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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
January 31, 2020
My first WAD. Designed for single player mode with some nice surprises in it. Up until you get the red key it has a strange resemblance to where I work. In fact that Baron seems to be in my bosses office ;)


this may be the lamest billboard i have seen that isn’t for cracker barrel. i object to the phrase “like a boss.” it is a phrase I almost exclusively encounter in advertisements that are trying to seem hip and happenin’, like memes, except memes at least tend to have some scrap of organic origin. it is a phrase created as a joke but was used seriously by people who are so desperate to mimic what they encounter that they didn’t know it was supposed to be a joke. Which is common, in culture, plenty of things end up having opposite meanings better known than their original meanings. And it still HAPPENS in an age where you can look up anything easily because people are too lazy to do that. If you make a task easier, people will find a way to lower their standards so that it becomes difficult.

this wants you to use “pdf” as a verb because people who aren’t me use google as a verb. but telling a computer to look something up for you is empowering (even if as I indicated most people won’t bother), and just the sort of thing a boss might do. Bosses do not make pdfs. Bosses order other people to make pdfs. Because making pdfs is dull.

pdfing like a boss is as cool as cooking food in a

ninjar fooditm. Or in a foodi™ from anyone at all or anything at all from a company in Massachusetts that thinks it gets to call itself ninja and put an ® after it and then sell tools which mundane tasks are done with. I reckon soon we can expect to see the Necromancer “Necri” Desklamp and the T-Rex Assassin Graphing Calculator and the Shark Vaccuum Cleaner

oh well that makes sense i suppose.
I ought to consider that the actual original ninjas killed using farm tools, and pressure cookers have been used as bombs in several terrorist attacks. I don’t know why SharkNinja Operating LLC does not put that in its advertising. From the people who brought you the Jeffrey Dahmer Fag-Reducing Grilling Machine it’s the Ninjihad IEatD! Saves time, not infidels.

Back to my initial objections, the attempted glorification of the pdf format: It is annoying to use, annoying to browse, the file sizes are bloated, and most importantly the format is proprietary. swf, flash animation, is also stuck in the 1990s and loaded with bugs but at least THAT has a unique purpose that no alternative has been proposed for, and that is being forcibly phased out. yet pdf gets to reference irritating forced memes by the side of the road while implying that mundane busy work is cool. No it isn’t. Ads don’t get to say something is “awesome.” Maybe a person in a job that calls for lots of pdf creation can come up with ways to make it fun, but, first of all, I doubt it, and if the ad says it is than it isn’t anyway.

this is the sort of thing that I am supposed to “let [it] go” and I don’t dwell on it, but in the moment when I see it, all these thoughts go into me at once. This thing instantly bothers me for a whole land of reasons. Ads aren’t cool, people in ads aren’t cool, acts advocated by ads aren’t cool. Nothing that you pay to impose on others is or can be. It got MY attention right, it did its job, right? No I am never going to pay adobe for a pdf creator. I have other ways of making them if I need to and I don’t need to because it is a stupid format. One print store tried to charge me a ludicrous undisclosed per-file fee because my pictures were all separate instead of in one pdf and I just didn’t buy from them that day or ever go back there because those people are scum. Anyone who won’t tell you what their product costs until after you have ordered it is scum because they know what it costs and they could easily publicize it but don’t because they know it is too much and can only get sales by trying to trick and trap people.


on twitter promoted twits are visible for a split second before my ad-blocker smites them. I used to be able to block the entire “trends” box and that was preferable, but now I can’t so I just set it to a language that i cannot read.
Like a boss promoted BY like a boss. I don’t want to know i don’t don’t don’t don’t. Presumably this was somebody’s boss’s idea. This [was in December] the first i learned of it and ideally will be the last i learned of it (it wasn’t; i saw it in the same space a month later). I would not say I am happier cut off from the dominant culture but i definitely get angry-depressed less often. I am more stable. I wondered if once I was beyond the age of the target demographic I would actually start getting appealed to, since i statistically no longer mattered, but that did not occur, and i simply obtained awareness that I was never going to matter.
and it says “nsfw” which means “not safe for work,” like if you have a job. but any job that you are watching stupid promoted movie trailers during is a job you should be fired from, presumably by someone like your boss.

I think you should also be fired if you do anything “tumsworthy,” even if you work for the GlaxoSmithKline company. I think you the whole company should be fired for making its name all one word but still capitalizing the S and K. Also for pushing unapproved drugs on to physicians and only being punished with a 3 billion dollar fine that sounds substantial but is less than a tenth of its annual profit. And they are only the SEVENTH-largest pharmaceutical company! They get the money, we get the pills to distract us from the misery of all the money we spent on pills and then more pills to distract us from the fact that the first pills probably made us worse.


one does what one must.



December 24, 2019
Like her sister Barbie, she has had numerous “acquaintances”, celebrity friends, fantasy friends, and Disney friends that were produced at her size.

