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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
March 30, 2012
Couple’s engagement makes for quite the fish story

catch of dismay

Yellow Dr. Octopus boots advertise your wealth to the world. Don’t wear them in dangerous places unless you are prepared to defend yourself.

This is accurate to the best of my firsthand knowledge. With that knowledge in my mind I am afraid to go fishing and thus I never have.
The green stuff was supposed to be sky but something went wrong.
This is the sort of picture that makes me think I’m losing my mind. Or perhaps I have found it and merely lost someone else’s. I hope whoever that is does not come around looking for it. The person will be in no mental condition to search effectively.
I suspect I am bored by my own ideas now but not sure what to do about it.

March 23, 2012
Concrete ‘monstrosity’ stands idle on beachfront

Are those people on The Office at all concerned about this documentary crew that’s been filming, following and interviewing them for eight years? Isn’t that a tremendous drain on productivity? Are they curious as to when this movie is coming out?


A lot changes in a year.

A lot even changes in a week. I decided I wanted a more haggered looking-pose than last time and it was necessary to fully declothe the fool to get the proportions correct, and I must not have re-partially-clothed it. I suspect this earlier edition may be more respectable. However, respectability was never a goal the creature pursued in a logical manner. And yet if I were to directly intervene I would disserve all residents to not remove the fat-nosed fool entirely. Some people can’t get a break. I refer to me, of course.

I hardly consider that sufficient warning!

I would hire a note-taker but it would not be fair to impose this on anyone else.

March 19, 2012
It’s divided into 4 acts, reenacting the story of Headdy and his friends, fighting for their beliefs against the evil Dark Demon King in order to save the Puppet Kingdom from its self-appointed ruler.

The idea here is to show four major playing cards from a hypothetical complete set based on a theme, and I chose dangerous or lethal fruit. Fruit amuses me, as do unfortunate happenings befalling pitiful beings. A full deck might include, as opposing “suits,” dangerous vegetables, or fruit which has qualities other than danger, such as safety (throwing a lemon at a button across the room which deactivates a doomsday laser) or repulsiveness (lemons look kind of dumb). I am optimistic about the great amount of possibilities.

Regardless of some questionable design decisions and standards compliance on my part for this project, I found the Adobe Illustrator experience to be useful. It is an effective tool for making basic art look more complicated than it is.

The “apple” shape was chosen based on no research which determined apples to be the quintessential generic American fruit. I experimented with making the apple into a lit fuse bomb or a medieval spiked ball, but these were deemed to create an outline which was needlessly difficult to manage in large quantities. In the end, a simple, unaltered apple seemed best, for that allows for minimal cutting, plus the crucial element of surprise. Nobody should expect the horror that lurks on the other side. One focus group member reported being so unsettled by the experience that even the innocuous apple on the safe side began to develop fearsome attributes such as intimidating sharp teeth and devilish glowing eyes.

Pears are fired through an automatic ball-pitching machine at a tube-nosed vagabond.

A pineapple is vigourously scraped against a restrained generic lizardoid.

A watermelon is involved in a hiking accident.

A tangerine is used to soil the garment of a respectable citizen, whose gesture of shock assists a large-eared bystander in acquainting itself with a barrel of an acidic substance.

And now you know.

March 9, 2012
I have guided you here so that you might set me free. The chaos has ended. You will be remembud

new imps are floating in strange places. they want me to fix it, I suppose!


Incididdly, the reason the monopoly piece took so long was because I was preparing this, and then removed it, and then this took longer.
Yes so Computer Banking Monopoly was discovered at toys r us.

No, not THAT place.

This one. The facade is undoubtedly fancy but indistinguishable from every other building in the future abandoned lot. It’s the only place where I’ve ever seen a Friendly’s and a Ruby Tuesday directly adjacent to one another, along with the world’s greatest Wendy’s.

Yes likely you’ve encountered enough lamentations decrying aesthetics from another era being replaced with uninspired modern sterility. However I think it must be said the old one has the look of a toy store with a specific identity all its own, whereas the newer one you might as well just call Chain Licensed Product Store. If you swapped the sign with that of Target or Sports Authority, other stores in the vicinity, it would not be apparent to anyone until they walked inside. And why would they? I can’t even say for certain that such a switch hasn’t been made between when I entered and took the picture because I’m not likely to go in again. The only indication that it is a real toys R us is the creepy void behind it. Even the old Toys R Us that I liked had a sleazy wasteland surrounding it, and according to that website I linked at, mine was the only store in connecticut that closed down before it could be reblanded. The author claims it was because the location was lousy and the building was “sinking” but I like to think it’s because the store had integrity. It was integritty. It would plunge to the depths of hell and have a crummy auto supply joint move in before it would submit to graphic design. I don’t necessarily mean good graphic design, but just any at all. Say what you like about East Haven (or just repeat what I’ve written about it through the years without reminding me that I wrote it), but of the two units in its structure it wasn’t Toys R Us who dared remind me of Battletoads.

I will be the first to say we should toss old, irrelevant characters aside and stop holding up progress by deifying irrelevant fictional commercial personifications, but if we replace them with something worse and call it the same then we’re missing the point. I loved that store, as trashy as it was. Does anybody love this place?

Yet I was glad it wasn’t the Toys R Us in that still at the end of Double Dare where the giraffe head had a huge, towering neck. I’d have never gone near that. It was so bad apparently that I entirely forgot about the frightful gremlins standing in front of it.
Much mystique I suppose lies in the fact that these places are mostly gone. Maybe I wouldn’t think this design so special had it not been nine years since I’d even passed one on a highway. In fact they are kind of tacky. If you pull out you see that no store ever bothered to keep up this facade the full length of the building and it comes across as lazy, too.

Toys R Us was the first store I knew of to issue its own currency. I can only assume employees were paid in this to discourage them from trying to escape the premises. However, with the volatility of the world-wide economiseep, those who have survived to become refugees have discovered a startling fact:

Geoffrey Dollars are now worth more than real dollars. 3.433 times more. Though America may have abandoned the gold standard, the people’s democratic republic of Toys R U.S. never lost faith in the dork standard, even if they tried to disguise it.

With that in mind I now intend to begin distributing to loyal bimshwel customers Mitz Bucks™,

the only true and consistent abstract monetary representation of this domain name. Bimshwel has been privately owned since 2002 and sells no advertising except when robots get in and they keep all their money, which is in useless US units anyhow. Unlike some international currencies, valued by nothing more than their relationships with each other, Mitz Bucks™ are backed by the unprecedented scumbaggitude and scoundrelity of nemitz. The only thing that would bring down their value would be if nemitz started being a decent person unworthy of scorn or contempt. Greater American Dollars rise or fall by how many people want them. Nobody wants nemitz around, so Mitz Bucks’™ value can only increase. We shall have the dollar on the run.

Aw nutf I didn’t plan on this! How can I arrest this fiend?

Great thinking! I will simply buy all the dollars before they escape.

Or send my army of flatulent marionettes in pursuit. I’ve been trying to get them out of the house, quite honestly.

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: July 20, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
instead of dopesona i recommend “dopes oh no” to let everyone know to keep away from...
July 19, 2021
Charmlatan sez:
Fantastic! I’ve been meaning to make a “dope-sona”, but why stop there when I can *become*...
July 11, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
It does help that part 2 is a better game with generally more logical clues, and consequently...
July 9, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
I seem to no longer have the video file on my present hard drive but I took the screenshot at may...
July 9, 2021
A hooberdoober sez:
I would imagine the purpose of the multiple, differently-angled belts in the second image is...
July 8, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
because it is grey now
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