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March 28, 2021
I said, ‘How do I know I want to be Batman’s butler?’ It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. He said, ‘It may be worth over $100,000.’ So I said I was Batman’s butler.


I got this back in fourth grade, which was probably roundabout 1993, from a school book fair or something because I would buy ANY book of comic strips that appeared in a weird place, and the character looked sort of like Calvin of “and Hobbes” fame anyway, and I had all the books with actual Calvin in them. I had never seen this big Nate that is smaller than a pencil before and have not seen it since,

but apparently it found an audience somewhere eventually among influential scumbags.
I don’t know how you make a tv series about a kid who draws comic strips in his note books, or why you need to save money by making it 3d since it would probably cost 2 cents to animate the notebook sections, which easily comprised about a third of the natebook that I had, assuming the tv series doesn’t just opt for static images.

I still had the book, along with this from the same book fair, a large hard cover edition of Roald Dahl’s The Minpins, which wasn’t actually mine and I don’t know how I ended up with it, but had HAD it so long i stopped mentally being aware of it, and several Cracked Magazines in a trash bag where they’d been at least ten years as I was always weird about throwing things away, but amidst trying to get the house sold last June I finally did, and I guess this tv series being made is revenge. I don’t know anything about it except for that picture, but I don’t really need to; I am 80% assured to hate any animated series whatever it is, this just happens to be a character that I recognize.

But it does go to show, if you stick to your craft, 30 years later a soulless corporation may commission an ugly computer mockery of it while desperate for new material not spun off from stuff they’ve had on the air almost as long or produced by sexual predators they finally had to fire after too many people found out they were covering up predation.

All this is not to say I hated the comic strips; I preferred the Nate book to the Marvin book, and it was my first experience with the expletive “dang!,”


which prepared me to encounter GRAYDANG in doom some time later, but I didn’t care enough to make an effort to track down more of Nate’s biggery. Meanwhile I eventually acquired each Calvin volume, though admittedly those were more common sights in book stores and finite in number.

I remember being really bothered by the way Lincoln Peirce drew the breast zone on Nate’s sister Ellen and apparently later other characters. I do not understand how this is preferable to not detailing a character’s chest at all.

However the bignate fandom wiki, which exists, features graphics which indicate this specific matter was toned down at some point. Peirce still draws mouths on the fronts of the heads regardless of what way they are facing.


the wiki also features up to the minute updates about which characters’ hair is pulled too close to their faces.

you are missing the bigger picture that Gina is a living cubist painting.


I additionally learned there was a big nate novel series by the same author that is REALLY banking on one remark from Jeff Kinney, whose “ugly comic strip about dork going to school excused by being ostensibly drawn by character in the comic” work actually came out a full 13 years after Lincoln Peirce’s and made heaps more money, and I wonder if Peirce knew the publisher was putting that line there. It is on all eight of the books,

and is also on reprint editions even less subtly. He definitely knew by then, I suppose.

Ah I said I hadn’t seen “big nate” since reading that book I had, but then I remembered I looked at its syndicate website at some point because I found and saved this extremely tacky strip from 2011.


I wonder how this works; how is a perpetual 12-year old commemorating the tenth anniversary of a national disaster that occurred when he was two years old? Or does this serve to acknowledge that he is in fact much older than that and simply not aging visually, like an elf?
Perhaps every moment of Nate’s life exists in its own separate timeline where he had been two years old ten years before, and in this one he has been surrounded by stories of heart-rending tragedy about nine-eleven and, unlike my cousin Delainey, about the same age, at the 9-eleven museum in New York City, or myself, mildly older than that on the actual nine-11, experiencing disillusionment and social terror at just existing every single day, totally over with being ordered to care about the one time people older than them experienced it, and got interviewed about it, and got validated in feeling that way, Nate REALLY relates to IX-XI. Alright that bully kid is STILL going to wreck that dopey pair of mounds, because the only thing bullies hate more than you standing there looking like that is you trying to get out of what’s coming to you. The only way to make bullies respect you is to beat them in a fight or make them laugh, and Nate, as the title character of a daily syndicated comic strip, is never going to substantially alter his behavior to get tougher or become funny so obviously those are both out. The only way that sand sculpture stays up is if bigger kid has mega right wing parents/guardianship that have hammered into him how SACRED 9-11 is, and new york’s FINEST, and the MEN AND WOMEN OVERSEAS, and PEARL HARBOR, and BOOTSTRAPS, in which case he is going to murder Nate and threaten Nate’s buddies into hiding the body for daring to invoke the divine power of 9-11. He will then call the newspapers, tell them he made the sand towers, get an award from the mayor and the city will make a bronze cast of it and display replicas at every intersection.