I am almost sad the “cats” movie is flopping so hard since I was looking forward to getting angry at it not doing that.
cats is my least favorite musical work by somebody who I think has actual musical talent. Everything about it was annoying even before Rebel Wilson had a role in it.

my stance on cats is a matter of public record, but I will repeat it anyway because I’m sick, i need help.

Starlight Express is the gayest ostensibly heterosexual love story I have ever seen. Although to be fair I haven’t tried to watch Cats yet.

I have now listened to the “Cats” album in full and wish to apologize to Lord Andrew Webster for implying that it has a story.

And I wish also to apologize to Jonathan Larson 20 years after his death for ever saying Rent was the most annoying musical.

Cats is like if every song in Rent was sung-chanted by Angel and had nothing to do with the song before it.

Cats are like THIS! And cats do THAT! That’s how life IS if you’re a CAT!

I was embarrassed that I liked starlight express, overall, at times, but maybe I shouldn’t be since cats gets loads more respect.

I think Starlight Express was made specifically for people who like really stupid stage musicals but didn’t like Cats for why-ever

And also to help Andy Lloyd Lloyder replenish his stock of gold embroidered toilet paper.

I spread my “Chess” obsession across a few years but I want to try and get Starlight Express out of my system within the week.

I do not know what long-term psychological damage dwelling on it might be capable of.

I think Andy Pandy Webby is a substantially better composer than Stephen Sondheim, on account of his music actually having discernible tunes. If Webbo is guilty of plagiarism at least he picks good targets. But there is a reason Jesus Christ Superstar got made into a movie almost immediately and Cats took almost my entire lifetime, apart from one being a god story and the other a there is no god story. Which reminds me, christmas is tomorrow!


Gosh it’s finally here I can’t wait

I drew the sketch in 2016 during a particularly regrettable period in my life and forgot about it, then last year my younger brother was going to appear at some sort of comedy event where Artie Lange was also going to appear, so i colored and purged the uncanny valley from it in anticipation of promoting the event with this, but then the brother dropped for a reason that I wouldn’t have because gosh if somebody is PAYING me to do what i ASPIRE to do and I was sharing a venue with somebody else who made a career out of it why would I not, that would get me more respect than drawing dopey fursonas ever has, and I suddenly had no excuse to justify bringing it up again and I forgot it again. unfortunately, i remembered.
ALSO it seems that in 2017 Lange had a series of incidents which among other things have rendered his nose in a state that makes it seem perpetually pressed against a plate of glass, so as barely recognizable as this drawing was it is now quite less so, and then I suppose already had been at the time when I meant to show it. I only learned that today when debating whether to tag him in the post on instagram. I decided not to because I wanted to tag both of them and if the other guy has an instagram page it didn’t come up fast enough for me to not start getting nauseated at other people’s posts mentioning him and great bimpity frimpity look at this dumb garbage who cares it isn’t worth that much anxiety.

In other Lindy news he recently appeared without my being prepared for it in the HBO series “his dark materials,” where he portrays the character Lee Scoresby, who gets into fistfights and shoots monsters with a gun and is utterly unconvincing, and apart from that is incredibly distracting being a ubiquitous media celebrity in an ostensibly fantasy setting but fortunately only in half the episodes and not the only thing wrong with the program. One of which is uncertainty as to whom the titular “his” refers. The quantity of luminance in his materials is not a factor in my distaste for them, apart from maybe I would like his stupid beard better if it were invisible.

My opinion of whose-ever dark materials is also a matter of public record, but unlike “cats” was actually topical when I talked about it and I still couldn’t even manage a single meager “like” so there is less need to assume that was just because nobody saw the posts because I am sure someone did. if you look up related hash tags all the posts are just people who are already fans of that guy talking about how great he is on the show even though, as noted, he is usually NOT on the show and detrimental when he is. that’s probably WHY he was cast; he brings along an existing set of fans who aren’t very discerning. I am supposed to accept him as a surrogate father figure for the main character Lyra even though they hardly have any screen time together and when they do Lee is whining about having to work or demanding to be paid, which could be funny if he was funny but he isn’t. Lee Scoresby has about as much warmth as the equally nasally Enoch “Nucky” Thompson from the earlier hbo series Boardwalk Empire, which apparently loads of people watched when it was new, just nobody who I know or who knows me.
That comparison seems like a compliment since Enoch is portrayed by Steve Buscemi who a lot of people also like but Enoch is an unscrupulous gangster rather than a roguish ne’erdowell with a heart of gold.


this is a different character, i suppose it isn’t terribly important whom and that may work in my favor since the valley of uncanniness I mentioned earlier is less of a factor when you don’t know who a picture is SUPPOSED to look like.
yes I have hbo now, I am up to date on the premium channel shows that I for years resented The Media treating like everybody watched and kept up with back when i couldn’t, and now I don’t have regular cable and it is better, and apparently loads of people also are only using premium streaming television now rather than conventional broadcast services, and once again we still have no idea what each other are talking about.

but this is christmas, right? I should do something nice for someone. tying up old mental baggage so I don’t talk about it where other people can hear it is a gooder deed than I typically manage.



