June 11, 2007

I know I complain about myspedia and youtspiegle a lot, but they’re the first place twits look to stash their brain trash and compliment each other about it. They are the fertilest soil for bad ideas. How can I possibly do something constructive with my time when these things keep finding me?

“Hammerspace,” an absurd explanation for an absurd phenomenon becomes official and terribly annoying. Try to avoid noting, also, the punchlineless comic stripzoid at the right which apparently is part of a series.

As of November, 2007, that page no longer exists, but I vow not to forget that it once did, as I consider wikipedia’s removal methods attempts to make me do.
As of August 2014, the page is BACK, with the punchlineless comic stripzoid included. Clearly the goal is to waste my time by forcing me to edit this page.

I don’t know who came up with H-Space and I don’t particularly care how many actual commercial ventures have played along with your little game by suggesting such a space. They’ll pander any which way if it makes them money. I wonder if there’s an article on what dialogue baubles are comprised of and the biological deformities which cause animation folk to be less detailed than the backgrounds they stand against. Is the allele which makes eyebrows hover above people’s heads recessive or dominant? Is there a cure for black outlines?! I accuse that the nutritional value of spinach has on more than one occasion been exaggerated!

There [still] is a considerably larger page on cartoon physics in general, which has no reason to have been made. Anything worth noticing would be self-evident upon watching an applicable cartoon. If you’ve never seen one, why would it matter to you? This article is for no one!

That sounds more like potion-space to me. As long as we’re making nonsense up and retroactively applying it to works by others unconcerned with explaining themselves to future dorkage, I charge that potions are not stored in hammer-space. They are stored in flask-space. No no no. Decanter-void. And while I’m at it, how about l’environs de sandwich? It is a concealed compartment in the sleeves of some garments containing very precisely cut bits of unchewed food which allows the same part of the same sandwich to be bitten continuously during magical looped animation.

Ah ha, wrong again. Actually, neither exist, and you’re a friggin’ moron, and should stop trying to sound smart. Pog forbid we confuse one pointless thing we imagine to satisfy our lack of imagination with another.
Anyway, what’s important is that after the Hammerspace page was sent into deletelandfill, its crater of doy was set to forward to the Magic Satchel page, even though any reasonable person can identify a myriad of one difference. I should relish in such an ironic outcome, but I really wish both would have been flushed down agonytoilet, out of my raging gaze. Following such an event Wikipedia would reveal that it was really hammerspace all along and this website entry would continue as if nothing had happened.

Keep in mind, this is supposed to be an encyclopedia and not any sort of humorous document. Whiners of less joy than myself cite just that all the time when deleting the additions of others.

And even if it was a joke I would still hate it, just because I used to get this sort of thing in my e-mail and found it tiresome. The people who write and circulate them are unerringly pitiful. A lot of these famous lists originated in the 80s and early 90s among BBS shut-ins, again of more extreme symptoms than myself, who could find nothing better to do than be nerdy at their computers all day. When the next generation of morons discovered daft surveys and questionaires through which they could further categorize and lock their own non-personalities, and at the same time advertise their pre-fab daftness to other people, those started being forwarded instead of the lists of astounding differences between men and women. And so likewise did Hammerspace float neglected in Mememoat, until whoever wrote the Wonder Twins wikiped article remembered a Usenet post asking where Zan’s bucket always comes from, and realized another article explaining this could go undeleted for years with enough goon support.

It is worth contradicting my previous sentence to point out that the first version of the “Hammerspace” page
credits it exclusively to modern manganime and is aware of no Final Fantasy prior to the one that came out in 2001, and closes with a link to another articul about an utterly indistinguishable mustache-hair web-comic which could have been written and drawn by anybody. Is there a wikipedia article explaining and listing mustache-hair webcomics?

The same wiki user also started the male pregnancy page, though apparently without reference to its own popular usage online. But I have to wonder what inspired the research. Is it possible? It must be possible, it must be possible! Oh phooey, it isn’t. I’ll put it on wikipedia anyway.

The remainder of the page on Hammerspace is a list of dubiously notable instances of itself supposedly being employed.

stop right there.
Does it matter what this character’s role is? You’ve exposed your scheme before you’ve even been relevant! If I didn’t know but cared at all who that was, I could click your convenient link. No, you’re just obsessed with every fictional character having romances for you to imagine yourself in one or both places of because none of the worthless celebrities you used to admire can maintain monogamous relationships. You probably thoroughly soil yourself just typing the beast’s name into various pages and having it stay there (a perfect metaphor for the hammerspace page itself, alas). You’ve probably drawn this character or another barely distinct from it en-sexed and then showed that to people. You may have been informally hired to do it.

