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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
April 3, 2017
Tin Woodman was a hardened criminal so heartless he was sentenced to be placed in a tin suit for eternity. The torture of being encased in the suit had softened him and made him gentle and kind.


Sure to be the most important 80 seconds of your life.
The proper flash vector version can be seen right over here, unless you are using a telephone, since telephones do not like it, and for good reason, I say.
The previous part can be seen at there and the flash version is probably there but I am not going to check on that!
Without meaning to I hoped this would be the release that convinced people I was not just a bum pretending to have some useful skill, which would at last permit me to breakthrough to the next level of unobscurity. It is rough in some parts, due to being made in a strange way in a strange program, also I repeatedly forgot to go back and draw Greegorp’s legs properly in the part where they are visible and strange even though that very part is plainly visible in a previous recent post here, but I think the good parts in it are the proof I sought. In the end it convinced as many people as the snake cartoon, which is to say, nobody who was not already on board, but I think my technique has improved overall, and whatever the case it is was necessary for my psychological state to move forward on this. As always, I need to know I made it more than anybody else needs to see it!



December 7, 2016
‘You can’t just say to the child the pig was only pretending it was naughty.’


Flight of the Irritator

An art swap with the mysterious and powerful Kiki of tsukurikake.com, who has very elegant and varied characters. Unfortunately, my own encourage foolish behavior!


Kiki’s highly elegant picture. Also, the associated twitly and patreon pages. I do not have a patreon page! I already put everything I do on the internet for free and even that is a hard sell!


I may have made too big a job of it! But I like making complicated scenes. Lately I have not had an excuse to spend this long on one thing. Some people seem to have appreciated it.

Somewhere amitz the process I became aware of Kiki’s sketch and lineart. Notice how they are totally to the point, not inclined to doubt themselves, despite a growing number of uncalled-for stowaways.
Really, I should have kept mine as it was, and made it a relaxing matter. However, since mine had only two characters, I became determined to match or exceed the number of seen here! But the composition I already had did not allow for it, which required expanding and breaking its flow somewhat. At that point obsessive compulsion was totally in control. Not only had my characters encouraged foolish behaviour, they got ME to do it. Typical nemitz nonsense.

Generally, the blended color is more appreciated by general audiences and easier for me to do, but on many occasions I think the solid way looks better. In recognition of a previous swap, I tried to do it again. Ultimately it is most important what the specific image recipient thinks. Alas, I lacked the patience at post-expansion to keep up the hard color application, but that is minimally evident when the picture is reduced for internet display, and all or most seems to work out. And so, if you or someone you know or someone who knows you would like an art trade picture like this, please tell me next year!



November 30, 2016
freddy fox has found a chocolate egg in the middle of the birdbath.


a special message from pop tarts: poob hzej). #poobtarts

I was reminded of this when earlier today I saw somebody link to a glowing brown swirl of lines subtitled “poob” in arial font with no context

and that is comedy now.

And big business, and not in any way indecent to display in public.
Somehow i do not associate wet lumps of excrement with disinfecting a wound. Or really anything that I want in my life or the life of anyone with whom I have contact. Also, the excrement has a mouth, which indicates it can eat, and potentially produces its own excrement. And it is very enthusiastic about something, presumably that.


Oh well pardon emojME. I didn’t REALIZE that I was dealing with a BRAND. My problem all these years was assuming that being iconic meant you were instantly recognizable and did not need to inform people that you were. Even though I am Bimshwel, ribbtly-acclaimed creator of Bimshwel, the iconic brand of comic strips, greeting cards and self-destructive political commentary, I am too beloved and ubiquitous to concern myself with how anybody else perceives anything. Such as, for example, grotesque drawings of fecal matter on my website. Nonetheless I would like to discuss topics apart from fecal matter, also.


Lighter cat litter! This just looks like you put less of the same stuff in the same box and raised the price.


