March 5, 2016

We’re an American Band is such a stupid song. You don’t have to listen to it, I will sum it up by quoting it:
“we’ll come into your town, we’ll help ya party down, we’re an american band!”
I do NOT require assistance partying, in ANY direction. As band, your foremost duty is to perform music. Partying is the rightful responsibility of others.

I am supposed to take from this song: We’ll do whatever we want! you can’t tell us what to do we’re an american band!
Like it is supposed to be some kind of protest against bands from other countries. “SLOVENIAN bands will not subsidize your parties! US, on the other hand…”

it just keeps reminding me of American Made, Hulk Hogan’s old WCW theme music, the one that’s designed to sound like his older WWF music but be distinct enough to not infringe copyright. It’s the Mad TV sound-alike version of Real American. He’s American Made in America He’s american-merican, merican! He’s american banned in slovenia he’s american banned!

Whenever I hear American band I have to sing alternate lyrics to it. Apparently this has gone on for quite some time because this list is longer than the number of chorus iterations within the song, and it is MOSTLY chorus iterations.

we’ll come into your town, we’ll knock your birdbaths down, we’re an american band
we’ll come into your shop, we’ll make you party UP we’re an american band
we’ll break into your flat, and not feed your kitty cat we’re an american band
we’ll come into your place, we’ll rub some corn on your face we’re an american band

now it’s getting weird
we’ll steal your piano replace it with jay leno we’re an american band

(I wrote this when Jay Leno was still on television and presumed employed for life so it was at that time more of an accomplishment to pull him away from his regular duties)

we’ll come into your city and we’ll bring along smitty


what even happened to Marvin “Smitty” Smith, anyhow? HE was IN an american band. this goes to show you what you can get yourself into by associating with the wrong crowd.
(I wrote this when jay leno was still on television but Kevin Eubanks and Smitty were no longer in the Tonight Show Band)


In fact I did not go to this specifically because I could not get a guarantee that Kevin was bringing along Smitty. If only the appropriate alternate lyrics had been applied to “American Band” sooner!

we’ll come into your home, we’ll prank call paul prudhome
who does this band even think it is? they don’t have the power to do that.

we’ll modify your suit, we’ll add a wrestling boot, we are the beach patrol

this song can’t help reminding me of hulk hogan’s album; another song on that album is about the “wrestling boot traveling band” and yet one another includes
the phrase “we are the beach patrol, we wanna party, party, party.”
You do not, and in fact I do not want you to listen to either of those, just to be AWARE that
they named the band after a BOOT that goes around to different places. It should be noted that “american band” and “wrestling boot traveling band,” the song, both use the phrase “with the boys in the band,” and I have done so.

we’ll come into your factory, talk trash about Tony Slattery

I would like to point to the date at which I wrote this as being responsible for all the dated references but that was 2010

we’ll come into your daventry, astound you with our gallantry, we’re an american graham

we’ll come into your dump, make you play Rallo Gump, we’re an american trashbag

we’ll come into your towns, get mad at jews and browns, we’re an american klan

I can’t believe it took me five years to post this. Maybe I thought that by now people would have forgotten how trendy it was to trash Hulk Hogan’s album five years before I wrote it. This article, I mean, not Hulk Hogan’s album. I wrote that ten years before then. Thankfully its message is timeless. The article, I mean. The message from Hulk Hogan’s album is set to expire at midnight on March 4, 201… great goopity I think I’d better post this tonight.

we’ll come into your Hyundai, make you occupy a wildlife refuge with Ammon Bundy


ah I just don’t have the gift anymore!



3 Responses
  1. 1
    7:52 pm, March 7, 2016

    Charmlatan (Up from Your Grave!!) sez:

    Warning others of Grand Funk destructive behavior is still relevant. They’re touring as you rant!

  2. 2
    11:39 am, March 9, 2016

    chesse20 sez:

    I wasn’t paying attention and thought the pink lyrics were actually part of the song up until then line with “American klan”

  3. 3
    7:01 am, March 12, 2016

    Frimpinheap sez:

    I like to think I run, foremost, a sincere song lyric depository, so I can understand the confusion! The people attending the tour must be mortified.

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them`s fightin` woids: September 20, 2017
Purplespace sez:
I suppose all I can add is what annoys me about all these arguments. I dislike when people...
September 14, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
That is certainly faster than what I did, but it would feel too vague, to me.
September 14, 2017
Indighost sez:
I just have one thing to say on this topic: Bleh
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Indighost sez:
I like it.
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Purplespace sez:
The new colors look very nice.
August 30, 2017
Indighost sez:
Ironic :)
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