November 30, 2016


a special message from pop tarts: poob hzej). #poobtarts

I was reminded of this when earlier today I saw somebody link to a glowing brown swirl of lines subtitled “poob” in arial font with no context

and that is comedy now.

And big business, and not in any way indecent to display in public.
Somehow i do not associate wet lumps of excrement with disinfecting a wound. Or really anything that I want in my life or the life of anyone with whom I have contact. Also, the excrement has a mouth, which indicates it can eat, and potentially produces its own excrement. And it is very enthusiastic about something, presumably that.


Oh well pardon emojME. I didn’t REALIZE that I was dealing with a BRAND. My problem all these years was assuming that being iconic meant you were instantly recognizable and did not need to inform people that you were. Even though I am Bimshwel, ribbtly-acclaimed creator of Bimshwel, the iconic brand of comic strips, greeting cards and self-destructive political commentary, I am too beloved and ubiquitous to concern myself with how anybody else perceives anything. Such as, for example, grotesque drawings of fecal matter on my website. Nonetheless I would like to discuss topics apart from fecal matter, also.


Lighter cat litter! This just looks like you put less of the same stuff in the same box and raised the price.


I do not understand the incentive to purchase this. And there is ample space on the front of the box to make anything resembling a case for it. This is literally dirt for cats to drop emojis in. It should not be mysterious. Lighter weight is not intrinsically more desirable or a sign of better technology, like on a laptoob computer. If the box is just as full as before, that means you actually made the product less efficient! It is not as if this awkward huge box would occupy less space in my house.


Although I do not understand the difference between “neutralizes odors” and “neutralizes odors GUARANTEED,” either. Are you permitted to advertise that your product does something which you would be surprised if it did? And the light litter doesn’t even suggest that it MIGHT neutralize odors, it just is light. Hey it does a terrible job and you get less than half as much in the same container, but the container is SO easy to lift!

The guaranteed product notes that it ATTACKS the odors before neutralizing them. The three KEY odors, sure to join the pantheon of other famous trios amidst the likes of musketeers, tenors, blind mice and mile islands. The non-guaranteed peasant pebbles only neutralize (without undue aggression) odors of fecal and urine style. What is the THIRD odor? The smell of ghosts so you don’t notice your soul leave your body as you consider that purchasing cat dirt has become a major decision for you?
I acknowledge that I mentioned worrying I didn’t have a soul due to other factors recently, but if it checked back in between then and now it most of a certainty has left for good by this point.


The vertical chart suggests the additional odor is that of ammonia, but my understanding was that the smell of ammonia was part of the urine smell, so it still only neutralizes two smells, guarantee notwithstanding. And then part 4 is just the clump power, which the other 2-flavor cat dirt also has, but hesitates to assign a number to.

Our greatest, nuttiest research professionals agree that two is the limit.

/////////////////


Spacko noted in a comment that the cat food and cat litter are made by the same company, which means they have a vested interest in keeping the box-filling going two different ways and may have their resources spread too thin to exercise proper quality control in any one field. It occurred to me that the Purina company was also responsible for the all time mail order video game classic Chase the Chuck Wagon.

What if Purina’s entry into the cat litter business is just a ruse to dispose of extra wide pixels made from liquidated Chuck Wagon cartridges? The “lighter” variant is literally the lighter colored pixels which of course are far lower in amount, hence their increased price.



4 Responses
  1. 1
    4:16 pm, November 30, 2016

    Purplespace sez:

    I am more concerned that the cat litter company is also now the same company the makes cat food. Do they make additional money following the cat food process all the way through digestion? Do they ever get confused and fill cat food cans with litter? Are they implying their cat food is so unhealthy for cats that you need to buy their special litter to help cleanup after your cat rejects it?

  2. 2
    6:49 pm, December 1, 2016

    Frimpinheap sez:

    You have raised a startling point! And not only that, Purina also made the famous mail-order video game Chase the Chuck Wagon. What if you opened the bag and a bunch of extra-wide pixels fell out? Maybe that is what the litter is made of. I should update the entry to reflect this startling possibility.

  3. 3
    10:25 pm, December 5, 2016

    Purplespace sez:

    Afterall, there aren’t that many chuck wagons anymore! That must drive the price up!

  4. 4
    4:53 pm, December 7, 2016

    Indighost sez:

    All of this talk reminds me of a very strange tale from my jury duty yesterday, which, of course, I am not at liberty to discuss.

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