August 20, 2019
Bio-duck is the nickname given to a mysterious quacking-like sound which was first reported in the open ocean by submarines in the 1960s

These are all magazines I saw at the same store, Big Y in north branford connecticut, on the same day, august 14 2019. except for one that I had a pre-existing but unposted complaint about that this reminded me of.


Robin Williams five years later: still dead, still having his death exploited by people with no lives. Pardon me, too soon? I admit I only saw this magazine a week ago.

Is ten years too soon to say that Patrick Swayze had as much impact on my life as I did on his?

Hey how about 1999? Remember when one person got dead that year? Someone who was only famous because his father was also dead?


or how about the time that- what? I didn’t even know Farrah Fawcett was dead. I suppose this does serve a purpose. However you aren’t doing a very good job remembering “the Beloved Charlie’s Angels Star” if you forget that she quit that show after one season and spent the rest of her life trying to not be remembered as its star. Also: this and the one before it have both been placed beside the same issue of


National Examiner, ALSO obsessed with a death that happened ages ago but I forgive them for that because The Tabloids never stopped touching themselves while thinking about Diana’s death for a minute. That’s the closest they come to journalistic integrity. Call it monogamy if you want.

and just over to the right: Hey Daniel Ratcliff isn’t doing any more Harry Potter movies. Seems like a good time to put him on the cover in that costume and run a story on this like it’s new.

hey remember when you could only watch tv shows when tv channels said you could? Wasn’t that great? Do you remember when you couldn’t even find out what programs were going to be broadcast and when unless you bought a separate little book just for that? No probably not since studies have shown I am the oldest person on the internet.

if you are like me (as I already established you aren’t) you barely remember the early 1990s and never sought out any of these idiots on purpose but saw them on your television incessantly anyway so that perhaps you believed they appeared on the same program called 9021OJ in which every one of those bleached smiling scumbags in that pile get murdered. These magazines are here and separate to set you straight and possibly no other reason.

I actually did like the Naked Gun Movies in which Mr. J appeared, and since I do remember that, no magazines are necessary.


speaking of no reason, why celebrate the thirty-fifth anniversary of these movies when it is also the thirtieth anniversary of movies from 1989 and more importantly the twenty-fifth anniversary of movies from 1994 and yet more importantly totally pointless? Unless the critics are actually being CRITICAL of movies that made loads of money and have inarguable legacies there is nothing new to say here and they could just reprint what they probably ran ten years ago. maybe they did. George Orwell’s concept of 1984 society using thought control to keep people in their places greatly over-estimated how much effort that would require.
i tried to watch indiana jones and the temple of doom, just incidentally, a few weeks ago. It is a really stupid movie! Loaded with stereotypes, improbable mercy from adversaries shown none and Harrison Ford making even less effort to be likeable than Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, without two partners of equal rank to balance that out. But i appreciate that it gets fight to the point and doesn’t waste time trying to pretend it is a smart movie. I sure wouldn’t want to read a magazine article about it NOW.


hey how about some dead bands? Look it is even in their name! And by gamera they are GRATEFUL to be mentioned at all. You know the only thing I like better than hearing music from the same singers and same instruments for hours simply because somebody else told me the band is great-filled is READING about it.


how about some dead decades? the 1960s: the only time anything ever happened. That was a decade that changed a nation. How many of them can claim that? That is why so many countries seem like they are stuck in other centuries; only one of them can change every ten years, and luckily this one got its one chance five of that ago.
magazines tend to agree on this. they will place 90% of the greatest songs OF ALL TIME, that being all sound created by all beings in the history of the universe, all of which having been heard and equally evaluated, into this decade* via

The Man’s 500 most acceptable mainstream vocal English-language songs of the middle scrap of one century issue. What a shock that the one their magazine is named after tops the list and a band with the same name dominates it otherwise. They would have me believe “the times” are “a-changin'” when their musical taste was chiseled into granite around the same time my mother was born (presumably a coincidence). Luckily Rolling Stone Magazine is not generally stocked by the checkout aisles as Big Y World Class Markets or else I would have to write a version of this web page once a month rather than every two months.

*that figure was a cynical guess; statistically it is apparently only 40%, but the closer you get to the top of the list the closer it comes to that, with 9 of the top 10 coming out within a 12 year period that includes the 1960s.

additionally:

History Channel Magazine ALREADY had a Beatles issue THIS YEAR. Do you know how much history there IS? All the history in HISTORY. And the magazine named after it can’t find enough in five months to not have to go into reruns.

i suppose in a media format that is dying out you stay in business by reminding people of times when more people bought magazines. Because when those times actually do a-change, expectations a-do as well, which a-is not good for business. Achoo! This may seem to contradict the adage of those who forget the past being doomed to repeat it, but consider that this may itself be the doom prescribed. This is what we get for for getting.

Oh this is too much. I need to think about something else.

Dead civilizations! My favorite!

