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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany with tentatively-named Beans Cunningham
November 24, 2015
This is unedited footage of Hallock’s massive appliance outlet

Questionable, thematically-inconsistent greeting cards, $3 each. I posted about it on the facebook page, and I will post it here instead of wondering “should I post it here?”

First of all, each card is printed on to the edge on both sides. A very nice product. People who ordered them last year were impressed at how non-cheaply made the cards were compared to the usual sort of thing they bought out of pity from the half-sane offspring or associates of co-workers. I am contractually obligated to be the first, occasionally only person to say one of my art works is trash, but these cards came out splendidly.

If you for some reason want to buy some, you may communicate with me via email, (, or the note system, or in skype (yirzod) or whatever-else-have-you that also have-I. Please say which cards you want and how many of each.

Timeframe: After the Thank-giving holiday, I will place my own order with the print joint and retrieve the cards. Therefore you would probably receive the cards in early December. If you want the cards sooner, I probably cannot accommodate that at this point. However if you want the cards later, that could potentially work very well for you.

Shipping specifics: Within the United States it should cost about $2.54 to send most orders, since sense suggests use of a rigid envelope. As I hypothetically would earn a bit over a dollar per card, it is difficult to for me to justify covering that cost for fewer than five cards. And then it looks like an extra $5 to ship out of the country, and hypothetically the “free” conditions would be adjusted accordingly. Nonetheless I WILL ship cards to you in Sevastopol if that becomes necessary. But if by some chance fate you can arrange to meet and receive cards from me or a doppelganger directly, then obviously no outside shipping will need to occur at all.

I would probably make more sales if I just said nothing about shipping and let people think they were getting something cheap until they were in too deep to want to back out, like professionals do.

Payment: It can be done through check, paypal or other internet payment system (you tell me; I can never remember what they are called). Local deliveries can also be paid for with cash, gold, certain prepared foods or by pulling a gun on me.

These cards are available now. As the diagram displayed above suggests, types A, B and C are new for this year. Consequently, they have not yet been printed. The printing will occur after November 26, ideally before December 1. If you need cards earlier, then D through J are already in stock. Although only two remain of type J, the public-safety-themed “please merry responsibly.”

And if there is another rectangularly shaped picture of mine that you would like on a card instead of any of those, let me know as soon as possible and I will see about formatting it.

Thank you and good luck.

The facebook post was late, and this is VERY late. I should have posted it sooner than that, but I was not sure if I wanted to. I still am not sure. But two-to-three people have already asked, so I have to go through with it regardless of who else does. My fate is sealed.

Maybe it is sealed like this, but this actually got delivered, so legally it is permissible.

November 22, 2015
She would avail herself very heartily of the free samples

page 9 of part 3 of this
I wish more pages were this simple to arrange. 4 actions, each only needing 3 or 2 spaces.

And here comes a gripe I wrote about the layout that must be irrelevant because I forgot it even mattered until I re-read it just now. But it did matter, so I had better post it so I do not write it again.

The trouble was that I had to reverse the lower frames to make lope right-handed, because kumquat and nemitz are the only left-handed characters. Which is a stupid thing to care about, especially if the beasts aren’t supposed to be human anyway, and have no reason to have the same proportion of right-to-left-handedness as normal people, who often force right-handedness as a standard arbitrarily, if these things even NEED to be “handed” at all. And this is a stupider thing to ruin my composition over. before, the character on the left always talked first and the word spaces made sense, but now they have to be awkward. the other solution would be to switch which hand the creature used in the composition I already had, which would put the hand in front of its head, which would conceal its dumb expressions, which, while dumb, are amusing to me. Either way, the page gets worse due to something nobody would notice. And that I didn’t even notice when I drew it the first time. And I worry about stupid garbage like this instead of real garbage like drawing better or a regular completion schedule. Notice, if you like, that the drawings look looser and scrappier than ones from years ago but that I did not get them done any sooner.

And of course it does not advance the “story” at all. It just replays the “elpse is bothered/worried but forced by nemitz to get over it so that we can continue” process again. Nemitz is a scoundrel.
The next page will almost have some details, and without nemitz’ permission at last.

