” post, so that they are buried together, and I have been unable to find a shovel big enough.



January 29, 2016
her losses at bridge cause many anxious moments


I think you are missing the greater message here. Also you may need to trim your carpet.

I was concerned I had forgotten how to draw with with clean colors and non-blurred lines. Now I am yet more concerned that I have not.



January 22, 2016
The system has a few bugs here and there, but its not flawed.


NOW you’re bringing that up? You really should have solved that problem before we got this far!

Eh well I must remember that old saying: Big plans, pigs for hands. I just made it up but in a few years it will be old! It will be a classic like drink in sand, feet in hand, and all the more impressive since your hands will now be pigs.

This is what my real art looks like now. I need to remind people now and later that my natural tendency is to draw things with no bearing on reality and even less on socially acceptable non-realities. The fact that this is somewhat clumsily drawn is not an allusion to the expression “ham-handed” which means to be bungling or unskilled; I assure you it is not a terminology I use and consequently I forgot that it existed. I think somebody who actually had pigs for hands should not even be expected to not be clumsy, and so criticizing them for it would be most unfair. My aggressive opening remark was due to the protagonist announcing the pig hands when we have work to do.



January 18, 2016
If it’s Odine brand, it should be pretty effective! They’re NO. 1 when it comes to magical goods.


Are you not sure who your friends are? Whether you’re a good guy or a bad guy? Do you wish people would shut up about what a hero your deadbeat dad is and how little sense your sword makes?
Maybe you’re not a jedi or a sith at all, and maybe you’re a lion.



January 15, 2016
I do not recommend English families to eat elephant as long as they can get beef or mutton.[3]

This is a very thematically incongruous website!

—————-

This was already half-written when I posted the last one. Backing out was not an option.
I suppose my previous item is more a criticism of “news” in general than the individual humans I mentioned. I am meant to take “news” more seriously than “tabloids” or tv shows about boring people in mansions, but it has no journalistic standards. It promotes the two party political system and the associated agenda of fearmongering. CBS news was on that day instead, but presumably ABC did the same thing: When reporting on the recent, widely publicized San Bernardino murders, carried out by supposed Isis sympathizers, beside the reporter were displayed pictures of convoys of dark-hooded people in deserts riding in jeeps carrying huge guns. San Bernardino is not in a desert! The shooting was done by TWO people, who look JUST THE SAME as anybody else, in a NORMAL city like any other, just as we have HUNDREDS such mass bullet murders yearly. One of those people is from HERE, United Statia. And the other had been here for a solid year, and was considered a permanent resident. We have a murder problem HERE, done by people who live HERE. 3000 angry druids did not drive jeeps across two oceans and start firing freedom-seeking missiles as soon as they touched blessed American dirt, and if they continue to not do that it will not be because Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump or Ronald McDonald stood at The Border, like that is a place, and stopped them.

This San Bernardino mention, I should add, came amidst a story about a man with a KNIFE and a FAKE BOMB who ran into a POLICE STATION in Paris. That idiot had a note declaring allegiance to Isis. That’s the dumbest story I heard all year, and even half a month in that’s saying something. I could duct tape a colecovision to my chest and get shot, too. That I tried doesn’t prove anything, and that you shot me to death only proves that I cannot be questioned. You could shoot me first and write a note that says “I is Isis I hate good guys signed me ps. only true patriots can stop me and prevent forest fires” and I couldn’t stop you. When The News is going to report on stuff like that, they need to present it so that I don’t assume they made it up.