////////////////////////////////////


addendoy: i had to take the pictures in the store somewhat hurriedly so the details were not all clear and I did not realize that the lower two sections are showing different pictures. Some dorky band and touching a rock in space are evidently not just more important, but substantially so than the civil rights movement and one of United Statia’s worst wars. I could definitely claim there was a racial angle to this if I could do so without screwing it up.



July 9, 2019
Donald Duck is a white duck that wears blue clothes that usually appears in Mickey Mouse. He is considered one of Mickey’s friends. He kind of has a lisp, but it is not like Daffy Duck’s.

welcome to disney world














on second thought let us not go to disney world. I am not obligated to provide a reason.

Sea World is more to my liking, anyhow.










That’s enough, I’m outta here.



November 2, 2018
Animation is an art. That is how I conceived it. But as I see, what you fellows have done with it, is making it into a trade. Not an art, but a trade. Bad Luck!

I ought to directly acknowledge the City Wide Open Studio Alternative Space Weekend Fantastic Marvelous Mystical Hoedown because anyone I gave a card to will, like on any other year, come here, just see a random web log and think I am not serious about art. I am! Just not about organization and web pages.

There was a great amount of positivity, even though I had some jealous points amidst that. That was less pronounced than usual. It is nice to be able to have things up for three days and there be a chance of somebody really liking it on the third day, to not be beheld to the social media “three minutes and you’re out if you don’t get a retweet” general way of things.


For the first time in years I felt like maybe there IS a chance that, provided I remain dedicated to improving, I can get by on the merit of what I do, independent of my [in]ability to like irrelevant junk that happens to be new or deemed topical by unaccountable parties. There was on the premises, particularly on the second floor (though several of the best things I saw were also there) plenty of material that I thought was derivative, low effort, or flat out disgusting, and deliberately so, but it had no power to follow me around and be the first thing i saw each day, via algorithms or people who aspire to be algorithmic, and thereby causing me to react to it in a regrettable manner instead of concentrating on my own business, beyond this spiteful paragraph here.

I feel more in control this year, building on what I started doing in 2017, when I stopped accepting advice as to what sort of exhibit I should have, and dispensed with frames, which cost extra money, are heavy, and need carpentry and post-show repairs which do not suit the skills I have and result in less time and space for more art. I only hung up canvases where there are unsightly nails and screws already stuck in the wall, which there typically are. I don’t believe somebody should have to pay 50 dollars if they just want a copy of a picture of dumb old nemitz for some reason, until such time that the preference becomes a criminal act and subject to fines.


My ball of used blue adhesive gunk. Compare to my ball of used blue tape from 2017. I stocked up on the glop because it is reusable, not expecting to be “stuck” with oddly textured walls that it did not adhere to well, which necessitated that I acquire pushpins. Or use more tape. Nonetheless I used quite a bit of the muck. And I will use it again!


I must give special appreciation to Carlos Lopez, another artist displaying near my position who had a more solid skills, a professional setup, apparent business interests outside this dinkity art show and nothing really to gain from being nice to me, and even with me griping probably audibly from the moment I laid eyes on the space I had. He tried to direct toward my zone people who might not have looked otherwise. And I could see that plenty wouldn’t have, based on how things went when I was out there alone. It is rare to be appreciated by a dedicated artist who isn’t trying to push me in a regressive direction or selectively ignoring me until such time that I drift into one out of desperation. I do not know if we will meet again but it proves that I do not have to be alone in these things.


I made twice as much money in sales as my best previous occasion, although it was less than half of my expenses for the event. However some of what I paid the most for, such as comic books and poster prints, will still retain whatever value they may be presumed to have if I manage to not wreck them long enough for somebodies else to want them.


this instance of mortimewde stapleton meepmire (bow tie imbecile) is likely saying “bloody rubbish” because the one in the comic book is not discerning enough to say things like that.
What measured “success” there was I think owes a bit to the comic books, which is a great relief. Anybody can put out one comic book, but having two shows that whatever barely disgestable nonsense is in the first one wasn’t just coughed up on a whim with no plan. It WAS but a plan gradually appeared and I spent much effort retroactively applying it!


I spent much of my exhibiting time making up signs to try and explain circumstances of the matter that did not or could not have occurred to me before-hand. This is the only one that was not able to be recovered afterward; it was posted in the less commonly used elevation machine to alert people trying to avoid the regular elevator what room i was showing things in. Of course the actual numbers at the rooms are hard to see and almost impossible to guess a location from seeing without the room. The 3 ought to alert you that it is on the third floor, but it might not. Apart from that, in the moment I thought I was making a clever Les Miserables allusion, and then after writing this out realized it could have been cleverer: had I written “My name is Bim Shwelbim… and I’m UPSTAIRS!…” But beyond that, I don’t want people to come see me based on my ability to reference broadway since it has been thirty years since anything went on broadway that I would want to talk to anybody about and I do not have a broadway themed gallery. I would not want people to see me based on my ability to reference anything since witnessing 20 years of fanart and obnoxious “mashups” on the internet has soured me on the idea of personal expression exclusively via recycling other people’s personal expression. But doing it once in a while is fine.
The print seen here was made improperly so I was not sad about losing it, though I prefer to think somebody wanted it and took it, rather than it fell off the wall on sunday and was disposed of before I returned monday to finish gathering my other material.