November 17, 2015
A Biker Mice from Mars video game was released by Konami for the Super Nintendo in 1994. The European version features extensive advertisements for Snickers candy bars.

This notice recently accosted me on the deviant-art website. Obviously deviant-art is a silly website full of trash-marketing-vulnerable adult babies, but everything is –we have bred several generations to whom that is normal– so I can hardly be faulted for lingering there if I linger anywhere. While I do gripe at my getting coercion to become an under-compensated advertising vector for a major corporation disguised as a legitimate opportunity shoved at me, but unique to today I will gripe at the content of what I am to be advertising.

A question: How can I sincerely believe that the friendship is “unlikely” if you already told me it happens? And how can I believe that in any event, based on the past 20 years of animated cinema?

I have seen plenty of human children teaming up with, and usually riding on big misunderstood oafs, human or otherwise. These kids need to get stepped on once in a while to make it seem less likely when they do not.
And there are even more such pairings these where there is a tiny little thing and a big thing but both are considered to be adults. And I have heard tell this is not even the first time a cartoon apatosaurus has taken on strange companions and journeyed forth. It is a functional setup. I grant its right to happen, but not to pretend it is profound.
I am not even here to fuss at any of these movies, specifically (least of all Totoro, whose film did not get an America hype-job until years after its production). For one thing, I haven’t seen more than promotional material for any of them.* But I doubt that any person who did watch these films would sincerely proclaim: I never expected those two to become friends! That twist took me completely by surprise!

*Actually, the book Where the Wild Things Are was in my house during the pertinent period of my development. I recall not being impressed.

And anyway, in this case, I am being instructed to evaluate the film exclusively based on its promotional material. It will not be released to theaters until November 25, five whole days after the contest entry deadline!

To be fair, dinosaurs generally are not big thinkers.

He is intimidating because I say he is. Even though I also said his scar makes it apparent visually, and I included a picture, and so I don’t need to say anything. But I have space and so I must say and say and say!

The contest page is full of character descriptions, terrible artwork and rogue plot details. Essentially I am to base my masterwork on a webcomic cast list. Many details, very little meaning. And if the event organizers believed for T seconds that any development, not necessarily restricted to friendships, were at all was unlikely, they would be cautious about spoiling it for me! They would want me to be surprised. But they actually know that there is no chance I would be surprised. Go into a movie without knowing exactly what’s going to happen? Why that’s Unamerican!

And only americans can enter the contest! I knew a single person who found that Lorax movie at all endearing, and the person lives in Estonia.

My task in this adver-tunity is to donate free promotional “fan” artwork to stir up hype for the thing before it comes out. I am supposed to endorse it, and pledge to it considerable effort, based entirely on stuff I am told about it by another party, without any guarantee of payment, even if it turns out to be garbage that I would not want my name attached to.
How could I, and why should I be a fan of something that isn’t available? How could I know anything about the power of their friendship or the spirit of their adventure? I am suspicious any time somebody has to tell me an adventure happened or is happening.

In fact, another dumb movie where all the exact same stuff as before happens, that you tell me about before I am even eligible to see it: that is the OPPOSITE of adventure. Just as fan art is the opposite of original art! It isn’t even POSSIBLE to do what the contest demands.
Why should I be inspired by what some context-devoid list says each character supposedly is or does? I might as well draw fanart for the Michelin Man. At least that would be by my own inclination. And potentially less ugly. I hate those “eyes too close to each other on the front of the head” pixar character designs anyway, but ESPECIALLY on dinosaurs. “Good” is only in the title as a form of mind control because my natural inclination would be to proclaim these dinosaurs as less than adequate in quality.

The contest also encourages me to view the film’s trailer. Trailers exist to simplify, exaggerate and mislead. And to stop the music abruptly so I know what I am supposed to laugh at. I avoid the Star-Wars previews because I want to see the movie without knowing anything. I avoid the the Good Dinosaur preview because I just plain don’t want to know anything. That does not invalidate my earlier complaint; I probably would not watch the film, but I absolutely would not create a derivative work paying homage to its virtue unless I HAD watched it.

