Howdy. I type “howdy” a great deal more frequently than I say it.
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Why does every store I go into have “boogie-woogie santa claus” on its custom mix loop? That’s easily the fifth most embarrassing Christmas song.
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Obama asks moms to clap their elbows together. Previously I identified this motion as “weird turning situps,” ever the brilliant wordsmith, forgetting –and I can’t think why I’d want to forget such brilliant marketing– that at no point in the sequence does the woman sit up. She just does the horizontal chicken dance ad infinitumptious. Which is ironic, since chickens don’t have teeth. We will see that teeth are vitally important in this matter soon enough.
Note that this crummy, deteriorated, cropped gif file is a full 20 kilobyes bigger than the full flash animation, which uses jpeg-compressed frames. These fine advertisers UPGRADED to bring us superior quality of needless, inexplicable animation loops.
Get with the program, Home owners! First you gave that baby epilepsy and now you’ve ruined this citizen’s teeth. You’d better hop to it before a problem arises that has not yet been solved through use of a secret technique discovered by a mom in a different banner ad about awful teeth, or before Obama asks that mom to return to school.
Home owners versus teeth round 2. By now they’ve weirded out all their roommates, family members and hostages with their weird teeth (even if it IS good dental work for Alabama) and have taken to living in their cars. But does this guy REALLY know what he’s talking about?
Will Wright, inventor of Simcity, Simant, The Sims and Chlamydia, at his regular job often has no helpful advice for me. I don’t think that’s actually him but I always imagined he looked like that and would put himself in his own game for some reason. Either way, he’s on the town council and making me uncomfortable. Now I really AM in Creep City. “No no no, you do what you want, and I’ll complain if it isn’t what I would have done.” I feel like we’re married OOH GOTCH YA, marriage!
He used to have a beard, but he shaved it off
and gave it to this fellow, who was so happy he proceeded to launch several homemade fireworks he built in his shoes.
But hark! I hear the sound of another picture approaching.
Howdy is never a good sign.
“Dr.” Bennifer Ankle Wright, economist, lawyer, and actor, chief contributing editor of 20eh’s worldwide financial clowndown. The whole family was in on it. See the full story in my upcoming book, Oh oh ah uh oh, the Wright Stuff, coming swoon from Gorbo publications. Thank you and goodwelcome.
Tooth White sez:
What a good blog you have here. I am a massive fan of the festive season and with a little more free time I love to browse the internet. I have bookmarked your site and plan on coming back again soon. In times past we would kill time and expand our knowledge by reading the daily newspapers, nowadays I would encourage everyone to read random blog posts each day and gain a personal insight into unique subjects and fascinating ramblings. Keep up your great blog posts.
Wild Bill sez:
Ya Don’t Need “TEEF” To Enjoy Our “BEEF”.
Nose Blue sez:
Well I think yer website is crappy! I’m never coming here again! And Toothy, you can be certain I’m reporting your confessed murder of America’s most beloved news magazines to the proper authorities!
Umpulurgit sez:
Bill:
Teeth may have other uses, though. Our “scientists” are hard at work on this.
Nose:
I was under the impression that the tooth had murdered the concept of time. We no longer know how old anything is or how long we spend doing things.
The Mad Hatter sez:
In that case, I am vindicated!
Umpulurgit sez:
Have you ever considered a less emotionally demanding form of hatting?