This pencil drawing here was in fact stolen once, back in 2012ish at Southern Connecticut State Universitoid, in the area where you would wait for a car. I was waiting for a car, but had to visit a restroom because we had not met up in a while. And the natural instinct when you see a school project at a school unattended for three minutes is to assume it materialized on the spot and belongs to nobody and that there is no possible means through which to confirm that. I wish I could have met whoever took it to thank them for making me feel like there was some level of demand for what I was doing, but the campus police did not provide contact information and my expectation is that having something confiscated by campus police would make you disinclined to meet the person who presumably demanded that occur.

Oh beets this is trailing into irrelevance. I mean to reserve that and my complaints for a second, separate post, which generally means I will never get around to making such a post, which is probably for the best!
This pat
addendoy for september 23 2019: what does “This pat” mean? I have no recollection of what statement I might have been starting on. Maybe that is part of the large section that I removed. Yes probably. I do not know where I would have put that and do not know where to start looking for it nor consider it a matter of great or even mediocre importance.


September 21, 2018
The Sailor Guardians travel to D Point to fight Queen Beryl, where they face her toughest youma yet, the DD Girls

december 2017:

I am so broken and disinclined to interact that twitter gives up recommending real people to me and only suggests sesame street characters who imprinted on me before I became old and angry and that will never be deemed edgy and marketable enough to remake and reboot at me.

september 2018:


No longer am I merely so dysfunctional that only inhuman, albeit peaceful and ostensibly education-minded muppets are deemed suitable companions; now we are down to raw letters of the alphabet.


Ah ha, finally some vowels. Where I come from people will pay good money for some of these.


Foul! That is like putting new songs on a compilation album! Or releasing seasons 1 and 2 of a tv show on dvds and then only releasing season 3 in a boxed set with the first two. Or like in the 1970s when Hanna Barbera cranked out new tv series with names like The All New Adventures of Captain Caveman, Laverne & Shirley in the Army With The Fonz and Dino-Mutt Laff-and-Three-Quarters Mysteries Hour and the first segment would be a new bad Speed Buggy cartoon and the rest would be reruns from previous series and the titles characters never actually meet in any of it. Is that stupid lowercase e really worth this? It isn’t even presented in helvetica, one of the most expensive fonts that pretentious people like, as if I should be impressed that they inherited an opinion that something really bland is actually really exciting and or that they paid for a font. Gosh that poor rinkety dinkety e doesn’t even get a circle. Flippity dippity deef. Last week I mentioned that I was going to post something else then, and deferred it to this week, and I thought I could make a quick video of it, but nothing is quick around here. I did not live nor die in the 1970s but it seems like they went on for an excruciatingly long time. I envy that.

Although I dispute that rust and rusty-yellow striped shirts with blue over-alls looked good in any decade.



July 18, 2018
Dumping Jack Trash – A garbage man who always spoke in rhyme


The sea captain’s choice! or rather, I think, the sea captain’s choice of what not to eat since it looked like cat food. Why should I assume that somebody who works on a ship is an expert on fish as food? There isn’t a culinary standards component of the officer training, is there? I once knew a US Marine captain who told me he had to learn how to waltz to complete the certification, which DID strike me as somewhat out there, but his favorite food was gummy worms. However, a captain in the marines is a lower rank than captain in the navy, even though navies operate in marine environments, so maybe things get more specialized as you go up. Maybe to become an admiral you need to be able to knit your own socks.


on that topic (cats, not socks): are cats really PROUD that they defecate into a box in my house?


They would make much more money doing it in public places of business.
I remember when it was considered SHOCKING for the tv show south park to have a smiling, talking, singing, anthropomorphic lump of excrement, and now this is something you are allowed to display in a place that sells food.


That is just unsanitary. I saw them on adhesive bandages also. I cannot find the picture I took. Probably for the best. That seems like the opposite of what you want to do to disinfect a wound.

Where I really want to put that: my mouth.


how can you even tell when this is clean? When there are no worms crawling through it? The captain will be especially worried if they are gummy.


Made in china. this is taking jobs from American toilets. I call on consumers to stop buying Chinese sh|t.*

Wonderful now i feel ill. Why is there no smiling lump of dried vomit emoji? There is nothing so gross that you can’t put a a face on it and make it grosser. Or grocery, even.


*Astute readers will see that I did not actually put an i in that word and therefore have not officially “said” the word that it looks like. My friend and colleague ms-dos will attest that all i committed was a syntax error.



July 1, 2018
Camille was originally simply a normal high school duck, with a personality that left her an outcast.


No.

I would not even pay $1.29 Canadian to relive duck hunt, and I have no particular fondness for ducks.

I had hoped it would be sufficient for me to say that much but I foolishly had to read the page and now must comment on that.