And it probably isn’t as terrible as the advertisement inevitably presents it as, but it most certainly isn’t as good as post-release praise will swear it is. Why try and force me to swallow that in advance? Apart from “because we are getting paid by Disney to hold this contest,” I mean. And that is “we” as in them, not me. Unless I win, which I wouldn’t, because I hate it. “It” as in all that has transpired this evening.

November 11, 2015
and as the convictions piled up, more tough guys started to talk

Self-Defense Portrait

They seem to work well together.

I have not had much time for image production recently! I fear it is evident. However, this one was considerably less trouble than the last evident “art-“themed picture I displayed here.

November 8, 2015
just because your bladder’s changing doesn’t mean you have to

Hey ya’ll, it’s me, boo berry. so I wanna tell you about my cereal? It’s like MADE with boo berries, even though I AM Boo Berry? uh-huhhhhh… yeahhh….. just picture this, ok, like, I’m a GHOST, though, uhkay. I like, ate this stuff, for a long time? And now I’m DEAD????!?!? SOOOOOOOOO….. but trust me, it’s GOOD?????!?!? Like REALLY good????????? like better than FRANKENBERRY even??? If I EAT this stuff where does it GO idk lol XD Check it out, my body is see-through, but not my mouth, even though my mouth is a HOLE. Anyway, this is the perfect cereal for halloween, so like… no seriously that was last week? my bad lol. And these are fruit roll-ups BASED on the cereal? Blowin’ my mind, dude. I guess the fruit in question is uh cereal. Or boo berries I guess. Hey speaking of ROLLING UP… heh heh heh. You can just call me Doobie-rry heh heh. Hey where do you think boo berries come from? Are they also, like, the ghosts of berries? But if you like, made the berry ghosts come out of the berry bodies when you ate the berries, what happens when you eat the GHOST berries? Do they have like GHOST ghost berries? You’re seriously freaking me out, man! I gotta get out of here.

November 2, 2015
you’ll have to excuse me, I’m far too busy to answer damn fool questions like that

I will watch the newest Star Wars film, but I will not watch any trailers for it, however hard or frequently ABC World News tries to trick me into receiving promotion for it immediately before Jeopardy by pretending ads for their parent company’s other properties count as World News. And if during the film I hear the words “viceroy,” “senate” or “files,” as in “only a jedi could have erased those files,” I shall plug my ears during dialog and imagine my own story.

October 31, 2015
In 1687, Daniel Leeds began publishing almanacs. They were like blogs are today.

And above all, have FUN.

There is much more to say about this image! I will work hard to keep myself from doing so!

October 28, 2015
Toads have never been portrayed with their legs showing in game artwork before or after Mario Party

page 40 of this’s redrawings.

I am disappointed that these are not getting any easier even though the base drawings are less incomprehensible overall. There is less figuring for me to do, but just as much redrawing, alas. And still not NO refiguring, since I seem to have kept up cramming in dialog baubles wherever they would fit, and wherever they would not fit long beyond a reasonable time period. Some people can draw a whole comic book in a day, I can barely draw one old page in a month.

However, I have received the proof prints of the first book, all printed and properly bound together for the first time, and it seems like doing that in greater numbers is a viable operation. All this may amount to something, even if not a whole lot.

Somehow, I only noticed after I had redrawn the thing that I never explained, to myself or anyone else, how kumquat has closed the door in the last frame here. The next page certainly does not explain it; kumquat points at a control unit that was clearly not being touched when the door shut. This note is to remind me to shoe-horn in a clumsy retroactive explanation for that next.

Compared to the old version, I had to change the dialog because it was terribly out of character for elpse to not scream at or attack somebody who admitted to hurting nemitz on purpose.
The lizard’s first appearance is also out of character, but since that takes up two rows, it is hard for me at this point to think of something else that should go there. Since I inserted a page before here where elpse gets angry at someone for hurting nemitz who did not even do so, this page is harder to ignore.
Although maybe I would have made more success if I didn’t try to justify everything and just wrote an anarchy story. Nobody ever said to me: I like this comic strip but sometimes the characters have inconsistent personalities. But generally if people don’t like something they just keep quiet so I have to anticipate what they are having a problem with.