I do not understand the incentive to purchase this. And there is ample space on the front of the box to make anything resembling a case for it. This is literally dirt for cats to drop emojis in. It should not be mysterious. Lighter weight is not intrinsically more desirable or a sign of better technology, like on a laptoob computer. If the box is just as full as before, that means you actually made the product less efficient! It is not as if this awkward huge box would occupy less space in my house.


Although I do not understand the difference between “neutralizes odors” and “neutralizes odors GUARANTEED,” either. Are you permitted to advertise that your product does something which you would be surprised if it did? And the light litter doesn’t even suggest that it MIGHT neutralize odors, it just is light. Hey it does a terrible job and you get less than half as much in the same container, but the container is SO easy to lift!

The guaranteed product notes that it ATTACKS the odors before neutralizing them. The three KEY odors, sure to join the pantheon of other famous trios amidst the likes of musketeers, tenors, blind mice and mile islands. The non-guaranteed peasant pebbles only neutralize (without undue aggression) odors of fecal and urine style. What is the THIRD odor? The smell of ghosts so you don’t notice your soul leave your body as you consider that purchasing cat dirt has become a major decision for you?
I acknowledge that I mentioned worrying I didn’t have a soul due to other factors recently, but if it checked back in between then and now it most of a certainty has left for good by this point.


The vertical chart suggests the additional odor is that of ammonia, but my understanding was that the smell of ammonia was part of the urine smell, so it still only neutralizes two smells, guarantee notwithstanding. And then part 4 is just the clump power, which the other 2-flavor cat dirt also has, but hesitates to assign a number to.

Our greatest, nuttiest research professionals agree that two is the limit.

/////////////////


Spacko noted in a comment that the cat food and cat litter are made by the same company, which means they have a vested interest in keeping the box-filling going two different ways and may have their resources spread too thin to exercise proper quality control in any one field. It occurred to me that the Purina company was also responsible for the all time mail order video game classic Chase the Chuck Wagon.

What if Purina’s entry into the cat litter business is just a ruse to dispose of extra wide pixels made from liquidated Chuck Wagon cartridges? The “lighter” variant is literally the lighter colored pixels which of course are far lower in amount, hence their increased price.



September 29, 2015
Gladys the Cow is the most famous of Sesame Street’s many cows.


If I was never meant to see these muppets, why are they being given a prime-time network television space?
I overheard a promotion for this program going on like “It’s the muppets like you’ve never seen them before!” Except I HAVE seen them before and they actually looked rather a bit like this. I do not like the “ooh yeah these are the GROWN UP muppets that are scumbags and talk about sex! They take pictures of themselves!” And then is a clip with Kermit saying in a bro voice “what can I say, I’m attracted to pigs.” Like we need to turn them into proud jerks to make them marketable, but different than the original sense that they were proud jerks in, since the initial appeal of muppets was that they were kind of pathetic and usually messed up at what they did.

I do not think sleazy Kermit devalues the original, and it may even be the most potentially lucrative decision. I just personally think it is unfortunate. Fortunately, ads also like to lie and imply that a minor uncharacteristic aspect is the most important thing or happens in a different context than intendewd because people who make decisions based on ads usually have terrible judgement, and may be more likely to continue watching a misrepresented program than somebody with good judgement. In my case, I have enough television already. If these are not my grandmother’s muppets then I will have to accept that I am a grandmother now. We already have “dark” or skeevy muppet parodies like Avenue Q and Meet the Feebles, and then every amateur video featuring a puppet ever made. Give a series to them if that is important to you.

However, I did witness the recent muppet program. It was not bad. But it was not scandalous or raunchy or whatever. I am glad it isn’t, but I wish we did not have to present it like it is to get dorks who watch ads to watch it. The promoters want me to believe there is some controversy over Kermit the frog dating a different pig muppet than before, and people who buy into that rubbish then have counter-outrage over misogynistic remarks made by internet users toward the new pig. But I saw the show and the whole point is that the seriousness of it is ridiculous. The “attracted to pigs” line that makes Kermit seem like a creep the way the ad frames it, as if I am meant to think Kermit is a cool ladies man dude, is actually designed to make Kermit seem like a dork for trying to sound like a cool ladies dude man talking like that.