Modern televisions do not flash light in the way that is necessary for light gun games, such as duck hunt, to work properly. And people know that because they have tried to play Duck Hunt on modern tv screens. The solution proposed here is to buy a kit of things called “Modern Mallard” with which to make the game work on a modern television, at the price stated. No other things are included. This means you need to already have a working original Nintendo Entertainment System or the redesigned version from the mid 1990s, a working light gun for it, which were NEVER reissued, a real duck hunt cartridge, which admittedly were manufactured in great amounts, the desire to PLAY the duck hunt cartridge, the willingness to do technical manual labor on it, and 129 dollars with absolutely nothing better to spend it on. Such as apparently a device that puts BLACK LINES on your screen!


We get to pay 300 dollars to make our screen dimmer and blurrier! What a world we live in! back in the soviet union, the screen puts scanlines on YOU Since the original screens that old games played on had these lines, that means those lines are MEANT to be there! They weren’t just a side effect of outputting graphics at a lower resolution than screens could show which created an idiosyncratic appearance that was retroactively associated with video games, they were part of God’s Plan.

Also: you have space enough for all that stupid retro purist garbage that it has not gotten shoved around or stepped on at all in nearly 30 years but NOT a cathode ray television set even though those are physically sturdy and are perfectly capable of receiving modern television signals and people who never played video games in their lives owned them. I had a cathode ray television in my house until just yesterday and I fervently believe in console emulation. I have emulated video games off my hard drive without having to assemble and preserve clunky fragile obscure peripherals for eesh twenty years now and I had no idea I couldn’t play NES Duck Hunt because I never had any reason to care enough to try.


You could probably acquire an original duck hunt arcade cabinet for the same accumulated amount of hassle as getting and installing this product and you can actually shoot the jerk dog in that version, because you are just going to shoot every fictional animal you see. Either way you will probably realize after about 3 minutes what a boring game it is. But since the Modern Mallard system patches the light gun itself that should make it work on other gun games, right? No, it literally only works on Duck Hunt (AND apparently has a chance of STILL NOT WORKING if you have an orange gun like I did, and like THEY do judging by the header graphic, instead of a grey one which I have never even seen in person). The manufacturers do not rule out the idea of patching other games in the future but grips then suppose you want for some reason to play Gotcha! The Sport! instead of duck hunt, would you still have to buy the duck hunt version to get the gun alteration kit? Or if you wanted to play both, would you have to possibly buy two sets of the gun attachment since none of the game patches are sold separately?

Am I a jerk, making fun of a niche enterprise so soon after I expressed my own frustration with being niched? I do not think so; this is not somebody creating an original product, this is somebody trying to milk the supposed nostalgia of others to justify a hobby, and isn’t even going to make this thing for you, in the event you want it, unless nearly a thousand other people also do, so it isn’t like this is a work of passion. If you are the only person in the world who wants this, you can’t have it because the unpopular thing you like isn’t popular enough. And if there ARE others who would buy this but they don’t learn about this scheme fast enough, then they apparently don’t count even though the game is probably older than they are. Whoever runs the page claims in the comments section that a thousand units is the minimum amount at which this endeavor makes financial sense. Maybe they CAN be made individually but would cost even more than the already ludicrous sum pitched here, but then why put the one month time limit on it? You probably need a system of smoke signals to reach some of the people who still give a quack about playing Duck Hunt. This really can’t go very far before any attempt to explain an odd aspect of it seems even odder because this is not something that anybody remotely needs. I doubt the onceler could sell a thneed for $129.

I have been told by people off the internet who don’t realize that not only have I never had any clout online, I have less than I did ten years ago, that I “should” make a kickstarter page for my comic books. I don’t think I would do that. That means if I fail to generate an arbitrary amount of interest, I don’t get to make my comic book, like that’s the only reason I thought of making one. And then I would look like a bigger doofus than usual when it flops. There are apparently a decent amount of people willing to pay obscene money to buy and rebuy crummy old nintendo games but this one seems like it is overreaching.


Hey partners! A conglomeration of people trying to resell a ludicrous childlike urge to you. No they’re not crazy! They’re shrewd and calculating looking for a guaranteed financial profit off of someone else’s 30 year old bland game! There is probably more text on that kickstarter page than there are bytes of code in Duck Hunt. I prefer people admitting that they are calculating compared to the “welp i think i made a thing guys?” scumbags but in the end they are all charlatans.