Just this week there was a suicide attack in Istanbul. Isis supposedly claimed credit. First of all, since it was a SUICIDE attack, the attacker is dead so Ladysmith Black Mambazo could claim credit. This story I saw back on good old ABC again, and the graphic showed TANKS this time. Isis is not driving 50 tanks into Southern California to back up those jeeps it also isn’t sending! When are we going to stop thinking of these conflicts in World War 2 terms? This is not us vs them. It is us vs him and him and him and mostly him and her and him and on like that. There is not an organized military infrastructure to target, that tells you when it is coming, and that is itself all on the same “side.” USA is obsessed with world war 2 because that is the last war that it looked good in, because that was the last war it understood at all. Millions were dying in Europe for years and the US came in late to be heroes. It had casualties but not on the level of any other country involved, and consequently learned nothing from the conflict except “we’re always right and we’re always the strongest,” which it already believed. And so all our policy makers grew up continuing to believe that. Network news programs showing me armored hoards advancing in formation in daylight when it talks about murderers hiding in crowds and blowing themselves up has two purposes: to make me afraid, and to make me seek safety in conventional western military counter-measures, and likewise to trust the reports I get of that military’s accomplishment.

Even Nazi Germany was a western power, which used western tactics and western rules. The US does not know how to engage what is actually out there now, but its military industrial complex knows how to keep getting paid to make big dumb expensive things that can fly around and kill random people, and then boast about all the “enemy combatants” that got blowed up. We bombed crucial Isis installations! We killed Al Qaeda’s number 2! We GOT the BAD GUYS! So why are there more bad guys than ever? Either we aren’t really getting anyone, or whatever we are getting is making more guys go bad. We hear about French or Turkish forces striking back after recent supposed Islamic State attacks, but why is there anything for them TO back-strike? Why did they WAIT, and why didn’t they finish?

And we don’t even necessarily have real pilots involved who can personally verify or be held accountable for anything. We are sending robots to kill and trusting whoever runs the robot to tell us what they thought the robot saw.

Even scarier is considering that such an absence of outcome is deliberate, that there is no intention of resolving or concluding conflict. So I am scared anyway, doubting the people who try to make me afraid. And they are afraid. Always terrified that some other country not aligned to American interests will build an atomic bomb, and convinced that any country with the means to do so will, since that is what Americans would do. Americans are afraid of the force that they set the precedent for using.

Which is not to say the US is alone in perpetuating warfare to keep its own interests on top, but as the one with the most soldiers and the most distance and safety from the countries it is trying to control, when this stuff goes wrong we suffer loudest and venge least discriminately.

These are the conclusions I reach, quite on my own, when my information is delivered so clumsily, and the clumsiness seems deliberate. And if

Strictly regarding frivolity that I understand, I previously griped about ABC news devoting extensive coverage to “leaked” Star Wars junk that could only possibly have been leaked by the people who tell ABC news what to report on. Incoming kardashian trashian facts are also desirable, and if there aren’t any, that is still a story. Each winter they report that it’s cold outside. Unless it isn’t cold outside yet, which means they report that it isn’t cold. When Pope Francis was in the US this September, that was the top story for a whole week even though Mr. Pope did the same thing each day of the week, which was to get driven around and address an audience. In fact the same exact stuff he does when he isn’t in the US. No other head of state gets that kind of coverage, but no other head of state has that many followers. So the story wasn’t what the pope was doing or does, just that he EXISTS and how popular he is. And people still think The Media has an anti-christian bias. That’s not it at all. The Media has an anti-substance bias. I pledge to you: If I have nothing to say, it will be nothing about me or nothing of personal relevance. I will not share the nothing of others, and will not ask others to distribute my own nothing.



January 12, 2016
and finish it off with bacon fondue fries

A longer story of my year transition, of which I will tell a remarkably vague and short version, is that I was visiting my father at a hospital(s) from December 28 to January 6, and related duties then resumed or introduced themselves for the first time.

But what is this? Could it be the Yale New Haven Hospital was the point marked on corny cartoon treasure maps all these years? And nobody bothered to dig it up yet?

I’m rich! That means I no longer need to feel like my life is a complete joke when I see things like


This millionaire who is already famous and whose moderately tolerable and occasionally not completely dissonant songs have been played incessantly for the past five years really made the tough decision by agreeing to receive more money to appear in the front page cover story of this magazine about how she doesn’t do that and doesn’t she look so glamorous.