also: who the heck does this? places the end of their tongue out one side of their mouth to show how hard they are working. It is also in the title logo and apparently numerous other nate strips even without considering the logo. I sure don’t do that. I hate the feeling of tongues on my skin, whose-ever they may belong to. I would definitely have to scrape-wipe that part of my face afterward with tissue paper. I don’t think I have ever seen somebody outside of a comic strip or my mother’s description of a Norman Rockwell painting do that. And I don’t know what it’s called and searching for pictures based on the description is getting me way too many photographs of gross mouths so I cannot research this further. But my belief is that nobody really does this.
It is like talking while pointing one finger upward.



None of them are real people! I drew nemitz (orange annoying imp) doing it because nemitz does stupid things that are annoying, and even mit doesn’t engage in side-tonguing.


actually now that i think of it, the dork from goblins 3 looks sort of like nate (but not at all like calvin). they both have weird gravity-defying black spiked hair that looks more like grass and hold both feet in the exact same direction when facing to the side but only turn one of them and all the way around to face frontward, marking a considerable, charlie chaplin-esque posture change.


well THAT is the sort of thing i notice! too late to try and change it now.

some people notice other things.


this has no relevance but it is the specific inspiration for me referring to dopes as “decadent” on one or more occasions.



March 21, 2021
On an edition of WWE Raw, William Regal stated that WWE Diva Maria liked Rainbow Brite.

the end of the rainbow seems pretty overrated these days

this is less topical than it would have been had I been able to post on march 17, but Gold Bond fortunately does come in a topical variant. I don’t actually know what it does but nemitz probably doesn’t either and the dope absolutely doesn’t.

I acknowledge that this is rather similar to the stupid sketch I added on the previous entry.


initially mit was stepping on the pot with one foot but the pose was not functional. nemitz is not functional but mitz distribution of weight usually is. The bottle mit is holding in the final version is still out of scale with the ones in the pot because it seemed too stupid to bother correcting; plainly this scene does quite enough bothering on its own!



March 16, 2021
kimono cal, he’s your pal


The initial “idea” of this was to redraw legend of zelda sprites based on how i remembered interpreting them as a child looking at a blendy television screen, so they don’t all have a point, and then the idea itself got somewhat warped as I added more figures.

my elder brother used to refer to the lamnola as “the toilet flusher,” as in “here comes the usher, the ol’ toilet flusher,” and I didn’t really know what that meant but I thought it was funny and always remembered it. Years later I realized he probably meant “toilet brush,” and so I took the initiative of drawing it as one. He had also at one or more junctures declared that Rudolph the Six Gun Shooter had a very shiny gun, and that if I ever saw it, I would drop my pants and run, even though I would run far more effectively without the preceding action.

The “gel” blobs were my favorite monsters when I originally played the game and I made up a dumb song about them. I do remember the tune and it is not worth reproducing, but the words to it were
We fat men
we like you
we bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy
you kill us
we bounce on you
cuz we fat men we like you

but you keep that between us
I didn’t see any way to misinterpret the form for this but wanted to include one anyway!
I also remember playing the game one morning and was in level 3 quest 1, with the blobs, and my father saw this going on, attempted to sing the song, and I yelled at him for it because kids are jerks, and I also recall precisely how he got the tune wrong, and I today wonder how different it would have been had he been permitted to finish. We should have collaborated on an album about stupid nintendo monsters, and then he would at least deserve to get yelled at.