This is not a revolutionary, earth shaking presentation, but it does not have to be; just by being a bearable puppet-based program it is unique. In fact the 1976-1981 Muppet Show was never canceled; Jim Henson just wanted to go make terrible movies with serious muppets instead. As far as I am concerned there has never been a definitive referendum on whether the muppet formula was working. There was the Jim Henson Hour in 1989 which was cancelled while Henson lived, but it suffered from my never having heard of it. And then Muppets Tonight which aired on flippin dippin Disney channel in 1997, during the period when it was transitioning from a pay-network to basic cable and consequently replacing its 60 years of high budget material shown ad-free with made-for-tv movies about kids with secrets who lie to their parents about it with 6 totally unnecessary commercial breaks advertising junk from the company that made the shows per hour.
Also I have not seen The Dark Crystal and it might well be just the sort of terrible that I appreciate.


But I am very discriminating with my terribles.

With all that said, I stand by, and if necessary on my earlier statements that I do not need new tv shows in my life and hope to not get stuck watching this one until such time that I decide I wish to. I like that DVDs and illegal filesharing give me some level of control of this.

Why can we not stop to appreciate the fact that we can watch any movie we want or listen to any music we want? VHS tapes were frustrating. FM radio was awful. I like being aware of that. “Binge-watching” is the only way to keep up with all the new junk. Buy everything and watch it all at once. Do not act, do not think, just watch junk every day. There will be more new junk before you finish! Watch faster! Then watch somebody play all your old video games! Then watch somebody play all your new video games! Then watch somebody draw fan art of the game! Then draw fanart of the dork playing the games! Then subscribe to this exclusive pay-per-view fanart feed! Subscribe to everything and pay money forever! You can never stop watching or paying!

Hey I came into possession of a divvid featuring episodes from the program called Breaking Bad. I watched two episodes in succession and had to stop. I felt like a slug. My thinking: if I bought copies of all the trendy tv shows and watched one episode a night for a year I would never run out.
I like having that option, but dislike being forced to use it. And people who are even more impatient buy all the pay-tv channels that this stuff debuts on, and then assume that everyone else does. Hey did you catch the new Game of Thrones? No, because I don’t buy that channel and didn’t watch the old ones either! I didn’t pay for the Disney Channel either! My experience at some better-off relatives’ house showed that the pay version was preferable, but I still would not have paid for it.

Howdy.



July 13, 2015
You wish to do away with the son of the legal wife and set the son of a concubine in his place. I fear people will not accept your arguments.


As I suggested a few years ago, my experience with hotel morning food has not generally been positive. I never had a free complimentary continental breakfast where I imagined I might pay for the service were it not free. I like orange juice, in differing doses depending on the quality, and muffins (not as much as some people), but doubtlessly this is covered by the room fare to some degree and therefore not truly free, and I have need for the presumably more expensive items that are usually not included anyhow.


Yar ho har tee hee har, a waffle machine! Waffles are good, right? I liked the freezer-borne Eggo variant of my bygone days slightly less than Pop-Tarts, but those were not FRESH BAKED! Apparently you can call something fresh baked when the waffle batter itself is prepared, probably from a frozen mix, and dispensed sickly from a tube, because I put the sickly batter into the machine and oversee its operation myself. You get to lie to me about freshness and give me an errand at the same time! How fresh.


Notice that illustration for steps 1 and 2 on the diagram are exactly the same, so that without another person demonstrating I might think I only need to turn the device part way. That is not the case. Thankfully there was another waffle machine beside this one, and another person came along to use it properly without any confusion whatsoever before I had stood in front of this one for four solid minutes waiting for it to do nothing.