In related news, I have devised a test to determine sanity:



If you have ever spoken to the press about “haters,” even though there are actually people paying you just to do that, then the people paying you are insane. Especially if you only have a first name. If you are being paid just to exist and complain about people who don’t like you, you floating indistinguishable head, then congratulations, you didn’t win, but everyone else lost. Your silver spoon golden calf family gets everything and is not permitted to be criticized. How could I hate that? I should aspire to it. I will work really hard at being born to rich parents next time who can have frivolous surgery on a whim and be praised for it instead of because there is a mass of goop in their brains slowly killing them and without the confidence that they will be financially stable afterward.

This is the best advice I have ever received from a magazine rack.

In the interest of fairness, “Khloe’s” biological father, Robert Kardashian was killed by esophageal cancer at an age 4 years less than my own cancer father currently lives at, although I could say his quality of living has been rather crummy for over ten years, having already dealt with prostate cancer and continues to deal with a loss of motor skills inspired by cerebral ataxia, and he also never volunteered for the Orenthal Jingleheimer Simpson criminal defense team. Perhaps Kabloe makes the point “hey life is hard even when you’re rich careful what you wish for you just might get it mo money mo problems ok guys I’m literally terrified I’ll wake up tomorrow and still be loaded” but since I’d have to buy this stupid magazine and make some effort at comprehending the text to know, that will remain a mystery.

I remember months ago, ABC World News Tonight, at the start of the broadcast and before each commercial break, teasing an update on Lamar Odom’s condition. It was not specified who Lamar Odom was or what was wrong with him, so that his “condition” should be of interest. I listened for the story just to find out who he was, but that information was never delivered. When I looked up Kloby today, I saw that she was married to whom? Lamar Odom. So either I am supposed to know who Lamar is exclusively based on his Kardashian konnection, or the fact that I am supposed to know about him already is what made him kardashian-worthy.


In fact, they supposedly had a tv show together in which both lacked last names and were presumed noteworthy merely through being masses of cells.
Consider: one of the most viewed information programs in the country, if not the world, has 21 minutes to deliver all the information in the world, and it found cause to refer to this random basket-ball player –which, admittedly, is more of a definition than Khloe can achieve– four separate times possibly only because he did sex on a kardashian. And then the story itself was, essentially, “Oh, Lamar? He’s fine.” The dumb teases had as much content as the actual story. The story could have been delivered in the space of the first tease. “Tonight on ABC World News, Lamar’s fine, so we won’t mention him again and waste the time of people to whom he is not important.” But that wouldn’t happen because the news is just as fake as real reality. THAT observation is not even news! Clearly I need to observe less. Which we have established previously, but avoiding all information is not a realistic expectation. So I will try and reach a conclusion on this matter so that I do not not feel so compelled as I presently do, and can change from perpetually reporting on bad reporting that is perpetually unchanging.



January 8, 2016
His refusal to fight for his life left the Michaelsons feeling helpless and hopeless, but Eric’s ability to fly shows them that anything is possible if you believe.


Comments made toward my 2015 summary:

of course I celebrated the same way I always do, with an evening at the theatre.

I think it goes without saying that I am quite depressed!

SHUT YOUR BEAK, BIRD!



January 2, 2016
she hopes the flasher never returns, but if he does, that he keeps his clothes on


2015 in pictures

Ordinarily I post this on the last night of the year. This time I did it on the first night of the next year to give people the chance to recover from my explosive shop rite reporting. Undoubtedly future historians will regard that as the story which defined 2015 so the literal definition of the overall year was less urgent. Nonetheless it must be delivered.


january

february

March

April

may

june

july

august

september

October


November

December




Usually I would say that is everything that happened that year, but I concede that nothing happened at all in a few of those months, and I wish that yet less had happened than that!



December 30, 2015
old fashioned vitamins are out

part one
part two (sort of)
And now a third Shop Rite post! You only get one Star Wars movie this year but I have provided a whole trilogy. Unfortunately I got it at Shop Rite.