I don’t know why I didn’t think to include a “peahat” in this (or 2019’s very important hat video, especially considering i inadvertently put one hat scene in there twice) because as soon as I learned what it was called, I think from a television advertisement for the game, I always thought of peahats as actual sentient, wrathful hats, possibly with bladder issues, since I didn’t see it spelled out and couldn’t read and that makes as much sense as associating them with little green vegetable balls, and that is very much in the spirit of the drawings up there, even if more mentally than visually.


And alas now this has to happen instead.

the fbi should start its own peahat club and then arrest everybody who tries to join. yes nemitz would definitely attempt to join additional peahat clubs apart from mitz own. It now occurs to me that any hat nemitz wears while posing proudly instantly becomes stupid and incarceration-justifcation.



January 13, 2021
it’s hard to answer your question of why we were naked


I scream you scream we all scream for nemitz’s immediate and unconditional termination
I can tell nemitz is VERY proud to have served that. Of COURSE nemitz owns a GOLD scoop. which is to say, nemitz STOLE a gold scoop. or stole a regular scoop and painted it gold. Or most likely stole a scoop and gold paint and annoyed somebody else into painting the scoop gold. What a thoroughly stupid and complex sequence of occurrences.

However, why would anybody go to a store where that thing is behind the counter, much less initiate a transaction? and then why would you stand there and watch while nemitz delivers this ludicrous order, and THEN have a problem? Those customers should be fired also.

I had “chris” under toppings section early on in production because the father of my niece is named Chris with the actual last name of Topping but it seemed improbable he would see this, and most of the people who will see it likely do not know who he is. Of course chris is still a strange thing to have on your dessert so please do not go and do that just because nemitz isn’t offering to do it for you. There are more stupid possibilities than nemitz can possibly get to, which is one of mits few redeemingish qualities.



December 15, 2020
you are trapped on ice. self-destructing…

something on thursday, is not christmas themed. It takes me so long to do anything, it is impossible for me to expect to have them done by specific dates, unless I simply do them months before they are relevant, and then I would have to wait to post them, and then I would suddenly feel very behind having spent that time on something I couldn’t use, and so I simply would not spend that time on that!
///////////////////////


no more googol maps for me! I finally got a real navigation system in this car. there is just something suspicious about it.

as it happens i was taking these things out of a storage unit, but why did the dumb dope have to be RIGHT there? it almost looks like I staged it that way, as if i noticed the painting was in my shot of the globe and then i turned it around so the dope would be there, which is ridiculous. And then later when i was unloading the car’s contents and returning from placing one set of things into the garage, there is THIS:


dope AND nemitz. i shouldn’t have to put up with that. why was I “storing” this anyplace but a dumpster? And why is it inside my house now?


free ‘sketch’ so to speak 2-76 in which the character of lyraderg refuses the services of a dope. how does this dumb clothes-wearing anthropomorph lizard manage to keep dopes away but I cannot? most of the free “sketches” have not had dopes or nemitzes in them, but the ones that do ironically tend to be better than the ones which do not. This being the case does not mean that i approve of dopes or nemitz. I believe they may have sabotaged the entire endeavor to make themselves seem less stupid overall, even though I simultaneously REFUTE that they are smart enough to do that. They wrecked everything by accident but while intending to have accidents. I am fortunate I got them out of the car when I did.



October 5, 2020
Spyro, on the other hand, is a little jealous of all the attention being given to the faun rather than himself, and took matters into his own belly~


a robision for cyanic of Sudo the Caralynx, having been ambushed by dopes in a jungle setting

I have no idea why somebody would pay me to draw their character getting hassled by dopes. If I were a morally upright sort perhaps I would decline but I prefer this to being asked to draw morbid obesity fetish that swears it isn’t a fetish-art or morbid-dullardry fetish animal people wearing jeans pants and drinking coffee. Also since i theoretically “created” dopes I don’t need to look up references to draw them properly, and know that in fact no dope is proper.