I say all this as somebody who can’t tell a playstation 2 game from a playstation 4 game, or a $50 million dollar 1998 movie from a $200 million dollar 2018 movie. I think a lot of the “progress” in electronics is frivolous and potentially imaginary, just to keep people employed, and I think the mass commercial media’s co-opting of “social media” has homogenized a greater quantity of people into infantile dolts than ever before, but I don’t believe in hiding in a fake wood-paneled bunker and pretending it is still 1994 either. I think people will pay a lot of money to prove they are at an extreme edge of technological belongingness. Just playing old video games isn’t enough; you need to be willing to spend as much money going out of your way to make it totally authentic and de-enhanced as somebody at the other end gets talked into by Best Buy representatives to prove they are totally enhanced beyond human perceptibility. And then you have to up/downgrade everything else you use to be compatible with this fringe ability/inability. I was trying to figure out what software I used to record video a few years ago and came across


which can record at 144 frames per second. I didn’t even know you could put that many frames in a second, much less determine you have seen less than that to be willing to pay extra to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. And there is 4 scale high definition! Who is that for? Who has a screen so big that you could even tell the definition was that high? Alex Trebek?

I tried discussing this matter with somebody else recently and I think this created an unpleasant mental state

[1:50 AM] pookydooks: well then how about tht
[1:50 AM] frabaginarf: game recording software for gamers
[1:50 AM] pookydooks: I assume the U in UHD stands for ULTRA
[1:50 AM] pookydooks: I mean it pretty much has to

[1:51 AM] frabaginarf: i might have said it stood for unnecessary. or maybe “uhd” is just a noise i make when i hear about 4k video
[1:51 AM] pookydooks: it seems like the sort of thing that strains your eyes and gives you a headache after watching it for too long
[1:51 AM] pookydooks: 144, how overkill can you get

[1:51 AM] frabaginarf: that car is coming OUT of the screen! that would create a number of health risks
[1:52 AM] pookydooks: it’s a crummy TV that can’t even contain its images
[1:53 AM] pookydooks: you wouldn’t buy a fish tank that won’t hold water, wouldja
[1:53 AM] pookydooks: 144 FPS, that’s fish per second!
[1:54 AM] pookydooks: and that’s a lotta fish to be breaded and fried!
[1:54 AM] pookydooks: in oil heated to 4K degrees, naturally!

[1:55 AM] frabaginarf: this is more serious than i thought
[1:55 AM] pookydooks: Don’t forget to stream it in UHD! Wait I think we caught the fish in a stream! WOW
[1:56 AM] pookydooks: we’re steaming while we’re streaming before we even knew we were streaming, intense! awesome! tubular, dude!
[1:57 AM] pookydooks: I’m leaving before I find out what such a beastly boob tube costs! Cowabunga!


a july 17 update: it appears that this mallard matter will not reach its funding goal, which means something I thought was dumb will not go forward and be rewarded, for once, but I wish dumb stuff would be prevented on a grander scale; I would have traded letting this happen for ensuring the computer animated Lion King replacement celebrity voiceover remake film did not!



December 13, 2017
Now will we do well, said Ulfius, our king is a lusty knight and wifeless, and my lady Igraine is a passing fair lady; it were great joy unto us all, an it might please the king to make her his queen.

Another ten+ year old lingering matter:


from that page, this to this. As with my last such comparison, the actual changed page has not yet been uploaded, since that seems to require a different mindset than working on them does, and the work is not finished! I hope to pog I do something about that ugly carpet. And I said not long ago how unimpressed I was with “*gets popcorn*” as a response to rambunctious activity. I did try to draw the plant thing from the initial image looking at a map to indicate it was confused at being in the wrong version of the picture, but then that means you would always need to have seen the old version of the page to “get” the new one, and the whole point of the new one is to let the old be forgotten, and also then that means I would always need to have the old one available somewhere, and for THIS? Ridiculous. Also its body makes no sense so I couldn’t actually draw it in a way where it looked like it had a map.

You will believe I can spend longer on one frame than some people do on entire comic books, and then spend as much time writing about it. This requires that I accept most “24 hour comic book day” offerings as entire or books, which I generally do not, but the statement felt superficially profound when i thought of it.
The old drawing of course looks more consistent with the style I was using in less-altered frames, more effortless and un-self-conscious, but I am too eaten by obsessive compulsion to handle this in another fashion.
I am sick to agony of Mario, Sonic and Link. In ten years Nintendo went from a video game company to a religion. In all honesty I never need to play Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat, the series alluded to in the preceding frames, ever again either, but I don’t know anybody who lives their life around homaging those games. Perhaps they exist but I do not know them. Oddly enough, my initial Zelda 3 reference was itself a protest to indicate my dislike for Zelda 64, which was by then nearly ten years old and being lauded by not-yet-religious nintendorks as the pinnacle of human accomplishment. And I STILL protest that, but Aganhim is not iconic in the way that Link is, so somebody might just think this means I drew any old weird Link variant with a generic wizard. Neither is especially funny to me, also, unlike the Kombat and Street fighting allusions in the other frames. However I “needed” the replacement to also include a wizard who uses lightning and a hero who uses a sword. Even though I ultimately totally redrew them both. But if I changed the layout, that potentially meant I could change the entire page’s layout, and if I did that I might as well NOT have a page full of irrelevant video game references, but I didn’t want to spend two more weeks on this.