Good old African-American Friday. I actually meant to post this that day, but while you were taking a luxurious trip between now and midnight to save $800 on an ex-box, me, I was camping outside Shop Rite to “beat” the rush to save 30 cents on beets and pork and beans.




I commented on this situation previously but neglected to link to the video, which I think is very important.
The Shop Rite Can Can sale happens every year, sometimes twice, and people swear by it. The same recording of the song and the same animation have likewise been recycled, in increasingly edited form, as modern regulations for showing anything outside shoddily edited snippet form require it. According to recently declassified documents, my parents were once invited to spend a week with some let’s call them friends in a cabin in let’s say Maine. One, I will call him Pol, since his name was Paul and I am changing his name to protect his identity, learned that my mother was a vegetarian, but assured her not to worry, since Pol was going to do all the cooking, to “give the ladies a break,” having stocked up at the Shop Rite can-can sale. It should be a heartwarming story but it isn’t because I thought it was the funniest thing I ever heard once I heard it. Shop Rite made me laugh at kindness!

Also, the unseen announcer in this ad from 198x is the same person who still does it. I can only conclude that just IS Shop Rite talking. We do not need to get into the most recent advertising because the latest ends with the on-camera actor proclaiming “now that deserves a happy dance,” one of an ever-increasing number of recent ads inexplicably invoking “happy dance,” and many of them are not even for Shop Rite, possibly indicating a deeper conspiracy that is outside my present jurisdiction.


The “rite” in the name may not merely be “right” misspelled and misapplied… what a fool I have been! The answer is much simpler: Shop Rite refers to an aspect of a ceremony for a religion based on shopping. Without proper shop rites, we will be denied shop salvation.

Shop Rite is so cheap that it doesn’t even give you a chance to call bow tie pasta by its proper name, farfalle.






Shop Rite assumes if it calls the pasta farfalle, none of its intended customers will know the pasta is bow-tie shaped.

Consider that shoprite crumpetitor Shop & Shop has a rinkity dinkity store brand of pasta and a “fancy” brand that is exactly the same but costs more and has a picture of string on it so I’m supposed to think somebody actually giftwrapped this cardboard box of overpriced rinkity dinkety pasta. Imagine if it was your birthday and somebody gave this to you. Anyway, neither of these calls the stuff “bowties.” Also, even though almost everything at Shop Rite is denoted as being marked down, it is often more expensive than the same item at another store. The cheapo Shop Rite bow ties from my trip in 2012 cost 40 cents more than the same quantity box of cheapo Stop & Shop bowties with a less cheap name from this month, and the Stop & Shop is in Madison, the town where my neighbors react with disbelief when I answer no to “this is just your summer house, right?”

Back to bow ties, even knowing that, of course, we are supposed to associate bow ties with classiness, and shop rite is the LAST store you would want claiming responsibility for yours, it is worth observing that- oh deben, something awful just occurred to me. Would you let me see that sign again?

AW NAW! Get it away! Before…

There seems to be a deeper Shop Rite-Bow Tie connection than I ever suspected. I have lost the will to scream. One screams because one wants help and I think none can be forthcoming. This is most worrisome. I may have to go into hiding until next year.



December 25, 2015
It’s too late, dork face. she’s dead.


Dessert Island
I think you may be digging in the wrong place.

I acknowledge that I was raised to deal with christ-mas, that today IS the christmas day and that the picture I posted has nothing to do with christmas.

However, neither does this.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
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pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: February 3, 2016
chesse20 sez:
lol the food is called suffer that’s a good one
January 28, 2016
Indighost sez:
Having pigs for hands seems more socially acceptable than hands for pigs.
January 26, 2016
Frimpinheap sez:
How would you like to lose an eye, carinsurance?
January 26, 2016
carinsurance sez:
Shiver me timbers, them’s some great information.
January 23, 2016
Charmlatan sez:
Flew right over my head.
January 20, 2016
Frimpinheap sez:
That statement about sums up my experience on message forums from 2001 through 2007. All...
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