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Questionable artwork and pedantic miscellany
June 9, 2014
Every movie’s a circus, but this is a circus movie as well

It is possible you have seen this picture before, but I have lately typed a heap beneath it.

A series.

I had some difficulty putting this on to stupid art sites. There are no smart art sites. Deviantart, one of the stupidest, with a maximum preview size of 150×150 pixels, displays it like this before it is clicked on:

Most people will NOT click on something that looks like that. Additionally, most people will not click something that I put up, and those two facts work toward a common goal.

The preview image is generated automatically by reducing the image enough that its longer dimension (vertical or horizontal) is 150 pixels long. For an image whose proportions overwhelmingly favor one (vertical in this case) the reduced edition is totally unintelligible.

A custom thumbnail option would be nice. I would make my own preview that showed much of the first section, with a bit of text to indicate that there were four more images beneath it. I believe there used to be such an option. What happened to it?

People would fill their gallery completely with obnoxious icons that gave no information and only said “full view only!” because they were more obsessed with controlling people and increasing their meaningless “page view” total than actually helping people look at their art, because scumbags always win. Instead of visitors having enough information to decide if they should look or not look, they were forced to look just to find out what the ding dang thing was, if they dared to care. In this case, where the privilege was revoked, they won by making other people lose. I prefer to make fictional people lose. I included “death by ice” in this example but somebody else might call it “Frapbi’s frozen frustration” just to ensure it was as unenticing as possible. It also assumes that you know who frapbi is (frapbi is a loser).

These days most minimally informative thumbnail enthusiasts fixate on a face from within the image, giving a viewer a scrap of context but still not enough to know anything apart from “yes this image includes a being with a head.” This is considered an improvement, for some reason, by many people, but I do find it much more helpful. I am not fond of faces out of context. I do not always like faces in context. I may prefer context to faces. If I follow one person and see one new face a day, alright, I can look at that. If I get five hundred faces I do not have time to personally investigate the agoraphobic potential of each. And sometimes the “full” version would just be the face again but bigger! Rage!

Shut your mouthstache, you torsoless hatlump!

One especially gorkly individual used the exact same “full view!” dead-eyed, spider-lashed varmint icon on every picture regardless of what it contained. I presume. I never dared to check what they were hiding. Perhaps it was worse.

Additionally, I had made that recreation there based on my memory of the real one, but with that memory I gradually recalled that long ago I had saved a collection of utterly nonthreatening animal/anime people off of deviantart or worse drawn trying to be edgy or abusive toward their viewers –that is how you build an audience, after ehhh– and that the creature in question was featured therein, and that I should take the opportunity to make my facsimile horribler. The one I drew first looks like rather a reasonable chap by comparison. Although in the interest of fairness I should disclose that it was addressing a remark at “faggots” and not exhibiting a central digit, and that specific the full view demand icon was doing neither of those things, although it might as well have been.

I should make a public exhibition of my collection, although I reckon that some of these pictures are more than ten years old and it is mildly possible the artists realize what silly behavior that is by now. Alternatively, they could be now far worse and would interpret my exhibition as “art theft” and evidence that I wish I had the capacity to be so middle-fingery myself. This would then inspire them to draw more pictures of cartoon characters being angry at all real people, necessitating that I add them to my collection and I do not necessarily have time to make that a full time task.

Also, at some point my awareness of it makes me look bad. I should really leave that without further comment, but

The only thing harder core than drawing/paying someone else to draw an animal shaped like a human adult meant to represent you shoving a middle finger at the viewer is if this character is wearing a plastic disposable diaper and no trousers over the diaper. Folks fantasize about this. “oh MAN I WISH i could take off my pants, put on a diaper and then go around picking fights with people.” They find some acceptance for their personal habits and eventually it becomes a way of life intent on waging war with other ways of life. Coexisting peacefully is not an option. Diaperus iacta est.

July 26, 2010
Time reported that the craze started at the University of Arkansas when a shortage of chairs at a fraternity house led students to imitate their Ozark forefathers, who hunkered regularly.[2]

I didn’t think all the words in this were boring enough so I also included numerous pictures of words.


If there’s sexism at the Daily Show, most of it’s on the website and written by people who aren’t actually employed by it. Cartoon sleaziness is still the first instinct for men on the internet.

I first heard of these startling accusations when Stephen Colbert mentioned on his show that I “probably already heard.” So maybe you have, also and I needn’t mention it. I wish you’d told me that before I mentioned it. The article accuses the show of discrimination for hiring a lady named Olivia Munn who didn’t come across while on the air as terribly humorous to the writer so there must be some deeper motive. Another moderately recent addition Josh Gad was also less than impressive to complainy viewers despite being a man and fat. I suspect there the explanation is that the show merely deliberately auditioned and hired a non-funny person just to annoy us. I don’t see how this is a huge problem; I remember when Stacey Grenrock joined the show. Because I’m really really old. People hated the first 20 or so reports she did. By the last two, though, she seemed to be getting it.