The more detailed instructions provided by the hotel also only show the machine turned part-way. The WORDS say to turn it all the way, but gosh I’m only standing here for three-and-a-half minutes while my machine does nothing; I don’t have time to read all that. And if I had, I might have reached the end and noticed the word CAUTION followed by no more information, suggesting that the person writing the instructions succumbed to the force being warned against prior to finishing the warning, and I would have departed the premises with haste and cowardice.

But in my ignorance I persevered and opted for an undersized waffle. A waffle is the sort of food object that I need to look at before I commit to eating a large quantity of and also if I messed up the construction, I would not force myself to eat as much damaged food. My personal rule is that I must eat anything I make myself as long as I can do it without vomiting. Some part of me hates the other parts. I must work to thwart it without directly opposing it.


With that said, looking at this makes me sad in a way that a full waffle would not, regardless of whether I wanted to eat it. With THAT said,


These waffles should not be served on polystyrene plates, for I might confuse the two and bite the wrong one. My presumption is that the waffle is at least digestible, or capable of being expelled without uncommon internal damage.

It occurs to me that waffles are the sort of food that people get accustomed to covering with other gooply materials that are easier to make and of more uniform flavor. Therefore I am more likely to be victimized by a bad waffle. I am not an advocate for meat as a necessity at all meals, but in this case bacon would be essential to make this pleasant, since I dislike goop. Sausage is also acceptable under some circumstances.


not all circumstances. A self-serving station providing these materials was present, though I did not take a picture of it at the time, but its appearance was similar. I overheard a child’s voice speak nearby: “it looks life barf.” Again, not in all circumstances! Certainly, if you consumed it, your future barf would be similar in composition. But I suspected I could not eat it without vomiting, which would violate my earlier rule in addition to proving right the child I just corrected. I am a person of honor.

On future days of my tenure, solid sausage objects occupied the space of the barf-alike. I thought they were decent and functional but this website is no fun if I have a good time of anything. Website overrides honor. It is much better if I do not eat.

Better for my enemy! Oh were I only not so particular about food! What a hero I would be.

You know what, laughing at me doesn’t help. In fact it is quite hurtful. My self-deprecation is in jest and not an invitation for you to join in!

Oh how can I be cross with such a jolly fellow? I always have such a great time with drunk people and am sure history will regard him highly. When you have a name like “Dong” you have to be a nice guy to get through life or else you turn into somebody who digs up the bodies of people you don’t like so you can break their bones and toss them into the street.


I am sure it was a very pleasant and well-tended park!



January 1, 2015
shippo barrier

I never liked the idea of a “blog.” Being the ugly contraction of web log, I dislike the idea talking even when there is nothing to say, just for the obsessive-compulsive sake of being able to say you said something every day. Supposedly it helps maintain interest in viewers. That is how so many bad comic strips thrive. That is ridiculous. I would never say something every day if I had nothing to say. And I would not do it today. Not any sooner than I would draw something if I had nothing to draw, right?

Do not live by someone else’s rules for no reason. You just waste everyone’s time, including your own, when you could be doing something great. Do not expect daily posts here!



April 2, 2013
grace and elegance, that’s what ya need

Another art show. A semi-mandatory and non-merit-based senior student art exhibition at Southern Connecticut’s State University’s Earl Hall’s Hall-Way non-gallery pedestrian space, Wednesday, at 7pm. Despite being a hallway it is an improvement on my previous gallery zone, which was a cramped office floor in a multi-purpose building (though it at least had carpeting and was in a part of town with fewer reports of armed robbers who have eluded apprehension).

I assume nobody will see this prior to then, and nobody who could have gone will ever see it, and so there ought to have been no reason to announce it, but I felt a nagging need to, and so that is what I have done. Once this is done, I can get back to…regular annoying educational matters that have nothing to do with art. I don’t actually get to leave until May, and instead of leaving I will just be staying in one place more frequently.