August 13, 2020
Finally, Don’t Wait Until Night, played during Stage 6, which fittingly borrows hints of “The Silence of Daylight” (town music from Castlevania II)[citation needed], was remixed in Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow for Julius’ theme known as “Heart of Fire”, though this particular song is actually a medley of the Haunted Castle tune and “Heart of Fire” from the original Castlevania.

8-21 1233am yeehaw howdy. if i am not still cleaning stuff in my house on friday I may be able to force in an update that heavily resembles something i put on twitter a week ago.
/////////////////////

a strange drawing from somebody called Clown King:


What the-?!?!! Who let Dopes into the fire station?!?! And just what is that Dope using to put out the flames?!! Gasoline?! Gas-o-LINE?!! You stupid DOPE!!!

to that I respont:

Thank you for drawing these dopes! And curse you for drawing these dopes! Arrrrf do they REALLY think they are helping? Who put those hats on them? Who drove that truck there and positioned that dope to look like it drove the truck? Does it think it did? That one on the ladder, what is it DOING? NOBODY wants to look out a window and see a dumb dope there and obviously that imbecile isn’t going to help anybody smiling in through their windows. I just want to grab the ears on that foreground dope and do something I have not yet determined. I can hardly comprehend that the least awful dope is the one that isn’t doing anything and is simply loitering about being useless. I applaud your courageous and accurate reporting amidst chaos, uncertainty and uncharted punchability.

what was not visible to casual observers and that I elected to disregard:

to be clear this is not ME saying that I love dopes because I absolutely do NOT and if I did I would not admit it even privately. I would take the secret to my grave and nobody would find it because I do not intend to be buried because I think that is silly.

clown king has a character named Michaela Myers who is evidently fond of chopping things with machetes and this seemed like a good cause


this also allowed me to make use of all two of the facial expressions I can draw. I am not totally sure WHERE this is happening because I studied at the Doom Level School of Architectural Design. The important thing is that dopes are not being tolerated.



August 1, 2020
Ghirardelli argued that the placement of the words on the packaging didn’t inherently convey something to consumers, but was rather only a logo: no one expects that “Dunkin’ Donuts” coffee will taste like donuts.


once up on top of a time i sketched out a dope and inadvertently overshaded it so that it appeared quite dark. It inspired me to opine
That dark dope is so stupid, it doesn’t even realize how evil it is. It doesn’t know the horrible, frightful powers of destruction it has. All it knows how to do is regular dope stuff: stomping around smiling at people. It doesn’t know that it can strangle people from a distance just by grasping at the air. It doesn’t know. It has no idea. The forces of darkness were wasted on it.
This is not that dope. This is a rough approximation of it made from my memory of the dark dope. If I produced a digital copy of that dope at that time it is not known, but possibly I feared for my safety.

well forget that dope. A few years ago I found two of these reusable shopping bags in a closet within my domicile. I liked the idea of going to new stop and shop with a bag from another era covered in pictures of products that aren’t made anymore and that are but have less ridiculous packaging. I think I had one successful trip before the degraded plastic started to fall apart, so I decided to store unused picture frames in them instead while they continued to shed and I have been gradually removing pieces of them from my chambers ever since then. I had occasion to think of it yesterday as I removed some of the last of those pieces and the closet I found them in also was being cleared of rubbish entirely. I might never have seen the bags if not for my proactive action; I doubt anyone else would realize what a treasure these were. As I noted, they are adorned with photographs of products that Stop and Shop management suggests you might purchase to put in it, such as

Dunkin Donuts cereal!



despite the picture on the box indicating that Fred the baker shrinks down to smaller than the bowl to make what are, to him, full-sized doughnuts for the cereal, this advertisement depicts him at full large size hand-making the miniature doughnuts using a tiny little rolling pin and doughnut-shape cutter, which I am sure is much more factually accurate.

As I was thinking of Dunkin Donuts Cereal, particularly I thought of that corny nostril-clenching announcer beginning a statement by saying “chocolate cheeriosDunkin Donuts Cereal,” and especially that opening, enthusiastic “DUNK!” In my mind and apparently out from my mouth I heard it again and again, dunk dunk-dunk dunk dunk DUNK-in donuts cereal. Except eventually it somehow turned into dunkin dopes cereal.