One good thing to come of the print attempt that I can apply immediately, is that it forced me to figure out exactly how much space I “have.” A long time ago I measured a comic book that I had and based my space usage on that, not considering that the book I measured might have had a reason for not printing to the page edges. And as I changed the paper I drew on, and its orientation several times, my proportions got further warped. Now I match them to a template provided by Ka-Blam, the print company, which I presume is consistent, at least, with what other north american printers are using.

The version I had here for years is either too narrow when scaled to the height of the template, leaving “live” space on the sides, or too tall when scaled to its width, entering the forbidden margin zone. Narrow is actually fine, since extra live space will be filled in exactly the same as the margin space. What is wrong with drawing in the margins? They MIGHT be cut off, due to natural shifting while printing or cutting across many documents. And the bleed WILL be cut off in any event. So why can’t the computer just choose to NOT print into the bleed since it knows exactly where that is? Don’t bother to ask anybody that question, since they will pretend you are asking something else and treat you like you are rubbing a doughnut on your face. They guard this sacred knowledge like it’s the Davinci Code. You just have to live with it, or you die for it.

So I can leave the page narrow. Except I drew way too big originally, and had to cram in the dialog awkwardly around the drawings that I could not comfortably reduce. Therefore, I ought to widen the page, and claim the live space that is rightfully mine to try and declutter the wordage, right? But I had already been widening the redrawn pages based on my latest guess at correct page proportions prior to using the template, which actually ends up being too wide or too short for proper printing!!! I went too far!

Scandal! Look at all that free live space! I long to see it captured and slaughtered. Having it be marginalized is inadequate punishment.

But too short, like too narrow, can go unnoticed. Since I arranged the words reasonably this time, nothing more needs to be done. In the printed book, therefore, most pages are too short. For once I left things alone! I only talled up a few toward the end of the process, and superficially altered a few others immediately prior to printing by increasing the size of the gaps between frames.

One of the taller pages with enhanced gaps beside one of the shortest, that you may already be acquainted with. The disparity is already not great, and since they do not actually appear together,

and a real book doesn’t lie flat, the issue is almost invisible.

Does that all make sense? It shouldn’t! Printing technology is still stuck in the 1940s. We can electronically send a sandwich into space but we can’t know exactly how a computer image is going to show up on paper right in front of us, and the machine responsible may break in one of many ways trying to do it. It took me so many years and so much rage to figure all this out and get used to it, I have no CHOICE but to keep printing books. For once I know everything that can go wrong and have prepared for them all. The books came out perfectly and I succeeded. I can not be held up further!


October 25, 2015
We love canon plot of the movie, respect the real story and know all movie characters, we love.

People made a big old fuss about the thirtieth anniversary of the Back the Future feature film series, but they flagrantly and not at all fragrantly disregarded the twentieth anniversary of the Never Ending Pasta Bowl® at Olive Ga®den.

Nonetheless, that bowl has shown no intention of ending. In honor of this, I continue my annual tradition of not going to Olive Garden.

And I say that as somebody who has agreed to go to Chip’s Pub, the restaurant with this menu, on numerous occasions. It is not as if I have standards. Honestly I can’t be waiting around for that bowl to end all day.

October 20, 2015
I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot

On the topic of terrible genies, I would NOT be friends with some dumb big eared animal genie that could NOT grant wishes. I would not be friends with any big eared dork that would voluntarily be friends with bow tie imps. This genie has failed in numerous ways. True enough, bow tie imps should be prohibited from having their wishes come true, since they would only wish for everyone to respect their bow ties and to also wear bow ties, but not larger than their own. I am rage-filled! Can I wish for the bow tie imbecile to get stuck inside a lamp without it receiving consolation magic powers?

Oh right (wrong), I was complaining about this thing. What a pathetic dajinni! It has to carry its own teapot! Why is it wearing a HUGE turban? Does it think it is exercising religious purity? Does it think it will attain salvation and that I will be cursed for eternity because I do not wear a turban? Does it think it is better than me? Arrrf I want to wish for its freedom just so I can trap it in a box. But it can’t grant wishes!