It ultimately didn’t make a difference. Don’t worry, these both go out of their way to mention that Samantha Bee is less visually appealing to them, and she wasn’t even pregnant then!

We’re getting off-topic, though, I think. From the thing I linked at:

I can’t take seriously any quest for decency or social equality which makes use of the terminology “but-thurt.” I’d rather not attempt to track down its etymology by typing it [anywhere] but at worst it’s mildly anti-gay and at best I just think it’s ugly. I also can’t seriously take the phrase “we geeks,” and while that might be construed as some sort of discrimination on my own part, I am at least aware of this and not lazily tossing around language I picked up on the 4thchan and calling myself a “big think”er.

Munn, whom I had not heard of, was apparently famous despite my not having heard of her on the Cops Channel for being the sort of person who is hired by the Cops Channel, prior to being on the Jeff Dunham Channel. While there definitely continues to be huge potential for any non-male whom pictures exist of (or even somebody of ambiguous gender who merely draws pictures of ladies) to develop a fanbase merely by not being repulsed by the sleazy men who compose a majority of vocal audiences, my first thoughts were of these very oafs themselves. The article laments Munn’s lack of legitimate comedic ability but I don’t reckon most of the viewers have noticed.

This one isn’t any worse than what other late night hosts do in the actual presence of ladies, but I don’t like it when they do that either.

To be fair, the vague, John-Doey default avatars make just about anything seem unsettling. Why is this presumed to be better than no avatar at all?

The Facebook icon explains this, though it stops short of excusing anything.

Whoa there Nunly. There’s only room for one verbose idiot on this page and unfortunately for you it’s the one who controls the crop tool. What’s odd is that Scott here seems to agree with the linked article despite entirely missing its point.

Well I’m glad you said it nicely. Cacofraginstaple, Confederated Creeps of the Covered Keyboard, is it truly so hard for you to locate video of skinny ladies accompanied by open comment fields online? I assure you you’ll find most of them just as unfunny.

Well that’s certainly-

Oh how about th-

This site entry has to end now.


Hey That Daily Show is back from a two week hiatus! And with it a fresh shipment of message board creepism arrives! This is actually pretty nasty, but so is the entry I’m appending this to.

Is it “irony?” Do I care?

Additionally, apparently this is the original article that was controversial. In that case I have no idea why I came across that other one and thought it was what I thought it was –this is even linked from within the other– but apart from that I don’t think anything I said before is less valid than it was, presuming any of that was valid. I wrote it all but didn’t feel like reading it.
It is somewhat less about Olivia Munn and even mentions Miriam Tolan, who was last seen apologizing for not being on the show and then never was again but supposedly married Frankenstein at some point.

June 3, 2010
After a hilarious sleepover, a visit to a zoo rainforest exhibit, and Norman’s attempts to teach Fluffy karate, the three plants team up to foil some bad guys.

Evidently I was not done wednessing and missed my imaginary deadline again. Neither of us was surprised.


Wednesday: I did so much wednessing yesterday that I had no time to update this website. If only I’d known it was just Tuesday then. Whoopth.


Do you remember when I said I am one of the most boring people in the world? No, of course not; it was so boring it could not possibly be remembered.


After overwhelming public demand, which I ignored, here is my own incest story:

Once upon a time Hansel and Gretel lived together in a house in the forest. The end.


Treat a child as though he’s already the person he’s capable of becoming. I thought, that makes sense. I wish more parents and producers of fictional and/or ostensibly educational media would acquire such an attitude. Stop condescending to your target audience’s basest comprehension and maybe they won’t insist on eating fruit snacks named after their favorite brand of farm machinery. Show them some respect.


I don’t think the proper place for this message is the inside of a public restroom. Nor the outside, for that matter. “You may only be twelve years old, but yer a MAN to ME.”

And so I propose we train our children to become killing machines.

I wasn’t intimidated until you clenched your fists.

Thankfully there is an entire section in some stores devoted to the purpose. America must be the greatest country in the world to have invented the plastic helmet aisle. The only thing stealthier than a ninja is a shiny one that clunks a lot. The plastic helmet and assorted armaments aisle, ah yes. Unlike normal munitions, which have a history of exploding when fired upon themselves, these just deform and produce toxic fumes. So they’re safe. And they’re discreet about it. Apart from being brightly colored and shiny and clunkity, I mean.

I had been under the impression that one of the factors in the effectiveness of terminators was that nobody could tell they were murderous cyborgs, because they disguised themselves as humans, but realistically, I suppose when you’re a nigh indestructible machination of death it doesn’t much matter how well you conceal yourself among the puny frail beings it is your goal to eliminate. A human disguised as a cyborg makes a lot more sense.