DUNKIN DOPES CEREAL??!?!?!?

I reFUSE to eat dunkin dopes cereal. I refuse to even NOT eat it and simply coexist with it. In fact that may be worse. Unless you are “dunkin” those dopes into acid i see no point. i am sick of dumb cereals like raisin brain, mustid dope bran and now dunkin dopes. there is _N O_ excuse for this.
these people have no clue how many dumpsters dunkin dopes cereal can get tossed into. as far as *I* am concerned it can be nunkin NOPES cereal.
it makes me angry, that guy sounds so PLEASED when he says “dunkin dopes cereal.” and he didn’t even really say that! i only imagined he did! how do dopes have this kind of power? is this another scheme by the dope of darkness? only a dope would be dumb enough to want itself to get dunked and only the dope of darkness is mighty enough to make that happen. can you IMAGINE working at the Ralston-Purina dog and child food company and having to produce dunkin dopes cereal not because anyone will by it but simply because the most frightful and unstoppable dope in the nether-realm MADE you do it? And then you’ll have stacks and stacks of this dumb dope-flavored GARBAGE that nobody wants and that nobody will or SHOULD EVER want, because it is dumb and dope flavored.

It bothers me that the dope of light is TOO STUPID to destroy the dope of darkness, even with this news brought to light, its own element. If you placed those two in each other’s company all they would do is smile at each other, which is ALSO bad. Truly unacceptable. I need to take a nap, being awake now is insufferable.



April 1, 2020
I highly suggest wearing a filter mask; to protect the nose against satanists using demon transmission and physically veil shifting stagnant air into the room from hell, giving the perception of being able to “send people” “smells.”


I fear this mask business may be getting a bit out of hand


the original “plan” for this included additional mask-types but at that stage it looked to me more like a bad local mural or the cover to an issue of Cracked magazine than something that was supposed to be taken less-than-seriously. i laughed while making it but sometimes that is an instinct-like reaction to things that i am really worried about not being funny, like some previous images related to halloween, bad geico advertisements (all of them are bad) and my experience at the louvre museum.
The worst thing about the version I decided on is that after I added the dope on the shelf on the left I didn’t want to crop it out even though the composition works much better with that mostly empty space removed and EVERY composition works much better with dopes removed. Theoretically the older version is superior on account of lacking dopes, apart from the cart advertisement seeking to raise awareness of them, but ultimately it is ugly and trying too hard. The final version tries a more appropriate amount.



November 7, 2019
Rip Thomas is the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, and his appearances on network television have been a thorn in the side of Brell, the head of the struggling World Television Network. Since Rip’s Wrestling show is huge on the ratings and WTN network ratings are slipping down in the ratings.


2-24-2009

11-6-2019

glad to see I have spent ten years well


the first one to me is funny, but the second one actually looks painful and makes me feel bad for the dope! even though the dope LIKES being beaten up by elpse. It also likes when I feel bad so then then I don’t but the dope also likes when I don’t feel bad and that isn’t fair! I do NOT authorize the dope to share in my non-misery! arrrrrrrrrrrgdopes.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Nowhere
Titash
pc72
Pickford
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

them`s fightin` woids: April 2, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
they somehow got on to my very oldest web pages so I can never truly forget about them. The...
April 2, 2021
Dhraiden sez:
I do not care for nor about this Nate fellow at all, but just wanted to say, kudos for including...
April 1, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
those books definitely have titles to the effect that the titles don’t matter at all, and...
April 1, 2021
Purplespace sez:
I have not heard of the eponymous Big Nate, but the book titles remind of the titles on Garfield...
March 29, 2021
Frimpinheap sez:
I never saw it in a newspaper at all, I figured it was a southern or midwestern sort of thing,...
March 29, 2021
pindohodo sez:
“Big Nate is funny, big time” is both grammatically and factually wrong, big time! It...
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