June 11, 2007

I know I complain about myspedia and youtspiegle a lot, but they’re the first place twits look to stash their brain trash and compliment each other about it. They are the fertilest soil for bad ideas. How can I possibly do something constructive with my time when these things keep finding me?

“Hammerspace,” an absurd explanation for an absurd phenomenon becomes official and terribly annoying. Try to avoid noting, also, the punchlineless comic stripzoid at the right which apparently is part of a series.

As of November, 2007, that page no longer exists, but I vow not to forget that it once did, as I consider wikipedia’s removal methods attempts to make me do.
As of August 2014, the page is BACK, with the punchlineless comic stripzoid included. Clearly the goal is to waste my time by forcing me to edit this page.

I don’t know who came up with H-Space and I don’t particularly care how many actual commercial ventures have played along with your little game by suggesting such a space. They’ll pander any which way if it makes them money. I wonder if there’s an article on what dialogue baubles are comprised of and the biological deformities which cause animation folk to be less detailed than the backgrounds they stand against. Is the allele which makes eyebrows hover above people’s heads recessive or dominant? Is there a cure for black outlines?! I accuse that the nutritional value of spinach has on more than one occasion been exaggerated!

There [still] is a considerably larger page on cartoon physics in general, which has no reason to have been made. Anything worth noticing would be self-evident upon watching an applicable cartoon. If you’ve never seen one, why would it matter to you? This article is for no one!

That sounds more like potion-space to me. As long as we’re making nonsense up and retroactively applying it to works by others unconcerned with explaining themselves to future dorkage, I charge that potions are not stored in hammer-space. They are stored in flask-space. No no no. Decanter-void. And while I’m at it, how about l’environs de sandwich? It is a concealed compartment in the sleeves of some garments containing very precisely cut bits of unchewed food which allows the same part of the same sandwich to be bitten continuously during magical looped animation.


Ah ha, wrong again. Actually, neither exist, and you’re a friggin’ moron, and should stop trying to sound smart. Pog forbid we confuse one pointless thing we imagine to satisfy our lack of imagination with another.
Anyway, what’s important is that after the Hammerspace page was sent into deletelandfill, its crater of doy was set to forward to the Magic Satchel page, even though any reasonable person can identify a myriad of one difference. I should relish in such an ironic outcome, but I really wish both would have been flushed down agonytoilet, out of my raging gaze. Following such an event Wikipedia would reveal that it was really hammerspace all along and this website entry would continue as if nothing had happened.

Keep in mind, this is supposed to be an encyclopedia and not any sort of humorous document. Whiners of less joy than myself cite just that all the time when deleting the additions of others.

And even if it was a joke I would still hate it, just because I used to get this sort of thing in my e-mail and found it tiresome. The people who write and circulate them are unerringly pitiful. A lot of these famous lists originated in the 80s and early 90s among BBS shut-ins, again of more extreme symptoms than myself, who could find nothing better to do than be nerdy at their computers all day. When the next generation of morons discovered daft surveys and questionaires through which they could further categorize and lock their own non-personalities, and at the same time advertise their pre-fab daftness to other people, those started being forwarded instead of the lists of astounding differences between men and women. And so likewise did Hammerspace float neglected in Mememoat, until whoever wrote the Wonder Twins wikiped article remembered a Usenet post asking where Zan’s bucket always comes from, and realized another article explaining this could go undeleted for years with enough goon support.


It is worth contradicting my previous sentence to point out that the first version of the “Hammerspace” page
credits it exclusively to modern manganime and is aware of no Final Fantasy prior to the one that came out in 2001, and closes with a link to another articul about an utterly indistinguishable mustache-hair web-comic which could have been written and drawn by anybody. Is there a wikipedia article explaining and listing mustache-hair webcomics?

The same wiki user also started the male pregnancy page, though apparently without reference to its own popular usage online. But I have to wonder what inspired the research. Is it possible? It must be possible, it must be possible! Oh phooey, it isn’t. I’ll put it on wikipedia anyway.

The remainder of the page on Hammerspace is a list of dubiously notable instances of itself supposedly being employed.


stop right there.
Does it matter what this character’s role is? You’ve exposed your scheme before you’ve even been relevant! If I didn’t know but cared at all who that was, I could click your convenient link. No, you’re just obsessed with every fictional character having romances for you to imagine yourself in one or both places of because none of the worthless celebrities you used to admire can maintain monogamous relationships. You probably thoroughly soil yourself just typing the beast’s name into various pages and having it stay there (a perfect metaphor for the hammerspace page itself, alas). You’ve probably drawn this character or another barely distinct from it en-sexed and then showed that to people. You may have been informally hired to do it.

From the always unfollowable discussion page:


You can’t cut nothing in half! Similarly, any additional credibility gained from “blogs, fansites, etc.” amounts to as much. All this means is that people with the creativity and free-thinking abilities of a tin of sardines think it is worthy of discussion. That the page is even called hammerspace suggests a secret consensus among the unthinking. Why always hammers?


Because all we can do is copy that which came immediately before us! Beep beep! Doot doot! Dreadfully sorry old bean, but it’s peanut butter jelly time!

Even by the 1950s there was very little originality in American cartoons. But I’d rather not go into that at the moment. At least they hadn’t gotten ugly yet.

Anyway, the plea for references led to things like

There are no rules! There just appear to be because very few of your idols aren’t hacks! *Hack* hacks *hack!* saw Jim Duggan!

In closing, on the internet, everything comes back to anime and creepy masturbation fantasies. Thank you and God save the me once The Queen has been secured.



2 Responses
  1. 1
    11:44 pm, May 6, 2009

    ma722zda sez:

    c503t [a] [/a]

  2. 2
    1:43 am, May 7, 2009

    Lemphlyn sez:

    That’s so pathetic I’m going to leave it there. It would be cruel to delete that.

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