Incidentally, despite nearly eight years of more or less regular updates I still apparently type things, “cut” them to paste elsewhere and then forget to do that, but not to ‘save’ the document I cut them out from. In this case of jokes about predators-of-children, however, it may merely have been an intervention by the decency fairy. However, it’s not an effective defense, because I sometimes remember what I wrote the first time, and in any event I’m getting this stuff from all sides:

Well I’m certainly not going to PAY you for my FREE incest pics, regardless of how mature and responsible they are. I’m also not interested in incest content that does not depict interfamiliar dealings. It seems wrong somehow.

At LAST, the sequel to

As usual, George Lucas makes us wait and doesn’t give us quite what we expected.

Also, as long as you’re here, with all this confusion about, don’t forget to wash the hand part of your hand.

(Blue plastic arrows appear courtesy of the Fisher Price acupuncture kit) We’ve seen the sort of visitors this area attracts. I really think the maintainers of the facility could stand to discriminate against demons, though.

Go on, gyit. Don’t give me that face. You know you’re not supposed to be here. You’re not washing off that glowy green stuff in MY sink.

September 23, 2009
get the kids out of the house and I’ll call the police. we don’t own a clown statue.


Apparently, updating this page once every five days is even too frequent.

There is clearly much more important business to tend to, besides.

Poliglotery sounds horrible only to dumbs…

From:  “Heart Attack Jones” <[email protected]>

To:     “Diane Sawyer” <[email protected]>

Date:  Fri, 18 Sep 2009 6:01 AM (5 days 11 hours ago)

Esteemed M. Fabrax,

As you may well know, the G-20 summit will be taking place next week here in Pittsburough. You of course do not live in Pittsburrah, but in light of the recent economic brouhaha, I understand this has been quite a topic elsewhere, as well (or at least Deutsche Welle news gives me this impression). Avid social commentator as you are, I thought that perhaps you might be interested making a work of art to commemorate this event. Ah, but of what subject matter? Well, I personally can’t help you there, but perhaps there’s a chance some third party may have given you a suggestion at some point in the last few weeks which might somehow be thematically appropriate…?


   – A retarded samurai

Seven brides for seven brothers

Date:  Wed, 23 Sep 2009 6:11 PM (right neeyow)

Dear Jones:

Your presumptuousness disgusts me. I don’t like the labels on your soft drinks, either.

   – Plapazor Frinkadudel

December 1, 2008
We have come to challenge you, in mortal kombat.

I remember, a few weeks ago, there was this big News headline to the effect of “Jolie disses Aniston” above all other things and I was utterly baffled by it but not curious enough to attempt reading it. Even now that I accidentally deleted the last month of pictures I saved off of websites I remember it, but only because I dictated an angry complaint through my fingers to my keyboard about it.

Sure, the “news” service had “yahoo” in its name… in fact “yahoo” was its name, but apparently we’re not supposed to consider that any more than we are meant to associate selectively non-naked rain forest ladies who battle Grimace-esque Draculas with the sale of books.

Here, though, is a totally different diss-themed headline involving the popular kids. Nevermind why, nevermind when, just know that it happened, and somebody with a better google rank than me noticed.

Boysenberry! Ambush!

Ah hass! Reinforcements!

I don’t even remember why I came in here.

Who are these people? Have they nothing better to do than exchange disses?
What are disses? If you actually read some of the stories attached to these titles, the “diss” invariably turns out to be something utterly trivial and unworthy of bringing to so many peoples’ attentionses. Capcom did not “diss” X-Box, as much as I’m sure it could stand to be dissed once in a while. Somebody employed by Captaincommando expressed a concern for the state of the former Box’s online service but in such a way that suggests he expects it to improve. This did not need a graphic. No obliterating blue fireball was thrown. Use of diplomacy suggests a desire to avoid dissing. Not disrespectful in the least!

Great Moments in History
November 30, 2008:
Roneldo Disses Disses

This is of even less consequence than that time Danny Devito choke-slammed Presidente Bush
through a table and bashed him with a steel ring bell.

Just jolly Jolie herself has achieved Paris Hilton levels of mention-on-tv-without-justification-ability simply for, as far as I can figure out without specifically looking her up, adopting a couple kids. Isn’t it good to adopt children? Isn’t that preferable to them not having parents? Even if the new parents happen to be diss-drunk doibydickleses? I’m sure Joliebean was in some movies at some point, but either I never saw them or did and just didn’t find anything about her particularly memorable. Eh, eh, I’m receiving a transmission… I hear that she has fat lips. Is that it? I’ve seen people with big lips on screens before.