I am required to hold a “reception,” and I spent far too many dollars purchasing bad snacks (I only buy good snacks for myself) because I kept thinking things like “well maybe somebody likes cookies but not THIS sort of cookie,” because, historically, lacking any social abilities, my primary reason for attending parties has been to eat awful things, and too often the arrangers did not consider what awful I would want to eat. So instead of using the opportunity to take proxy revenge on people who were never aware I existed through providing snacks nobody -except- me would want to eat, I swallowed all the guilt and anxiety without chewing and will probably choke on it. I hope to have a more coherent writeup of the circumstances in [some point later than a month from now], because I need to make clear that this is not a personal accomplishment. I do not know how to relate to successful people and would hate to lose my own support.
In any event (but this one specifically) I should be full of stories afterward, unless I faint, in which circumstance the story will be more interesting and mercifully briefer.

I do have pictures of promotional imagery, but I also want to go to bed at some point this week.

Please do not congratulate me. I don’t expect that from you, certainly, but from my experience people enjoy not just bragging about good stuff that happened to them but then rollicking in expressions of approval from others for having done a thing that was already personally satisfying. Why don’t you congratulate me when I mess up? Because it will seem sarcastic. And I implied this was a mess-up, didn’t I? (yes) Right so it all works out.

Even if it weren’t, every bum in this degree program has to or may do this. It is not a recognition of any accomplishment beyond consistently paying money that I borrowed to this dumb school and not being quite so dysfunctional that I was prohibited from the right to give it [someone’s] money. The exhibition counts as a 1 credit “class” which I also pay for. So here I am legitimately attempting to raise awareness in some highly improbable hypothetical attendees.
Anyhow, I am still behind on acknowledging birthday greetings. Indeed it is probably best not to acknowledge me in any form that I can reciprocate but appear to have chosen not to if I fail to.
Ideally at some point in the future I will have an opportunity that occurs at a place and time where I can do something with it, and making a mess of that will be an all new experience.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It has concluded. Nothing awful occurred, but it didn’t accomplish anything, either. I am used to that, but I prefer to accomplish nothing and not quite commit atrocities in my own home without spending any money.



October 26, 2012
One pit is full of ceramic statuary of a flock of pigs, though the pigs are arranged in formation unlike the way pigs usually herd.

I was working on an update for Friday, November 9, but then I spilled soup.

=======================================

I look forward to being kept from making regular, satisfactory updates by stuff that matters.

====================================

Willie Wafer is a scumbag.

Willie Wafer is incontinent.

Willie Wafer does not respond well to criticism.



February 15, 2012
The enemy general is slain and now his men fear us!

I “upgraded” word-press, the system which this website would function through if it could be said to do so. In fact I did this back in January and said as much at the time, but not in the proper entry body, but rather above that of another site entry, because I only intended it to be a brief notice, but then I wouldn’t stop talking and it occupied too much space. Since the primary intended matter of that bimshwipe took place in the past I decided that combined with the message from the present the piece then overall required time travel in excess of what was reasonable to make sense of. I corrected the problem immediately but I had to go forward a month to pay back the deficit.

What had prompted the word-pressure was when some alien being called “malware blacklist” called my email to congratulate my website for getting on the list, and warned me that my outdated copy of WordPress was a “high” security risk.


I was slow to notice because it is routine procedure for parties to occur without my knowledge, and if I find out there’s been a second it’s generally in my emotional best interest to remove myself from the flow of information entirely. I would elaborate further but then this would be pushed back to April, so I did the upgrade. I wasn’t allowed off the list but I did get to break several administrative functions, which is always exciting and cathartic.


Additionally, the tacky presenting imps now float above their bases. I don’t suppose they look any less dignified than before but they do seem less deliberately placed so they will have to go. Away. They had to go anyway, I suspect. Considering that the next-to-last specific comment regarding their presence that I recall receiving came from someone who has not spoken to me in nearly a year they’ve probably been up there for longer than necessary.