Guess what, frimp: the gods have forsaken you! They made you live inside a teapot and have smoke for legs. You can only come out when somebody deliberately lets you out, and the only person who WOULD let you out would be something just as pathetic and meeply as you are! And worse, you were made you into some dumb unholy animaloid instead of a regular unholy human. You wear a turban as an accessory only and are therefore guilty of cultural appropriation, which according to the internet is problematic.

Regarding bowtie imps, some years earlier, I recalled a fragment of dream after awaking, and it featured a pathetic little creature correcting me “not meepmire, meepmere!,” as I had evidently mistaken it for the initial bow tie fool, “Mortimewde Stapleton Meepmire.”
To respond, first of all, I will call you whatever the meep I want! You’re lucky I even chose to get the first part right! Everyone hates you! Foul, wretched meepmere!

I could not recall the exact nature of meepmere and struggled to visually depict it. I can’t remember the last time I hated a beast so much before I’d even seen it. Unlike “meepmire,” it doesn’t even have a first name. It just is meepmere. It is a cut rate bootleg version of meepmire, despite having no legs, just feet, thus rendering it incapable of wearing a boot. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a low-budget version of rubbish?

Stupid 2 cent garbage disposal animal. At one point in the pre-meepmere era, roughly mid-2005, back when I owned the world’s bloodiest television box, an advertisement for Galaxy Discount Carpet was repeatedly aired on local television, featuring a corny un-animated space ship floating through a real rug store accompanied by appropriately corny sound effects. Try and imagine the horror if you were standing on the street and you saw THAT THING appear from the sky and come toward you, totally unanimated. Would you shop at a store that IT shopped at? I was known to remark, possibly involuntarily, “AHHHHH TOO CHEAP! IT COST ONE CENT TO MAKE!” repeatedly in an incorrigibly high-pitched voice that would probably scar my vocal cords if I tried it now, thus making Galaxy Carpet the only thing that costs less than meepmere. The people responsible collectively received half a meepmere. The question, then: was it the meep or the mere?

During december the ad had a likewise cheap holly leaf overlay, that I will argue did not raise the budget since it was most certainly pulled out of someone else’s trash can. I understand that I am meant to be enamored with the cheapness, to assume “the carpet prices are surely also low!” but I don’t think I would want a carpet which was THAT cheap. It is probably made out of seaweed and diapers.

Galaxy Discount Carpet is SO cheap that its website has a different name than the store and they just figured oh well and displayed the wrong name directly beside the right name. They guarantee to beat any competitor’s price on the money they spend on advertising! They thought I would be impressed that they aligned the second, alternate-fonted instance of the telephone number to the roof, even though it only matches one of the roof parts that it touches. That phone number has no idea how cheap it is. I bet galaxy carpets don’t even fly! Perfect for today’s genie to keep inside its forbidden cave. The cave is forbidden because it is too stupid.

Some people get epiphany, life changing, prophetic visions in their dreams. They become inspired to create great paintings, novels and symphonies. All I got was MEEPMERE. And then I had to figure out what meepmere was! What a chore! Meepmere thinks it gets to control my life like that? Meepmere is sub-pumpkin! That genie probably started out as a meepmere. Meepmere isn’t superior to a doughnut! That is why in my completed displayable art there are two pictures of doughnuts and no meepmeres. I do not even like meepmere on a leap year. Meepmere is among my least favorite meeps, and I hate a lot of meeps!

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: November 24, 2015
Frimpinheap sez:
Please do not encourage the fool’s frivolous behavior by liking any aspect of it!
November 24, 2015
Laurence "GreenReaper" Parry sez:
I think the heavy compression actually makes the purple dope look better...
November 24, 2015
Purplespace sez:
I like that the blue lope lizard has a master chef outfit that it transitioned into wearing...
November 19, 2015
Frimpinheap sez:
It is unlikely such a thing exists!
November 19, 2015
Indighost sez:
So? Where’s your unlikely friend poster?
November 18, 2015
Frimpinheap sez:
I considered Land Before Time, but deconsidered it based on it not including humans...
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