From the always unfollowable discussion page:

You can’t cut nothing in half! Similarly, any additional credibility gained from “blogs, fansites, etc.” amounts to as much. All this means is that people with the creativity and free-thinking abilities of a tin of sardines think it is worthy of discussion. That the page is even called hammerspace suggests a secret consensus among the unthinking. Why always hammers?

Because all we can do is copy that which came immediately before us! Beep beep! Doot doot! Dreadfully sorry old bean, but it’s peanut butter jelly time!

Even by the 1950s there was very little originality in American cartoons. But I’d rather not go into that at the moment. At least they hadn’t gotten ugly yet.

Anyway, the plea for references led to things like

There are no rules! There just appear to be because very few of your idols aren’t hacks! *Hack* hacks *hack!* saw Jim Duggan!

In closing, on the internet, everything comes back to anime and creepy masturbation fantasies. Thank you and God save the me once The Queen has been secured.

2 Responses
  1. 1
    11:44 pm, May 6, 2009

    ma722zda sez:

    c503t [a] [/a]

  2. 2
    1:43 am, May 7, 2009

    Lemphlyn sez:

    That’s so pathetic I’m going to leave it there. It would be cruel to delete that.

feed comments.

This here`s me trackback!

Leave a comment. If you want to.

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: June 17, 2019
Charmlatan sez:
Perhaps elpse’s unusual psychological state might have derived from the lizard’s...
June 17, 2019
Frimpinheap sez:
elpse wants to use the car and may not know how to start the thing! And may be experiencing an...
June 17, 2019
Charmlatan sez:
Oh wow elpse really is waiting for lope before leaving. Could making secondary characters yellow...
June 6, 2019
Frimpinheap sez:
I imagine that leprechauns are bound by arbitrary stupid magic laws that control their behavior...
June 6, 2019
pindohodo sez:
“A box of only marshmallows” sounds gross! As soon the milk hits them they turn into...
June 2, 2019
Purplespace sez:
I always thought Lucky the leprechaunish creature was odd in that he seemed to want people to...
Less recent posts
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • December 2004

  • May 2007
    April 2007
    March 2007
    February 2007
    January 2007
    December 2006
    November 2006
    October 2006
    September 2006
    August 2006
    July 2006
    June 2006
    May 2006
    April 2006
    March 2006
    February 2006
    January 2006
    December 2005
    November 2005
    October 2005
    September 2005
    August 2005
    July 2005
    June 2005
    Maypril 2005
    March 2005
    February 2005
    January 2005
    Novcember 2004
    October 2004
    September 2004
    August 2004
    July 2004
    Maune 2004
    April 2004
    Febrarch 2004
    January 2004
    December 2003
    Octvember 2003
    Augtember 2003
    Junly 2003
    Maypril 2003
    Febrarch 2003
    Octnovdecjan 20023
    Junulgustember 2002
    Maypril 2002
    This never happened

    old webpages
    Mall Meh...ness
    I do not approve.
    irrational complaining about my television set
    Dennises are dead to me
    This page is not about shoes.
    I hate shoes.
    something award related
    Those Green Eyes again
    More valid but unfunny Disney criticism
    Biggest Loser
    Mall Blandness
    2004 advertisement complaint world championship
    Mall Egadness
    Las Vegas
    Spiderman 2
    Jope and Dopes
    These Green Eyes
    Game Over
    Mall orneryness
    Movies I'm not going to see
    Back fashion school to
    Movies Make Me Mad. Moreso.
    Official pizza of Nascar
    Michael Jackson
    Free Speech
    Film Critics. I hate them.
    Coconuts. I hate those as well.
    Independence Day
    Some time in July 2001
    video games
    Runaway Rainbow
    Marsupilami part 1
    Marsupilami part 2
    Spirou part 1
    Spirou part 2
    Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure!
    Kirby part 1
    Kirby part 2
    Kirby part 3
    Dynamite HeaddY
    McDonald's Treasureland Adventure
    Pac in Time part 1
    Pac in Time part 2
    Air Fortress
    Super Widget
    Back to the Forest (the skunny page)
    Tintin and the Prisoners of the Sun
    Bip Bop II
    2001, a space waste
    Barney's Hide and Seek "Game"
    too late to make a difference
    Moraff's Dungeons of the Unforgiven
    before the one above it
    Super Games Galore! Doy!
    other things
    Awards this website hasn't won
    The first First Beet segment
    Embarrassing pictures 1
    Embarrassing pictures 2
    The same
    Umiliphus (my old derivative megamen sprite comic
    11/24/04, (I can only justify this by calling it an experiment, so I shall)
    Poetry Page
    The same