And then at some point she was acquainted through the six-syllable name club with Jennifer Aniston, who also supposedly did something, but now they hate each other for some reason, and it’s assumed that I know that. Actually, I’m sad to admit that I figured out right before The Friends Show was canceled or whatever that Anniston was on it. And Matt Leblanc, Matt Perry or Luke Perry was also on it and oh, such good times they had. I either need to stop watching television or watch a rumproastload more of it.

A helpful robot provided me with this. It is everything I need to know. I wish I could have Jack Perkins read it to me.

I’ve been hearing about Angelina Jolie and Brad Petunia for… maybe 8 years now? I seriously don’t think about them. I don’t find jokes about them funny. They have failed to matter even in a mocking way within muh mind. They’re barely boring.

seriously just [three months ago] saw Bradd Pitt in an ad for a movie with Brad Pitt in it and couldn’t figure out who he was. I eventually settled on Val Kilmer, TV’s Madmartigan/Air Bite Guy From Top Gun before being corrected by onscreen text that it was the Pitt fellow I’d heard so much about.

Oh, much longer than so! I would never forget! We madmarted before, and we will madmartigan.

May 17, 2008
I love horses,rodeo,motercyles,naruto ,and animals.

Great Moments in History

May 17, 1999:

Roneldo invents sixth l33t way to spell name. Chatrooms take notice.

July 30, 2007
there is no Key Lime Pie

Great Moments in History

Monday, July 30, 2007, 12:39:54 am, East Haven Standard Time:

Roneldo survives Dungeons of the Unforgiven actually playing the game properly.

Sounds like a plan. Several plans.

Roneldo is feared and respected.

June 30, 2007
Arbigitron Noodles

Werther wasn’t original, Werther was a HACK. Werther was about as original as a Disney channel original movie. Und so ve haf another stunning rediscovery from the Dead Sea Scronelldos:

High School Musical, the book. Or rather, The Junior Novel, which in addition to sounding twice as stupid, suggests there is a senior novel. Some kind of parent version that’s just as bad, but with a considerably stronger sense of entitlement, not to mention a Denny’s discount. I suppose Da Vinci code cash in books would meet that need, though they have a ripeload more pages. Probably better songs, too.

Those little yellow letters do indeed spell out Based on the hit Disney Channel Original Movie.

See? Ehhh well, that’s why I read it to you!

The orange triangle bears “With 8 pages of photos of the stars!” The stars surely being the proofreaders, the typesetters, the screenplay goons and the adaptation cronies. And also the wizard who made those rainbow kids in the cover picture float like that.
I love a book with illustrations, but I suspect these photographs would leave me disappointed. Similarly, there must be better ways to keep angsty teens quiet than to convert their noise to print.

I discovered some time I after this book that not only was the actual High School Musical –that is, the musical version– quite popular, it was extremely popular. I don’t know if it was any good, nor do I presume as much; considering that one of the most beloved of the genre is the extremely wretched Grease, I wouldn’t put much faith in it.

Yeah, well, you’re not far behind.

And any thing which depicts standard high schools as properly functioning, nevermind harmonious entities is reprehensible in additional ways.

Disney didn’t even bother to give this thing a title. They just used the category genre slot label they built before any filming, writing or thinking was done. “Hey, the boss wants a high school musical by Thursday. You two thousand, get on it. I need jocks and geeks obsessing over matters of passing importance, STAT.” Meanwhile, my masterwork, a rocketship made entirely out of corn has dawdled almost unfinagled for over a year.

During my requisite needlessly complicating research, I learned that the subject was sufficiently succussful to allow for a high school musical 2.* Yet save for a few misplaced artifacts like this one (I may have actually moved it from elsewhere, but I no longer recall doing so), I would never have known about either. Just like Lindsee Lohan and a wide assortment of Duffs, who I long refused to believe were actually famous. That’s the power of the Disney machine. It can cultivate these genetic, generic horrors in total secrecy, advertise the hamburger helper out of them yet manage to have them only be seen by the specific people who will love them unconditionally and buy all things associated with them, which apparently includes novelized music. And somehow this is a lot of people. This and the STAT function on calculators are my current top two non-understood things. It’s true I’m not in contact with the public at large, or even the public at small, but I know things! I caught wind of facebook, I knew about Sour Skittles, I learned about Halo 2, I heard about nights out in the school yard, I found out about yoooooooou.

No! Only 25 on the Hot 100! Like, gag!

*to anyone who insists Disney will make a sequel to anything, I remind that there has never been a Meet the Deedles 2. Still, we ought to be aware that for sixty-three years there also was no Bambi 2.

Nobody I know has a website anymore

Mr. Sr. Mxy
Gilhodes (bah you need a facebook account to see)
video game music database
pacific novelty
Green Lantern Head Trauma

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