Regarding my replacement, Final fantasy fandom IS overdone, but not to the same degree that anything first party Nintendo is, and certainly not with dumb old Golbez or Cecil. Although the TROUBLE with drawing any Final Fantasy playable character is that the version in the game is different than the far-from final one in the concept art. And in the case of Cecil, also substantially different from the one in the DS Remake.


Cecil even looks different from concept art to concept art because Yoshitaka Amano never adds keychain trinkets and circus stripes the same way twice.
also: there are two different flamboyant dark-armor people shown in these drawings and neither is Golbez. They are irrelevant to the present matter!



Also I OBJECT to the DOPE EARS on that one’s helmet.

It seemed most sensible to match Elpse to the Cecil that I recognize, but in fact that looks almost more like the Actraiser hero when drawn in here, and somehow it mutated into this gaudy mix-match that is not quite any version of Cecil. But whatever, Golbez, by virtue of being 50 feet tall, is sufficiently detailed in sprite form for my imitation to be identifiable and Elpse does NOT look like Link, apart from my forgetting to change the dingle-ball that I had attached to elpse-link’s hat, which arguably fits in better here. I would have liked to put a Shining Force allusion in there, but none of the prime antagonists use lightning, plus quite honestly the demonic character designs are too on-the-nose for this, and this is not about my favorite video games, besides; bubble bobble, hinted at two rows down, sure isn’t. This page is about whatever I was thinking ten-or-more years ago except for that one thing that really bothered me which had to go, and so it did.


you don’t know the half of it, buddy! To think I didn’t draw elpse in Tellah garb because I thought it would look too weird. (Also Golbez is afraid of Tellah’s Meteo)

If I lived in Japan I would be even more confused since the sword-wielding homecoming queen hero on the game’s box has had his colors swapped around to an even more extreme degree, likewise with his two companions, and the two people following THEM are generic nameless wizards that you merely encounter loitering around various places. I have NOTHING to say about the bird.

the back of the box, as well as that of the “easier” rerelease from a few months later shows this non-accessible party lineup against a monster groupings from the Mt. Hobs stage against the inside a town background. In fact the players and their positioning is identical to this other rumored fake screenshot.
Presumably the idea was to not spoil certain aspects of the characters’ identities. Yoips I WISH marketers took that approach more often, especially with the way Star Wars junk is promoted.


Slain: ONE golbez

For goop measure, here is Yoshitaka Amano’s Golbez concept art, which the version put in the game is about as consistent with as anybody could hope for in 1991, apart from the sprite artist just having to say screw it and force in the appearance of feet and not translating the arms to semi-profile view very well. I never even noticed the feet until maybe ten years after the first time I saw this. I always imagined golbez was floating and turning, casually pointing a finger at his enemies while turning away because he knows they are already done and he has more pressing business elsewhere, rather than just standing there rubbing his wrists together. This gameboy advance version is slightly condensed compared to the original super nes version, so golbez almost looks like he is posing in a bad rap video or doing the macarena.
In any event I think we have seen the last of Golbez for a while.



October 3, 2017
Take me to the room where the blacks all white And the white’s are black, take me back to the shack


This is a great original idea. You see, some people are WHITE, and they’re STUFFY and UPTIGHT, but now there are people who are BLACK and they wear BASEBALL HATS and they listen to MUSIC. In fact I don’t think we’ve ever had a political candidate who wore ugly red hats in public and said stupid garbage to get attention that didn’t become president while this show was in production and invalidate its already played out premise that being an obnoxious moron who SHAKES THINGS UP solves every- or anything.

In fact there was even a feature film in 1998 called Bulworth about a politician who started rapping and dressing like he couldn’t afford clothing, but of course he was white and does not count. And likewise our president now is not a black man. We did have a black man as president but not a loud moron who said things like “I’m dropping a V-BOMB on this budget!” but having to explain that he did not literally mean using explosives after seeing how many WHITE people got freaked out, ooh!


However, there was a Chris Rock film in which a black man became president and declared that “the roof is on fire!” and then had to clarify that the roof was not literally on fire while white people got panicked and looked old. What is funny, if not the clips deliberately chosen to represent these things, is that Chris Rock himself is one of the less-moronic 1990s comedians to star in feature films but has to pretend to be one in order to be allowed to star in films. And apparently to write and produce them, even.



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them`s fightin` woids: March 29, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
I most certainly will not say that!
March 29, 2020
Honker Acorn Jr. sez:
You might say Treco is giving the bow tie fool… …a beet down.
March 22, 2020
Frimpinheap sez:
I am glad to report that some regular stop & shop brand product was located yesterday and...
March 22, 2020
Ass sez:
WIPE YOUR FUKIN ASS YOU FAGGOT WITH THAT SPY VS SPY YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS END YOUR LIfE NOW
March 22, 2020
Ass sez:
HOPE YOU DIE IN A CAR CRASH AND LOSE YOUR TINY DICK YOU CUM SUKIN LOSER FUKING BURN IN HELL
March 22, 2020
Ass sez:
FUCK YOUR SLUT AGIN YOU PEICE OF SHIT KILL YOUR SELF SHITHHEAD
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