An add-on which is designed to remove garbage comments which would not work without me upgrading now works at last. However, the upgrade also broke the thing which allows me to open entries to comments which I had closed, because all the comments coming in were garbage, which amounts to the same thing, except if the add-on doesn’t actually work than I can’t close anything new either.

Although since that happened and I wrote about it in January it seems to have been repaired, you don’t know that, and in thatever situation the imps still float.


There were always measures in place to control the word waste generated by pressing them, but the old measures became self-conscious about me calling them out on some of their idiosyncrasies. Like that whole “not working at all” thing. Like that time some dubious unfiltered ad robot comment got this site permanently placed on a malware blacklist. Apparently undoing a press only leaves those in charge depressed.


To remind folks that it was trying very hard, the system would occasionally distract humans from commenting using the following alert.


Which worked out very well because occasionally is more than sufficient to cover the frequency with which I am worth talking to. I saw it myself when attempting to test the upgraded situation, and I said to me This explains a lot, and yet I know less than before. Prior to now I’d only encountered stories of this helpful notice’s existence. You may assume any error page that isn’t a depressing shade of green or that lacks any flippant text has eluded my ability to discover, much less rectify the cause of, for what nothing that’s worth.


Looking through my files now I definitely wrote an alternate version of that message in the pertinent file but this ever so helpful upgrade must have overwritten it and been so proud of the deed that it also decided to make the page appear more often.


I also evidently changed another message that I never even encountered. I doubt I’d be here to tell this story if I had.

And don’t you think I’d leave if I could?



February 7, 2012
We do not like the use of type as a decorative element, and we are horrified by any type deformation.

I did it! There is no longer a mouse in my apartment. Now it is called a mice.

===========================

You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and you too can make a stylish children linking arms paper-craft.

===========================

Never make a sandwich with wet bread.

===========================

Hoopay, I can eat an 18 inch circular pizza in one session again. This means I’m either due for a lot of new ideas and initiative or to be sick in the morning and annoyed that there isn’t any pizza left.

===========================


Happy 200th birthday, wandering, peaceless poltergeist of perpetual commercial focus. Consider yourself one of us. In honor of this occasion I propose a downdated remake of Wild Hogs set in the era. Tim Allen will play Charles Dickens and John Travolta will be an actual hog.



Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
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them`s fightin` woids: April 24, 2017
Charmlatan sez:
Finally, I can see the pogo trio in the animation they were made for. Quite wonderful.
April 21, 2017
charmlatan sez:
A true mark of a comic is when it retcon events or characters. well done! These have been...
April 18, 2017
Purplespace sez:
The purple creature has a nice shade of purple!
April 18, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
I can tell you outright elpse and nemitz have the exact same body. That was a very early,...
April 18, 2017
Indighost sez:
I tend to think of nemitz and elpse as variant primates. Lope is more distinctly reptilian
April 18, 2017
Frimpinheap sez:
Thank you for liking the page! I only had to know that I meant the figures to be cat-like! And...
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    03/31/03
    Official pizza of Nascar
    03/16/03
    Browsers
    02/23/03
    Michael Jackson
    2/16/03
    Free Speech
    02/05/03
    Thursday
    01/23/03
    Doofs
    01-whenever-03
    NO
    12/11/02
    Film Critics. I hate them.
    10/15/02
    Coconuts. I hate those as well.
    10/14/02
    Independence Day
    Some time in July 2001
    other things
    Awards this website hasn't won
    mysterious
    The first First Beet segment
    05/28/10
    Embarrassing pictures 1
    09/17/04
    Embarrassing pictures 2
    The same
    Umiliphus (my old derivative megamen sprite comic
    08/15/03
    Hopeless.swf
    11/24/04, (I can only justify this by calling it an experiment, so I shall)
    sandwich.swf
    02/16/05
    FACK
    ??/??/??
    Poetry Page
    The same